Short Funny Reading Quotes & Sayings

If retirement means laying on a beach and rubbing coco butter on your stomach, about 48 hours of that will be enough for most people. You'll want something new. — Timothy Ferriss

Unraveling external selves and coming home to our real identity is the true meaning of soul work. — Sue Monk Kidd

But those with an evil heart seem to have a talent for destroying anything beautiful which is about to bloom. — Cynthia Rylant

Find depressing his determination to make his characters suffer even when a little common sense on both his part and theirs could avoid it. Tess is one of the most irritating young women in Victorian fiction. Won — P.D. James

yes, i have dated Salvador Dali guy when i was a high school girl. he was a great lover. but i had to dump him because he stole my inspiration of bent clock*~* .... who cares... — Hiroko Sakai

From Time for College - Mr. Chiardi & Other Stories

It was time for Junior to go to college. He'd sprouted pubic hair and was eyeing all the girls.
"I want to go to college," he said.
"Yes," I replied, "It's time."
His mother, my wife, was resigned to the fact that it was time for Junior to leave the nest. She sat on a stool at the granite kitchen counter, spiked coffee beside her, reading The New York Times. She looked almost real. — Rita Buckley Aka Charles Maxwell

I love Chicago. It was an awesome place to grow up. It's a big city but it doesn't feel like one. I can't imagine that if I had kids I would raise them anywhere else besides Chicago. — Chris McCaughan

Enlightened people like Osho are ahead of their times. It is good that more and more young people are now reading his works. — K. R. Narayanan

That time is important. It gives a comforting illusion of permanence not found in running by the mile. — Joe Henderson

The short version is that I started an internet diary a long, long time ago (six years!) because I was bored with my job. I figured I would write a few funny things a few times a week until I had enough material to do stand-up. After two or three weeks, I emailed it to some friends. They emailed it to other friends, and more people started reading. Eventually, I realized that stand-up was scary and it would be much easier to just keep writing this stuff at work. — Jason Mulgrew

If you don't mind smelling like peanut butter for two or three days, peanut butter is darn good shaving cream. — Barry Goldwater

I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not. — Fran Lebowitz

There is no ground for supposing that matter and energy existed before [the Big Bang] and were suddenly galvanized into action. For what could distinguish that moment from all other moments in eternity? It is simpler to postulate creation ex nihilo-Divine will constituting Nature from nothingness. — E. T. Whittaker

I get a kick out of murdering people. — Carl Panzram