Real Time With Bill Maher Quotes & Sayings

The thing they're trying to stop is 30-million people getting health insurance. That's the substance. — Chris Hayes

People who call themselves divas ... you are not a diva. I'm pretty sure you're a cunt. — Sarah Silverman

Every day in America is a day with a shooting. — Bill Maher

I'm not a Christian, but I have read his book. — Bill Maher

Much of modern liberalism consists of people trying to get revenge on the football players they felt inferior to in school. — Steve Sailer

He sold Syria way better than he sold this. — Bill Maher

And, corny as it may sound, I do cherish the bond between me and the audience, the minority that follows my stuff and always makes me glad it's us against the world. — Bill Maher

Fake it. We know you can do that. We've seen your sex tape. — Bill Maher

Politically Incorrect was the name of the show Bill Maher hosted in the 1990s. It's also an apt description of the man himself. Now host of
HBO's hit show Real Time, I find Maher to be one of the sharpest observers of American politics and life in general out there. It doesn't mean I always agree with him. I always find him funny, though. — Fareed Zakaria

It never became an act in the sense of an act. It was always, no matter where we worked, little revues. — Adolph Green

New Rule: Stop putting all those pillows on the bed. Attention, interior designers, hotel maids, and real housewives of New Jersey: It's a bed, not an obstacle course. I'm sorry, baby, I'd like to make sweet love to you all night long, but by the time I get all that crap off your bed, I'm exhausted. A bed needs only two pillows: one to put my head on, and one to cuddle with and pretend it's Robert Pattinson. — Bill Maher

Pocketknives are kind of drifting out of our cultural consciousness, which I think is a terrible thing. — Gever Tulley

That's not water. That's socialism juice. We should bomb Lake Erie. — Bill Maher

Let me in your heart and unravel the mystery behind your scar. Let me love you. — Prachi Agasti

I always think that we live, spiritually, By what others have given us in the significant hours of our life. These significant hours do not announce themselves as coming, but arrive unexpected. — Albert Schweitzer

I don't want to say Monsanto is evil right off the bat, but why is Monsanto so evil? — Bill Maher

Fears are like waves that can overwhelm us if we don't overcome them! HS/el — Evinda Lepins

You don't need a weapon to protect yourself. — Bill Maher

You just got your nerd credentials back. — Bill Maher

New Rule: Any tattoo that has more than one line is too long. — Bill Maher

Last week, I suggested the candidates take up mushrooms. I'll be damned if Rick Perry didn't take me up on that. — Bill Maher

New Rule: Stop asking Miss USA contestants if they believe in evolution. It's not their field. It's like asking Stephen Hawking if he believes in hair scrunchies. Here's what they know about: spray tans, fake boobs and baton twirling. Here's what they don't know about: everything else. If I cared about the uninformed opinions of some ditsy beauty queen, I'd join the Tea Party. — Bill Maher