Shitty Quotes & Sayings

The Devil got landed with a shitty job, he has to deal with assholes everyday, he's probably bored as hell. — Gerard Way

Cynicism is like gastro: it goes through your whole system and makes you shitty. — John Marsden

Samuel," I said sternly. "You just said some really shitty words. We do not fucking speak like that in this house. Do you understand Mommy?" Samuel giggled hysterically and flipped — Robyn Peterman

All the shitty stuff people do to themselves ... it can all be the same thing, you know? Just a way to drown out your own voice. To kill your memories without having to kill yourself. — Isaac Marion

I'm sitting at the bar, rearranging the order of my jokes. I'm under the delusion that I'm having bad shows because of some cosmic misalignment of words, phrases, and ideas. I may as well have cast runes into a spirit bowl, hoping that the collective heart of the audience would open to my necromantic call. Maybe that's how jugglers do it. Those guys never have shitty sets. — Patton Oswalt

Logan is a sideways, brilliant, honest guy who does the coolest stuff ever, and everybody hates, but who I am basically in love with.
But Logan is damaged, broken. And, let's not sugarcoat it, that ain't gonna change.
Even though it isn't his fault, even though his shitty father caused it, even though it's not fair . . . that kinda thing cuts deep. That kinda thing sticks — Andrea Portes

So what do I do? What do we do? How do we move forward when we are tired and afraid? What do we do when the voice in our head is yelling that WE ARE NEVER GONNA MAKE IT? How do we drag ourselves through the muck when our brain is telling us youaredumbandyouwillneverfinishandnoonecaresanditistimeyoustop? Well, the first thing we do is take our brain out and put it in a drawer. Stick it somewhere and let it tantrum until it wears itself out. You may still hear the brain and all the shitty things it is saying to you, but it will be muffled, and just the fact that it is not in your head anymore will make things seem clearer. — Amy Poehler

The Ultimate Rule ought to be: 'If it sounds GOOD to you, it's bitchin'; if it sounds BAD to YOU, it's shitty. The more your musical experience, the easier it is to define for yourself what you like and what you don't like. American radio listeners, raised on a diet of _ (fill in the blank), have experienced a musical universe so small they cannot begin to know what they like. — Frank Zappa

I hate that I got dealt shitty parents! I hate how you make me feel like scum! I hate that you're always running away from me! And I hate that I ever fucking gave you the power to destroy me! — Adriana Law

There are three kinds of Peers; the one who did the shitty job for upper-castes, the one who sold their rights for upper-castes's entertaintment, and the one who is going to bring the upper-castes down."
"Which one is you?"
"Apparently, all three of them. — Rea Lidde

People are shitty for a lot of reasons. Sometimes they're just shitty people. Sometimes people have been shitty to them and, even though they don't realize it, they take that shitty upbringing and go out into the world and treat others the same way. Sometimes they're shitty because they're afraid. Sometimes they choose to be shitty to others before others can be shitty to them. So it's like self-defensive shittiness. — Jennifer Niven

If I amount to anything it'll be as part of a band. That's it. I'll be playing dive bars and shitty clubs, and I'll get high in the alleys and do lines in the bathrooms, and eventually I'll OD and that'll be that." I glance ad her. "Is that the life you want? — Jasinda Wilder

Sometimes I think my own brain might be a bitch whose sole purpose is to make me feel shitty. To quote Malcolm from Malcolm in the Middle, "Why won't my brain let me be happy? — L. H. Cosway

A month ago, Gavin had given his employer four weeks' notice. "I'll get a job around here," he'd told her. "Something low-stress, part-time, maybe. We're not paying rent, and Dad's left us plenty. You should quit, too." A year earlier this news would have filled her with delicious, full fat, chocolate-coated joy. But now, after a grueling routine of shitty work, shitty- weird home life in a house where the shadow of a dead boy walked more solidly than the grownups, shitty headaches, shitty worry about a husband who couldn't keep his dick out of other women, the golden offer just weirded Laine out. She didn't trust it. — Stephen M. Irwin

We hold on to the shitty things the tightest, for some reason. And — Matthew Norman

