Nine Months Baby Quotes & Sayings

And let's face it people, no one is ever honest with you about child birth. Not even your mother. "It's a pain you forget all about once you have that sweet little baby in your arms." Bullshit. I CALL BULLSHIT. Any friend, cousin, or nosey-ass stranger in the grocery store that tells you it's not that bad is a lying sack of shit. Your vagina is roughly the size of the girth of a penis. It has to stretch and open andturn into a giant bat cave so the life-sucking human you've been growing for nine months can angrily claw its way out. Who in their right mind would do that willingly? You're just walking along one day and think to yourself, "You know, I think it's time I turn my vagina into an Arby's Beef and Cheddar (minus the cheddar) and saddle myself down for a minimum of eighteen years to someone who will suck the soul and the will to live right out of my body so I'm a shell of the person I used to be and can't get laid even if I pay for it. — Tara Sivec

Everyone knows it takes a woman nine months to have a baby. But you Americans think if you get nine women pregnant, you can have a baby in a month. — Theodore Von Karman

How come life is so important in the nine months before birth, but then we sort of forget about the importance, we're not worried about whether that baby lives in poverty once he or she is born. — Birch Bayh

It's mad because as a woman, you carry the baby for nine months, so you're very conscious that you have a little one inside you. But for a guy, it's suddenly, there's a baby there. — Orlando Bloom

Have you had your first baby yet? I might have one myself, once they find a way for the man to carry it around the first nine months. — Joe Haldeman

The best gift you can give a baby is a full nine months of pregnancy. — Thalia

Waiting for a book to be published is like having a baby. It would be nine months before we heard the patter of tiny pages trotting through the letter box, and the bookcase shuffled it's shelves in boredom and I was a martyr to morning sickness. — Deric Longden

Thirteen years, one night.
Nine months. One small baby will deliver true love.
I can't wait to see you. — Lori L. Otto

I watched my friend Eleanor give birth," she said. "Once you've seen a child born, you realize a baby's not much more than a reconstituted ham and cheese sandwich. Just a little anagram of you and what you've been eating for nine months. — Lorrie Moore

Good mothers know all about patience. They know about lugging the promise of a baby around for nine whole months, about the effort of pushing and puffing until a head pops; they know about being pinned to a spot, wincing as gums make contact with sore nipples; they know about keeping a vigil over a cot all night, praying that the doctor's medicine will work; they know that even when patience seems to be at an end, more is required. Always more. — Adaobi Tricia Nwaubani

Taking B12 is the price of getting to be vegan, the way wearing a helmet is the price of getting to ride a motorcycle and giving up alcohol for nine months is the price of getting to have a baby. — Victoria Moran

I don't need a baby growing inside me for nine months. If I'm going to feel nauseous and achy when I wake up, I want to achieve that state the old-fashioned way: getting good and drunk the night before. — Ellen DeGeneres

Usually, Marilyn Norton loved the hot weather, but she was having a tough time with it, nine months pregnant, with her due date in two days. She was expecting her second child, another boy, and he was going to be a big one. She could hardly move in the heat, and her ankles and feet were so swollen that all she had been able to get her feet into were rubber flip-flops. She was wearing huge white shorts that were too tight on her now, and a white T-shirt of her husband's that outlined her belly. She had nothing left to wear that still fit, but the baby would arrive soon. She was just glad that she had made it to the first day of school with Billy. He had been nervous about his new school, and she wanted to be there with him. — Danielle Steel

'The Client List' is my baby. I always tell people, 'It took nine months to put this project together because it is my baby.' And, it really did take that long! — Jennifer Love Hewitt

You can't complain around a pregnant woman. I know that because I've lived with one for eight years. Every one of the man's problems is insignificant on a relative basis. HUSBAND: I'm tired. PREGNANT WOMAN: Oh, really? I'm growing a human being. HUSBAND: I have so much work to do. PREGNANT WOMAN: Oh, really? I have to push a baby with your head size out of my body. HUSBAND: I'm going to stand in the corner for the next nine months. — Jim Gaffigan

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating ... and you finish off as an orgasm. — George Carlin

Another story Momma liked to tell was about how once she and Daddy went to visit the Middletons when Momma was pregnant with me. Daddy and Mrs. Middleton were laughing at Momma, because she was a little older and was surprised that she could get pregnant. I think Momma was thirty-seven at the time. Both she and Mrs. Middleton had children around the same age, and Mrs. Middleton sort of indicated that Momma should've quit while she was ahead. Well, it turns out right after that visit, Mrs. Middleton got pregnant. "I think she got pregnant that same night," Momma would say, adding, "Don't mess with karma, Cannie Middleton." Nine months later, Mrs. Middleton also had a baby girl. — Robin Roberts

There's a reason women are pregnant for nine months; by the end, you're ready to have this baby. — Jenna Dewan

Like I didn't know what getting a girl pregnant meant: sex. Boys lay down on top of girls and wiggled around until they got the feeling. When that happened, a mysterious something called jizz came from the boy's dink. It sank into the girl's belly, and nine months later it was time for diapers and a baby carriage. — Stephen King

I was adopted when I was a baby. My mother carried me for nine months and she held me for one hour, and didn't see me again. — Michael Franti

We got off the Clash of the Titans tour and I said that my wife and I were working on having a baby and sure enough we found out that she was pregnant. So I told them nine months in advance that I wasn't going to tour in September so I could witness the birth of my first son. — Dave Lombardo

Perfect crime,' he said softly.
'Yes?'
'Persuade an innocent, idealistic young girl that the future of the human race depends on her sacrificing her own life. She will come into hospital as trustingly as a lamb to the slaughter. She will welcome the implantation of a baby that will kill her. She'll lie there while her brain is destroyed for nine whole months, and no police will arrest you, no court will judge you, you'll get away scot free. At the end of nine months she'll be taken off life support and she'll be completely dead. And no one will be blamed. — Jane Rogers

I say Democrats should not be afraid to talk about the morality of life, of caring for children who are born. It seems the Republican obsession with being pro-life lasts about nine months. After that, it's each baby for herself. — Jennifer Granholm