Quotes & Sayings About Sarcasm And Humor

I - though forced through lack of space to assume the form of a stoic guinea pig crouched between the girl's shoe and the glove compartment - was my usual dignified self. — Jonathan Stroud

I thought the line 'I am the daughter of the former governor of Alaska' was very funny. I think the word is 'sarcasm.' In my family we think laughing is good. My parents raised me to have a sense of humor and to live a normal life. — Andrea Fay Friedman

Was he hitting some type of werewolf midlife crisis? First, he'd left Wolf Town, and now he was envisioning a mate. What next? Bird watching? Board games? Retirement homes? — Rose Wynters

I'm sorry I missed the meeting and hurt your little feely-weels okay? — Nenia Campbell

You are your mother's trueborn son of Lannister."
"Am I?" the dwarf replied, sardonic. "Do tell my lord father. My mother died birthing me, and he's never been sure."
"I don't even know who my mother was," Jon said.
"Some woman, no doubt. Most of them are." He favored Jon with a rueful grin. "Remember this, boy. All dwarfs may be bastards, yet not all bastards need be dwarfs."
And with that he turned and sauntered back into the feast, whistling a tune.
When he opened the door, the light from within threw his shadow clear across the yard, and for just a moment Tyrion Lannister stood tall as a king. — George R R Martin

He said, "If God lived on Earth people would stalk his Facebook page and leave nasty comments on his Pinterest site." Then it sunk in- timing was everything and social media was the devil. — Shannon L. Alder

Knives and candlelight," he said, "how romantic. — Nenia Campbell

You mean you don't want to come in and hold my hand while I piss? — Nenia Campbell

Acardi! We should have killed him on the spot and you wouldn't let me! You didn't even listen."

"Fine," I said, glaring at him. "Next time you want to commit murder, give me a call. You dagger them, I'll chop them into little tiny pieces and toss them into the East River."

For the first time, I noticed the shadows beneath his eyes, the gauntness on his face. He lowered his voice, rubbing his temples as if he had a migraine. "This isn't the time for sarcasm, Liana."

"No, apparently it's murder time. — M. Kane

He had three
incision sites: one where the microscopic camera had gone in and
two where they'd done the actual work, and the abuse he'd taken
today went straight to her heart. "Oh, Pace."
"I'm guessing that wasn't an 'Oh, Pace, you're so sexy, take me.' — Jill Shalvis

A man doesn't like to have his ego popped, especially when he prides himself on his sagacity, and then to be proved wrong by a man who claims he doesn't know anything. — E.A. Bucchianeri

When all else fails ... try smoking a good cigar and have a stiff drink. If that doesn't work ... have another. — Timothy Pina

The over-weight and out of shape guy who owned the house had apparently decided that having a half-million dollar house meant that he couldn't afford to hire someone to clean out his gutters. Now he was dead with what looked to me like a broken neck after the ladder had slipped. He'd taken the plunge into his fancy landscaping - complete with rock garden. But hey, his fucking gutters were clean. — Diana Rowland

I'm working from the assumption it's going to go horribly wrong. If we get out of here with limbs intact and no aspen slivers in uncomfortable places, we're calling it a win.
Merit/Jonah — Chloe Neill

Why were you lurking under our window?"
"Yes - yes, good point, Petunia! What were you doing under our windows, boy?"
"Listening to the news," said Harry in a resigned voice.
His aunt and uncle exchanged looks of outrage.
"Listening to the news! Again?"
"Well, it changes every day, you see," said Harry. — J.K. Rowling

It's fascinating. You know all these words, and they're all English, but when you string them together into sentences, they just don't make any sense. — Cassandra Clare

There is a fine line between sarcasm and hostility, you seemed to have crossed it. What's up? — Cassandra Clare

His long wait is almost done. I am sending Balon Swann to Sunspear, to deliver him the head of Gregor Clegane." Ser Balon would have another task as well, but that part was best left unsaid.
"Ah." Ser Harys Swyft fumbled at his funny little beard with thumb and forefinger. "He is dead then? Ser Gregor?"
"I would think so, my lord," Aurane Waters said dryly. "I am told that removing the head from the body is often mortal. — George R R Martin

If she hasn't learned to appreciate my sterling character and spectacular good looks by this time, it's not likely she will. — Elizabeth Peters

