Quotes & Sayings About Pissing Yourself

Don't be such a party-pooper, missy
when you're well and truly screwed, either you just sit pissing yourself or you invent some reason to hope. — James Alan Gardner

It's very important to know when you're in a pissing match. And it's very important to get out of it as quickly as possible. — Randy Pausch

And you had to do that in a thunderstorm pissing down like a camel? — Poppet

If you'd just told me you wanted her for yourself, I wouldn't have opened my mouth. Asshole."
"He doesn't want me for himself," Melanie said. "He isn't looking for a relationship."
"It doesn't matter if he's looking," Richart grumbled. "He's found one. The two of you can't take your eyes off each other. And in the rare moments you do, you usually touch."
"What?" Bastien said the same time Melanie did.
Was she as appalled that her feelings were so transparent as he was?
"Don't worry." Richart drew out a handkerchief and wiped his crimson lips. "I doubt anyone else has noticed. Bastien is usually too busy pissing them all off."
"He doesn't piss you off?" Melanie asked.
"Other than just now" - Richart glared at Bastien - "no. I've spent enough time in his company that I've become immune to his bullshit. — Dianne Duvall

Inherent in being proactive and trying things and not waiting to be told what to do is the fact that you're going to fail, you're going to make mistakes, and you're probably going to piss people off. And if you're not pissing people off, if you don't have haters, if you're not putting yourself in a situation that has some risks associated with it, you're probably not going to realize your full potential. — Gina Bianchini

Marilyn Monroe is pissing me off, Charlie Chaplin owes me twenty bucks, that fucker Shrek tried to fuck my girlfriend at Baskin Robbins. — David Louden

Honestly, the look he's giving me right now ... I think if he could flip me off, he would.
Yep, you lost that round, Dozer.
I turn the ignition , feeling pretty satisfied with myself that I've got Mia sitting up front with me ... Then it hits me.
I was just in a pissing contest with my dog.
There are no words.
No. Fucking. Words.
Towle, Samantha (2013-11-18). Trouble (p. 125). Kindle Edition. — Samantha Towle

See, this favorite child of mine changes by the day. No, by the minute, actually. Who is this favorite child of mine? It's the particular one who is pissing me off least at any given moment in time. They have all had their fair share of being the favorite and they have all inspired the "Oh my God, did I really give birth to you" moments as well. It's one of the best things about having more than one child: there's always another one to go to when one of the others is driving you up a fucking wall. — Jill Smokler

Same thing every year, getting up at the crack of dawn, drinking, fighting, throwing up, pissing on walls and then you leave the house and things get bad. — Greg Fitzsimmons

When Stephen comes into a room, the furnishings shrink from him. Chairs scuttle backwards. Joint-stools flatten themselves like pissing bitches. The woollen Bible figures in the king's tapestries lift their hands to cover their ears. — Hilary Mantel

Quit it! Tate, enough of the taunts, and Bones, how old are you? Why don't I just give you a pair of my panties to hang around your neck? Then whenever you feel jealous, you can wave them at whoever's pissing you off."
"Like you wear panties," Tate muttered. — Jeaniene Frost

Whether your pleasing or pissing everybody off, your doing something wrong. — David Cook

If America taught me anything, it's that quitting is right up there with pissing in the Girl Scouts' lemonade jar. — Khaled Hosseini

I think it was probably both the coincidence and the beer that made Miralles say at some point that we were going to end up the same, defeated and alone and
punch-drunk in a dead-end city, pissing blood before going into the ring to fight to the death against our own shadows in an empty stadium. — Javier Cercas

(Official Interdimensional Travel Observation #2: you'd think that meeting yourself in another dimension would cause a total freak-out of the infinite order, pants-pissing, screaming, etc. But it's the total opposite: weirdly calming. Like "Hey bro, I know you! Let's go get a beer.") But — Rob Dircks

Edgar Hoover? I'd rather have him inside the tent pissing out than outside pissing in. — Jeffrey Archer

For guys, life was nothing but one big pissing contest. It was a pure damn wonder women didn't take over the world while men were busy trying to prove who had the biggest dick. — Tami Hoag

One man wrote me, saying, 'You know who you are? You're nothing but a Captain Bly pissing up a drainpipe!' — Robert Bly

