Quotes & Sayings About Shits

The essential is never to arrive anywhere, never to be anywhere. The essential is to go on squirming forever at the edge of the line, as long as there are waters and banks and ravening in heaven a sporting God to plague his creature, per pro his chosen shits. I've swallowed three hooks and am still hungry. Hence the howls. What a joy to know where one is, and where one will stay, without being there. Nothing to do but strech out comfortably on the rack, in the blissful knowledge you are nobody for eternity. — Samuel Beckett

Try Not to bleed so much on the thorns," he said as I jabbed myself in the palm and hissed in pain. "Right Now, anyone could follow us, and you are leaving a very easy trail."
Right, 'cause I'm bleeding all over the place for shits and giggles." A Bramble caught my hair, and I yanked it free with a painful tearing sound.

-Grimalkin and Meghan — Julie Kagawa

In truth I was manufacturing a brick wall of shits. — Jonathan Safran Foer

I want the honest truth about something. Could you really fight with someone who did as much damage to you as my father has done to me? (Urian)
I subjected myself to the goddess who drugged me to the point I couldn't protect my sister and nephew the night they were brutally slaughtered, and they were the only two people in the universe who'd ever given two shits about me. Later that same day, she stood back and let her twin brother butcher me on the floor like an animal, yet within hours after that I sold myself to her to protect mankind. For the sake of the Dark-Hunters, I subjected myself to her cruel whims for eleven thousand years. So, yeah, Urian, I think I could manage to suck it up for an hour to protect the rest of the world. (Acheron) — Sherrilyn Kenyon

It is at work everywhere, functioning smoothly at times, at other times in fits and starts. It breathes, it heats, it eats. It shits and fucks. What a mistake to have ever said the id. — Gilles Deleuze

I'm a guy. I pee and I miss the toilet. I take shits. I eat cheeseburgers. I watch baseball and drink beer. — Jasinda Wilder

We're all gonna lie, we're all gonna cry, and we're all gonna take painful shits. — Dane Cook

Mr. S was finally retiring this year, which was a good thing, because he appeared to have run out of shits to give sometime in the previous century. — Ernest Cline

Girls are better at this sort of labour, often called 'emotional labour', not because there's anything in the meat and matter of our living cells that makes us naturally better but because we're trained for it from birth. Trained to make other people feel good. Trained to serve the coffee, fill in the forms, organise the parties and wipe the table afterwards. Trained to be feisty, if we must, but not strong. To be bubbly, not funny. You must at no stage appear to have a body that functions in a normal human way, that pisses and shits and sweats and farts and falters. Decorate the prison of your body. Make yourself useful. Shut up and smile. — Laurie Penny

There is something reassuring about the toilets. Bodily functions at least remain democratic. Everybody shits. — Margaret Atwood

Our general repression of matters disgusting prevents us facing up to a serious health problem. If we are the 'god that shits,' then we are in full flight from ourselves. I even wonder whether religion itself and the whole idea of a god is produced by our self-disgust. — Colin McGinn

Then you wake up in Barstow California. Another dissociative fugue. It's like time traveling. It's late November now. What ever happened at teresa is a mystery to you. In Godforsaken Barstow, where the golden state shits itself into the desert, people are eatting each other. Has it always been this way? — Lost Zombies

satisfied. Satisfaction is like a fucking unicorn that shits glitter and diamonds. It doesn't exist. — Stevie J. Cole

Right, cause I'm bleeding all over the place for shits and giggles. — Julie Kagawa

I used to have Santa and the whole coal thing, but between Wade and their father, the little shits get whatever they want. They no longer feel like they need the fat bastard! — Ethan Day

You know, how people say it's good luck if a bird shits on you? and people believe it! i just want to grab them and say, 'dude, don't you realize this whole superstition was made up because no one could think of anything else good to say to a person who'd just been shit upon? — David Levithan

The essential is to go on squirming forever at the end of the line, as long as there are waters and banks and ravening in heaven asporting God to plague his creature, per pro his chosen shits. — Samuel Beckett

