Real Best Friend Funny Quotes & Sayings

No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend. — Groucho Marx

It's funny. When we first started hanging out I didn't want Ashley to think I was a pig, so I was careful not to eat too much in front of her ... Now, I don't even think about it. — Natasha Friend

I really love 'Real Housewives.' It's like the, you know, comedy stuff that's, like, intentionally funny. Like, I love 'Nathan for You,' that Comedy Central show. It's just brilliant. My friend Bill Eichner has a show called 'Billy on the Street' that I write for, and even if I didn't write for it, I'd still love it. — Julie Klausner

At my hotel room, my friend came over and asked to use the phone. I said Certainly. He said Do I need to dial 9 I say Yeah. Especially if it's in the number. You can try four and five back to back real quick. — Mitch Hedberg

I would have taken Zeb, purely for entertainment value, but he had an actual date, with a real girl. That hadn't happened in a while, so I was a good friend and put my own needs second to the possibility of him actual sex with a real girl. — Molly Harper

What I know for sure is that if you can survive 11 days in cramped quarters with a friend and come out laughing, your friendship is the real deal. I know ours is. — Oprah Winfrey

I'm worried I will leave grad school and no longer be able to speak English. I know this woman in grad school, a friend of a friend, and just listening to her talk is scary. The semiotic dialetics of intertextual modernity. Which makes no sense at all. Sometimes I feel that they live in a parallel universe of academia speaking acadamese instead of English and they don't really know what's happening in the real world. — Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

You Too? I thought I was the only one. — C.S. Lewis