Pun Quotes & Sayings

Denial isn't just a river in Egypt. — C.L. Parker

It ain't really Czechoslovakian,' I said, coughing. 'We used to call it the Cheque. Like, you drink it up now, you pay for it later. — Esi Edugyan

Also not the kind of place to hide a server."
"Is that another pun?" She asked.
"No! I swear! I didn't mean that one."

~Shell Game, Kingdom Keepers #5 — Ridley Pearson

You forgot to cross off anal sex."
"I tried it once. Didn't like it. If you're better at it, I'll have another crack." I paused. "No pun intended. — C.D. Reiss

A good pun may be admitted among the smaller excellencies of lively conversation. — James Boswell

We do not claim that punning is legitimate wit. Wit consists in combination of ideas, punning in combination of words only. We wonder at the one, but we laugh at the drollery of the other - as the world goes a pun is regarded as an imponderable commodity, all know the rank it holds in the order of pure intellect. — Harriet Hosmer

We're not out of the woods yet, people," I said, and grimaced, my eyes cheating toward the trees growing on all sides. "No pun intended. Sloane, were you being serious when you said that most of that was Demi's blood? Because I'm not quite ready to condone beating her to death." "She got a nosebleed," said Sloane, reaching forward and taking my hand in hers. Her fingers left red stains on my skin. "Sure, I had to punch her four or five times to make that happen, but nosebleeds are a normal part of being a traitorous bitch who goes over to the dark side at the first sign of trouble. — Seanan McGuire

I have to be perfectly honest:
You should have an anniversary to acknowledge the way I work the ebonics. — Big Pun

You're a bright girl, aren't you? No pun intended. — Joss Stirling

The Greek makes the distinction between petros and petra simply because it is trying to preserve the pun, and in Greek the feminine petra could not very well serve as a masculine name. — Frank E. Gaebelein

The moral of the story, Son," Pun would say, "is Don't take more on your heart than you can shake off on your heels."
Of all lessons, that one I never learned and I hope I never do. My heart daily grows new foliage, always adding people, picking up new heartaches like a wool coat collects cockleburs and beggar's-lice seeds. It gets fuller and fuller as I walk slow as a sloth, carrying all the pain Pun and Frank and so many others tried to walk from. Especially the pain of the lost forest. Sometimes there is no leaving, no looking westward for another promised land. We have to nail our shoes to the kitchen floor and unload the burden of our heart. We have to set to the task of repairing the damage done by and to us. — Janisse Ray

Heifer cow is better than none, but this is no time for puns — Groucho Marx

Holiness has most often been revealed to me in the exquisite pun of the first syllable, in holes- in not enough help, in brokenness, mess. High holy places, with ethereal sounds and stained glass, can massage my illusion of holiness, but in holes and lostness I can pick up the light of small ordinary progress, newly made moments flecked like pepper into the slog and the disruptions. — Anne Lamott

The old Monophysite sect declared that Christ had only the one divine nature. The new Monophysite sect declares that He had only the one human nature. But it is not a pun or a trick, but a truth, to say that the Monophysite is by nature monotonous. — G.K. Chesterton

He that would make a pun would pick a pocket. — Patrick O'Brian

But common sense comes too late, because Logan is now moving away from the counter and marching in my direction.

"Hey, gorgeous." He slides in the seat across from me and places a chocolate-chip muffin on the table. "I got you a muffin."

Damn it, I guess he'd noticed me right when he'd walked in.

"Why?" I ask in suspicion, and without saying hi.

"'Cause I wanted to get you something, and you already have coffee. Ergo, muffin."

I raise one eyebrow. "Are you trying to buy your way into my good graces?"

"Yup. And excellent pun, by the way."

"I wasn't punning. My name just happens to be a homonym."

His blue eyes gleam as he downright smolders at me. "I love it when you talk homonyms to me."

