Pants On Fire Quotes & Sayings

I just want to make sure he's a good fit for her. She has problems - craps her pants, stuff like that. If she needs help, I want to be there. — Debra Anastasia

I'm going to lie this one right on the line, right here, right now: I'm pro big pants. Strident feminism NEEDS big pants. Really big. I'm currently wearing a pair that could have been used as a fire blanket to put out the Great Fire of London at any point during the first 48 hours or so. They extend from the top of my thigh to my belly button, and effectively double up as a second property that I can escape to at weekends. If I were going to run for parliament, it would be solely on a platform of 'Get Women In Massive Grundie's'. — Caitlin Moran

But what really won me over was his butt. What finally made it impossible for me not to like the man was how right out there on the Adventist basepaths, right in front of eighty or ninety of the kind of pious adult spectators who spent their every Sabbath if not their entire lives trying to forget the existence of things like butts, Beal's buns were trying to light a fire by friction inside his jeans; they were gyrating like a washing machine with its load off balance; they were thrashing against his pants like two big halibut against the bottom of a boat. And the wonderful thing, the amazing thing, was how once his older audience got over the shock of it, they began to look amused at, then fascinated by, and finally downright grateful toward his writhing reminder that yes, buns did exist, and yes, every one of us owned not one but two of the things, and yes, like the God who created them in His Image, they did indeed move in mysterious ways. — David James Duncan

Luc would have put my head on a pike if you'd taken a hit." "How do you know I didn't?" I opened my mouth, then closed it again. "Did you?" His eyes went to sultry slits. "Do you want to look and see?" "Not especially." Liar, liar, pants on fire. — Chloe Neill

Duke was already sitting in the passenger seat, waiting for her. She got in and started the car. Duke busted into a Slim Jim of his own.
"You hairy toad fucker. That stuff's nasty. Your toilet must be like a nuclear reactor." Dove turned on her windshield wipers as a light mist seemed to fracture the glass.
"I'm sorry, Whore Basket. I couldn't hear you over the noise of you crapping your pants!" Duke took another huge bite and chewed the waxy meat like gum.
"This stuff is off the charts. I could eat vats of it. — Debra Anastasia

[Piper] rushed to get dressed. By the time she got up on deck, the others had already gathered - all hastily dressed except for Coach Hedge, who had pulled the night watch.
Frank's Vancouver Winter Olympics shirt was inside out. Percy wore pajama pants and a bronze breastplate, which was an interesting fashion statement. Hazel's hair was all blown to one side as though she'd walked through a cyclone; and Leo had accidentally set himself on fire. His T-shirt was in charred tatters. His arms were smoking. — Rick Riordan

The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery. They're the kind of people who'd stop to help you change a flat, but would somehow manage to set your car on fire. I would be reluctant to entrust them with a Cuisinart, let alone the economy. The Republicans, on the other hand, would know how to fix your tire, but they wouldn't bother to stop because they'd want to be on time for Ugly Pants Night at the country club — Dave Barry

I am not glowy." Laurel simply turned Parker by the shoulders to the big foyer mirror. "You were saying?" Maybe color did glow in her cheeks, and maybe her eyes were a little dazzled, but . . . "That's irritation." "I won't say 'liar, liar,' but, Parks, under that skirt, your pants are on fire. — Nora Roberts

That scene in the office stayed with me. Those cigars, the fine clothes. I thought of good steaks, long
rides up winding driveways that led to beautiful homes. Ease. Trips to Europe. Fine women. Were they
that much more clever than I? The only difference was money, and the desire to accumulate it.
I'd do it too! I'd save my pennies. I'd get an idea, I'd spring a loan. I'd hire and fire. I'd keep whiskey in
my desk drawer. I'd have a wife with size 40 breasts and an ass that would make the paperboy on the
corner come in his pants when he saw it wobble. I'd cheat on her and she'd know it and keep silent in
order to live in my house with my wealth. I'd fire men just to see the look of dismay on their faces. I'd
fire women who didn't deserve to be fired. — Charles Bukowski

