Std Quotes & Sayings

She says, "Do you have any rubbers?" I say, I thought she was barren. "Sure, I'm sterile," she says, "but I've had unprotected sex with a million guys. I could have some terrible fatal disease." I say that would only be a problem if I wanted to live a lot longer. Fertility says, " That's how I feel about my giant credit card debt." So we have sex. If you could call it that. — Chuck Palahniuk

Viagra, Valtrex, Valium... you fuck enough strangers, you're taking a blue pill with a "V" on it. — Tyler Knight

Wait," I say. "Aren't soulmates supposed to be perfect? What if you find yours and shes not a virgin, not even a girl? What if he's a fixer upper? What if he has an STD? — Joey Comeau

When it's a bad movie you want to release it quietly. You try to keep it a secret like an STD. — Jack Black

Does Uncle Bob have anything?"
"I heard he has an STD."
"I mean on the women."
"Oh, I have no idea if they have any STDs. — Darynda Jones

I have a condition!" I blurted. Silence. "Like an STD?" he asked. "God no! No! Oh my God." I blushed profusely and turned my face, burying it in my pillow. "Okay. So, no STD," Reece said. "By the way, it would have been okay if you had. We'd figure out how to work with it." "Oh. My. God. Stop talking about STDs," I demanded. "You got it. — S. Walden

Ooooohh, I heard you had an STD, but I thought it was just a rumor. Does it really burn?"
- Moose in reference to Jadyn's "burning bush" - — Jillian Dodd

How is it that mankind can engineer condoms to prevent pregnancy and STDs and not be able to invent some sort of emotional safeguard? Is it even possible to abstain from falling in love? — Daria Snadowsky

No sun cream or condoms, just in case you're looking at the lady-boys. There's plenty of AIDS lingering about and every STD you can imagine. — Simon Palmer

I guess we're pretty lucky that we can't give each other alien STD's or babies, huh?" And THAT, folks, is why I'm still single. I'd like to blame the fermented tree sap, but I think we all know that I just have a horrible case of foot-in-mouth disease. It might even be lethal. — Mara Frost

You know what's funny to me? You know what's really funny to me? The fact that you've been calling Lita the walking kiss of death, but tonight.. the walking KOD beat the walking STD. — Chris Jericho

Cole - I just thought of a new game.
Jaz - What's that?
Cole - Splat the Specter.
Jaz - Rules?
Cole - You can help me make them up. Right now all I know for sure is that it involves water guns filled with grape Kool-Aid and two ferrets named Biff and Chlamydia.
Vayl - Why Ferrets?
Jaz - Really? You want to know about his choice of pets when he's named one of them after an STD? — Jennifer Rardin

What in the world? I stare at him, my mouth open. I never said you had an STD! — Jenny Han

Hi, Nikki," Gavin said. Ariel didn't even bother looking up from Gavin's neck.
"Hey, Gavin," I said. "I thought that latest STD test came back positive? Ariel's head shot up. Good, I had her attention.
I kept my eyes on Gavin. "I'm happy to be wrong though."
Ariel pushed herself up off Gavin and stood there.
"It's not true," Gavin said, a disbelieving smile on his face.
"I've never even been tested."
"I'm out if here," Ariel said.
...
Gavin shot me a dirty look. "Thanks a lot Nikki."
Cole's lips twitched, obviously amused at what had just happened. — Brodi Ashton

You know where you can shove your joke. Just get me a new drink and try not to include and of your STD-laced body fluid in it this time. — Kim Harrington

Because I'm suffering from a seriously nasty case of I.L."
"Um," I lean away from him and blink several times, some of my smarmy romantic swoon fading away. I was hoping maybe he was here to confess; instead he came to tell me he has an STD? "Is it contagious?"
Zayden tosses his head back and laughs, dropping his chin down and leaning in to press his face against the side of my neck. — C.M. Stunich

Globally, millions of married men and women engage the services
of sex workers each year. Despite growing health concerns about
the increased risk of STDs and HIV AIDS this trade continues to
blossom, leading to the premature termination of several lives and
the dissolution of several marriages. — Oche Otorkpa

Since the Gods of hangovers ignore you I hope the Deities of STD's bestow you with rotten crotch. — Sherri Desbois

It wasn't a question. So, I didn't reply. Instead, I flashed her a smile that I knew affected any
female's panties and took a step toward her. "I got a lot of names, baby," I finally responded.
Her eyebrows arched, straightened her stance and shot me the coldest glare I'd ever
witnessed. What was this chick's deal? "I'm sure you do. Let me guess STD, Loser, Jackass, and Drunk just to name a few," she clipped, stepping out of the door and slamming it behind her. — Abbi Glines

Taking a call girl to an STD fair ... there's a joke here. — Donald Glover

Gregory S. Paul, in the Journal of Religion and Society (2005), systematically compared seventeen economically developed nations, and reached the devastating conclusion that 'higher rates of belief in and worship of a creator correlate with higher rates of homicide, juvenile and early mortality, STD infection rates, teen pregnancy and abortion in the prosperous democracies'. — Richard Dawkins

