Seinfeld O'brien Quotes & Sayings

[Comedian Jerry Seinfeld was nominated for a Grammy for his spoken-word children's album] Halloween ... Don't Give Up on Me. — Jamie Lee Curtis

People should get married because they have finally seen the folly of being single: "Oh, this is all just kind of a bad magic trick. I just keep bending over to reach for this wallet on a string. How much longer am I gonna do that?" — Jerry Seinfeld

Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome. — Jerry Seinfeld

I am freaking out! I am freaking out — Jerry Seinfeld

I've compiled a book from the Internet. It's a book of quotations attributed to the wrong people. — Jerry Seinfeld

I've never seen 'Friends;' I've never seen 'Seinfeld.' I've heard people reference these things but I've never seen them. — Moby

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom. — Jerry Seinfeld

According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy. — Jerry Seinfeld

I only do a show when there's somebody I want to talk to. — Jerry Seinfeld

What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses like they're trophies. What do you need it for after you read it? — Jerry Seinfeld

You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You're telling the world, 'I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable. — Jerry Seinfeld

Work is the least important thing and family is the most important. — Jerry Seinfeld

What's the deal with Ovaltine? It comes in a round container, you put it in a round glass, why don't they call it Roundtine? — Jerry Seinfeld

After you get a job and before you have to do it. Nothing beats that. — Jerry Seinfeld

You all watched a sketch about feminism and you didn't even know it because of all the jokes. It's like when Jessica Seinfeld puts spinach in kids' brownies. Suckers! — Tina Fey

I love energy. I love it. And I pursue it, and I want more of it. Physical and mental energy, to me, are the greatest riches of human life. And TM is like a free account of an endless amount of it. — Jerry Seinfeld

When you interrupt, you've stopped listening. People need to be heard. — Jerry Seinfeld

I grew up with 'Friends' from day one and, like, 'Seinfeld' and 'Frazier,' those sorts of shows, but for sure, 'Friends' was it for our family. Like, we would watch every Thursday night at eight o'clock; I couldn't wait. — Kaley Cuoco

Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash. — Jerry Seinfeld

The Lampoon was definitely quite formative. You know there's a crazy like kind of network of comedy writers from The Lampoon that are, that kind of you know like Seinfeld and The Simpsons and a lot of shows kind of had a lot of kind of Lampoon writers and so that was very formative. I mean, to me I got interested in comedy writing at an early like reading like Dave Barry. — Nicholas Stoller

The blessing in life is when you find the torture you are comfortable with. That's marriage, it's kids, it's work, it's exercise. Find the torture you're comfortable with and you'll do well. You've mastered that, you've mastered life. — Jerry Seinfeld

You can tell what was the best year of your father's life, because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out. — Jerry Seinfeld

I am very sure that my children thrive on structure and need boundaries. I know my children need to know what time they are going to bed or how many more minutes until they are leaving for school, and so I have imposed a structure that allows them to know where they are all day long, every day in life. — Jessica Seinfeld

I prefer the old theaters because the audience is ... trapped. — Jerry Seinfeld

You know, crankiness is at the essence of all comedy. — Jerry Seinfeld

When you make a TV show, they always say you're a guest in someone's home. Online, you're a guest in someone's face. So that's why I try to make it sound and look and feel very inviting and attractive, because I know that I'm in your face. — Jerry Seinfeld

It's shrinkage! Hasn't she heard of shrinkage? -George Costanza, Seinfeld — Genna Rulon

Dating is pressure and tension. What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night? — Jerry Seinfeld

It's always interesting for me to watch the pilot of an established show because you see how the writers and actors weren't really sure what the show was and what the dynamics were. If you look at the pilot for 'Seinfeld,' for example, it's practically unrecognizable. — Johnny Galecki

I am a very organized person. I get up at 6:15 a.m., the kids get up at 6:45 a.m., and so I get up and get it in. I'm addicted to the high function. To me it's a work thing
if you meditate, you can get so much work done. I always say to people you know how about three nights a year you get a good night sleep? You can have it every day with meditation. — Jerry Seinfeld

The human body is like a condominium. The thing that keeps you from really enjoying it is the maintenance. — Jerry Seinfeld

I love meeting Israeli people. They look at me like a son — Jerry Seinfeld