Quotes & Sayings About Scientists Funny

I can't imagine the scientists wanting me to walk into the lab and start fiddling around with some big bowl of electrons they had out. — Jim Benton

British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray! — Jimmy Carr

[I]t is funny because economists are not real scientists, and because logicians think more clearly, but mathematicians are best. — Mark Haddon

NASA scientists announced the discovery of 50 new planets, among them what they're calling Super Earth. It's indistinguishable from regular earth until it removes its glasses. — Peter Sagal

Scientists have determined that the most irritating sound to the human ear is the sound of a knife cutting a glass bottle. And the second-worst sound is a fork scratching a glass bottle. Evidently they did all their research at the Picnic for Morons. — Peter Sagal

Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new? — Steven Wright

My mom's a mad scientist. It's a lot like being a regular scientist, except without worrying about legal or moral limitations, and it's a commom profession among the scientifically inclined supervillain. — Chelsea M. Campbell

I went to a foot specialist recently and she said:
"You've broken a bone, it's healed funny."
"What can you do?"
"Not much."
She strapped me up though and that's the reason my foot is hurting, because the strapping gave me cramp.
When I'm about to die I'm going to head ti a swamp so I topple in when the time comes. In 50,000 years when they dig me up, pretty well preserved, the scientists will have to work out what sort of life I led from my bone structure, teeth and whatnot. Maybe I'll be clutching a Felt record or something to give them a clue. They'll look at my foot and say: "This man broke a bone and it's healed funny." And they'll look at the Felt record, analysing the grooves with a Groove Analyser and they'll say: "He was obviously in an indie band and one day the pressure got too much, and he booted a wall." And they wouldn't be far from the truth, those crazy scientists. — Stuart Murdoch

But of course these are scientists. Tell them to leave something alone, and all they want to do is poke it with a stick. — Beth Revis

We all flinched as Ray flipped the breaker back on, but my laboratory again failed to erupt in flames. It must be a mad scientist record. — Richard Roberts

Y'know scientists are funny. We probe and measure and dissect. Invent lights without heat, weigh a caterpillar's eyebrow. But whenit comes to really important things we're as stupid as the caveman ... Like love. Makes the world go 'round, but what do we know about it? Is it a fact? Is it chemistry? Electricity? — Martin Berkeley

Before the first atomic bomb test, scientists took the time to calculate whether the blast would ignite the nitrogen in Earth's atmosphere and incinerate us all. The risk was low and the test went off, but Rees wonders what the odds would have had to be to discourage the bomb makers. — Dennis Overbye

So my heart goes out to them. Figuratively. I would never actually entrust my heart to scientists - they'd probably implant it in a baboon. And a baboon with my heart would be practically unstoppable. Baboon strength and agility combined with my determination and media savvy? It would be a threat to all of humanity. — Stephen Colbert

I love to make movies about young people - young scientists that are inventing things and all the writing they did was very funny and very true. — Vilmos Zsigmond

How is it that food STILL contains calories that make you gain weight in the 21st CENTURY?! It's like scientists aren't even trying! — Tanya Masse

If you don't drink 56 bottles of water a week, scientists say you should take a garden hose at the end of the week and shove it up your ass. — Lewis Black

It was funny how the old practices always came around again. It was the rhythm of human enterprise to invent and worship some new approach, to fully reject it a generation later, to realize the need for it again a generation or two after that and then hastily reinvent it as new, usually without its original elegance. Scientists hated to look backward for anything. — Ann Brashares