Your opinions are valid and important. Unless it's some stupid bullshit you're being shitty about, in which case you can just go fuck yourself. I — Jenny Lawson

Why doesn't Prin go and get her own goddamn blistering bloody shitty jelly doughnuts? — Margaret Laurence

One loves one's country the way one loves a family member. And sometimes that family member does really embarrassing, shitty things. But you still love them. — Matt Taibbi

And when you get married, the most important thing isn't being in love. It's making sure you marry your best friend. A partner - the person you want to share the good times, the shitty times, and everything in between with. — Emma Chase

You want everything to be shitty ... So you have an excuse to fail. — Lauren Oliver

My story isn't beautiful or tragic. It's just another story about a cursed girl living a shitty life. — Lesley Anne Cowan

[George W. Bush] has balls. And he's a leader. Unfortunately his balls and leadership are in the service of shitty ideas. We need his balls on someone who thinks right. — Bill Maher

If you take someone's thoughts and feelings away, bit by bit, consistantly, they then have nothing left except some gritty, gnawing, shitty little instinct, down there, somewhere, worming around in the gut, but so far down, so hidden, it's impossible to find. — Elizabeth Wurtzel

Addiction is a "shitty" disease — David W. Earle

He ended up in this place because these supposed pals of his had screwed up. He knew that he was going to end up making up with them, going to end up getting deeper into this. He knew that this was how good people did shitty things: one tiny rotten compromise at a time. Well, he wasn't going to go there. — Cory Doctorow

This is life." he says. "We have to take it as it comes, because even though some things are really shitty, there's a lot of good stuff too. — Rebecca Serle

I lived a thousand lives to escape from real life, because real life is boring and shitty. — Staci Hart

Baseball was an art, but to excel at it you had to become a machine. It didn't matter how beautifully you performed _sometimes_, what you did on your best day, how many spectacular plays you made. You weren't a painter or a writer
you didn't work in private and discard your mistakes, and it wasn't just your masterpieces that counted. What mattered, as for any machine, was repeatability. Moments of inspiration were nothing compared to elimination of error. The scouts cared little for Henry's superhuman grace; insofar as they cared they were suckered-in aesthetes and shitty scouts. Can you perform on demand, like a car, a furnace, a gun? Can you make that throw one hundred times out of a hundred? If it can't be a hundred, it had better be ninety-nine. — Chad Harbach

I think love is something you figure out later on in life, and you have to make a lot of mistakes to figure out what love is, which is why we all have shitty, tumultuous relationships when we're younger, and it's harder to let go, — Alexandra Daddario

You know when you see a mother someplace just melting down on her kid? She's like, 'Shut up, I hate you, you're ugly!' ... Any parents there are thinking, 'What did that shitty kid do to that poor woman? That poor woman. I wish I could help.' — Louis C.K.

Off fucking shitty mankind, you change the topic... you say something I say something against and immediately you change the topic, but why?
The soil is too hot?
The sand is too hot?
Why? — Deyth Banger

It wasn't until later, when I was lying in bed, alone with my thoughts,that I felt uneasy feeling return.
This is why you should never be alone with your thoughts, I thought. You thoughts are shitty company. They eat all the pizza and don't help clean up and they make you get all freaked out about the future. — Caprice Crane

We're constantly judging and grading other parents, just to make sure that they aren't any better than us. I'm as guilty as anyone. I see some lady hand her kid a Nintendo DS at the supermarket and I instantly downgrade that lady to Shitty Parent status. I feel pressure to live up to a parental ideal that no one probably has ever achieved. I feel pressure to raise a group of human beings that will help America kick the shit out of Finland and South Korea in the world math rankings. I feel pressure to shield my kids from the trillion pages of hentai donkey porn out there on the Internet. I feel pressure to make the insane amounts of money needed for a supposedly 'middle-class' upbringing for the kids, an upbringing that includes a house and college tuition and health care and so many other expenses that you have to be a multimillionaire to afford it. PRESSURE PRESSURE PRESSURE. — Drew Magary