I have grown into a Bestsellasaurus Rex - a big, stumbling book-beast that is loved when it shits money and hated when it tramples houses ... I started out as a storyteller; along the way I became an economic force. — Stephen King

When you're on a boat, 15 nautical miles off the coast and you're with a bunch of fishermen, they don't give two shits about who you are. — Tanc Sade

You don't know shits I through in my life. You don't know how many times I've fucked. You don't know me. — Francisca Olivia

Is it two? Three? Leave a good tip, Imma blow all my money and don't give two shits. — Nicki Minaj

So that individuation may be compared to a pyramid in that it is only achieved by the placement of the top stone ... The Jews, Ford said. They ain't like anyone else I know. There goes you theory up shits creek. He smiled. — E.L. Doctorow

It's difficult to continue loving someone who shits on you. — Gene Wilder

May they all be stricken with the screaming fire-shits. He sipped his — Scott Lynch

That's the only thing that isn't messed up, Faye. You make me unbelievably happy. I've traded in my man card and I couldn't give two shits. I am yours to do with as you please."
"Now he tells me," I gripe, pretending to be upset. "When we're in public and I can't do all the wicked, naughty things running through my head right now. — Siobhan Davis

Nerds always say they don't give a shit about popularity; but - not having friends sucks. I never liked quote unquote cool kids, personally - I thought they were all dumb little shits. — John Green

There is no love in Puritanism. It turns out that these monsters that won't allow any deviation from that rigid orthodoxy are obsessed with frigging, fucking, wanking, twatty sex. Don't do it, they screamed, while that's exactly what they did. My mother's cunt was all bent out of shape to prove it ... All those Puritan preachers were vindictive, vengeful men spouting hateful thoughts and threats, and it's disheartening that they're still taught in the schools with reverence. They were shits. And they spouted shit. And a goodly portion of the world is still spouting shit. — Larry Kramer

I always hoped that I would settle down with someone. Marriage, I could really give two shits about, as an institution, but it makes things easier. — Dale Peck

Some boys... Are perfect shits. & other boys are very, very beautiful. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

As I rise from my seat, my notes almost fly to the floor. I quickly clutch them to my body before I awkwardly enter the interview room in a fucked-up-question-mark posture, walking as though I'm ten shits behind. — Danielle Esplin

The Shits played raucous music, which was danced to by immature virgins in middleless dresses. — Robert Sheckley

Children can be wicked, insane, insufferable little shits. And yet I love them. I love them - especially the small ones - because of the way their emotions dance and glow on the surface for all to see. They have neither the guile nor the wile to hide how they feel. Very quickly, you know who they really are. (Rosemary Mahoney) — Meghan Daum

Wanted: A dog that neither barks nor bites, eats broken glass and shits diamonds. — Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

Quick Ben, tell me, who was the toughest Bridgeburner you ever knew? Think back, and think carefully. Get your ego out of the way. Ignore your favorites and the ones who spent all their time looking mean. Not the callous shits, not the back-stabbers, none of the posers. The toughest, Quick Ben. Day in, day out, good times, bad. Tell me. Who?"
The High Mage squinted, glanced down at the ground at this feet, and then he sighed and nodded, looking up as he said, "I didn't need that list, Ganoes. I knew my answer right from the start. We all knew."
"Who?"
"Fiddler. There's no tougher man alive. — Steven Erikson

Sometimes i pretend to be childish just for some shits! — Kimmy

A coprophage calls for a plate, shits on it and eats the shit, exclaiming, Mmmm, that's my rich substance. — William S. Burroughs

What do you want me to call them? Shits and Giggles? Fists and Kneecap? Nah, I don't like that one. Hammer and Nails? Dude, these kids are hard-core gangster. They need kick-A names, not that blah, blah sh-crap you gave them. - William — Gena Showalter

I have no idea what the hell is going on with me lately. I haven't had any contact with this girl for two days, yet she's the first thing that comes to mind before I go into the fight from hell and now I'm sitting here practically dying inside to read what she's writing to me. I shouldn't give two shits but it seems to be all I care about. — Melyssa Winchester