"Uh-huh. — Elle Kennedy

Battery never dies, the ghetto keeps me wise. — Big Pun

It was so quiet, you could hear a pun drop. — Arthur Baer

I was supposed to watch you, yeah. They thought it was weird that Atherton would send his own kid to Hecate, so we wanted to keep an eye on you. No pun intended. (Archer) — Rachel Hawkins

I think baseball - the baseball genre - is this mitt, to use a double pun there, to catch a whole bunch of themes. — Rachel Griffiths

The room was rococo. I had a strong sense of gilt. — Eric Idle

Biggie and Big Pun were the best storytellers of the '90s. I would get wrapped up in the narrative of what they were talking about. — Lin-Manuel Miranda

Obviously I struck gold with 'Deadwood.' No pun intended. — Jim Beaver

Loki spoke, "I agree, we do need some leadership. But you've had your chance, Odin. I think it's time for fresh ideas, to get things going. Some Lokimotion, so to speak. — Dylan Callens

I'd rather sell reefer than do pizza delivery. — Big Pun

There's something that intervenes and is very important which has to do with value. Value in the true biological sense, which is that contrary to what many people seem to think, taking it at face value - sorry for the pun - we do not give the same amount of emotional significance to every event. — Antonio Damasio

My trigger got no heart. — Big Pun

God knows why - no pun intended - but every time I write a song, I feel a need to touch on religion. — Martin Gore

Hey," Nick grunted. "Marriage is just a word for some people, but for others it's a fucking sentence, okay?"
Zane was holding his side. "Oh my God, marriage puns! Oh my God ... "
Nick was trying not to grin, but he finally couldn't help himself. "Once we established I was the victim, then we had to find a girl with a ring on her finger to figure out which one I'd fucking married."
Ty leaned against Zane's arm, laughing so hard he could no longer sit up straight. "The look on his face!"
"He made a marriage pun," Zane gasped. — Abigail Roux

While sitting on the hopper, in a blissful state of belieflessness, the Universe sent me this silly pun: Arrogant know-it-alls actually know nothing,
while humble know-nothings seem to know everything... — Maximus Freeman

It's like watching a car wreck, no pun intended. I know what's going to happen, and as much as I want to look away, I can't. It's almost as if I have to see just how ineffective I was in Karl's Hummer that day.

Lyons, Heather (2012-08-25). A Matter of Fate (Fate Series Book 1) (p. 233). Cerulean Books. Kindle Edition. — Heather Lyons

I'm mostly concentrating now on continuing to make history in Hip-Hop, making everybody proud of me, I'm not just a rapper now, I'm in history now. — Big Pun

Having inched closer and accomplished some of my major goals in the sport of golf, no pun intended, why not work as hard as I can to attain those goals if I'm already feeling like I'm playing well and getting more and more comfortable. — Jordan Spieth

I love puns. I've been known to turn the car around just to take advantage of a good pun situation. It really is the highest form of humor. — Karin Slaughter

Thus was their relationship born on the swift kiss of a pun. Neither suspected what the other would become to each of them. Like phrases running wild in the Logos, they knew neither who nor by what mechanism nor for what reason they were whistled for (if they understood that they were whistled for at all). They were simply compelled to come together. Sophia was the question, and Blip was the answer. And vice versa. — Tony Vigorito

My puns are not trivial. They are quadrivial — James Joyce

A first edition of Peter Pan appeared gift-wrapped on my bed - Lucy admitted that Asher had drafted her to help deliver that present. — Corrine Jackson

Power just makes you reject destiny and devour your fate. — Big Pun

There must have been some mistake. It took me a while to get a flight here, so I can see why you would have appointed a community lawyer to fill in." "Community lawyer!" Damon's face grew red with indignation. "I'm one of the most renowned lawyers among American Moroi." "Renowned, community." Abe shrugged and leaned back on his heals. "I don't judge. No pun intended."
Mead, Richelle (2010-05-18). Spirit Bound: A Vampire Academy Novel (p. 475). Penguin Young Readers Group. Kindle Edition. — Richelle Mead