Why do you haunt me? You, like a tattoo on my tongue, like the bay leaf at the bottom of every pan. You who sprawled out beside me and sang my horoscope to a Schubert symphony, something about travel and money again, and we lay there, both of our breaths bad, both of our underwear dangling elastic, and then you turned toward me with a gaze like two matches, putting the horoscope aside, you traced my buried ribs with your index finger, lingered at my collarbone, admiring it as one might a flying buttress, murmuring: Nice clavicle. And me, too new at it and scared, not knowing what to say, whispering: You should see my ten-speed. — Lorrie Moore

So what were your favorite subjects in school?"
"School?" He leaned back in his chair as though he needed the extra space to think about it. "Probably math. It always made sense. Unlike English, economics, and girls."
"And exactly how do you plan on taking over the free world if you don't understand economics?"
"I'll hire advisers. I'll hire you, in fact."
"Okay. Let me know when your army of junior high zombies is ready. — Janette Rallison

I mean, I may not hold the record in cleaning house either, but if I've got old milk cartons that smell like maggots I bundle them up and put them out."
"I'm on a disability pension'" he said. "I'm socially incompetent. — Stieg Larsson

I'm pretty sure those're my balls you've found," I said to the man searching my pants. "You gonna count 'em out now? Because I'll save you the trouble. There's two. — Nenia Campbell

I couldn't see Pritkin's face very well, just a pale blur against the shadows, but he didn't sound happy. Some people thought he had only one mode ... pissed off. In reality, he had plenty of them. Over the past few weeks, I'd learned to tell the difference between real pissed off, impatient pissed off and scared pissed off. I suspected that this was the last kind. If so, that made two of us. — Karen Chance

Sophie coughed, and Oliver felt his cheeks becoming warm.
"Don't be an ass, Andrew."
"That's a little bit difficult to accomplish, y'know?" Andrew replied. "I mean, if you had been so kind as to paint me with black and white stripes, I would've been a zebra! — Zeinab Alayan

I don't want tea," said Clary, with muffled force. "I want to find my mother. And then I want to find out who took her in the first place, and I want to kill them."
"Unfortunately," said Hodge, "we're all out of bitter revenge at the moment, so it's either tea or nothing. — Cassandra Clare

Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no fibs. — Oliver Goldsmith

Wes sat in a cracked vinyl booth picking at his fries and listening to Amanda go on and on about the dress she'd found.
' ... and it has these little lavender bows. Oh, Wes, I can't wait 'til you see it.' She gesticulated wildly, and her only saving grace right now was her amazing rack that swayed and bounced with each movement. Sometimes he swore that was the only reason he ever looked crosswise at Amanda Price. That, and her daddy's checkbook.
'And I found these shoes

'Uh huh, that's nice,' he cut her off and slid free from the booth. He held out his hand. 'Got the card?' He waved the bill in the air at her questioning gaze. Was she a little cross-eyed, maybe? He thought so. — Brandi Salazar

Do you expect to learn anything at Shiz?" he asked. "I have already learned not to speak to strangers." "Then I will introduce myself and we will be strangers no longer. I am Dillamond." "I am disinclined to know you. — Gregory Maguire

You listen to any monologue on late-night TV or just in general, to people talking, and there's always a joke at someone's expense. It's sarcasm; it's nasty. Kids grow up hearing that, and they think that's what humor is, and they think it's OK. But that negativity permeates the entire planet. — Ellen DeGeneres

No. No way. That name is reserved for females with grace and elegance, not this girl. This girl is ... beastly. — Victoria Scott

You really want my honest opinion?" I ask.
Anton gestures for me to go on. "Please, this is why I hired you, devochka."
I detect a little hint of sarcasm, but I go ahead and say, "I hate restaurants like this."
"Why?" He seems genuinely curious to know why.
"Because - because they're expensive."
"What is the problem? I'm paying for everything."
I shake my head. "It's not that - you see," I lower my voice, " this is where famous people eat."
"Famous?" Anton pretends to look around. "Where?"
"I think that's the guy from that prank show. And there's that guy from those vampire movies. And Maya Findlay."
"Yeah? I don't know who they are."
"Really?" I ask dubiously.
"I'm not into the famous people thing too."
"Really."
"Yes."
"Which is why you only date models who want to become actresses." I notice him giving me a look. "Sorry," I say sheepishly. — Maria Malonzo