Jake, we haven't tried for awhile."
"Tried what?"
"Just to walk out."
"No."
"Why haven't we?"
"Because we're in a place where a horse shits rainbows."
"Right. — Graham Joyce

Elsa decides that even if people she likes have been shits on earlier occasions, she has to learn to carry on liking them. You'd quickly run out of people if you had to disqualify all those who at some point have been shits. — Fredrik Backman

I am not one of those weak-spirited, sappy Americans who want to be liked by all the people around them. I don't care if people hate my guts; I assume most of them do. The important question is whether they are in a position to do anything about it. My affections, being concentrated over a few people, are not spread all over Hell in a vile attempt to placate sulky, worthless shits. — William S. Burroughs

Sunset was only thirty minutes gone when some pissant vampire waylaid Deacon on his way to Theriault's. One of those younger shits who wrote poetry to Mother Darkness and thought becoming a vampire would make him sparkle. — Meljean Brook

Doctor Spielvogel, it alleviates nothing fixing the blame - blaming is still ailing, of course, of course - but nonetheless, what was it with these Jewish parents, what, that they were able to make us little Jewish boys believe ourselves to be princes on the one hand, unique as unicorns on the one hand, geniuses and brilliant like nobody has ever been brilliant and beautiful before in the history of childhood - saviors and sheer perfection on the one hand, and such bumbling, incompetent, thoughtless, helpless, selfish, evil little shits, little ingrates, on the other! — Philip Roth

I ran up the street. All the way to Largo da Camara. Got there very tired. Mad, rather than tired. Uninvited old man. Little shits. They'll see who's the uninvited old man, motherfuckers. — Ignacio De Loyola Brandao

I'm the happiness fairy. I just sprinkled happy dust on you. Now smile. This shits expensive. — Elle Christensen

What is word for good together living? Nobody shits in the well?"
I laughed. "Civilization?"
He nodded, splaying his fingers: amusement. "Yes," he said. "Speaking with hands is civilization."
"But smiling is natural," I protested. "Everyone smiles."
"Natural is not civilization," Tempi said. "Cooking meat is civilization. Washing off stink is civilization."
"So in Ademre you always smile with hands?" I wished I knew the gesture for dismay.
"No. Smiling with face good with family. Good with some friend."
"Why only family?"
Tempi repeated his thumb-on-collarbone gesture again. "When you make this." He pressed his palm to the side of his face and blew air into it, making a great flatulent noise. "That is natural, but you do not make it near others. Rude. With family ... " He shrugged. Amusement. " ... civilization not important. More natural with family. — Patrick Rothfuss

Black boots, said Rawlins. Aint that the shits? I always wanted to be a badman. — Cormac McCarthy

Ryan Refereeing to Ian Somerhold:
He Shits too, you know — Tina Reber

Oys by civil calculations, we had by now roughed up the swami and slept where the elephant shits, Shocking us would have required some kind of genius.
Woe To Live On — Daniel Woodrell

It's mind-blowing and delicious and better
than finding a pot of gold, a unicorn, and a leprechaun who shits diamonds at
the end of a rainbow. — Tara Sivec

Our experiments have simply not yet been fruitful and have caused negative side effects." "Negative side effects?" echoed Sam, disbelievingly. "It's not like they've got the shits or something, is it? They're deformed and half out of their minds. — Suzanne Wright

it runs afoul of what i call the birdshit rule. you know, how people say it's good luck if a bird shits on you? and people believe it! i just want to grab them and say, 'dude, don't you realize this whole superstition was made up — John Green

Don't step on shits, don't be part of shits, don't shit on others as you escape from other bullshits." ~ Angelica Hopes, an excerpt from If I Could Tell You — Angelica Hopes

That dog'll roll in the snow, run in the snow, eat the damn snow, but he wont throught it to shit. I dont clear the path, he shits right by the door. Why is that?
Ryder asked.
Owen replied, "Hence the name."
The name of Ryder's dog ... Dumbass ... — Nora Roberts

