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Tampon Quotes & Sayings

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Top Tampon Quotes

Tampon Quotes By Samantha Bee

Sex with my first boyfriend was a little bit like learning how to put in a tampon, but only half as enjoyable! — Samantha Bee

Tampon Quotes By Joan Rivers

I hate thin people; 'Oh, does the tampon make me look fat?' — Joan Rivers

Tampon Quotes By John Green

He reached up t0 grab one and came down with several, and they kept coming, washing over him, floating all around him. Never have tampon strings seemed so beautiful as they rolled up and down with the wind, landing on the ground and then twirling and floating up again, falling and rising and falling and rising. — John Green

Tampon Quotes By Tina Fey

Right up until camera time, I was sweaty and green from having to touch my own eyeballs like that. If you've never had to do it, I'd say it's not as quease-making as when you lose your first tampon string, but equally as queasish to a self-breast exam. If you are male, I would liken it to touching your own eyeball, and thank you for buying this book. — Tina Fey

Tampon Quotes By Karen Marie Moning

He ran a hand over his face and shook his head. "Lass, I have never lied to you. I adore you and there have never been any other women from the future here. And these"- he flung a tampon in the air- "cleaning swabs, I cannot fathom why they upset you so greatly, but I assure you I have never let the maids use them."
Lisa's brow furrowed. No man could be so stupid. "Cleaning Swabs?"
He snatched up a gun and jerked the barrel in her direction, and an unwrapped tampon shot out. It was coated with black from the slow corrosion of the steel. She eyed it for a moment, bent, and plucked it from the floor. "You clean your guns with these?"
He lowered the gun. "Is that not the purpose for which they were designed? I vow I could not conceive of another."
Didn't you read the box?"
There were too many words I didn't understand! — Karen Marie Moning

Tampon Quotes By Nick Wilgus

Every time a woman has a period, it's a spontaneous abortion because the egg didn't take," I said, undeterred. "Are we going to start having a funeral for every used tampon? — Nick Wilgus

Tampon Quotes By Gillian Flynn

Tampon commercial, detergent commercial, maxi pad commercial, windex commercial - you'd think all women do is clean and bleed. — Gillian Flynn

Tampon Quotes By Alejandro Jodorowsky

The consultant buys a bottle of fake blood at a theater supply store and once every lunar month, for four days, imitates having a period by putting some of this blood into the vagina and preventing it from gushing out by using a tampon. After repeating this for four months, the consultant's period will return to normal. — Alejandro Jodorowsky

Tampon Quotes By Frank Zappa

The plumber he says, never flush a tampon. This is great information, cost me half a weeks pay. — Frank Zappa

Tampon Quotes By Helene Boudreau

I was in no mood to negotiate with the Tampon Terrorist. — Helene Boudreau

Tampon Quotes By Phil Wohl

The suite was set: Chris and I in the left, back room; Tom and Ricky in the left, front room; Junior and Danny Tampon in the back, right room next to the bathroom; and Dickstein all by his peanut-dick-self in the front, right room. It was quite a radical change from the suite that surrounded me, Chris, and Tom the previous year. Just getting rid of Lebeuf was addition by subtraction. The Beachside Dorm, Suite 524, would be one of the happiest places in my two-decade life. Freedom of expression was never diminished, unless Dickstein opened his mouth and shit flew out of it. — Phil Wohl

Tampon Quotes By Katie Cotugno

Do you miss her?
I blinked. Did I what? This was my best friend since preschool we were talking about, the girl whose snack and math homework I'd shared since before I had memorized my own phone number, who'd buried her cold, annoying little feet underneath me during a thousand different movie nights and showed me how to use a tampon. She'd grown up in my kitchen, she was my shadow- self - or I was hers - and Sawyer wanted to know if I missed her? What the hell kind of question was that? — Katie Cotugno

Tampon Quotes By Lzzy Hale

That's actually pretty tame, but the fact that it was coming from this unexpected adorable little 17-year-old, I thought I'd be getting a letter about her first rock show, but it's nothing like that - she gives me a tampon. It's a true testament to how the majority of our fan base - and I say this in the most respectful and best way I can - they're little freaks. — Lzzy Hale