I found out that when someone loves you, like really loves you, no matter what you do, no matter how many stupid mistakes you make or shitty things you say, it sets you free. I feel like I can fly now. Like nothing is holding me back anymore, — Elle Casey

I don't use iMovie and don't use shitty little cameras to try to prove something or say something because that's a part of the process. We do it just because that's what we like to use. — Casey Neistat

Somewhere, far, far away, there's a shitty island. An island without a name. An island not worth giving a name. A shitty island with a shitty shape. On this shitty island grow palm trees that also have shitty shapes. And the palm trees produce coconuts that give off a shitty smell. Shitty monkeys live in the trees, and they love to eat these shitty-smelling coconuts, after which they shit the world's foulest shit. The shit falls on the ground and builds up shitty mounds, making the shitty palm trees that grown on them even shittier. It's an endless cycle. — Haruki Murakami

For me and most of the other writers I know, writing is not rapturous.
In fact, the only way I can get anything written at all is to write
really, really shitty first drafts. — Anne Lamott

The bottom line is that I'm an actor, so when somebody pitches me a great part, it's a no-brainer. You never know what it's gonna be like, in terms of the actual experience. You can be really excited about a part that can turn out shitty, you can have a bad time, there's a bad egg or two or three, in the bunch, or the producers are weird, or something like that. — Kathy Bates

Repeat the mantra: Writing is when I make the words. Editing is when I make them not shitty. — Chuck Wendig

I have tonight begun reading a stupid, shitty book by Kerouac called Big Sur, and I would give a ball to wake up tomorrow on some empty ridge with a herd of beatniks grazing in the clearing about 200 yards below the house. And then to squat with the big boomer and feel it on my shoulder with the smell of grease and powder and, later, a little blood. — Hunter S. Thompson

I followed suit, a little bit nervous, and very unaware of what I was supposed to do. I had that same sensation you get when you were new to a school and had no idea who anyone was in your lunch period. You'd take your lunch tray and sort of stand around for a moment looking for a good spot to take a seat but the entire time you're searching, all you can feel is everyone's eyes on you. That's a shitty feeling. — Fisher Amelie

C'mon, you're gonna get upset sometimes. Breaking up is a shitty business. Someone always gets hurt. This time it happens to be you. — Alexandra Potter

be blond. I know, they're shitty prejudices. There must be Russian brunettes out there with names that are super simple to pronounce, so simple you'd shout them out for no other reason than the fun of saying such an easy name. I guess there even could be some Russian girls who have never laced up a pair of skates in their life. — Faiza Guene

I think most people, and I'm talking vamp or human, are shitty. They put on an act. They pretend to be all nicey-nice, but are really just one step away from showing their true asshole-ness. — P.C. Cast

I'm still a really shitty programmer, but I know enough to hack a prototype together. — Dennis Crowley

We get along, we talk music.Lenny Kravitz took me to Harlem to see this little jazz show in the back of a church. It was just shitty fluorescent lights and a small stage piano, but this band tore it up. — Penn Dayton Badgley

All great stories began as shitty first drafts.
There are no exceptions to this. — M. Kirin

If she in fact knows magic she needs to do a spell to adjust that shitty attitude she has all of a sudden," Nona said. "I may not be a witch, but I will knock her right off that broomstick if she keeps this up. — Holly Hood

Addicts, as a group, generally score far above average o intelligence tests.
Why?
You tell me.
I guess maybe we're smart enough to have figured out how shitty things are and we decide addiction is the only way to deal with it. — James Frey

Everything seemed to have less to do with power, and more to do with right and wrong. And it was also apparent that laws were being manipulated using the inconsistency of free will and the shitty make-up of human nature. ~RUIN Katara Aggelos — Lucian Bane

A nurse and a social worker took fifteen minutes out of their shitty thankless job in the roughest corner of town, sat on a couple of milk crates drinking coffee, flopped their real selves out of the cement and both liked what they saw. — Laura Buzo

It's been eight weeks since I left the hospital, Kane. Eight weeks. Me leg and arm have healed perfectly and me throat doesn't even hurt anymore. I'm sick to death of soup and soft foods. I'm pregnant which means I'm always hungry, and that shitty food isn't cuttin' it anymore. Please, just let me eat a packet of biscuits."