What a country of lazy shits, with fucking hypocritical politicians claiming that people actually wanted to work if they could. Norwegians voted for the Socialist Party because it made it a human right to shirk their jobs, and who the hell wouldn't vote for a party that gave you three days off without a doctor's note, gave you carte blanche to sit at home and jerk off or go skiing or recover from a hangover? The Socialist Party knew, of course, what a perk this was, but still tried to appear responsible, preened themselves with their "trust in most people" and declared the right to malinger as some kind of social reform. The Progress Party was even more fucking infuriating, buying itself votes with tax cuts and hardly bothering to conceal the fact. — Jo Nesbo

But it seems that the most beautiful women always go for the most horrible shits, the most obvious fakes. — Charles Bukowski

When life shits on you, sometimes you have to be your own superhero. — S.C. Stephens

All of the designers I have met up to this point have been very nice, although upon being introduced to Karl Lagerfeld, he looks me up and down and dismisses me with the not super-kind, "What can you write that hasn't been written already?"
He's absolutely right, I have no idea. I can but try. The only thing I can come up with right now is that Lagerfeld's powdered white ponytail has dusted the shoulders of his suit with what looks like dandruff but isn't ... seated on a tiny velvet chair, with his large doughy rump dominating the miniature piece of furniture like a loose, flabby, ass-flavored muffin over-risen from its pan, he resembles a Daumier caricature of some corpulent, overfed, inhumane oligarch drawn sitting on a commode, stuffing his greedy throat with the corpses of dead children, while from his other end he shits out huge, malodorous piles of tainted money. How's that for new and groundbreaking, Mr. L.?
— David Rakoff

They were all staring at him now, the way dumb shits sometimes did when you surprised them. — Scott Hawkins

Nothing. It's just that most smart people are perfect shits. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Dear Rocky,
Here I am taking my pencil in my hand to say hello, hoping you are in the best of health, both physically and mentally. As for me, I am fine thanks to Almighty God.
The weather in the valley is in the shits. It's been raining since Thanksgiving and here it is almost at the end of December and it's still raining. Instead of growing a prick, I think I'm going to grow a tail, like a tadpole. Ha, ha, ha! — Rocky Gamez

Generally speaking, the best people nowadays go into journalism, the second best into business, the rubbish into politics and the shits into law — Auberon Waugh

You punk asshole. What was this? A game for you? This is my life's work you just annihilated and for what? Shits and giggles? Or was this nothing more than a fraternity prank? Please tell me that you didn't just ruin my integrity to get some kind of drinking points. This is something I've been working for since before you were born. How dare you make a mockery of me. I hope to God that one day someone degrades you like this so that you'll know, just once in your spoiled pompous life, what humiliation feels like! (Tory) — Sherrilyn Kenyon

Artists are mostly shits of the worst order. You wouldn't want one living next door to you. Think about it: Vincent Van Gogh living next door, coming over to borrow your ear and a cup of sugar every morning-Good God! — Stan Brakhage

Pornographic novels were novels about the things primates enjoy most, namely sexual acrobatics. They were taught to feel ashamed of these natural primate impulses so that they would be guilty-furtive-submissive types and easy for the alpha males to manipulate. Those caught reading such novels were called no-good shits, of course. — Robert Anton Wilson

he appeared to have run out of shits to give sometime in the previous century. Today, — Ernest Cline

A few old shits and some fucking woman," he snarled. "We're backing down to the likes o' these without a fight?" "No, no." Hardbread slung his own scarred shield onto his back. "I'm backing down, and these fellows here. You're going to stay, and fight Whirrun of Bligh on your own." "I'm what?" Redcrow frowned at Whirrun, twitchy, and Whirrun looked back, what showed of his face still stony as the Heroes themselves. "That's right," said Hardbread, "since you're itching for a brawl. Then I'm going to cart your hacked-up corpse back to your mummy and tell her not to worry 'cause this is the way you wanted it. You loved this fucking hill so much you just had to die here. — Joe Abercrombie