Akmon pulled a ratchet wrench from the tool belt and spun it like a noisemaker. "Oh, very nice! I'm definitely keeping this! Thanks, Blue Bottom!"
Blue Bottom?
Leo glanced down. His pants had slipped around his ankles again, revealing his blue undershorts. "That's it!" he shouted. "My stuff. Now. Or I'll show you how funny a flaming dwarf is."
His hands caught fire. — Rick Riordan

Get me your manager." Dove held her head high and tried to seem older and more self-assured.
The teenager barely registered her request.
"Do it now. My friend here is about to crap his pants. Do you want to smell it?" Dove slapped her hands down on the counter, snapping the life into the girl. "Do you want to smell his shit? — Debra Anastasia

Dove hated that he knew way too much about her now. He knew she had a big girl boner for Johnson, he knew she'd tried to remove her crotch hair and had crapped her pants. It was Shameful with a capital Shit. — Debra Anastasia

If someone's lying, are their pants really on fire — Jerry Seinfeld

A man in a white shirt and black pants leapt from one of the open windows. His hair was on fire. His arms pinwheeled as he dropped out of frame. He was followed seconds later by a woman in a dark skirt. When she jumped, she clasped her hands to her thighs, as if to keep her skirt from flapping up and showing her underwear. Jakob — Joe Hill

Then, when the Fed's fire hoses started spraying an elephant soup of liquidity injections in every direction and its balance sheet grew by $1.3 trillion in just thirteen weeks compared to $850 billion during its first ninety-four years, I became convinced that the Fed was flying by the seat of its pants, making it up as it went along. It was evident that its aim was to stop the hissy fit on Wall Street and that the thread of a Great Depression 2.0 was just a cover story for a panicked spree of money printing that exceeded any other episode in recorded human history. — David Stockman

Speak English at this table or I will fire you so fast you'll wind up standing at the airport wondering how you got from here to there without any goddamn pants on. — Mira Grant

Those people who say it takes more muscles to frown than smile are in serious danger of having their pants catch on fire. — Tammy Blackwell

I want so many things," he whispers. "I want your mind. Your strength. I want to be worth your time." His fingers graze the hem of my top and he says "I want this up." He tugs on the waist of my pants and says "I want these down." He touches the tips of his fingers to the sides of my body and says, "I want to feel your skin on fire. I want to feel your heart racing next to mine and I want to know it's racing because of me, because you want me. Because you never," he says, he breathes, "never want me to stop. I want every second. Every inch of you. I want all of it. — Tahereh Mafi

I had lied so much lately that I was honestly surprised my pants weren't literally made of fire. — Michelle Rowen

So,if it's all love or money, which is Alex Bainbridge?"
I blinked at him. "What?"
"He's a turd, Ella. He looked right through you like you were a ghost, but you still have a thing for him."
"I do n-"
"Don't even. You've gone through the whole week watching for him. So what is it? I would really like to know. Love or money?"
"I have not been watching for him!" I snapped. Oh, but I had, in every hallway, at lunch, when I took my seat at the edge of English class. "And if I have, it's just so I can look away first."
Frankie rolled his eyes. "Shall I get you a pail of water?"
"Why?"
"Your pants are on fire."
I actually looked down at my lap. "Oh, very funny." I shot Sadie a look when she giggled. — Melissa Jensen

In all my wanderings through this world of care,
In all my griefs
and God has given my share
I still had hopes, my latest hours to crown,
Amidst these humble bowers to lay me down;
To husband out life's taper at the close,
And keep the flame from wasting, by repose:
I still had hopes, for pride attends us still,
Amidst the swains to show my book-learn'd skill,
Around my fire an evening group to draw,
And tell of all I felt, and all I saw;
And, as a hare, whom hounds and horns pursue,
Pants to the place from whence at first she flew,
I still had hopes, my long vexations past,
Here to return
and die at home at last. — Oliver Goldsmith

No, she won't," Bast said smugly. "Because I'm all grown, and I can do whatever I want with my pants. I could light them on fire and I wouldn't get in any trouble at all. — Patrick Rothfuss