The [coat] rack above his head like a javelin.
On the other side of the door was Jace. He blinked. "Is that a coatrack?"
Jordan slammed the coatrack down on the ground and sighed. "If you'd been a vampire, this would have been a lot more useful."
"Yes," said Jace. "Or, you know, just someone with a lot of coats. — Cassandra Clare

How's your first week so far?" Isabele asks.
"Well, let me see," I begin. "Chloe says my penmanship is shit, and I was only thirty minutes early this morning, which apparently means I'm late, but on the bright side, she thinks her non-fat, half-sweet, no-whip soy latte didn't taste right and then she told me she's not paying for it. Other than that, work is just fine. — Maria Malonzo

Sarcasm, as it turned out
even when it was instinctive and quick
cut into the time one had to manufacture one's escape. — Mel Odom

Do I have to get diapers?" he asked.
"Why, did Kade shit himself?" she laughed.
Dylan huffed loudly. Eyebrows knitted together, "DO I NEED TO GET BOTTLES?"
Jen rolled her eyes and shook her head as if he were crazy, "Don't you think it's too early to start drinking? You just got up ... "
"IS THERE ANYTHING IN YOUR OVEN?"
"I'M NOT BAKING ANYTHING, YOU MORON! WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME?"
My God, you have surrounded me with idiots. — Christine Zolendz

I grew up as a very sarcastic person. I was always the class clown, and to date girls, I had to be really funny. I was really skinny growing up. I was so thin, I had to run around in the shower to get wet. That kind of thin. So I always had to rely on humor and sarcasm. — Kurt Fuller

It felt like I'd only just fallen asleep when someone shook me awake. I pushed the person off, snuggling deeper in my covers.
It wasn't until I had buried my face in my pillow that I realized I should probably be alarmed that someone was in my room. What with evil trolls trying to kidnap me and all that. — Amanda Hocking

And I have a tiny little moment of anxiety, because I can't remember whether or not we're meant to be boycotting mars bars. — David Nicholls

Breslin gives me his wise-teacher smile, which is kind and crinkly and would make me feel warm all over if I was dumber than a bag of hair. — Tana French

Gotta have my make up, in case I run into Joey and he wants to beat the shit out of me. Gotta look my best! Maybe he'll punch me repeatedly in the kidneys and the stomach so it doesn't mark up my face. He's so thoughtful! — George Carlin

Congress should make it so that all sex scenes in all films should be provided with a screaming baby sound track. That should help take away all the fun and may show a major decrease in unwanted pregnancies without having to provide birth control to anyone. — Heather Chapple

He told me and Rafe to stay put in case you came home, burn the note and get hot water and disinfectant and bandages ready - '

'Which would have come in useful, Rafe said, lighting another cigarette, 'if we'd been delivering a baby in Gone with the Wind. What on earth was he picturing? Home surgery on the kitchen table with Abby's embroidery needle? — Tana French

If you didn't have me to rake you over the coals now and then, there wouldn't be any fire in your life at all. — Joe Hill

Why, you mean you didn't get abducted and dragged across country purely to make us a story for us to chew over endlessly?" asked Pip, tossing his shock of tow-colored hair indignantly. "The nerve! — Mercedes Lackey

Don't read it. Just shred and burn, or your eyes will melt. — Rachel Caine

I'm sure I have no idea what you are talking about PRINCESS." He tilted his head and half curtseyed when he said the last word.
"That! That is what I am talking about. Since we ran into the others you have been cold and more arrogant than usual." She kept her voice low so the others would not hear.
"Is that so? I would say I was averagely arrogant — B.C. Morin

I'm transferring Ian down to New Orleans to assist with this," Arch said as he looked at both men. "I would send Shayne, but Anna won't let him go anywhere without her. They're still in the honeymoon phase." He made a quote motion with his fingers.
Peter and Vincent exchanged horrified looks, before Peter responded. "Please, don't put us through that torture. — Rose Wynters

I think you people are just marvelous," she said in a dramatic manner, closing her eyes for a moment.

"You know, sometimes I hear the Great Spirit calling to me. Perhaps I was a squaw in my last life. My family would never talk about it when I was growing up, but I'm pretty sure my great-grandmother was a real Cherokee princess. Are you Cherokee, by any chance?"

"Cherokee to the bone, ma'am," Luther replied, giving Jimmy a wink.

