Quotes & Sayings About Neighbors Humor

The way to get a deciduous hedge for free is to ask a neighbor to let you take divisions from his shrubs. You can take ten or twenty sucker-like shoots with their roots attached before he will notice and start to feel like a sucker himself. Thank him profusely and suggest that you'd love to have him and the wife over to dinner sometime, but don't give a specific date. Perhaps in the winter, you might suggest, when there's not so much work to do in the yard.
... in about three to five years the little suckers will grow into an informal hedge whose height will depend on the type of shrub you have selected. I know three to five years is a long time when you're middle-aged and older. But what do you want? You've just glommed several hundred dollars' worth of shrubs for free, for heaven's sake. In three to five years your neighbor will have forgotten about that dinner, also. — Cassandra Danz

It's my Prom King, Brett. He's tapping at the window, wanting me to roll it down or to get out of the car - what an image that would be. How will I ever live that down? I can't even see myself laughing about it twenty years from now. If the neighbors walk past they'll probably report me to social services, I can hear them on the phone now, She's too lazy to even go to the bathroom, she just shits in her car. — P.K. Darling

Gemma talking to Charley ...
"Got it. Have you seen my pants?"
"Speaking of which, how did you get home without them?"
"I borrowed a pair of you sweats. I ran into a convenience store with them on. I talked to neighbors out in their yard when I pulled up. And only after I got inside did I realize the had 'Exit Only' written across the back."
"You stole my favorite sweats?"
"I wanted to die."
"It's weird that sweats would make you suicidal. I'd analyze the crap out of that if I were you."
"Do you actually wear those in public?"
"Only when I go out in them — Darynda Jones

My Family and Other Saints echoes Gerald Durrell's classic memoir, My Family and Other Animals, not only in its title, but in its wonderful humor and lyrical prose. Like Durrell, Kirin Narayan takes the reader to a fascinating world far from our own, and brings to life its myriad sights, sounds and smells, while revealing the profound cultural beliefs of its people. India is just the most complex character among a cast of characters-family members, gurus, hippies, and neighbors-all of whom I now count as old friends. — Judith Barrington

Gage wants to know more about his neighbor, Miss Dupree the one who keeps getting undressed at night with the curtains open and the lights on.In mock horror,Parker swung in his chair. Hey! you and Ashley are Gage's neighbors! — Richie Tankersley Cusick

Though Alec had never seen the occupants of the first floor loft, they seemed to be engaged in a tempestuous romance. Once there had been a bunch of someone's belongings strewn all over the landing with a note attached to a jacket lapel addressed to "A lying liar who lies." Right now there was a bouquet of flowers taped to the door with a card tucked among the blooms that read I'M SORRY. That was the thing about New York: you always knew more about your neighbors' business than you wanted to. — Cassandra Clare

Welsh is an actual, currently used language and our next-door neighbors Angela and Gaenor spoke it. It sounds like Wizard. — Maureen Johnson

There are a lot of things I can't control. I don't know what's going to happen in the next few days.I don't want what I am going to face, what kind of choices I am going to have to make. I can't predict it. I can't control it. It's too big.' I nodded at my shovel. 'But that, I can predict. I know that if I pick up that shovel and clear the snow from the walkways, it's going to make my neighbors safer and happier.' I glanced at him and shrugged. 'It's worthwhile to me. — Jim Butcher

When you are being judged by someone that has no idea who you are always remember this: Dogs always bark at strangers and usually there is always some wacko neighbor that wants to try out their new gun on an intruder. — Shannon L. Alder

Sure, there is an undeniable pleasure in rooting for a winning team and in being able to look down on opposing fans with equal measures of superiority and disdain. But that's also the Ruthian drawback in rooting for the Yankees (along with high ticket prices, overpriced concessions and crude neighbors). The true pleasure in sports comes not from simply winning but from watching a team overcome adversity to win in the end. The joy of sports is never the final destination, it's the journey. It's experiencing the highs and lows, and appreciating those highs all the more because of the awful lows. — Jim Caple

Granana doesn't understand what the big deal is. She didn't cry at Olivia's funeral, and I doubt she even remembers Olivia's name. Granana lost, like, ninety-two million kids in childbirth. All of her brothers died in the war. She survived the Depression by stealing radish bulbs from her neighbors' garden, and fishing the elms for pigeons. Dad likes to remind us of this in a grave voice, as if it explained her jaundiced pitilessness: Boys. Your grandmother ate pigeons. — Karen Russell

Then, if we really want our celestial neighbors to know how far we have progressed intelectually, we should have included pictures of Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy — Carl Sagan