Tampon Quotes By Catherine Anderson

As the mother of a small boy, she had developed a bad habit of carrying a little of everything in her purse, not to mention all the little treasures that Jeremy had given her - pretty rocks, a wilted violet, a ring he'd made from braided pine needles. The collection was a junky-looking mess. When the stranger picked up an unwrapped peppermint candy with more hair on it than stripes, Chloe wished the floor planks would separate and swallow her. His hard mouth twitched as he dropped the candy back in her purse along with an emergency tampon whose wrapper had nearly disintegrated. — Catherine Anderson

Tampon Quotes By Erin Watt

Well, golly gee, I'm so sorry that you had to answer an awkward question at lunch. That must have been so inconvenient. Much more inconvenient than getting hit in the face with a tampon flying out of your locker." When he grins, I totally lose it. All the frustration and hurt comes rolling out of me. I'm tired of playing the good, calm girl. I rise up on my knees, reach over and hit him across the top of his head. "Fuck," he curses. "What the hell was that for?" "That's for being an asshole!" I hit him again, — Erin Watt

Tampon Quotes By Sophie Monroe

Who lit the fuse on your tampon? — Sophie Monroe

Tampon Quotes By Victoria Scott

Music from the party throbs and echoes off the basement walls. I'm not sure how I got here, and I'm certain I don't know how Charlie ended up on the other side of the room with Guy In Touch With His Emotions. Raising a bottle to my lips, I watch as the guy uncrosses his long legs and recrosses them.
His tampon must be killing him. — Victoria Scott

Tampon Quotes By Debbie Johnson

He'd probably faint at the sight of their hoards of undies, make-up, and never-put-away tampon boxes. — Debbie Johnson

Tampon Quotes By Augusten Burroughs

It was a great story and I admired her. And I also felt a little envious. Because that bloody tampon had been a secret weapon. And every woman had one. But only a woman like Debby would be brave enough to use it. — Augusten Burroughs

Tampon Quotes By Lila Monroe

I'm not going to prison," I blurt out. "I'm too soft. I watched Orange is the New Black. I don't want to eat tampon sandwiches. — Lila Monroe

Tampon Quotes By Addison Moore

I hear everything he's saying, but mentally I'm picturing a sword hidden in my body like some medieval tampon, and suddenly, I'm afraid to sit down — Addison Moore

Tampon Quotes By Patricia McCormick

Rochelle," she calls out, still looking at me. "Is there anyone down at the desk? I need something."
I'm too startled to move. Is she going to tell on me, get me in trouble?
Rochelle's gotten up; she's banging the toilet stall doors open one by one, checking to make sure no one's in there. When the last stall turns up empty, she gives Amanda an annoyed look. "What do you need this time of night?"
Amanda smiles at me, then turns to face Rochelle. "A tamponPatricia McCormick

Tampon Quotes By Susan B. Anthony

All we demand are the same rights as men, and slightly more stalls per restroom. And tampon machines. And those little things in the stalls so we can put our used tampons in them. And, okay, just go ahead and make the bathrooms out of tampons. — Susan B. Anthony

Tampon Quotes By Joan Rivers

The people voting for the Oscars are so old. I haven't seen one Academy Award voter with a tampon in her purse. — Joan Rivers

Tampon Quotes By Kelly Ripa

Women's clutches are too small. I open my purse, and with some hydraulic force, a tampon shoots 12 feet into the air. — Kelly Ripa

Tampon Quotes By Kimberly Derting

If it makes you feel any better, he's been all sad doll lately too."
"What are you talking about, Chels?"
Chelsea stopped walking and stared at Violet.
"Jay. I'm talking about Jay, Vi. I thought you might want to know that you're not the only one who's hurting. He's been moping around school, making it hard to even look at him. He's messed up ... bad." Just like the other night in Violet's bedroom, something close to ... sympathy crossed Chelsea's face.
Violet wasn't sure how to respond.
Fortunately sympathetic Chelsea didn't stick around for long. She seemed to get a grip on herself, and like a switch had been flipped, the awkward moment was over and her friend was back, Chelsea-style: "I swear, every time I see him, I'm halfway afraid he's gonna start crying like a girl or ask to borrow a tampon or something. Seriously, Violet, it's disgusting. Really. Only you can make it stop. Please make it stop. — Kimberly Derting

Tampon Quotes By Cassie Alexandra

Jesus, how much stuff can one girl carry around in here?" he asked, waving a tampon. "Got your friend, huh? This is probably a good deterrent. Try waving it in the air if you run into trouble. Nobody will mess with your shit. Believe me. — Cassie Alexandra