"A whole packet?" Keela merrily laughed. "You fat fuck. How did eatin' a single biscuit jump to eatin' a whole bloody packet?"

I dug the heel of my foot into her thigh. "Shut the hell up you traitorous cow! — L.A. Casey

No, you can't go getting mad at people because they're shitty. Life will get mad at them, don't worry.. — Justin Halpern

Welcome to the Mafia, blood in, well isn't that just shitty part, there is no freaking out. — Rachel Van Dyken

Over the river and through the woods, grandma has fallen down. The police save the day, and haul me away, from the shitty all-white town. — Amy Harmon

It's a shitty world and shit happens, but we don't have to bathe in shit. — Isaac Marion

You want what you can't have. And if someone's being shitty to you, just move on. If someone's being shitty to you, no matter how great they are, that's shitty, and you don't want be with someone who treats you shitty. — Aziz Ansari

I gotta go," I wheezed. "This is shitty, you know? How do you live like this?"

"Rachel!" he cried, but it was too late,

(Rachel and Al) — Kim Harrison

Well, the first thing we do is take our brain out and put it in a drawer. Stick it somewhere and let it tantrum until it wears itself out. You may still hear the brain and all the shitty things it is saying to you, but it will be muffled, and just the fact that it is not in your head anymore will make things seem clearer. And then you just do it. — Amy Poehler

New York City gritty committee pity the fool that act shitty in the midst of the calm, the witty. — Pharoahe Monch

I don't wanna be in a fake-perfect-relationship. Because, however, it will eventually turn to be a shitty relationship. And why on earth, I would put myself inside a shitty and tiring relationship while there are probabilities and chances to have a real happy relationship out there? — Nina Ardianti

This was what was keeping me awake at night,' Walter said. 'This fragmentation. Because it's the same problem everywhere. It's like the internet, or cable TV- there's never any center, there's no communal agreement, there's just a trillion little bits of distracting noise. We can never sit down and have any kind of sustained conversation, it's all just cheap trash and shitty development. All the real things, the authentic things, the honest things are dying off. Intellectually and culturally, we just bounce around like random billiard balls, reacting to the latest random stimuli. — Jonathan Franzen

Men threatened by feminism either don't understand it or don't like that they now have to modify their own shitty behavior. — Caitlin Stasey

When I see four young kids in a band, I think, That looks really fun, no matter how shitty they are. You develop your own thing, and get excited about your band name. It's all so harmless. — Stephen Malkmus

I'd love to have a shitty job. I couldn't hold any down. Standup was the only thing I could stick with. I'm an idiot that way. — Louis C.K.

A song is not going to change this damn world. Instead of making people mad about this shitty situation, it's going to make everybody happy. It's a false thing. It's like a lullaby as opposed to a gun. People need to be slapped into reality and music just doesn't do that. — Chaka Khan

The useless days will add up to something. The shitty waitressing jobs. The hours writing in your journal. The long meandering walks. The hours reading poetry and story collections and novels and dead people's diaries and wondering about sex and God and whether you should shave under your arms or not. These things are your becoming. — Cheryl Strayed

If you're tall enough, there's no good reason you should be a nerd. Unless you're a nerd that's kind of a dick, and you start your own company like Bill Gates or the Facebook guy or something, odds are you have a shitty job where you do most of the work and don't make anything, while a tall former prep is an executive or in sales, which are both easy and primarily just involve taking credit for a nerd's work, and also make a shitload more money. — A.D. Aliwat

Then, lifting me up, his head fell back and he opened his mouth wide. "Once I let Lucy Larson into my heart! I was able to take my sad, shitty song and make it better!" he sung, off key and at full volume. Some of the students around us tipped their beers at him, some broke in during the "Nah, nah, nah," chorus, and a few looked at him like he was a crazy man.
But I just laughed - I already knew he was crazy. And I loved him for it. "I think that's called taking creative liberties with the lyrics. — Nicole Williams