However, to the amazement of their neighbors, the Klutzes never got seriously hurt. As clumsy as they were, the Klutzes were twice that lucky! — Henrik Drescher

I shouldn't like to see you married off too soon, anyway, my lady." The extreme flirtation inspired a burst of laughter from Alex, which forced Stanhope to chuckle himself and to offer, "Well, what did you expect? I have a reputation to keep up!" Alex's eyes twinkled with humor, and she grinned broadly. "Why, Frederick, Lord Stanhope. You're a fraud!" He leaned close to her ear and spoke in a voice too quiet to be overheard by their neighbors, "Shhh. Don't let that get around. 'Twill ruin me." So — Sarah MacLean

What do you do for fun in this town?
Well, you know. Wash dishes. Wipe up baby drool, put a new quart of oil in him once in a while. Watch the Weather Channel to see if any of the neighbors have been blown away by a tornado. Eat too much cheese and get cheese farts.
Keeps you busy, huh? — Nick Wilgus

She needed what most colored girls needed: a chorus of mamas, grandmamas, aunts, cousins, sisters, neighbors, Sunday school teachers, best girl friends, and what all to give her the strength life demanded of her - and the humor with which to live it. — Toni Morrison

Big lots,' I said, seeing the eighty-year-old oaks and shady lawns. The houses were set way back and had iron fences and stone drives.
The harder to hear your neighbors scream, my dear,' was David's answer, and I sent my head up and down in agreement. — Kim Harrison

For me, the start of a party only means a change from the tangible, boring, but satisfactory work of cooking, cleaning, and decorating to the unpredictable and far more difficult task of keeping several hundred neighbors and family members from injuring each other or driving me crazy before the end of the evening. — Donna Andrews

There's no experience quite like cutting your own live Christmas tree out of your neighbor's yard. — Dan Florence

I had this guy's file pulled this morning, along with the rest of your neighbors. His name is Desperado."
Pause. A few seconds passed. He was waiting for my reaction.
"Did you say Desperado?" I couldn't stop the snort of laughter that bubbled to the surface.
"Yeah," the Director confirmed. "He changed his name when he turned eighteen. It was Melvin."
I was still laughing. "'Cause Desperado is so much better than Melvin. — Laura Kreitzer

Argued with your back-fence neighbor," Adam said, his voice very gentle.
"And watched him when he wasn't looking," I agreed. "Because every once in a while, especially after a full moon hunt, he'd forget that I could see in the dark, and he'd run around naked in the backyard."
He laughed silently. "I never forgot you could see in the dark," he admitted. — Patricia Briggs

Is there a reason why you're standing there, staring out the window and watching the neighbors? Are we preparing to kill them and drag them down to the basement and bury them alive? — R.L. Mathewson

We were still twirling around the tiny parking lot when the neighbors
screamed 'Happy New Year'. Unfortunately we weren't sober enough to
realize that was our cue to call it a night. Josh had a new beer in his hands,
Danny was eating the last hot dog and Darren and I were still dancing
when the cops showed up. — Kaitlin Scott

I've got a reason for running. I talk about a larger goal, which is to call upon the best of America. It's part of the renewal. It's reform and renewal. Part of the renewal is a set of high standards and to remind people that the greatness of America really does depend on neighbors helping neighbors and children finding mentors. I worry. I'm very worried about, you know, the kid who just wonders whether America is meant for him. I really worry about that. — George W. Bush

I like the way that Dexter mixed humor, dark humor and tragedy, in a way I don't think that I've seen another show do. To handle those tonal shifts with so much confidence. Normally, you can mix humor and dark humor, you can mix dark humor and tragedy, but to mix all three ... There are just moments with Robin and Reuben, the next door neighbors, that are just funny. — Jane Espenson

If you don't scare the neighbors while copulating, I'm afraid you're doing something terribly wrong. — Lois Greiman

Neighbours complaining about someone's dog making an awful racket. You could hardly blame the poor beast, its owner had died in her bed at least a fortnight before and there hadn't been much left of the old girl worth eating. — James Oswald

Americans to bow our heads in humility before our Heavenly Father, a God who calls us not to judge our neighbors, but to love them, to ask His guidance upon our nation and its leaders in every level of government. — George W. Bush

Authors of light pieces have, nobody knows why, a genius for getting into minor difficulties: they walk into the wrong apartments, they drink furniture polish for stomach bitters, they drive their cars into the prize tulip beds of haughty neighbors, they playfully slap gangsters, mistaking them for old school friends. — James Thurber