Small Town Funny Quotes & Sayings

The boarding school memoir or novel is an enduring literary subgenre, from 1950s classics such as The Catcher in the Rye to Curtis Sittenfeld's Prep. Doust's recognisably Australian contribution to the genre draws on his own experiences in a West Australian boarding school in this clever, polished, detail-rich debut novel. From the opening pages, the reader is wholly transported into the head of Jack Muir, a sensitive, sharp-eyed boy from small-town WA who is constantly measured (unfavourably) against his goldenboy brother. The distinctive, masterfully inhabited adolescent narrator recalls the narrator in darkly funny coming-of-age memoir Hoi Polloi (Craig Sherborne) - as does the juxtaposition of stark naivety and carefully mined knowingness.' - Bookseller+Publisher — Jon Doust

Heaven's Bakery help them all. — Jamie Farrell

All he wanted was a long, hot shower and a long, deep sleep.
Meaning that whoever this pissed-off brunette was, whatever deal she'd arranged with his flaky mother, they could talk about it after he'd scrubbed the jungle from his skin and rinsed the shampoo from his hair.
"What do you mean it belongs to you? It can't belong to you. I just rented it," said the girl aiming that pink blow-dryer right at his heart.
If he wasn't so damn exhausted, he might find that funny. She was holding the thing as if it would protect her. It was a blow-dryer! He nodded at it. "What do you plan to do with that thing, honey? Style me to death? — Tracy Brogan

My town's quite small and you kinda recognize everyone when you see them, so I definitely get funny looks from people. — Birdy

Are those the Edible Undies cupcakes?" one of the women in the kitchen asked.
"They're the Nipple Lickers," Kimmie answered. "Without the nipples."
"I heard you perfected the Sex on a Peach cupcakes," another feminine voice said.
"Can you squeeze me in for a double order of Spank Me Strawberries the weekend before Knot Fest? — Jamie Farrell

The other part of me wanted to get out and stay out, but this was the part I never listened to. Because if I ever had I would have stayed in the town where I was born and worked in the hardware store and married the boss's daughter and had five kids and read them the funny paper on Sunday morning and smacked their heads when they got out of line and squabbled with the wife about how much spending money they were to get and what programs they could have on the radio or TV set. I might even get rich - small-town rich, an eight-room house, two cars in the garage, chicken every Sunday and the Reader's Digest on the living room table, the wife with a cast-iron permanent and me with a brain like a sack of Portland cement. You take it, friend. I'll take the big sordid dirty crooked city. — Raymond Chandler

Speaking of cupcakes, Will wants two dozen off your special menu to take on the road after the wedding."
"The, erm, peach kind?"
"The peach kind," Lindsey said.
"I like the peach kind," Josh said.
Mikey had named them Sex on a Peach. And they were Kimmie's second biggest seller, after the Hairy Dicks, which were coconut cake balls strategically placed with Dahlia's chocolate-covered, ice cream-filled bananas.
And Josh's frown had disappeared, and now he was grinning as if he knew it.
All of it. — Jamie Farrell

She wore a fitted white scoop neck shirt under a thin jacket, slim brown pants and tennis shoes. He bet she looked hot in four-inch heels. He wondered how long she'd last in this town, and he decided he wanted to sleep with her before she left. — Tami Lund

Right on time, sugar." Josh draped his arm around her shoulders and steered her through the lobby. "Traffic okay?"
"Yeah, except when that alien spaceship landed on I-90 and then all those crickets jumped out to perform Beethoven's Fifth on kazoos. Otherwise, clear sailing. — Jamie Farrell

Have you ever played Killer Bunnies?" she asked.
"Killer Bunnies?" he repeated, blinking the way people always did when they didn't follow her brain's train.
"It's a card game. Not spades and clubs, kings and jacks cards. It's like a board game, with cards instead of a board. Here. I'll show you." She stretched up to the top shelf beside her TV and pulled down a bright blue box. "But I have to warn you, I never hesitate to use the nuclear warheads or the anti-matter raisins. Your bunnies are going down. — Jamie Farrell