"Oh, I knew it when I laid eyes on you," she responded and turned to Jimmy. "Are you also Cherokee?"

"No, ma'am. I wanted to be but I didn't have the grades to get in."

"Oh, you poor dear," the woman said, reaching over to pat him on the arm. — Robert Owings

Yes", she said her voice dripping with sarcasm. "That's exactly what I'm saying, in fact let's try sex again." She leaped to her feet and torn open her jeans. "Maybe my magic vagina will cure you of all the traumatic acts my family has inflected on you. — Larissa Ione

I am often thought of as being remarkably bright, and yet my brains, more often than not, are busily devising new and interesting ways of bringing my enemies to sudden, gagging, writhing, agonizing death. — Alan Bradley

Julio was willing to bet that Officer "I've Seen It All" Mac had never seen a horde of black-skinned demons wearing rags and armor and carrying swords and spears, dragging a naked woman and a chubby boy by a rope. No, he was willing to bet his left nut that even officer Mac had never seen such a thing. — Brom

I'm almost finished," said Wilhelm, wiping out a line with his sleeve and drawing over it.
"I never doubted you for a moment," said Vex, then looked at Aurora and spoke more softly. "I actually doubted him the whole time. He's really not very good."
Wilhelm turned. "I'm standing right in front of you. I can hear literally every sound you make."
"Wilhelm, please," said Vex, "this is a private conversation. — Derek Landy

Forty dollars for one adult nonrefundable ticket. You're in luck - your bus leaves in a half hour. But there's no dogs, unless that's a service animal."
"Oh, yeah," Call said, with a quick look down at Havoc. "He's totally a service dog. He was in the service - the navy, actually."
The woman's eyebrows went up.
"He saved a man," Call said, trying out the story as he counted the cash and pushed it through the slot. "From drowning. And sharks. Well, just the one shark, but it was a pretty big one. He's got a medal and everything. — Cassandra Clare

He's crazy," Bruno said, twirling a finger in circles around the side of his head and whistling to indicate just how crazy he thought he was. "He went up to a cat on the street the other day and invited her over for afternoon tea." "What did the cat say?" asked Gretel, who was making a sandwich in the corner of the kitchen. "Nothing." explained Bruno. "It was a cat. — John Boyne

You could shove it up your ass and pretend you're a corn dog.
COURTESY VIOLATION-RESPONSE MUTED-VIOLATION LOGGED — Ernest Cline

Hhhmm. A sense of humor." He cocked his head to the side.
"That actually might annoy me."
She frowned, ignoring the teasing sound to that oh-so-low voice
and, with heavy sarcasm answered, "Oh, well, that'll keep me up
nights. — G.A. Aiken

How's Alison getting on?'

Conway snorted. 'Tucked up in the sick room like she's dying in some season finale. Little fadey voice on her and all. She's having a great old time. — Tana French

My new 9mm didn't fit my hand as well as my old one, but it was rapidly becoming a familiar weight. At first I'd decided it was okay to wear as long as I shot only at supernatural bad guys who were already shooting at me. Lately, I'd had to broaden that definition to anytime my life was in danger. I was currently leaning toward a slightly more comprehensive rule somewhere between proactive self-defense and the-bastards-had-it-coming, which, if I survived long enough, I intended to blame on my deranged partner rubbing off on me. — Karen Chance

You did not just say that. I have a feeling we're on the verge of hugging and coming up with cute nicknames for each other. — Richelle Mead

Jules stood up and stretched gracelessly. "Let's hurry up and pay before she"-she indicated Claire with a flick of her thumb-"sees something shiny and we lose her again. — Kimberly Derting

He explained civilization to me. I mean how it looks to him. He's going to let it go on a little while longer. But it better be careful and not interfere with his private life. If it does, he's apt to make a phone call to God and cancel the order. — Raymond Chandler

I'm not your boyfriend!" I snapped, trying to gently move her hands away from my body.
"How can you say that?" Sara asked in horror.
"It's shockingly effortless," I replied. "My vocal chords vibrate, and my mouth and tongue articulate. I can even do it without thinking." I had to remind myself to stay calm, and sarcasm was the best way to do that.
"When are you going to give me a key to your house so I don't have to knock like some guest?" Sara asked, coming at me again.
I backed away. "How about never? Is never good for you?"
Sara, undeterred, said, "You're the reason I go to therapy on Fridays."
"The plot thickens!" Gabby exclaimed for comedic relief. — Laura Kreitzer