Heh. I think you made your point, Atticus.
Gods Below, Oberon, that was horrendous! You just violated the Schwarzenegger Pun Reduction Treaty of 2010.
What? No, that didn't qualify!
Yes, it did. Any pun related to a weapon's destructive capabilities or final disposition of a victim's body is a Schwarzenegger pun, by definition. That's negative twenty sausages according to the sanctions outlined in Section Four, Paragraph Two.
My hound whined. No! Not twenty sausages! Twenty succulent sausages I'll never snarf? You can't do that - it's cruelty to animals!
You can't argue with this. Your pawprint is on the treaty, and you agreed that Schwarzenegger puns are heinous abominations of language that deserve food-related punishments for purposes of correction and deterrence.
Auggh! I still say it's your fault for renting Commando in the first place! You started it! — Kevin Hearne

It requires genius to make a good pun - some men of bright parts can't reach it. — Hannah Cowley

Every poet knows the pun is Pierian, that it springs from the same soil as the Muse?a matching and shifting of vowels and consonants, an adroit assonance sometimes derided as jackassonance. — Louis Untermeyer

It's a pun!' the King added in an offended tone, and everybody laughed, 'Let the jury consider their verdict,' the King said, for about the twentieth time that day. — Lewis Carroll

In Men in Black, it was a very small character, no pun intended. — Verne Troyer

If you compulsively pun you are called a paronomasiac. — Tim Vine

I think; therefore, I am above average. — Michael Walton

Pick a side, Max. I feel like I'm living through some vampire romance where you can't be near me because my blood smells delicious. — Lucy Keating

Everyone in the room stared at me like they expected me to grow fangs and sparkle. — Carrie Harris

Puns are just another form of sarcasm, which may or may not make you - smile, giggle, or laugh. — Aniruddha Sastikar

They talk about human rights until the rights include things they personally do not like as alternatives. There needs to be Frank discussions. And Shirley can join too because the pun works. The ideas of human beings of all demeanor and venues are at stake here. — Leviak B. Kelly

Of course they had more chains on him than Scrooge saw on Marley's ghost, but he could have kicked up dickens if he'd wanted. That's a pun, son. — Stephen King

I never read Freud. I've never been attracted to anything he has said, and I think he's started a lot of nonsense with psychiatry and that business. I don't think psychiatry can help or has helped anybody. I think it's a big fraud (pun not intended) on the public. — Bob Dylan

I know my rights."
"And I know you're wrong. — Scott Blagden

If you're reading this book, you're probably already interested in being green, and almost certainly already a parent (or about to become one), so I won't trouble too much with the semantics of what 'being green' means, but just say that doing the 'green' thing here means being as environmentally friendly as possible, while considering your child's everyday personal health as well, and taking into account social-justice issues to some degree, because no-one is an island and humans and animals are part of the environment too. Even if you're new to this, it's entirely
possible, with a little helping hand, to form new, green lifestyle habits, so long as you're prepared to take baby steps to begin with (and pardon the pun). — Zion Lights

I'm pretty sure people thought I was like a dope rapper. — Big Pun

I am thankful that my name in obnoxious to no pun. — William Shenstone

She believed that displays of emotion signaled a certain failure between people. The only person who could upset her, make her cry or laugh in the open, was my father. He could always unsettle her face with a stern admonition or an old joke or pun in Korean. Otherwise, I thought she possessed the most exquisite control over the muscles of her face. She seemed to have the subtle power of inflection over them, the way a tongue can move air. — Chang-rae Lee

Do what? Come up with a clever pun referencing Jerome's demonic status? The truth is, I usually keep a stash of them on hand and - — Richelle Mead

The Good and Great must ever shun
That reckless and abandoned one
Who stoops to perpetrate a pun. — Lewis Carroll

'Nip/Tuck' did make me very comfortable in my own skin, no pun intended. I had to be stripped down a lot, and you're kind of in front of the whole world, and it teaches you to accept yourself and be comfortable with yourself real quickly. — Kelly Carlson

