Mohr Quotes & Sayings

Just because you take gluten out of something doesn't make it a health food. — Chris Mohr

All that waiting around for a glimmer of stage time, just getting angry every week. It was just an oppressive, horrible, horrible place to be. I went to work feeling nauseous. — Jay Mohr

Fantasy football is not only a good thing, but a great thing. — Jay Mohr

I'm a very tactile learner, so I need analog index cards, moving them all about, trying out various sequences for the book's architecture. — Joshua Mohr

The guy that designed girls' volleyball uniforms definitely never had daughters. — Jay Mohr

You know how to tell if the teacher is hung over? Movie Day. — Jay Mohr

Kyra." Fred caught Kyra's eyes. "I'm not in love with Ariana and I don't want half the kingdom."
"You don't?"
He shook his head. "But I might stick around for a little while longer. There are some interesting things in the Kingdom of Mohr."
"Like what?"
"Like a certain funny and extremely talented potioner."
Kyra took a breath. "I have to warn you, Hal isn't that great as a boyfriend. He's pretty self absorbed. — Bridget Zinn

I think I made a mistake once ... yeah ... it was only once. — Jay Mohr

If you think you're an alcoholic, go to Scotland. You're not an alcoholic. These people are such drunken, toothless hillbillies - I've never seen anything like it. People in Scotland drink while they're drinking. — Jay Mohr

I need a sound-proof room to tie up the inner critic, gag her and nail the door shut. But she keeps escapping. Poor knots and short nails. — Judy L Mohr

I wonder why there is a designated hitter in baseball after all these years? As an experiment, it seemed like a swell enough idea, but you would think the novelty would have worn off by now and everyone would get back to playing baseball. — Jay Mohr

Two- to four-finger waves are commonly used between fast-moving vehicles, but the nicely executed single-finger wave is a thing of beauty and a joy forever. To me, it perfectly sums up the Minnesota character that I love so much. The finger wave from the steering wheel: when you get it right, you'll know you've arrived and you don't ever have to leave again if you don't want to. — Howard Mohr

Don't rush to spend time by yourself. Don't hurry to alienation. It's an inevitable destination. Time will eventually shroud you like velvet curtains, blacking out everything. — Joshua Mohr

I didn't want to fight a guy from England. What if I lose? Not that English guys aren't strong, but who wants to get beat up by a guy with that voice? That's not the most masculine voice to take a beating to. — Jay Mohr

Attachment to praise and avoidance of criticism keeps us from doing innovative, controversial work and--more simply--from following the paths we feel called toward, whether or not those around s understand or approve. — Tara Mohr

Marc Maron's podcast success has nothing to do with my podcast success. If I do a quarter of a million downloads, I can show that to an advertiser as a fact, and that's that. — Jay Mohr

Not everyone likes sports. Gandhi and Malcolm X come to mind. — Jay Mohr

I wasn't the guy everyone liked. I was the guy that wouldn't shut up. — Jay Mohr

If a waiter or waitress tells me when gratuity is included they automatically get more gratuity. When they hide it I go with the leg kick. — Jay Mohr

Hughes' debut novel, At Dawn, follows a former All-American wrestler, and is there any better metaphor for contemporary American life? We're all wrestling, tussling with the economy, no jobs, doing the best we can. Hughes doesn't flinch from the tough existential questions. He embraces them. — Joshua Mohr

One of the reasons intermittent fasting can work is that it reconnects you with what hunger feels like. — Chris Mohr

Whenever I don't feel so well, I always try remind myself of the Siamese twin whose brother is gay, whose boyfriend is coming over ... and they share the same asshole. — Jay Mohr

I was convinced that she was about to tell me my card was declined, and assumed Derek wanting to talk later meant he'd soon be telling me our life was declined. Everything, everyone had reached their limits with me. — Joshua Mohr

I feel good. I'm much better. Actually, I just lost 10 pounds on a new diet called the flu. Has anyone tried that one out? — Jay Mohr

I never minded George Steinbrenner spending obscene amounts of money to put the best product on the field. — Jay Mohr

I just thought it was important that people knew right from the jump that I've got problems. But in all seriousness, that's a huge part of my writing process. — Joshua Mohr

Feedback doesn't tell you about yourself. It tells you about the person giving the feedback. In other words, if someone says your work is gorgeous, that just tells you about *their* taste. If you put out a new product and it doesn't sell at all, that tells you something about what your audience does and doesn't want. When we look at praise and criticism as information about the people giving it, we tend to get really curious about the feedback, rather than dejected or defensive. — Tara Mohr

You don't really drive in cabs in L.A. unless you're broke or homeless - or if you're broke and driving the cab. — Jay Mohr

Playing big doesn't come from working more, pushing harder, or finding confidence. It comes from listening to the most powerful and secure part of you, not the voice of self-doubt. — Tara Mohr

When human beings stop progressing at an endeavor, they stop enjoying it and move on to something else. Not golfers. Masochists, all of them. — Jay Mohr

It was important to buy into the fact that the nine hundred pages an end-reader never sees are just as valuable as the ones that are bound and placed on the shelf. — Joshua Mohr

I think golf is a waste of time and a waste of a sunny afternoon. I also stink at it. I have never found anything, including divorce and a sexual harassment suit, more frustrating. — Jay Mohr

The more you cook, the better you'll look. — Chris Mohr

I'm not a gamer. But I am very aware of the escapism of drugs. In my mind those kind of do the same thing. They dull us to the aches and pains of our status quo. — Joshua Mohr