- Why did blondes vote for Clinton?
- They didn't know how to read and thought she can make their life hilarious! — Bryanna Reid

I am your sire. I am to guide you through your first days as a vampire. Your first feeding is a rite of passage, a sacrament. It will not be wasted on some hormone-driven frenzy. This is why I wanted you to feed from me."
"I will not drink it in a house, I will not drink it with a mouse. I will not drink it here or there, I will not drink it anywhere," I wheezed, hoping I was able to communicate adequate sarcasm through the crippling belly cramps.
"Did you just quote Green Eggs and Ham? — Molly Harper

Double Sword Tavern." Tristan said, reading out loud. "Sounds charming and inviting. — B.C. Morin

It is time to buddle (scrub in water) all that is not illutile (unwash-awayable). Baudelaire said that humans were deluded if they thought they could wash away all their spots with vile tears, but Baudelaire was French and therefore knew nothing about hygiene or shower gel. — Mark Forsyth

Eragon went to see the dragon for the first time since it had spoken to him. He approached apprehensively, aware now that it was an equal.
"Eragon."
"Is that all you can say?" he snapped.
"Yes."
His eyes widened at the unexpected reply, and he sat down roughly.
Now it has a sense of humor. What next? — Christopher Paolini

Just because it looks like a leprechaun and talks like a leprechaun, it doesn't mean it can't act like the little fucking demon it is. — N.L. Gervasio

Life's a party. So smile and eat shit and pretend it's fucking caviar. — Nenia Campbell

Death's got an Invisibility Cloak?" Harry interrupted again.
"So he can sneak up on people," said Ron. "Sometimes he gets bored of running at them, flapping his arms and shrieking ... — J.K. Rowling

You're just Little Miss Optimist, aren't you? Do you come with accessories, like a glass half full and lemons to make into lemonade, too? — Rachel Caine

Puppies are cute. I'm fierce!"
"Yeah!" Evelyn snorted. "Romas says you're as fierce as a kitten."
"A kitten?" Kiera's tone grew more hurt. "I'm not afraid of him, just because he's twelve feet tall and can bench press me with his toes. It's not nice of him to say that — Lizzy Ford

By the Angel," Jace said, looking the demon up and down. "I knew Greater Demons were meant to be ugly, but no one ever warned me about the smell."
Abbadon opened its mouth and hissed. Inside its mouth were two rows of jagged glass-sharp teeth.
"I'm not sure about this wind and howling darkness business," Jace went on, "smells more like landfill to me. You sure you're not from Staten Island? — Cassandra Clare

Coming into your powers can be a very confusing time. Perhaps there is a book on the subject. If you like, we can go see Marian.
Yeah, right. Choices and Changes. A Modern Girl's Guide to Casting. My Mom Wants to Kill Me: A Self-Help Book For Teens. — Kami Garcia

Sarcasm creates a chasm between yourself and others. — Gayle Forman

What are American dry-goods? asked the duchess, raising her large hands in wonder and accentuating the verb.
American novels, answered Lord Henry. — Oscar Wilde

Does Hallmark make a "Sorry I tried to drink your blood and touched you in a vaguely inappropriate manner" card? I settled for "How much do you remember? — Molly Harper

I don't understand German myself. I learned it at school, but forgot every word of it two years after I had left, and have felt much better ever since. — Jerome K. Jerome

Thank you so much for the rude know-it-all attitude while also having to look at your ridiculously colored hair and obnoxious facial and chest piercings. I am very fortunate to have just been schooled by someone who looks like they graduated from Care Bear Carnage University. — Heather Chapple

Keep up," said an irritable voice in her ear. It was Jace, who had dropped back to walk beside her. "I don't want to have to keep looking behind me to make sure nothing's happened to you."
"So don't bother."
"Last time I left you alone, a demon attacked you," he pointed out.
"Well, I'd certainly hate to interrupt your pleasant night stroll with my sudden death."
He blinked. "There is a fine line between sarcasm and outright hostility, and you seem to have crossed it. — Cassandra Clare

Turner didn't have to put up with this. He had enough trouble with George's sarcasm. He held his hand. "Keys please."
Her face fell. "Sorry. I sometimes speak without thinking. Well, not sometimes. Often. Never an unspoken thought, my dad used to say. And my mum. And my employers. — Barbara Elsborg

