Some Funniest Quotes & Sayings

We were a very funny family. Humour was the tool with which my brother and I tried to get attention. We were always trying to be the funniest. — Meg Cabot

What do you call a rifle with three barrels?
A trifle. — Joseph Rosenbloom

Only black people in the whole neighborhood, so let's break it down: Me, I'm a decent comedian, I'm a'ight. Mary J. Blige, one of the greatest R&B singers to ever walk the Earth. Jay-Z, one of the greatest rappers to ever live. Eddie Murphy, one of the funniest actors to ever, ever do it. Do you know what the white man that lives next door to me does for a living? He's a f*****g dentist. — Chris Rock

I am so proud that 'Up' is Pixar's 10th film. I think it's the funniest film that we've ever made and also one of the most beautiful. — John Lasseter

'I'll sit on him,' Otis says and laughs like it's the funniest thing in the world. He twirls a small ball of fire in one hand and a Desert Eagle .50 Caliber in the other. If Seven didn't know him, he'd probably be running away as fast as he could. It's a big gun. — T.J. Klune

I think one of the funniest things about '30 Rock' is that Liz Lemon is sort of like Buster Keaton - she's always the fool, the joke is always on her. — Cristin Milioti

Funniest thing about love, how it shakes loose when no one's looking. How the dark helps it along. Maybe that's why we dug caves so much, way back when. — Catherynne M Valente

In China I told pastors about how, in the West, we have these church buildings and how we go to services each week that last an hour or so. I told them how if we don't like the music or the message then we can go to different buildings and services ... They all broke out into laughter. They thought I was the funniest guy they had ever seen. — Francis Chan

One of the funniest lines in my show was written for me by Alan Bursky. I really want to learn this routine! — Lance Burton

The older ones recently saw Mr and Mrs Smith and I think they thought that was the funniest thing they'd ever seen because, of course, watching your parents fight as spies is some strange sort of childhood fantasy. — Angelina Jolie

I mean, I find things that happened in real life to be the funniest - things that you observe instead of crazy abstract things, you know. — Jonah Hill

The best shows to tweet about are the ones that are hilarious, but they might not necessarily be trying to be hilarious. Those are the easiest and the funniest because you're like 'come onnnn.' — Retta

I have a fantastic husband. Here's the honeymoon part: I still think he's the funniest, wittiest, most clever man I've ever known. — Sarah Jessica Parker

I think all great comedies - or at least the comedies I like - it has some of the funniest moments, but it never breaks the spell for the audience. It never pushes the audience away by spoofing itself too much or undermining the characters or making them cardboard or flimsy. Everybody is really trying to do what their characters believe in - and so nobody breaks the spell of the world, even though in other ways it's a comedy and very funny. — James Franco

This impeccably researched study of the classic black insult game may be the funniest work of serious scholarship ever published. — Terry Teachout

The funniest things just come from honesty. We have a tendency to see female characters as representative of something larger than what they are, when male characters are just characters. — Elizabeth Meriwether

We all know how funny Morrissey is. Actually, you know what? I say that sarcastically. His songs are some of the funniest songs I've ever heard in my life. I mean, really. I mean, not that the 'Girlfriend in a Coma' is, like, really funny. — Zach Galifianakis

Johnston's books are beautifully written and among the funniest I have ever read. — Annie Dillard

My mom's brother was gay, and he actually passed away from AIDS when I was 13. He was quite a character, but he also worked at the electrical plant, so he was this complicated guy with a big laugh who would wear a trucker hat and do impressions. He was gay, but to me, Uncle Alan was just the funniest person in the world. — Casey Wilson

Having this lovely person in my life. My daughter is the funniest person I know and I couldn't imagine my life without her. I think it also starts an amazing journey in a woman. You don't obsess about yourself in the way you used to, as the bulk of your time isn't spent on you. — Donna Air

I say this with no fear of contradiction. Jonas Barnes is absolutely, positively the funniest stand-up comic I have ever seen. Of course, I almost never leave my home. Jonas is a great guy and was a big help to me. — Danny Bonaduce

Women are very funny. Some of the funniest people I can think of are women. — Rachel Bloom