I miss third grade because you could kill people in dodgeball. Remember the rules to dodgeball? If you're fat or have glasses, don't show up because you'll die. — Jay Mohr

If it has to sell its mascot, your team sucks. — Jay Mohr

Silent night, holy night. All is calm, all is bright. Round yon Virgin Mother and Child. Holy Infant so tender and mild. Sleep in heavenly peace. Sleep in heavenly peace. — Joseph Mohr

Why are baseball managers the only coaches who dress up like the players? — Jay Mohr

I see a lot of people use the Paleo diet as an excuse to eat bacon for every meal. That's a bit much. — Chris Mohr

Research shows that women incur social costs for advocating for themselves too strongly; they are seen as less likable by those around them, especially by other women. — Tara Mohr

I was the youngest kid on my street, the youngest comic in the clubs. I always felt like I was playing catch-up. I was very angry. — Jay Mohr

After spending the last 15 years guest hosting, I couldn't be happier to get the opportunity to host my own show! I'm looking forward to talking sports, connecting with listeners, and interviewing amazing guests every day, while being a part of the FOX Sports Radio family. It was worth the wait. — Jay Mohr

I don't know if you've ever been to England, but as soon as they find out you're from America, they hate you. They just think they're more sophisticated than we are. They're so pissed at us. You know what it is? They're mad because they lost the Revolutionary War, and they should be because there was only like nine of us. — Jay Mohr

Every imperfection you have as a man makes a sound as it knifes through satin sheets. — Jay Mohr

What bothers me most about today is that we're getting used 2 it. ENOUGH. 2nd amendment must go. Violence has 2 stop. Culture MUST change. — Jay Mohr

I'd go back, yeah. I don't care, I got a kid, man - I'll sell tampons. I mean, there's no selling-out once you get a kid. I got a kid. — Jay Mohr

I want to be the kind of adult that keeps learning. I want to always be open to new experiences. — Joshua Mohr

Women have it good when it comes to masturbation. Guys, we just have our hands. For the rest of our lives, that's it. Sometimes your friend will go, 'Ever try your left hand? It's like a whole different person.' Yeah, a retarded person. — Jay Mohr

I don't think escaping is necessarily a problem, but we can get addicted to almost anything. If you're craving being in this other reality and you don't want to participate in your own reality, those are the times we have to start asking ourselves difficult questions. — Joshua Mohr

True Yankees are born, not made. — Jay Mohr

Mohr was one of the most talented people on the staff of Time, in print as well as in person - the two are often different. — David Halberstam

The more we're doing to ensure we're following our joy and passion, that's when we really start to put the gas in our lives. — Joshua Mohr

Unfortunately, there are no mulligans when it comes to pro football contracts. — Jay Mohr

About 70 percent of pregnant women are deficient in Vitamin D. — Chris Mohr

One of the good things about the Paleo diet is that it automatically cleans a lot of crap out of your diet. — Chris Mohr

I always joke that every novel is really about the same thing: one person's struggle against society. — Joshua Mohr

If you want God to laugh, make plans. — Jay Mohr

All is calm, all is bright. — Joseph Mohr

I think there are people, and I do not mean this to be disparaging, there are people like Jay Mohr and Jeremy Piven where they just give you that vibe, 'This guy's going to play someone a little venal.' — Rob Thomas

But if applause throws off your timing, then you're not the kind of comedian I would like to see. All you have to do is stand there and take it. — Jay Mohr

The world is what you believe it is," was the only reply I could make to her. If you think in the back of your mind, "I don't deserve this," then it won't work. And, if on top of that, you are afraid of "bills," or even "punishment," then you will create exactly that yourself. Because, "the world is what you believe it is! — Barbel Mohr

If it doesn't know what to charge you for nosebleed seats, your team sucks. — Jay Mohr

Canceled checks Along with your bank statement, you will most likely receive all the checks you wrote that were cashed during that month. You should keep these in case you ever have to prove to a supplier that you paid an invoice. The bank stamp on the back of the check carries information as to when and where the check was cashed. — Angie Mohr

She's Cherokee Indian, which is great 'cause whenever we have sex, it rains. — Jay Mohr

If Dante was writing The Divine Comedy in 2013, he might very well have set part of it in the suburbs. — Joshua Mohr

I'm sure that having acted like an asshole for a great deal of my life, then having played assholes for a good part of my life, created a perception that I'm an asshole. — Jay Mohr

Your body is incredible at 'detoxing'. It's called pooping & sweating. Best 'detox diet' = regular exercise, eating more veggies, fruit, healthy fats, lean meat, some grains and drinking more water. — Chris Mohr

What I like about stand-up is, it's truthful. I'm not up there trying to get laid or look cool. I'm up there because I really love it, and it makes people happier. — Jay Mohr

I always wished to be a better planner. It seems more elegant, while my trial and error process is more akin to someone scratching an awful case of poison oak. — Joshua Mohr

Some ladies got the shower massager. Oh, man, you better buy her a diamond 'cause if she got a shower massager, she don't really need you anymore. That shower massager makes a woman shake like a car on bad gas going up a hill. — Jay Mohr

I hate golf. I do not understand how anyone can enjoy it, much less love it. — Jay Mohr

I'm oddly not competitive. What I love about show business is there is a home for everyone. — Jay Mohr