I think the correct term for this was 'pissing contest', and though I was flattered, I didn't have time for it. — Kim Harrington

When Anderson walks into a room, you can hear a rat pissing on cotton. — Chael Sonnen

You're not in a pissing match with a seven-year-old, are you? Gunner called. — Lizzy Ford

I am driving an unfamiliar vehicle down a narrow road I've never seen before. Do you really want to be pissing me off right now? — Jennifer Rardin

It only took Ysabel one day to screw with one of his finest trackers. Lucifer fought an urge to shake his head. "Let me get this straight. After pissing Ysabel off, to the point she's going to come storming in here any minute demanding I fire you, you still want to work with her? Are you insane?" "I hope so," Remy grinned. A smile cracked Lucifer's face. "Congratulations. Your mother will be ecstatic. Consider it done. I like a male who doesn't back down in the face of a shrew." "Bah, she's not a shrew. Just a little feisty. Besides, I think I might enjoy taming a cougar with claws. — Eve Langlais

What are you doing with the child?" I inquired cautiously.
"I'm teachin' young James here the fine art of not pissing on his feet," he explained. — Diana Gabaldon

Why there isn't any drama in my life
So I'll crawl on the cottonfield with a fife
Why to have a dream in vain my life begs
Am a house gecko, I eat flies and lay eggs
My death surely doesn't yield a headline and all
I'll break law by pissing on a castle's wall
For my death there wouldn't be a weeping meni
From the name of Lady Canning there's ledikeni
One foot on heaven and one foot on hell, hanging
One cannon and two cannonballs dangling. — Nabarun Bhattacharya

He grins sourly. "I only make big bets that involve lives and the future of humanity." His shoulders slump as though the invisible weight on them is too much. "Speaking of which, you handled yourself well out there. Better than anyone expected. We could really use someone like you. There are situations that a girl like you could handle better than a platoon of men." His grin turns boyish. "Assuming you don't clock an angel for pissing you off."
"That's a big assumption. — Susan Ee

Stop telling yourself you that you aren't lovable because it's pissing me off. I don't care if you aren't ready to admit how you really feel about me yet, but don't you dare dismiss how I feel about you. Because I love you. — Colleen Hoover

Dinna worrit yourself, man," said Jamie's voice. "You'll learn. It's a bit difficult, isn't it, when your cock doesna stick out any further than your belly button?" I stuck my head around the corner, to find him seated on a chopping block, engaged in converse with his namesake, who was struggling manfully with the folds of his smock. "What are you doing with the child?" I inquired cautiously. "I'm teachin' young James here the fine art of not pissing on his feet," he explained. "Seems the least his uncle could do for him." I — Diana Gabaldon

What do they think has happened, the old fools,
To make them like this? Do they somehow suppose
It's more grown-up when your mouth hangs open and drools,
And you keep on pissing yourself, and can't remember
Who called this morning? Or that, if they only chose,
They could alter things back to when they danced all night,
Or went to their wedding, or sloped arms some September?
Or do they fancy there's really been no change,
And they've always behaved as if they were crippled or tight,
Or sat through days of thin continuous dreaming
Watching the light move? If they don't (and they can't), it's strange;
Why aren't they screaming? — Philip Larkin

My mother's psychologist says I have an overactive anger switch, but people just keep pissing me off. — Meg Cabot

His grin turns boyish. Assuming you don't clock an angel for pissing you off. — Susan Ee

When order in study was finally reestablished, Wrath looked downright nasty. "Next one of you mouthy assholes makes me pound my desk again, I'm throwing you the fuck out." On that note, he reached down, picked up the cowering ninety-pounds retriever, and settled George in his lap. "You're freaking out my dog and it's pissing me off. — J.R. Ward

But the stories you told yourself
which you pretended to recall as if they'd happened every afternoon of an infinite summer
were really a pocketful of days distorted into legend, another jailhouse exaggeration, like the dimensions of those ballpoint-crosshatched tits or of the purported mountains of blow you once used to enjoy, or how you'd bellowed an avenger's roar when you squeezed the trigger of a pistol you'd actually brandished in self-pissing terror. How often had that hydrant even been opened? Did you jet water through a car window, what, twice at best? Summer burned a few afternoons long, in the end. — Jonathan Lethem