I love Jennifer Aniston. I'm a bit obsessed with her. I also love Kristen Wiig, and obviously, 'Bridesmaids' is one of the funniest movies ever. I do have some of her 'SNL' skits that I've saved on my computer and stuff. — Jillian Rose Reed

The funniest racism is the racism between minorities. It's something you don't see dramatized, but almost every minority I know who's my age, they have these funny stories about their parents stereotyping other minorities. — Mindy Kaling

I just love Kate. [Bieber], to me, is one of the funniest impressions because it's so all encompassing. It's like a total body and soul impression. But that's Kate. Every character she does is that way. — Paul Feig

I got one letter at the very beginning, like, in the first season, saying - from a woman who was very religious, very Christian, saying how wrong she thought the show was, but she thinks it's the funniest show on television. — Sean Hayes

Especially with a comedy, you've got the clear cut goal of trying to make a scene funny. It's not like drama where you're trying to achieve some kind of emotion or trying to further the story along. You're trying to figure out what's the funniest way to do something. — Luke Wilson

Know ahead of time that with some audiences you can say anything and they'll 81 think it's the funniest thing ever, and other times you're wondering whether you're speaking to a group of corpses at a coffin convention. Don't worry: You're getting through. The culture of every group will simply be different. — Terry Fossum

I've been to many funerals of funny people, and they're some of the funniest days you'll ever have, because the emotions run high. — Albert Brooks

To me some of the funniest movies would be probably categorized in the dramatic genre, and likewise some of the most dramatic films, or films that have the most dramatic moments, are in comedies. — Paul Rudd

Look at the people who are kind of the funniest cultures, they're the cultures of the people who have been the most oppressed, black people and Jews. Not that they're the only funny people, but culturally, it comes from the pain, you know? — Sarah Silverman

I love funny people. I met and became friends with some of the funniest people ever. Gilda Radner, bless her soul; Martin Short; Dave Thomas; Eugene Levy. — Paul Shaffer

Creativity is all around us, and some of the funniest, most beautiful, and touching moments happen when you least expect it. — Bryce Dallas Howard

He hoped he would live through this, but he was willing to die, if that was what it took to be alive. And, for a moment he thought that the whole thing was funny, just the funniest thing in the world; — Neil Gaiman

I love 'Robot Chicken,' 'The Boondocks' and 'America's Funniest Home Videos.' Then there's this show called 'The First 48.' It's a documentary about killings where they try and find murderers. They interrogate people and they tell on each other - it's hilarious. — ASAP Rocky

We talkin' about practice? — Allen Iverson

Some of my happiest funniest times have been spent in offices. Perhaps because the work was mudane, even the tiniest of distractions become wildly hilarious and wonderful. Actually, I'd say that 90 per cent of my doubled-over-gasping-with-laughther-laughing-so-much-that-you-can't-breathe-and-you-think-you-might-die laughing has occurred during slow days in offices. — Miranda Hart

Attraction and chemistry don't follow any logical rules. You're not the prettiest girl I've ever met, nor the smartest, nor the funniest. But you are the girl I've altered a peace treaty for, and you are the girl I'm spending the evening with. — Laura Thalassa

Call listened with amusement
not that the incident hadn't been terrible. Being decapitated was a grisly fate, whether you were a Yankee or not. But then, amusing things happened in battle, as they did in the rest of life. Some of the funniest things he had ever witnessed had occurred during battles. He had always found it more satisfying to laugh on a battlefield than anywhere else, for if you lived to laugh on a battlefield, you could feel you had earned the laugh. But if you just laughed in a saloon, or at a social, the laugh didn't reach deep. — Larry McMurtry

It's been a while. I haven't seen the actual gag reel they put on the DVD. I just saw the DVD myself, so I know that it's going to be some version of what we saw at our wrap party. Some of the funniest things probably wouldn't make it to the DVD and that involved Ryan O'Neal singing and they intercut that with the American Idol judges judging him, which was pretty funny. — Emily Deschanel

Who knew Rob Lowe was funny? On 'Parks and Rec,' we've got some of the funniest comedy writers, some of the funniest comedians in the world working there. And if anything, we don't just effuse to one another and be like, 'Oh, Rob Lowe's really funny,' if he wasn't. — Chris Pratt