Do Libertarians care about the poor? Well, we're not ladening them down with debt, we're not sending them off to God damned wars, we're not creating a permanent underclass, we're not trapping them in shitty schools where they graduate unable to read, WE DO CARE ABOUT THE POOR, and that's why we want the State out of their way!! — Stefan Molyneux

Yo, we was here first!" Bandanna joined the shouting match.
"Screw you. I'm here now! What gives you the right to come in here ten minutes too early and screw up my job, anyway? Go the fuck home and leave this to a professional."
Bandanna laughed in disbelief. "A professional? Look at you, man! Who the hell does a holdup in a freaking suit? Not just a suit - a shitty suit that you've been sleeping in for three weeks."
"Oh," Harry said quietly. "Perfect. Now you're slamming me for getting caught in the rain." He began to shout again. "When I planned this job, I didn't plan for it to rain, all right? Can you give me a fucking break here - — Suzanne Brockmann

Now, practically even better news than that of short assignments is the idea of shitty first drafts. All good writers write them. — Anne Lamott

Okay, you won our shitty little argument. Pass the world. — Brian Spellman

And why is Saint Paula a Saint? She dumps her four kids at a convent. She runs off to Hajira with Saint Jerome. How is that a saint?
You've got shitty mothers all over America who would love to dump their kids and travel. — Amy Bloom

No matter how shitty it got, I could always look back and say, "At least I don't have my arm stuck up a cow's vagina." In fact, that's kind of become my life's motto. It's also what I say when I'm at a loss for words when talking to people who are grieving the loss of their grandparents. — Jenny Lawson

What I've learned to do when I sit down to work on a shitty first draft is to quiet the voices in my head. First there's the vinegar-lipped Reader Lady, who says primly, "Well, that's not very interesting, is it?" And there's the emaciated German male who writes these Orwellian memos detailing your thought crimes. And there are your parents, agonizing over your lack of loyalty and discretion; and there's William Burroughs, dozing off or shooting up because he finds you as bold and articulate as a houseplant; and so on. And there are also the dogs: let's not forget the dogs, the dogs in their pen who will surely hurtle and snarl their way out if you ever stop writing, because writing is, for some of us, the latch that keeps the door of the pen closed, keeps those crazy ravenous dogs contained. — Anne Lamott

It was the lie of the American Dream -work hard and you'll win, that poisonous mantra poured down the throat of every child, every teacher, every adult who wondered why they were still stuck in the same place after forty years of overtime, with nothing to show but bone-weary exhaustion, shitty health, and a pile of bills. — Emma Raveling

He took a breath. "I think there's a reason I'm shitty in bed." I felt myself frowning, unhappy with him running himself down. "Which is?" "I think it's 'cause I've never been in bed with you. — Mary Calmes

This is an important lesson to remember when you're having a bad day, a bad month, or a shitty year. Things will change: you won't feel this way forever. And anyway, sometimes the hardest lessons to learn are the ones your soul needs most. I believe you can't feel real joy unless you've felt heartache. You can't have a sense of victory unless you know what it means to fail. You can't know what it's like to feel holy until you know what it's like to feel really fucking evil. And you can't be birthed again until you've died. — Kelly Cutrone

But I want him to live if he wants to live. If he doesn't, then by forcing him to carry on, you, me - no matter how much we love him - we become just another shitty bunch of people taking away his choices. Nathan — Jojo Moyes

Coach wastes no time delivering one of his brief, post-game speeches. As usual, it sounds like he's talking in point form.

"We lost. It feels shitty. Don't let it get to you. Just means we work harder during practice and bring it harder for the next game." He nods at everyone, then stalks out the door.