Any boy who'd love a sailboat-patterned, swimsuited sausage who tames rabid foxes would be wonderful. And impossible. — Fanny Britt

When it rains it pours and when it shines you get melanoma. — Sol Luckman

Yeah," Tamara said. "An old bowling alley. There must be a town not too far from here. But how could Aaron be there? And don't say something like 'working on his score' or 'maybe he's in a bowling league' or something like that. Be serious."
Call leaned against the rough bark of a nearby tree and resisted the urge to sit down. He was afraid he wouldn't be able to get up again. "I'm serious. It might be hard to tell in the dark, but I have my most super-serious face on. — Cassandra Clare

Then the small man suddenly ran after them and said:
"I want to get my haircut. I say, do you know a little shop anywhere where they cut hair properly? I keep on having my hair cut, but it keeps on growing again."
One of the tall men looked at him with the air of a pained naturalist. — G.K. Chesterton

You could heal him?" I asked, glancing at Hal.

"Could," said the wysling, "but won't, until I get what's mine."

I pressed my lips together and took a deep breath. "You're heartless and selfish."

"I agree," he said, steepling his pale hands together and pointing them at the floor. "Any decent human being would offer to heal him anyway. However, since I'm neither decent nor a human being, I feel pretty all right about it. — Mirriam Neal

Abby wouldn't want you to suffer because of some jerk that kidnapped her. She would want you to go on your trip so that she would have fun torturing you for not being a puddle on the ground with a box of tissues and an empty gallon of ice cream by your side. Then afterwards to hit you for thinking she was seriously hoping you would be doing that. — Ottilie Weber

Television is a dirty business. To survive in it you have to be part weasel, part python, and part wolf. To succeed in it, you have to be 99.9 percent great white shark. The capacity for barefaced lying also comes in handy, particularly if you are freelance. — Matt Dickinson

I don't know what it is about "magic happens"-stickers on cars but every time I see one I wanna get out my permanent marker and sneak over and write underneath it "so does cot death". — Tim Minchin

You are such a kind and caring man, and so sizzling hot and studly. Please, please don't go nutty on me. — Nicki Elson

Young people, nowadays, imagine that money is everything.
Yes, murmured Lord Henry, settling his button-hole in his coat; and when they grow older they know it. — Oscar Wilde

Arch turned and looked at Ian. The other man was fiddling with the neckline of his shirt. "You're just jealous, Ian, and wishing you had a soul mate of your own. In fact, I don't think any woman will be safe until you get one." Ian shot him an unamused look at his words. — Rose Wynters

You know, sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.'
'And yet it is still extremely funny. — Cecelia Ahern

What's that around your neck?" asked Emily.
"It's a golden star." Said Reed.
"What did you get it for?"
"Chemistry class."
"What's the star for?" the shadow asked, Usually stars represent a straight A student.
"You get it for having greatness. But Emily doesn't know what that is." He said, answering the shadows question and looking at Emily.
"Greatness, what's greatness?" Emily asked, all wide eyed, and clueless looking
"It's when you do really awesome stuff, and people recognize you for it."
"Oh, no" Emily laughed ."No, I don't know what that is. — Rumi Antoinette

Alec looked at her and shook his head. "How do you manage never to get mud on your clothes?"
Isabelle shrugged philosophically. "I'm pure at heart. It repels the dirt. — Cassandra Clare

people don't generally believe themselves to be evil. Just strong. And they think that the world owes them something — Mary Elizabeth Summer

Ah, Proph." Tom paused. "You did have a nightmare last night."
"And here I thought maybe I dreamed it," Prophet muttered sarcastically. — S.E. Jakes

Run everything on a generator," Haskel said. "Got to keep it a certain temperature for the stuff I carry. Not too cold. Not too hot. There's shit in here, weather got wrong, it'd go off and blow our asses all the way to Mineola. Maybe out in the goddamned Gulf."
"I don't like to travel that far unless I got plane tickets and a steward in my lap," Leonard said.
Haskel cut an eye toward Leonard. "You mean stewardess, don't you?"
"I don't think so," Leonard said, and let Haskel churn that one over. — Joe R. Lansdale

I always had to rely on humor and sarcasm. And when I started having kids, that doesn't work with kids. Kids don't understand sarcasm, and they certainly don't understand my humor. — Kurt Fuller