Yeah," he says. "We've been friends since kindergarten. Funniest guy I know," Matt says with a chuckle. "He's a great guitar player, too. He's in a band with some guys from Omaha South. He keeps trying to get me to join."
"What do you play?" I ask.
"Baseball," Matt jokes. — Cat Patrick

Albert [Brooks] was rare in that he could make adults laugh. He was a prodigy. At age 15 and 16, he could make my dad laugh uncontrollably. And whenever we had parties, some of the funniest people of my generation - whether it was Billy Crystal or Robin Williams or John Belushi - would be doing shtick. — Rob Reiner

Some of the funniest things are just situations in life that are funny. The way people interact. People describing their first kiss with someone, to me, is really funny. When someone goes into detail about each moment of that, I really find that enjoyable to listen to. — Nathan Fielder

I think some of the funniest and most artistic people I know are the ones who had a hard time at school. They often have humility and artistry. So, as much as I feel bad for kids who have to go through a rough childhood, I believe that if they can turn it around, it's going to make them better people later on. — Drew Barrymore

Some of the funniest people I know are not screwed up in the head. — Darrell Hammond

Some of my funniest thoughts come to me while I'm taking a shower. — Justin Hires

I started with the chorus of that song, kind of like a fun bouncy thing to play, and then one of the lines popped up: 'I got things to do today, people to see, things to say.' I wrote about a dozen verses for it, but no song needs to be that long unless you're Bob Dylan. So when we recorded it I started to tear it down to some of the lines I thought were the funniest. — Jorma Kaukonen

I've killed some of the funniest fuckers I've ever met. — Karina Halle

Some of the funniest moments I've ever experienced have been in the midst of tragic situations in my life. — Sarah Polley

It's funny how a hello is always accompanied with a goodbye. It's funny how good memories can make you cry, it's funny how forever never seems to last, it's funny how much you would lose if you forgot about your past, it's funny how friends can just leave when you're down, it's funny how when you need someone they never are around, it's funny how people change and think they're so much better, it's funny how some many lies are packed into one love letter, it's funny how one night can hold so much regret, it's funny how you can forgive but not forget, it's funny how ironic life turns out to be, but the funniest part of all, is that none of that is funny to me. — Auliq Ice

Some people would say comedy draws from some dark places, from your dark stuff. Life's great optimists aren't necessarily the funniest people. — Colin Firth

The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it. — W.C. Fields

Joel Waldfogel is one of the smartest and funniest economists on the planet. I think of him every time I start to unwrap a present. Buy Scroogenomics for your friends and family. It makes the perfect Christmas gift. — Ian Ayres

At Murry Bergtraum [High School] if you were really funny you sat at this table at with all of the funniest dudes, the toughest, the coolest - everybody sat at that table. It was like the ghetto Algonquin Round Table. [Comedy] was my entry, my membership card. — John Leguizamo

The funniest thing is that all the things every director goes through, I thought I could shortcut, but there was no getting around those issues. — George Clooney

Now I have a shot at being the Planet's Funniest Kid Comic. "The planet Earth?" asks Phineas of - you guessed it - Phineas and Ferb. "Or Mars? We built a portal to Mars for the science fair once. — James Patterson

My dad is one of the funniest people I know. He's the sort of man who can make you laugh just by reading out of a telephone directory ... He's a spastic. — Frankie Boyle

The kindest compliments I have ever heard are when cops tell me Training Day and Assault on Precinct 13 inspired them to become cops. The funniest compliments I have ever heard are when people tell me that 'I love your band Sugar Ray. — Ethan Hawke

You might be the funniest guy in the world, but if you don't have anything to talk about, people are eventually going to gravitate towards the guy that's actually saying something. — Kevin Hart

We deal with all the production headaches and all that stuff. They just have to come here and be super funny. And it's worked out well. I mean, literally, every day they're all saying things I'd never thought I'd hear before and just some of the funniest discussions I've ever heard. — Jeff Schaffer

I'd love to do a movie with females in it, and not necessarily the female version of 'The Hangover,' but I'd love to. If I did it it'd star Juliette Lewis, because she's the funniest woman in the world. She's my favorite actress on the planet. If we did a character-based comedy about women, I don't see it out of my range. — Todd Phillips