He was the most handsome nightmare she had ever met. — Jamie Farrell

People always - I think were surprised about me connecting with folks in small town Iowa. And the reason I did was - first of all, I had the benefit that at the time nobody expected me to win. And so I wasn't viewed through this prism of Fox News and conservative media making me scary. At the time, I didn't think seem scary, other than just having a funny name. I seemed young. — Barack Obama

His eyes were growing darker. They dipped to her lips. "Make any dirty cupcakes this week?"
"Yes. Two orders."
"What flavors?"
"No."
"No?"
"I don't want to tell you." She totally wanted to tell him. She wanted to watch his eyes go darker when she said the dirty words. And she wanted him to keep touching her cheek. And then touch her in other places. "You should stop."
"Probably. — Jamie Farrell

If my mom sees you here, she'll ---"
"Paper the walls with my innards while the innocents watch? — Jamie Farrell

It's so funny, because when I was growing up in a small town in New Hampshire, I was obsessed with Leonardo DiCaprio - from the 'Growing Pains'/'What's Eating Gilbert Grape' era, because he was superhot - and I carried a laminated photo of him in my wallet and said he was my boyfriend. But no one believed me. — Eliza Coupe

Your mother can't hear you here."
"Distance is no match for my mother's eavesdropping and mind-reading skills."

"I had steel anti-mind-reading plates installed this week. Specially designed to be Marilyn-proof. Also sounds an alarm if she gets within two hundred yards of the building, and I sent the guards downstairs to ninja training. You're safe. — Jamie Farrell

San Francisco has a flowers-in-your-hair kind of vibe, while Chicago's got this very funny, big-city/small-town coolness to it. — Dave Matthews

Maybe you should get a very large life insurance policy on the next husband," Lily suggested slurping her coffee loudly. "You know, before he makes an ash of himself."
"Very funny, but don't think I haven't thought of it. It's an unpredictable way to score more rental properties, but I do seem to be good at burying men. — Tracy Brogan

I looked around the tiny bathroom, at the three of us crammed in. A billionaire, a movie star, and a small town girl. It was some sick lesbian twist on Gilligan's Island. I would have laughed but none of it was funny. — Giselle Fox

You're doing this for Kimmie for free."
"I'd do anything for Kimmie."
"Including bury a body?"
"Especially bury a body. — Jamie Farrell

Arthur checked himself into a small motel on the outskirts of town, and sat glumly on the bed, which was damp, and flipped through the little information brochure, which was also damp. It said that the planet of NowWhat had been named after the opening words of the first settlers to arrive there after struggling across light years of space to reach the furthest unexplored outreaches of the Galaxy. The main town was called OhWell. — Douglas Adams

It was a small town: Ferguson, Ohio. When you entered there was a big sign and it said, "Welcome to Ferguson. Beware of the Dog." The all-night drugstore closed at noon. — Jackie Vernon

Well sue me for staring. I'd be willing to scrub away my shame on his washboard abs. — Tia Giacalone

Her eyes slid closed, her secret places pulsed in anticipation, and his lips settled onto the skin beneath her ear.
That was magic.
She held perfectly still.
He pressed a kiss to her neck. Then another, lower. A third, even lower.
She squirmed.
He dropped his hands. "Sorry. I---"
"Don't stop," Kimmie whispered. — Jamie Farrell

Josh squeezed her arm. "I'll behave," he murmured. "For now."
She's going to pickle your cucumbers."
"He has more than one?" Natalie whispered.
"That's between me and Kimmie," Josh replied. — Jamie Farrell

'A Tuna Christmas' is the second in a series of plays created by Joe Sears and Jaston Williams featuring the fictional town of Greater Tuna, the third-smallest town in Texas. What makes these plays so hysterically funny is the accurate portrayal of small-town life in the Lone Star State. — Lori Wilde