Since killing people is illegal, can I have a Taser just for shits and giggles? -Fourth Grave Beneath My Feet — Darynda Jones

Some boys ... Are perfect shits. & other boys are very, very beautiful. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

The Founding Fathers were nothing more than a bunch of snobby English shits. — Donald Freed

Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise. — Dana Gould

Great Paddy Shits in the Mornin', Elora! He's a vampire! No' a stray dog! — Victoria Danann

You drink whisky, hon?" he asked Mollie.
"Uh, not really."
"Well, you do now." He poured a splash of amber liquid into two crystal glasses and brought one to her before holding up his own glass.
"What are we toasting to?" he asked.
"To men being shits," Riley said.
He gave his wife a look. "I'm not drinking my own whisky to that. — Lauren Layne

Everything is better when it shits on a ritz. — Stephen King

JACKIE. I swear to God: Being in love with Veronica - it's like feeding your love to Godzilla every morning, and every morning you go "Yo, 'Zilla, these shits are very delicate so please chew softly", - and every morning - the motherfucker just goes crunch! — Stephen Adly Guirgis

No matter how beautiful a girl is, she still shits. — Dave Mustaine

A cockroach has no soul. Yet it runs and eats and shits and fucks and breeds. It has no soul, yet it lives a full life. Just like you. — David Wong

Once Elsa asked why so many not-shits had to die everywhere, and why so many shits didn't. And why anyone at all had to die, whether a shit or not...Granny admitted that she supposed something always had to give up its own space so that something else could take its place. "Like when we're on the bus and some old people get on?" asked Elsa. — Fredrik Backman

I could give two shits about who sits on what throne and what flag rises from Rune's towers. Whoever it is I have to kneel to is always going to be some vicious swindler who climbed into that throne on the backs of the poor, the broken and the dead. — David Benem

It's called joining the property market - and it shits on war for stress — Tyne O'Connell

Look, you couldn't pay me to listen to their music, but I still feel like I have more in common with Insane Clown Posse than I do with someone who just sits on the sidelines and shits on other people's work and who never puts themselves on the line. — Tom Scharpling

Seagull owner?" "Flies in, shits on everything, and then leaves. — Ernie Lindsey

The language was also shamelessly intimate and earthy: passersby were addressed as "honey" and children as "little shits." They dubbed local landmarks Gallows Branch or Cutthroat Gap or Shitbritches Creek (in North Carolina). In Lunenberg County, Virginia, they even named two local streams Tickle Cunt Branch and Fucking Creek. — Arthur Herman

It's always a metaphor when a bird shits on your head. — Seth Kupchick

It's snowing again, and Elsa decides that even if people she likes have been shits on earlier occasions, she has to learn to carry on liking them. You'd quickly run out of people if you had to disqualify all those who at some point have been shits. She thinks that this will have to be the moral of this story. Christmas stories are supposed to have morals. — Fredrik Backman

I mean, reality sucks. The world is a cancer, and shits so bad it's scary. Everything's filthy. But you know what? One day, it's not going to be here. So be glad you know what life is. You're alive. Live. — Mitch Lucker

They are all slaves now. Mustang is making them as we speak. But ohhh, she's in an odd mood." He spits out a bone. "Ha! This him then? The Jackal? He looks pale as a Red's ass." He peers closer. "Shit. You nailed him down!" "I think you've taken bigger shits than him, Pax," Sevro adds. "Prime have. More colorful ones too. He's drab as a Brown." "Guard your tongue, fool," the Jackal tells Pax. "It may not always be there." "Neither will your prick if you keep sassin'! Ha! Is it as small as you?" Pax booms. The — Pierce Brown

I didn't bat an eye before answering, "I made out with one other girl while I was with my girlfriend." Excitement filled her eyes. "I was setting her up to take the fall for my girlfriend. Some other asshole wanted to hurt someone I cared about." Seeing Matteo and Drew come through the doors, I stood. "I gave him someone else that I gave no shits about. — Tijan