Catching an STD doesn't excuse serial killing. — Kat Lowe

I'm telling you, go hook up. It isn't like you'll ever see him again. Fun Florida Fling. Ha-ha, the three Fs!" I want to laugh, but I shake my head. "No way. That's all I need. To have sex, get pregnant or get an STD, or worse, catch feelings for the dude. He's obviously a player. — Toni Aleo

You know, Brodie, you're like an STD: no one wants you, everybody hates you, and you're a reminder of the devastating consequences of not using protection during sex. — Suzanne Wright

I didn't want to be here.
Seriously.
I mean, if I made it through the night without catching an STD from standing in this godforsaken shithole, it would be a miracle. — Lee Piper

[The photos] all bore the hallmarks of very expensive lighting and artistry, but Godric was projecting variations on the same emotion in every single one of them. Acute awkwardness.
Admittedly he'd really gotten "awkward" nailed--even in black Armani, leaning against a glass wall, he looked like a teenager waiting outside an STD clinic. — Hester Browne

There, alone in the sterile room, sitting on a pink vinyl chair that boasts many cracks in its once nice upholster, you wait. You think to yourself , who would have thought I would be ringing in the New Year by urinating into a cup to see if I have chlamydia? — Amanda Steele

they catch initials -- STD, PMS, OCD, HIV, etc., as if MTV teamed up with KFC and licensed the Latin alphabet to the pharmaceutical industry so OTCs could replace MDs. If Romeo and Juliet were alive today, they'd be put on antidepressants, sent for counseling, and bundled off to separate boarding schools to meet socially acceptable partners with money-back guarantees. — Paula Young Lee

When I travel, I get lovesick. Well, they call it chlamydia. — Jimmy Carr

Abstinence-only education - the best STD (Sexually Transmitted Disease) and pregnancy delivery system that politicians have ever devised. — Rachel Maddow

Is Darling still awake?" She stepped back so that he could see Ryn. "He is." Hauk headed for the bed. "Fain sent me a note about what's going on with the locals. I'm here with backup." Darling growled. "Not helpless, people." "Not people, human," Hauk said in an exasperated tone. Darling made an obscene gesture at him. "I thought I got rid of you when I left the hospital." Hauk clutched his chest as if those words wounded him. "Aww now, Dar, you're going to hurt my feelings." "You don't have feelings." "True. Just think of me like a bad STD. I always show up at the worst time." He glanced back at Zarya. "So much for your hot date, huh?" Darling groaned. "You are ever a pain in my ass, Hauk. Should I reset the timers on my explosives in the city? Might give the Resistance pause if they think I'm going to take them or their families with me." Ryn — Sherrilyn Kenyon

Harpies, n. A disease transmitted to humans by birds with human faces. — Ron Brackin

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck chlamydia? — Sarah Mlynowski

I got what I wanted, I guess. I'm here, in this home that I worked so hard to insulate from the problems of the world, our happy little bubble. The girls have their father every night. Adam has a newfound respect for me, the New Rachel, for the glittering, sharp edge that's emerged like a razor in the grass. When I think about my old self, I feel pity and yearning at the same time. Poor Old Rachel, the sweet, naive idiot. And lucky Old Rachel, so completely happy. There's one niggling thought I can't shake, one that keeps me awake at night. What would I tell my daughters if they came to me with the news that their husband had a mistress? That he told her, my precious daughter, that sex with the other woman was amazing? Stay and work things out. Oh, and get that STD panel ASAP, darlings! But do stay. Take all that hurt and betrayal and just ball it up and swallow it. Want to bake cookies? — Kristan Higgins

No need to worry. The closest I've ever come to an STD was a kidney infection. I always put a raincoat on the little fella before heading into a storm. — L. H. Cosway

I'm sorry, I'm always saying silly things I guess. I must've overdone it today in the bakery."
"See now, that's a great excuse. I usually blame all the silly things I say on syphilis." I started to laugh at my own joke before even finishing it. However, after seven seconds of dismayed stares and silence, I realized that maybe STD humor was lost on this crowd. — Penny Reid

It's like, 'Sorry I passed you an STD but I really enjoy your quirky web presence.' — Hannah

You may live in a small town, but that doesn't mean you have to get afflicted with one of the deadliest STD's - small town disease, which symptoms are repetitive droid-like behavior and a lack and shortage mentality — Robert J. Braathe

Don't you have an STD to spread?" I tilted my head in cool indifference.
He pushed away from the wall, "Why, you open for business? — Rachel Van Dyken

Bombas Tipo OH1 y OH2" (ANSI/API Std. 610. Eleventh Edition- September 2010. ISO 13709:2009 (Identical). Centrifugal pumps for petroleum, petrochemical and natural gas industries). — Ivan Mejia

So because of their affair, Emmanuelle gets a promotion and a raise, Adam gets a vacation, and I got an STD panel. — Kristan Higgins