Please Flush The Toilet Quotes & Sayings

Since the invention of the flush toilet and the vacuum carpet cleaner, the modern man seems to judge a man's moral standards by his cleanliness, and thinks a dog the more highly civilized for having a weekly bath and a winter wrapper round his belly. — Lin Yutang

The flush toilet, more than any single invention, has 'civilized' us in a way that religion and law could never accomplish. — Thomas Lynch

Crap was not a bad word. It was the shortened name of the marketing genius of the best known flush toilet, John Crapper. Really. — Faith Hunter

He did have to flush the toilet though, since I hadn't gotten to that yet. I had only peed, otherwise I might have been mortified. Best friend or not, shit was still shit. — Scarlett Dawn

I'm horrible to live with. I don't clean. My clothes end up wherever I take them off. I forget to flush the toilet. — Megan Fox

There were other stories and other names. Second Base Stace, who had breasts in fourth grade and let some of the boys feel them. Vincent, who took acid and tried to flush a sofa down the toilet. Sheila, who allegedly masturbated with a hot dog and had to go to the emergency room. The list went on and on. — Stephen Chbosky

If it were thought that anything I wrote was influenced by Robert Frost, I would take that particular piece of mine,
shred it, and flush it down the toilet, hoping not to clog the pipes. — James Dickey

My dad used to flush my mother's head down the toilet. I was so screwed up. — Jessica Hahn

I'm up there trying to do my Chore. I've got the men's bathroom. There's something ... Pat there's something in the toilet up there. That won't flush. The thing. It won't go away. It keeps reappearing. Flush after flush. I'm only here for instructions. Possibly also protective equipment. I couldn't even describe the thing in the toilet. All I can say is if it was produced by anything human then I have to say I'm worried. Don't even ask me to describe it. If you want to go up and have a look, I'm 100% confident it's still there. It's made it real clear it's not going anywhere. — David Foster Wallace

Lean Pockets, I don't even wanna know what's in those. I wonder what the directions are on a box of Lean Pockets: 'Remove from box, place directly in toilet.' Flush Pocket! — Jim Gaffigan

This guy was making me tired. "Thanks for the afternoon's entertainment," I said. "I'll flush a copy of my bill down the toilet. You should be getting it in a couple of days. — John Swartzwelder

Ah, the painful truth: Fate was a cosmic toilet. It was the nature of the universe to flush sluggish things that failed to exercise free will. Stasis was stagnancy. Change was velocity. Fate - a sniper that preferred a motionless target to a dancing one. — Karen Marie Moning

It takes a minimum of six people, working in close harmony, to successfully flush a nautical toilet. That's why those old ships carried such large crews. — Dave Barry

You can flush my ashes down the toilet, for all I care. — Carolyn Gold Heilbrun

Las Vegas, the most expensive toilet in the world that still can't flush. — Brin-Jonathan Butler