I'd think he was pissed at us, if not for the fact that his victory speeches more or less go the same way - "We won. It feels great. Don't let it go to your head. We work just as hard during practice and we win more games." If any of our freshman players are expecting Coach to deliver epic motivational speeches a la Kurt Russell in Miracle, they're in for a grave disappointment. — Elle Kennedy

You're supposed to be sad when things are shitty, but if you're sad when you have everything you're ever supposed to want? That is utterly terrifying. — Jenny Lawson

A good dream, is better than a shitty reality. — Blackbeard

We can make each other happy, Farah," Cooper said, lying between my legs and swinging his feet like a kid. His expression was tender as he teased my nipples. "I know you're mine. If you let me start over, we can be so fucking happy that all the shit that came before will be no more than a bad dream."
"I'm afraid to love you too much."
"It's normal to be scared when you grew up in a shitty way. I bet you spent most of your life worrying that anything nice might get stolen away. With me, with what we have, it's probably scary. For me though, losing you is the only thing that scares the shit out of me. I need to make you happy so you'll stay and I can be happy. — Bijou Hunter

We needed to have a great set decorator, a great D.P., a great costume designer, everybody. Without all these people, we would have made a shitty movie. — Vincent Paronnaud

And all I could do while I listened to this dude tell me how punk rock saved his life was think, Wow. Why did my friend waste all that time going to chemotherapy? I guess we should have just played him a bunch of shitty Black Flag records. — Chuck Klosterman

Varzo looked with shame at her boots. "Look, I wasn't serious, alright? It was just a thought."

Mercy shook her head. "Shitty thoughts become shitty actions, kid. You really gone your entire life without recognizing there's ah link between the two? — Ash Gray

But it makes me laugh every time because I don't wear and of that name-brand crap, don't play or follow popular sports at all, and wouldn't be found dead wearing our shitty school mascot. I'm not a follower. Not a joiner. I'm not even on Facebook. — Matthew Quick

Everyone has problems. Everyone has a shitty life. But people who embrace that and do something with the misery are seen as the abnormal ones. And the people who apply normalcy like a camouflage suit are seen as the normal ones. — Andersen Prunty

What? Am I supposed to be damaged? Bitter? My father was an asshole. He was a decent enough father. I mean, he got the job done all right. But he was a shitty husband. Mom was better off without him." I put the bread away and grab a container of butter from the bottom of the bag. "It was hard on us after he left, but we persevered. We got through it together. And I'd be doing a disservice to myself and everything I've been through if I automatically assumed every man is a cheating scumbag like my father. — Winter Renshaw

I don't believe pumpkin pie is even made from pumpkin. I mean, how can something that smells that shitty make a pie so sweet? There's not enough sugar in the universe. — Lewis Black

He starts whistling some tune that I'm sure is one of their hits. I suppose if Jimmy 'tweeted' all his loyal harems will be out in droves tonight. That means shitty tips and rude women. Yay, fun times for Jenna. — Heidi McLaughlin

So as our story begins everything is going pretty good
the giants are leaving everyone alone for a minute
and everything is pretty okay
so obviously Odin has to go and fuck it all up by making a shitty deal with a giant. — Cory O'Brien

If you ever see shitty ass rock dudes in shitty ass rock bands asking you to show them your tist for backstage passes, I want you to spit right in their fucking faces and yell 'FUCK YOU! — Gerard Way

When you're grieving, the times you're happy are so much more tragic than the times that you aren't. Because being happy feels fake and it feels temporary and it feels meaningless. And hating being happy is a shitty way to live. — Hannah Moskowitz

I don't get this shitty attitude that only gays should care about gay issues and only women should care about women's issues. — Sarah Silverman

Eating shitty is like a one-night stand. Instant gratification followed by a lot of questions. — Kunal Nayyar

One of the things I fucking hate about my fellow Americans: whenever they fly to a foreign country, first thing they do, they try to find as much of America as they can get their hands on, even if it's food in the shitty cafeteria. — Marlon James

When you put yourself in environments that continually test you, that's where all the good stories come from. That's where the jokes come from is from the shitty parts. — Henry Rollins

That's it: watch your moods. Don't let people see you fluctuate. Don't let yourself run your mouth. Never ever cry, even alone, because your cat or your kettle might tell. Always smile, but don't laugh loudly. Mania is an extrovert, but if you need to vent, tell your mattress or maybe your therapist, but put nothing in writing and never tell a friend or coworker how you're really feeling. Downplay any problem or joy. Pay attention to any signs that your life is shitty or excellent, because either is an illusion. Be careful around men, especially ones with big arms or opinions. Stop talking. — Elissa Washuta