Rectally Administered Quotes & Sayings

Life is a comical business, and there is
nothing funnier than love traveling through time. — Mario Puzo

I don't like jokes about sex or bodily functions or drug use or the difference between New York and L.A. I never do any of that. — David Letterman

Like a good chess player, Satan is always trying to maneuver you into a position where you can save your castle only by losing your bishop. — C.S. Lewis

A car is just a moving, giant handbag! You never have actually to carry groceries, or dry cleaning, or anything! You can have five pairs of shoes with you at all times! — Cynthia Heimel

Jason and his parents lived directly across the street. He was outside that day trying to get some mail-order rocket to soar into the heavens. What a rip-off! The whole time I was watching him, the stupid thing never made it a yard off the ground. It was after about the hundredth try, when the movers had half the truck unloaded, that I noticed his ass rolling his beady eyes at me. I was using a piece of pink chalk to draw a makeshift hopscotch diagram on the street in front of my house when he approached me. His Kangol hat and leather bomber jacket made him look like a pint-size pimp. All he needed was a couple of gold teeth. — Zane

I'm not afraid to admit that I'm a relatively slow reader. — Kate Winslet

When a man was alone too much, he had only himself to look into, and what he found there was all manner of darkness. — Howard Bahr

A society that could finally feed everyone, not just a chosen few; that could relieve the poverty and misery of even the weakest and least productive of its members; that recognized the sovereignty of the individual and his rights, and agreed to leave him alone to pursue his own ends; that put a premium on treating others with kindness and deference rather than disdain and exploitation; and, finally, that a society that recognized that it was better to do business with other nations than to try to conquer them, was not one on the verge of tyranny, but just the opposite. These were the conditions of modern liberty. — Arthur Herman

Poor Quinn."
I glanced at my husband, and found him shaking his head mournfully.
"Why poor Quinn?" Kat asked.
"Dan still has his crush on Nico, and Quinn isn't here to defend his bromance."
I snorted because this was true. Dan had a bit of a crush on Nico. But then, we all did.
As though reading my thoughts, Sandra mock-whispered, "We all have a crush on Nico. Even you, Greg."
He didn't deny it; instead, opting to say, "I'm going to start a rumor that Dan and Nico bought tickets to the Cubs opening game, they're going together, and are hoping to get on the kiss-cam."
I clicked my tongue in mild disapproval. "You are a gossip, Greg Archer."
"Yes. I am. Annoyingly, Alex is worthless at spreading rumors because he's smitten with Drew."
"And you're smitten with no one," I stated.
"Untrue. I'm smitten with you."
This earned him an appreciative grin; I lifted my chin. "Well played, husband. Well played. — Penny Reid

Forgiveness was like charity: You could dispense it, or not. And, as with charity, the one dispensing held the power. — Joe Okonkwo

If everyone loves you, maybe you don't need so many tanks. — Craig Nelson

In 2004, I wrote 'What We've Lost,' a book about the Bush administration. It sold only reasonably well, in part, I think, because the book was a horrific downer, an unrelenting account of the administration's actions, bungles, deceptions, half-truths, untruths, and downright corruptions. — Graydon Carter

I am only my money. It is all anyone sees, even Adam. — Maggie Stiefvater

I'm always right. Especially when I'm wrong. — S. Hart