You can relax. I am not here to collect on the deal"
I blinked. "You are not? Then why did you drop your gun belt?"
"I am tired. I wanted to sit and the belt is uncomfortable."
"Oh."
He smiled. "Disappointed?"
"No." Liar, liar, pants on fire. — Janet Evanovich

Here's the deal. We go in, you stand there like the asshole you are, and I explain you aren't gay lovers with the pharmacist. Sound good?" Dove clicked her blinker on and checked her side mirror.
"All I heard was blah, blah, holding your dick later, blah, blah." Duke rolled down his window and stuck his face into the night. — Debra Anastasia

A man who discovers his pants are on fire tends to have very little time to worry about somebody else's box of matches — Jeff Lindsay

Liar, liar. My pants are so on fire. And so is the rest of me. — Georgia Cates

My pants are on fire! — John Ziegler

There was a knock on the bedroom door. "Matt?"
Fuck. "Nope.
Silence. "Would you be the owner of the leather pants?"
"Yep."
She paused briefly. "I'm going to pass these through the door. You have exactly thirty seconds to pull them on, make yourself presentable and get your ass out here."
"Do I have any other options?"
"Only if Matt's got a window."
He looked at the window longingly. The thirty-six-story drop with no fire escape might be less painful, but he decided there was no avoiding it. "Understood. — Christine Price

Their chemistry at the Tavern had nearly set the place on fire. And she hadn't missed that tent situation under his pants earlier - an entire Boy Scout troop could've camped under there. — Elle Kennedy

Jeremy's T-Shirts by book:
Hard As It Gets
"ROUTE 69"
"This guy loves BACON" with two hands with their thumbs pointing back at him
"Orgasm Donor" with a red cross
Big Johnson's Tattoo Parlor, "You're going to feel more than a Little Prick"
"I'm not Santa but you can still sit on my lap"

Hard As You Can
Log-holding beaver that says, "Are you looking at my wood?"
"I put the long in schlong"

Hard to Hold On To
"Blink if you're horny"

Hard to Come By
Hand pointing downward and the words, "May I suggest the sausage?"
Charlie (who starts borrowing Jeremy's t-shirts): A smiling fire extinguished that says, "I put out"
Charlie: Schnauzer wearing a saddle that says, "Weiner Rides, 25 cents"
"HEAD Foundation. Please give generously"
Charlie: Mr. T with the words "Mr. T Shirt"
There's a party in my pants. You're invited. — Laura Kaye

Picture this broad: 22 going on 18. Half the guys in my class would have given their left testicle to date her. This cupcake is the guidance counselor the principal has assigned me. Miss Boyle is her name. We all call her "Miss Bubbly Water." Imagine the teasing I have to endure from my friends. Not to mention what it's like, sitting across from this Barbie Doll every Thursday afternoon, watching her cross and uncross her legs, while she's lecturing me about - get this: "staying focused." Right! My pants are on fire, and she's handing me a crash course in Psych 101! — Ted Gargiulo

Do you repel pants? Do they actually jump off you?" Dove cringed as she noticed his black socks.
"Pants are afraid of my dick. — Debra Anastasia

Cassia had a feeling Kane might not follow her instructions to the letter, but she never expected him to come barreling into the docking lot with Arabelle hoisted over one shoulder, shielding his head with his free arm and yelling like his pants were on fire. Behind him, Doran and Solara ran through the open doorway, each armed with a stolen pulse pistol and firing indiscriminately at someone out of view.
So much for smooth negotiating. — Melissa Landers

Cause I lit him on fire, I shrugged and brushed dust from my pants. — Amanda Hocking

We'd done little more than introduce ourselves to the woman at the front desk of the
tailor, when the door behind us opened. I didn't turn around at first, not really caring who else walked into the store, but when Will spoke to someone, I looked to see who it was.
Clay.
In his blue fireman pants and boots and a blue tee-shirt with Hartford Fire Department written on the front.
Great.
Just fucking great.
"When I texted Clay earlier," Will said, "I told him we'd be here and wouldn't be long,
and that he should come down if he had time."
I guess he had time.
Where the fuck are all the pyromaniacs when I need them? — N.R. Walker