George Hamilton is one of the funniest men I have ever known. — Britt Ekland

The funniest thing about some people is that they have no sense of humor. — Ashleigh Brilliant

My father was the funniest guy I ever met. I'm not sure if I stole his stuff or if I inherited it. — Chevy Chase

I thought she was the funniest woman, and I believed being a comedian was the most exciting thing you could be. — Maya Rudolph

Jokes? There are no jokes. The truth is the funniest joke of all. — Muhammad Ali

It makes it really hard to just go to a dinner party because, in my work life, I'm surrounded by the funniest people, ever. I'm really spoiled. I laugh a lot, in my day. — Jenna Fischer

My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world. — George Bernard Shaw

Will Arnett is one of the funniest guys I know. He has seen it all and done it all and come out the other end pretty savvy and pretty strong. — Jason Bateman

Life conspires to plant us in the funniest of gardens where the trees need an especial form of tending — Sarah Hall

We have to agree beforehand to divide the funniest lines between us. But Tina [Fey] is so brilliant that I just love every moment working with her and also just hanging out together as friends. — Amy Poehler

I love animals. With animals you never know what you're getting. Everybody says don't mess with animals and little kids in movies but those are the funniest things because you can't be in control. I like to lose control as a director. — David Gordon Green

And it's the funniest thing: as soon as I see it, the whistling in my ears stops and the feeling of terror drains away, and I realize this whole time I haven't been falling at all. I've been floating. — Lauren Oliver

By the way, I'm funniest when I'm not being funny. I'm better to laugh at than with, pretty much. — Jemima Kirke

I was lucky to start working when German cinema was having an interesting moment. Now the quality is going downhill again because they're insisting on doing comedies. We should know by now that we make good cars but we're not the funniest people. — Daniel Bruhl

Everything I am, everything I've been allowed to do, career-wise, has come out of the opportunity I had with 'Cheers'. I think it's one of the funniest shows ever. They are some of my best friends. — Ted Danson

One of the things that's funniest about the entertainment industry and comedy is that people go 'Oh, you're great, but I don't know what to do with you.' The great thing about the Internet is that nobody has to figure out what to do with you. You can figure out what to do with you, and you can say, 'I made this thing, and I'm going to put it out, and now if people want to come see me and buy things from me they can.' — Eugene Mirman

My way of joking is to tell the truth. That's the funniest joke in the world. — Muhammad Ali

It is imperative that a woman keep her sense of humor intact and at the ready. She must see, even if only in secret, that she is the funniest, looniest woman in her world, which she should also see as being the most absurd world of all times. — Maya Angelou

My life is like an O Henry story ... the funniest girl in the world and the boy who never laughs. — Rainbow Rowell

But you can't stop at one, you wanna drink another woman! — Homer

Entertainment Weekly said that Parks and Rec is the smartest comedy on tv. Call me when it's the funniest. — Andy Kindler

Although Kurt Vonnegut may not be considered a humor writer, 'Breakfast of Champions' is one of the funniest books I've ever read. — Justin Halpern

I was always a big fan of Mel Brooks and Carl Reiner's '2000-Year-Old Man' sketch. I think it's one of the biggest influences on the podcast, definitely. You'd never say Carl Reiner was the funniest dude on there, because he's just teeing it up, but he knows what questions to ask to lead to great improv. — Scott Aukerman

It's sad being the funniest person you know. — Grea Alexander

Is it needy? It's not. We don't need each other. We just really, really enjoy each other. And we're good together. We're good people together. And I have the funniest feeling. I can really, truly touch this all, this happiness and the sadness too, I can trace all of it with my fingers. It isn't theoretical or distant. This feels like me. This is me. I love him, and, for the first time in a relationship, I also like me. Every time he says "I love you," I answer, "I believe you. — Emma Forrest

Josh Funk and Hunter Fraser: we haven't been in touch in years, but you made me feel like the funniest kid in the world. I would stay up late on school nights to write things to try to make you laugh the next day in class, and you inspired the one piece of advice on writing that I've ever felt qualified to give: write for the kid sitting next to you. — B.J. Novak