Safari, so goody. — Winston S. Churchill

It is the observer of the pun that makes it, my dear Brumm. Of course, when the word is distorted, as in Evilution, the most preoccupied notice it, but in this instance which you try to fasten upon me the crime is yours. There is nothing more contrary to the Evolutionary will than puns. Bloodshed and desolation follow in their wake. Their English heyday, which was in the reign of James I, caused the great civil war; in France they flourished most rankly under Louis XV, and produced the French Revolution. I have considered puns, and apart altogether from their hateful effect, as shown in history, it is certain that they are quite unevolutionary, because I, the fittest of men, am unable to make them. You will consult your own welfare, and that of the nation, Brougham, by refraining in future. — John Davidson

My dominant (no pun intended) discourse seems to be needy as fuck. — Alexis Hall

That's exactly why I never liked King Arthur's Guinevere. She screws up (pardon the pun), sleeps with her husband's best friend, causes the fall of a kingdom, then she doesn't have the guts to make at least one man happy, so she joins a friggin nunnery and esacpes from all of her problems, leaving everyone around her in a slavering mess. How incredibly spineless. — P.C. Cast

I was confident, but I still loved a good stroking. Pun one hundred percent abso-fucking-lutely intended. — Laurel Ulen Curtis

There's a lot of me in Captain Jack and there's a lot of Captain Jack in me. And there is no pun intended. — John Barrowman

Another badass Gurkha in recent memory was Sergeant Dipprasad Pun of the Royal Gurkha Rifles. In 2010, while serving as the lone on-duty guard patrolling a small one-room outpost on the edge of the Afghan province of Helmand, Pun was suddenly ambushed by somewhere between fifteen and thirty Taliban warriors armed with RPGs and assault rifles. During his Ultimate Mega Gurkha Freakout Limit Break Mode, the five-foot-seven-inch sergeant fired off four hundred rounds of machine gun ammunition (every bullet he had), chucked seventeen grenades, detonated a remote mine, and then took an enemy soldier down by chucking a twenty-pound machine gun tripod into the dude's face. — Ben Thompson

Coincidence is a spiritual pun. — Gilbert K. Chesterton

We live to produce information, or improve on it. Nietzsche had the Latin pun aut liberi, aut libri - either children or books, both information that caries through the centuries ... I am here to die a heroic death for the sake of the collective, to produce offspring (and prepare them for life and provide for them), or eventually, books, - my information, that is, my genes, the anti-fragile in me, should be the ones seeking immortality, not me. Then say goodbye, have a nice funeral in St. Sergius (Mar Sarkis) in Amioun, and, as the French say, place aux autres - make room for others (p. 370-371). — Nassim Nicholas Taleb

Even though there will be times when I'll need to protect myself - there will definitely be times when I'll have to put up my guard just to monitor what comes in and out of my life - there's a grace there ... no pun intended! — Grace Gealey

Actually touring solo is a little more difficult. It's more demanding than being under the "wing" of the band, no pun intended. It's more intimidating to sing in front of smaller crowds. The buck stops with me. — Timothy B. Schmit

Pun: A form of wit, to which wise men stoop and fools aspire — Ambrose Bierce

I was obsessed with country music when I was a kid, and it's definitely had a huge influence on the way I write songs. I was always attracted to songs that had a brilliant pun or a clever turn of phrase, but came from a dark, bitter place. As a writer, I've always gravitated towards that feeling. — Teddy Thompson

Are you calling for help?" Sophie asked when he had closed the phone.
Saint-Germain shook his head. "Ordering breakfast. I'm famished." He jerked his thumb back in the direction of the Eiffel Tower, which was still erupting fireworks. "Creating something like that- if you pardon the pun- burns a lot of calories. — Michael Scott

But things were different now. I finally had my head -pun intended- on straight. — Meg Cabot

I feel like America would enjoy this pun about me... and closets. — Kelly Thompson

Better to have loved and lost than to live with regret. — Big Pun

Always say 'no pun intended' to draw attention to the intended pun. — Teju Cole

You've got to be kidding. No self-respecting demon would be caught undead here. Heck, we're so podunk we don't even have a Burger Doodle."
"Demons find this Burger Doodle attractive?"
"Nah, if I had to guess, I'd say they're more into soul food." She clapped her hands over her mouth. "Oh, God, I made a pun. Slap me. — Lexi George

