Mr Pilkington Quotes & Sayings

It's not easy keeping a diary. You have to be pretty committed. — Karl Pilkington

It's easier to have a go at something again when you failed at it as you've got nowt to lose. — Karl Pilkington

Had a wee in the Amazon. Until Richard told me I should be careful because there are some tiny fish that can swim up from the water through my urine and into my knob! Is that how amazing the Amazon is? The fish in there would really rather live in my knob than the river. — Karl Pilkington

Honestly, all the trouble Noah went to saving the animals two by two and now we're making handbags out of them. I — Karl Pilkington

It's 2006, why are they still using the index finger? — Karl Pilkington

When I go on holiday and people ask me what I do, I tell them I do some internet stuff and I've done a couple of books and I hope they just leave it at that. — Karl Pilkington

I think it's clever how Rome have kept a load of old stuff. There's no overheads, yet people are going over there to see it. — Karl Pilkington

Everywhere we walked we got plenty of attention due to the camera and sound men. The locals love to get on camera. [ ... ] I'd seen footage of Gandhi surrounded like this and always thought it was because he was very popular, but now I wonder if it was just because he had a camera crew with him. — Karl Pilkington

If you don't have a plan, you can end up doing some interesting things. — Karl Pilkington

The reason there are so many gyms in London is because the amount of gay people who are here now. — Karl Pilkington

We'll all die out eventually. Humans will be gone. And all I'm saying is, when people worry about polar bears disappearing or whatever, it's like, 'Well that's life, things will come and go, we'll find new species.' — Karl Pilkington

I've never worried about life's big questions. — Karl Pilkington

If an animal is named after what it eats, how interesting is it? — Karl Pilkington

Every step starts with a step. — Karl Pilkington

When a swinging sin is to be committed, there is nothing like a gown and a cassock to cover it. — Laetitia Pilkington

The Tudors, I don't even know if I had a family back then. — Karl Pilkington

Pilkington, at Mombasa, had produced individuals who were sexually mature at four and full grown at six and a half. A scientific triumph. But socially useless. Six-year-old men and women were too stupid to do even Epsilon work. And the process was an all-or-nothing one; either you failed to modify at all, or else you modified the whole way. They were still trying to find the ideal compromise between adults of twenty and adults of six. So far without success. Mr Foster sighed and shook his head. — Aldous Huxley

To me, a cat is an easy pet, they don't need any spoiling or looking after. — Karl Pilkington

I don't know what the future is, but you just do it whilst it's there, don't you? — Karl Pilkington

If Camels are the ship of the dessert, this one is the Titanic — Karl Pilkington

Everyone is living for everyone else now. They're doing stuff so they can tell other people about it. I don't get all that social media stuff, I've always got other things I want to do - odd jobs around the house. No one wants to hear about that. — Karl Pilkington

A slug is always on its own. It's a lonely insect. — Karl Pilkington

I've done some luxury flying, which is brilliant. It has only happened once or twice, but it was nice because flying is the worst part of the holiday. But then again, if the plane crashes, you're still dead. For that much money I'd want a little capsule that whizzed me off to safety if it was going to crash. — Karl Pilkington

Well I'm trying to think what I put in ... I think I put in 'why?' to see if I'd confuse the computer. — Karl Pilkington

People moan about drugs being tested on animals. I sort of think it depends innit. If the drug's aspirin and the monkey's got a headache, is it right? — Karl Pilkington

I had a bad experience doing public speaking at school. I had to talk about a pen for five minutes and it was really hard work. I couldn't wait to get off the stage. — Karl Pilkington

Parrots have gone a bit quiet since pirates have gone. — Karl Pilkington

Pigeons: They've got wings, but they walk a lot ... — Karl Pilkington

My mam told me not to tell many people about not being christened, as she said I would be a prime target for witches. To this day I don't know what she meant by that. — Karl Pilkington

We seem to live in a world where you have to walk around grinning like a loon. I can't understand all the fuss about Mona Lisa painting, everyone wondering why she's not smiling, if she's depressed or heartbroken. No, she was just normal!
Emotions are always extreme these days: you either have to be crying with laughter or crying in pain. No wonder water levels are rising. It's not global warming, it's all the tears from crying. — Karl Pilkington

I've tried counting sheep like everyone recommends, but what tends to happen is that my brain thinks it's seen the same sheep twice and that messes up my count, and when I think there's no more sheep to count, another three will come running along and startle me. Or just as I think I've finished counting, an elephant comes running in. By this point I'm wide awake. — Karl Pilkington

I was still using my eyes even though I had them shut — Karl Pilkington