Say, darling, I'm giving you this wonderful present, it's a machine that eats at one end and shits out the other, it's going to run for fifteen years, give or take, merry fucking Christmas. — Stephen King

I can claim copyright only in myself, and occasionally in those who are either dead or have written about the same events, or who have a decent expectation of anonymity, or who are such appalling public shits that they have forfeited their right to bitch. — Christopher Hitchens

There are certain things - How to say this? OK. Let me give you an example. Can I give you an example? There's a self-portrait by Rembrandt. It's at Kenwood House, very close to where we live. It's one of my favorite paintings. I go to see it quite a lot. I start off on a walk on the Heath, and then I find myself there. It's one of the last self-portraits he did. He painted it sometime between 1665 and when he died four years later, bankrupt and alone. Whole stretches of the canvas are bare. There's a hurried intensity in the strokes - you can see where he scratched into the wet paint with the end of the brush. It's as if he knew there wasn't much time left. And yet, there's a serenity in his face, a sense of something that's survived its own ruin.
Fran couldn't give two shits about that painting. — Nicole Krauss

The novice-friendly software is more like a misbehaving dog: it shits on the floor, it destroys things, and stinks - the novice-friendly software embodies the opposite of what computer people have dreamed of for decades: artificial stupidity. It's more human. — Erik Naggum

Listen, punk. To me you're nothin' but dogshit, you understand? And a lot of things can happen to dogshit. It can be scraped up with a shovel off the ground. It can dry up and blow away in the wind. Or it can be stepped on and squashed. So take my advice and be careful where the dog shits ya! — Clint Eastwood

Jesus. Why couldn't he have had boys? All boys. Little fucking shits like Cage. A whole slew of 'em he could throw condoms at and be done with it. — Madeline Sheehan

Bears shit in the woods, and everyone shits on Beartown — Fredrik Backman

It's actually totally badass to go from your twenties to your thirties. There are so many awesome things that happen to you! Like deeply bonding with your yoga pants, developing a burning passion for expensive cheese, having real, actual orgasms (!), not giving two shits what other people think, figuring out the things you actually like to spend time and money doing, and embracing giant underwear. — Ingrid Reinke

What you don't even realize now - what you will only come to understand in time, but lucky for you, I'm here to tell you - is you're not going to give two shits about this band in a few years. In fact, I guarantee that this group that you admire so much and that you are putting all of your love and dedication and devotion into will be nothing more than an obsession you will be immensely embarrassed of having had. One day you'll be in college, maybe you'll be at a party, and someone will say, 'Hey, do you remember The Ruperts? How shitty was their music?' and you will have a moment of crisis: Do you admit your former love for them, or do you concede, because you know in your heart that this person is right? And guess what you'll say? You'll say, 'Yeah, their music was utter. Putrid.Garbage. — Goldy Moldavsky

He updated his report, doing his best to tune out the two men who staggered into the police station, dragging each other.
"I want you to arrest this idiot bastard," the taller one shouted, face contorted with rage. "He shit on my front porch!"
Your dog shits all over my yard every day," the other one countered shoving.
Calm down, please," Leila said when they reached reception.
The tall one thumped a fist on the counter. "I want to make a police report. I stepped in that shit!"
Chase checked out the floor behind them, the questionable footprints. Made a mental note to walk around them when he left. — Dana Marton

Denny's chick is getting restless," Fuckwad said.
"Shut up, Tucker," Cooper muttered while gesturing for me to follow him. "Watch Bailey and make sure these assholes didn't roofie her."
Arriving at his motorcycle, I avoided Cooper's angry glare.
"You need to be more careful," he said, studying me. "College is full of perverted shits."
"I was never going to drink it. You didn't save me from anything."
Cooper glared at me then snorted. "Denny's chick," he said, climbing on his bike. "My brother's a turd."
"No comment. — Bijou Hunter

It makes me wonder what this rapping shits a hobby for, oh that's right, because I'm gifted in another field, and another field, and another field. — Donald Glover