The fact that he got to save the Gwardian's mate and managed to piss him off at the same time, well that was just a bonus and pure luck of circumstance. After all, he had gypsy blood inside of him and could not stop the satisfaction he got from pissing people off. — Madison Thorne Grey

You're all just pissing in the wind. You don't know it, but you are. — Neil Young

Better to have your enemies inside your tent pissing out, then to have them outside your tent pissing in. — Doris Kearns Goodwin

Now, what is the comparative loudness of a man's flicking the corners of a few banknotes in the middle of his room with the same man's pissing furiously from a bursting bladder into a stainless-steel sink in the corner of his room nearest to a pair of huddled, listening females? — Gerald Murnane

If I ever write an autobiography about teaching meditation in the West, I'll call it "Pissing In the Wind - Teaching Buddhism in America". — Frederick Lenz

I'm past competing in pissing contests. My jet stream is now more of a trickle. The only contest I'd win is the number of trips to the bathroom it takes to purge a 32oz soda. — Brian MacLearn

Had an audition for a pilot today, but realized I could save gas and help the environment by pissing up a rope here at home! — Dana Gould

Writing is the dragon that lives underneath my floorboards. The one I incessantly feed for fear it may turn and devour my ass. Writing is the friend who doesn't return my phone calls; the itch I'm unable to scratch; a dinner invitation from a cannibal; elevator music for a narcoleptic. Writing is the hope of lifting all boats by pissing in the ocean. Writing isn't something that makes me happy like a good cup of coffee. It's just something I do because not writing, as I've found, is so much worse. — Quentin R. Bufogle

Give me my powers back, Artemis, or I'll take your daughter's life. (Sin)
Damn boy, you have an unholy gift for pissing off people. Why don't you tell her that dress makes her look fat while you're at it? (Kat) — Sherrilyn Kenyon

Are you up? Dressing? (Astrid)
No. I'm pissing on your rug. What do you think I'm doing? (Zarek)
I'm blind. For all I know you really are peeing on my rug, which is a very nice rug incidentally, so I hope you're kidding. (Astrid) — Sherrilyn Kenyon

There are so few people left alive from back then, you may as well be talking to them about the Black Death. Nobody recalls the shite in the 30s and that were fucking horrible. For Christ's sake, nobody wants to remember the shite in the 80s. It's all forgotten and swept under the rug by the newspapers and the BBC. They get nostalgic about the music, but they never want to mention the misery. It's all shite. As for the bloody Second World War, the politicians only talk about it when they need an excuse to go pissing about in one of those fucking Muslim countries. — Harry Leslie Smith

That macho protective bullshit is just some asshat man pissing on his territory so the other dogs will stay away. — Tammara Webber

Chance looked over at Quinn as he explained the rules... again. Chance knew all of those things, hell, he had lived by them since he bedded his first woman. In the fact, he even added a rule of his own. He never, under any circumstances, went back for seconds with the women he slept with. He was infamous for pissing off women when they said something about him calling them, or seeing them again. Rather than pulling a dodging act most men learned at method which gained him adoration from other men and venom from women. No matter how progressive a woman claimed to be, the moment she realized she had just been fucked like she had never been fucked before or would ever be fucked again; they wanted to hang on. Chance had termed it the law of dickmitizing. — Shyloh Morgan

I'm planning to go redneck chic with the wedding," Maddy announced, looking through the racks of dresses.
"What the hell is that?"
"Redneck chic is a nice way of saying I have bad taste, but I'm embracing it."
Sizing up Maddy's blonde girl next door beauty, I found her dressed normal. "Bad taste how? Is this about Tucker because, yeah, I see it?"
Maddy rolled her blue eyes then walked to the next rack. "Tucker is gorgeous. He's the classiest part of my life."
Nearby, Raven burst into laughter to the point of nearly pissing herself. I didn't blame her since we'd all seen Tucker fall off chairs and struggle with push/ pull doors. Classy, he was not. — Bijou Hunter

I remember another aphorism of my father's, one that he used to say whenever we passed someone pissing openly in the street: add color to life when you can. — Dinaw Mengestu

You have to take the long view. First, when Moses came down from Mt. Sinai, man has already progressed to the point where a commandment against cannibalism was no longer necessary. And, second, it's like pissing on a boulder. For the first few thousand years, you don't see any effect. But after that, you start to see a definite impact. — I. F. Stone