Obama Humor Quotes & Sayings

I kept finding the same anguish, the same doubt; a self-contempt that neither irony nor intellect seemed able to deflect. Even DuBois's learning and Baldwin's love and Langston's humor eventually succumbed to its corrosive force, each man finally forced to doubt art's redemptive power, each man finally forced to withdraw, one to Africa, one to Europe, one deeper into the bowels of Harlem, but all of them in the same weary flight, all of them exhausted, bitter men, the devil at their heels. — Barack Obama

Barack Obama may be black, but John McCain is the first Albino presidential candidate: he's completely see-through! — George Lopez

New Rule: Stop talking about "the gas prices under Obama." As if he's the guy out there changing the numbers on the sign with that long pole. And while they're at the gas station, Republicans who still think human activity doesn't affect air quality should poke their heads in the men's room. — Bill Maher

Word of advice for any young man that might want to take out Malia or Sasha Obama - Their father can order an assassination, don't piss him off. — David C. Holley

You can't believe that AIDS is a curse from God against Gays without accepting that Lyme Disease is a curse from the same God against Deer Hunters ... — T. Rafael Cimino

New Rule: Conspiracy theorists who are claiming that we didn't really kill Bin Laden must be reminded that they didn't think he did the crime in the first place. Come on, nutjobs, keep your bullshit straight: The towers were brought down in a controlled demolition by George W. Bush to distract attention from Hawaii, where CIA operatives were planting phony birth records so that a Kenyan named Barack Obama could someday rise to power and pretend to take out the guy we pretended took out the Towers. And I know that's true because I just got it in an e-mail from Trump. — Bill Maher

Most Tea Party members are old pride-filled morons who have no good reasoning to concern themselves with politics, just tired old self-righteous and self-proclaimed patriots wanting to start some type of Nazi-like revolution, mainly because they hate Obama and they have a dumb sense that their lives and generation is quickly coming to a halt and none of them like it. They claim they don't want their rights stripped away from them, so they will do anything in their power to stop that, including stripping away the rights of others. — J.C. Wickhart

Our brand of democracy is hard. But I can promise that a year from now, when I no longer hold this office, I'll be right there with you as a citizen - inspired by those voices of fairness and vision, of grit and good humor and kindness that have helped America travel so far. — Barack Obama

Over the last fifteen months we've traveled to every corner of the United States. I've now been to fifty-seven states. I think, one left to go. — Barack Obama

Get there early because hope does not park your mother-fucking car. — Jon Stewart

Wisdom of the Ages: "Being Poor" Of all the crimes committed in America, undoubtedly the most unforgivable. — Matthew D. Heines

Humor helps ease the tension of race and the differences in society. If there wasn't comedy I don't know if Obama could have ever become president. — Marlon Wayans

He's one fry short of a Happy Meal. — Rush Limbaugh

I've got daughters. Nine years old and six years old. First of all, I'm gonna teach them about values and morals. But if they make a mistake, I don't want them PUNISHED with a baby. — Barack Obama

Obama's plan for "change": Let's do everything Bush did, only with more suck! Because it just didn't suck badly enough the first time! — Michel Templet

Obama's got a great sense of humor, but mainly he has a great thinking presence, which is uncommon. It's hard to imagine being able to do, think over answers and deliver them on television. If I were president I would constantly be spluttering. — Roy Blount Jr.

In fact, you couldn't even be sure that everything you had assumed to be an expression of your black, unfettered self
the humor, the song, the behind-the-back pass
had been freely chosen by you. At best, these things were a refuge; at worst, a trap. Following this maddening logic, the only thing you could choose as your own was withdrawal into a smaller and smaller coil of rage, until being black meant only the knowledge of your own powerlessness, of your own defeat. And the final irony: Should you refuse this defeat and lash out at your captors, they would have a name for that, too, a name that could cage you just as good. Paranoid. Militant. Violent. Nigger. — Barack Obama

The friendship that we established early on in our marriage ... that carries you through tough times. That and a good sense of humor. — Barack Obama

Obama is not a secret Kenyon, or a secret Muslim, he's a secret Republican. — Bill Maher

He's always asking: 'Is that new? I haven't seen that before.' It's like, Why don't you mind your own business? Solve world hunger. Get out of my closet. — Michelle Obama

My little girls can break my heart. They can make me cry just looking at them eating their string beans. — Barack Obama

President Obama. He is the man. I've tried the rest, and he is the best. My dream is for him to appoint me to be the Secretary of Humor. My first act will be to make whatever Larry the Cable Guy is doing illegal. — Andy Kindler

Commenting on print journalism at the Commenting on print journalism at the White House Correspondents' Dinner: "Thanks to Obamacare, millions of Americans can visit a doctor's office and see what a print magazine actually looks like. — Joel McHale

When I see Ann Coulter and Sean Hannity baying across the television screen, I find it hard to take them seriously. I assume that they must be saying what they do primarily to boost book sales or ratings, although I do wonder who would spend their precious evenings with such sourpusses. — Barack Obama

One hour later, the presedent is standing in the White House press room before a full house of journelist's and reporter's.
Obame flash his milien doller grin. It lite up the room like fourth of July fire work's. It cause at least three feamale reporter's in atendence to quietley have orgasems. But then Obame grin vanish and the mood turn sombre. — Seinfeld 2000

Illinois preschoolers were temporarily saved from the debilitating effects of cereal and milk. — Barack Obama