Tampon Quotes By Candace Cloud

My lesbian translator must be on the fritz. Is that code for your period? Instead of calling it an Alexandria Tampon how about a bloody Mary?" He snaps his fingers and continues, "This bloody Mary is giving me the cramps or Damn you, bloody Mary for ruining my sex life."
Robert Marshall, Flapper Girls — Candace Cloud

Tampon Quotes By John Niven

crapulent buffoon with the IQ of a tampon. — John Niven

Tampon Quotes By Dana Gould

I was born an emotional tampon in a cauldron of dysfunction. — Dana Gould

Tampon Quotes By Julie Cross

Is the diameter of your index finger equal to or greater than the diameter of a super absorbency tampon? — Julie Cross

Tampon Quotes By Maggie Young

I never dealt with excessive body fur. But having barely made love to a tampon, my privates were truly untainted. — Maggie Young

Tampon Quotes By David Levithan

Epithet, n.
I think the worst you ever called me was a "cunt rag."
"You mean I'm a tampon?" I asked. "I'm a tampon for not letting you drive?"
I laughed. You didn't. At least, not until you sobered up. — David Levithan

Tampon Quotes By Amanda Palmer

WHO'S GOT A TAMPON? I JUST GOT MY PERIOD, I will announce loudly to nobody in particular in a women's bathroom in a San Francisco restaurant, or to a co-ed dressing room of a music festival in Prague, or to the unsuspecting gatherers in a kitchen at a party in Sydney, Munich, or Cincinnati. Invariably, across the world, I have seen and heard the rustling of female hands through backpacks and purses, until the triumphant moment when a stranger fishes one out with a kind smile. No money is ever exchanged. The unspoken universal understanding is: Today, it is my turn to take the tampon. Tomorrow, it shall be yours. There is a constant, karmic tampon circle. It also exists, I've found, with Kleenex, cigarettes, and ballpoint pens. — Amanda Palmer

Tampon Quotes By Rahm Emanuel

Take your f***ing tampon out and tell me what you have to say. — Rahm Emanuel

Tampon Quotes By Lucille Clifton

Wishes for sons by Lucille Clifton i wish them cramps. i wish them a strange town and the last tampon. I wish them no 7-11. i wish them one week early and wearing a white skirt. i wish them one week late. later i wish them hot flashes and clots like you wouldn't believe. let the flashes come when they meet someone special. let the clots come when they want to. let them think they have accepted arrogance in the universe, then bring them to gynecologists not unlike themselves. — Lucille Clifton

Tampon Quotes By Chelsea Cain

Susan was already rehearsing excuses in case she was caught: I just got my period and I was looking for a tissue to stuff in my underpants. Men didn't question menstruation stories. Ever. You could probably get into the White House if you said you needed a tampon ASAP. — Chelsea Cain

Tampon Quotes By Blair Evans

Dampax. The best tampon on the market. Period. — Blair Evans

Tampon Quotes By Jenny Eclair

People often ask why comedy is harder for women, and the reason is because a tampon will sometimes fall out when you're on stage. Blokes don't have that worry. — Jenny Eclair

Tampon Quotes By Rachel Caine

I can always stuff you back in the bottle and shove a tampon in the top instead of a stopper, and all the other Djinn will point and laugh- — Rachel Caine

Tampon Quotes By Alessandra Torre

I glanced back down at my bathing suit, thought about my house, the dirty dishes in the sink, my tampon box on top of the toilet, the remnants of Ben's and my mani-pedi party still on the coffee table, mail scattered on the table ... this was bad. I took off running, the white-linen-panted gay close on my water-pruned heels. — Alessandra Torre

Tampon Quotes By Laurie Halse Anderson

Ouch," he said.
"Move your foot."
"No."
"Go away."
"Glad to see you, too."
"What are you doing here?" I asked.
"You missed the bus," he said.
"I'm sick."
"Need chicken soup?"
"Actually, it's my period," I lied. "Killer cramps."
"Chocolate and a heating pad?"
"How do you know that?"
"I have an older sister and my mom is a kick-ass feminist," he said. "I'm probably the only guy in school who can buy tampons without having a seizure. Look, at that, I can even say the word. 'Tampon, tampon, tampon.' If you say it enough, it stops sounding like a word, know what I mean? — Laurie Halse Anderson