Surreal Humor Quotes & Sayings

One, two, three / Buckle my shoe. — Robert Benchley

It's super cloudy right now but I think I can see the northern lights from my room. Another observation: Every light is a strobe light, if you just blink fast enough, and drink enough vodka.
-Karen Quan and Jarod Kintz — Karen Quan

I love British humor. It's just so - surreal. — Beck

This girl who's slept a hundred years has something after all. It's called Centuryitis, and it has turned me into a man. Oh, what will mamma think when she sees me?!
-Karen Quan and Jarod Kintz — Karen Quan

My dad's sense of humor was direct and sometimes surreal - his quick wit is well known amongst our family and friends. He raised me on Spike Jones records and W.C. Fields movies, and his sense of humor fell somewhere in between. — Tony Visconti

These cities grew in approximately the same places as our cities do now, however different the shape of the continents was. There was even a New York that in some way resembled the New York familiar to all of you, but was much newer, or, rather, more awash with new products, new toothbrushes, a New York with its own Manhattan that stretched out dense with skyscrapers gleaming like the nylon bristles of a brand-new toothbrush. — Italo Calvino

If you don't fall down now and again, it just means the training wheels are working — Josh Stern

If opportunity knocks, let it in. But with the way things are nowadays-I'd rather meet opportunity somewhere that's more public. I could meet opportunity in a coffee shop, but what if it works there? Well, I could suggest my grandma's basement.
-James Lee Schmidt and Jarod Kintz — James Lee Schmidt

The one thing the world will never have enough of is the outrageous. — Salvador Dali

'Northern Exposure.' I loved that show; I loved the way it was able to have episodes where somebody finds a woolly mammoth, he calls the museum in New York, they send a guy out, and the mammoth's gone because someone ate it. To me, that was everything I ever wanted to do. That show mixed emotion, humor and the surreal all at once. — Edward Kitsis

Blackouts can be fun if approached with the right mindset. You just can't sweat the fact that you've lost a small portion of your life for all eternity. Occasionally, little bubbles of memory will float up like surreal Mylar party balloons at unexpected times throughout the net day and start piecing together a colorful, if incomplete, version of reality. — Josh Kilmer-Purcell

I'm gonna go put my earplugs in and practice piano for hours until my fingers bleed. I practice the piano with the focus of Helen Keller - and nothing can distract me from the scent of the music.
-Karen Quan and Jarod Kintz — Karen Quan

Two skylarks weaving a nest flew into the gaping mouths of Serafim and Old Man Tudor, and deposited their young. Leaving the chicks to chirp, the birds flew off to the field for sustenance. — Vladimir Lorchenkov

When you're reaching the end of the semester and you just wanna die. Coffin Making 101 is literally killing me.
-Karen Quan and Jarod Kintz — Karen Quan

By-the-bye, what became of the baby?" said the Cat. "I'd nearly forgotten to ask."
"It turned into a pig," Alice answered very quietly, just as if the Cat had come back in a natural way.
"I thought it would," said the Cat, and vanished again. — Lewis Carroll

That tank," Bucktooth pointed at the gas gauge on the dashboard of the decidedly unfredneck-like '65 Dodge Dart, "is almost empty. We ain't going much farther."
"Indeed it is." A solemn Phosphate agreed. "I suggest we stop the car and weigh our options."
"What options?" Professor Buckley asked. "Why do-that is- we've been traveling up and down this path for over an hour without seeing anyone or encountering anything. Even the doughnut shop cannot be relocated. In light of this, what options do we have?"
It was difficult to argue with the ex-history teacher's typically alarmist position. Brisbane's reliable old automobile had indeed been expending its remaining fuel supply in what seemed to be a hopeless effort to exit the unnamed dirt path. After leaving the doughnut shop and the blonde presidential descendant who worked there, they'd been unable to find DeMohrenschildt Lane again, or any other side street. — Donald Jeffries

I was having the surreal experience of having myself show myself around my office and bullpen."
"Oh! My desk. I could've sat at my desk. I could've sat at your desk."
"No."
"It's a vid set."
"Even then, no. — J.D. Robb

The moment was surreal. A sometimes-autistic young man with two identities lecturing a room full of zombies on feelings and realities. — Jonathan Friesen

New York, of course, is to be in endless surreal situations where a fifty-thousand dollar, gun-metal Mercedez pulls up into a puddle of blood, and out steps a twenty-five karat blonde transvestite with a two dollar wristwatch. — Tom Waits

If you deny the existence of a higher being, you've never been to rehab — Josh Stern

Dreams are memories.
Memories are dreams.
But my time with you hasn't become a dream just yet.
Because the sensation of your kisses
keep me from sleep.
I'm in love,
God help me, I'm in love. — F.K. Preston

I hate when I'm not done with my cup but my mom decides to put it in the dishwasher anyway and the cup isn't dishwasher safe. I keep telling my mom that my origami coffee mugs are hand wash ONLY. Handshakes are also hand wash only.
-Karen Quan and Jarod Kintz — Karen Quan

I really hate that I need my glasses while using my laptop. What I hate even more is that I need those glasses to be full of vodka at all times.
-Karen Quan and Jarod Kintz — Karen Quan

Do you remember, Abelard ... Once I told you that ecstasy was better than being God."
"I remember."
"I was wrong, darling. Being God is better. — Bruce Sterling