He pulled her to him and kissed her softly on the lips. 'You blow me away,' he whispered.
'Ha-ha,' she said, but Travis refused to go along with the pun.
'I'm serious, sweetheart. I've never felt like this before.'
His eyes were deep green and so full of love that tears sprang to Lily's eyes. 'Me either. — Bella Andre

Do you know why they call this place the Rookery?" Elodin asked. I shook my head.
"Because it's where you go if you're a-ravin'." He smiled a wild smile. He laughed a terrible laugh. — Patrick Rothfuss

Images are taking over, and writers are a dying breed. The Norman Mailers of today are reduced to writing pun-filled captions for paparazzi photos. Blogs
which were threatening enough to professional writers
are being replaced by video blogs. We writers need to embraced the Second Commandment as our rallying cry for the importance of words. In a literally biblical world, all publications would look like the front page of the Wall Street Journal. Or the way it used to look, anyway. — A. J. Jacobs

I never knew an enemy to puns who was not an ill-natured man. — Charles Lamb

Once we acquired the power to destroy ourselves, the very notion of human life had been altered; even the air we breathed was contaminated with the stench of death. Sachs was hardly the first person to come up with this idea, but considering what happened to him nine days ago, there's a certain eeriness to the obsession, as if it were a kind of deadly pun, a mixed-up word that took root inside him and proliferated beyond his control. — Paul Auster

Let me do five of those, and then some slower ones for those kids that can't understand what I'm sayin. — Big Pun

What happened when the Verb asked the noun to conjugate? She said "no-no!", forgot the "o" and decided to become a nun! — Ana Claudia Antunes

Violence existed before our music was even suggested. — Big Pun

Scholars, street knowledge, Carter kids stuck in the projects. — Big Pun

Strip those clowns down to nudity, shove the chrome where they doo doo be. — Big Pun

According to that book, only one Marx contributed an unforgotten pun to the Round Tablers' vaunted word games. It wasn't Groucho, who must have been furious. Nor was it Harpo, who for all we know sat at the table naked. Nor was it Chico, who had more dangerous games elsewhere. It was Gummo. Evidently Gummo had a seat at that table at least once, and he made it count. Everybody knows that Dorothy Parker, challenged to make a sentence with the word horticulture, quipped as follows: "You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think." But who knew that Gummo, taking on euphoria, came up with this: LEFT TO RIGHT: Harpo, Zeppo, Chico, Groucho, and Gummo, 1957. "Go outside and play," Minnie told the brothers. "Which ones?" they asked. And she said: "Euphoria."* — Roy Blount Jr.

Hmm, I wondered as I knocked on Stephan's door, would you call a mischievous young ghoul? A ghouligan? I snorted at my own pun. I cracked myself up. — Elizabeth A. Reeves

Every swamp has a silted lining. — Brian Spellman

Diddley dee I have got to pee — Chris Howard

It is. If it's too late for me ... Well, I'll be damned - no pun intended - if I'll let them keep you out, too. — Stephenie Meyer

Human beings are more or less formulas. Pun intended. We are not any one thing that is mathematically provable. We are more or less than we are anything. We are more or less kind, or more or less not. More or less selfish, happy, wise, lonely. — Adi Alsaid

Would I laugh?"
"Matter of fact, you would," says Zeb. "Heart like shale. What you need is a good fracking. — Margaret Atwood

The man [Donald Trump] seems to out-trump himself - no pun intended - every time he speaks in his bid to win the Republican nomination. — Corri Wilson

I blow my own mind like Nirvana, and go the whole nine like Madonna. — Big Pun

As Tolkien points out, the name is "a pleasantly ingenious pun," referring to those who "dabble in ink." It also suggests people "with vague or half-formed intimations and ideas. — Diana Pavlac Glyer

See you when tea is hot. — Robert Anton Wilson