Merkin Quotes & Sayings

I growl with frustration at my reflection in the mirror. My hair is fifty shades messed up. Why is it so kinky and out of control? I need to stop sleeping with it wet. As I brush my long brown hair, the girl in the mirror with the brown eyes too big for her head stares back at me. Wait ... my eyes are blue! It dawns on me that I've been staring at a poster of Kristen Stewart for five minutes. My own hair is fine. — Fanny Merkin

My mother is the source of my unease in the world and thus the only person who can make me feel at home in the world. — Daphne Merkin

Everything felt fragile and freshly come upon, but for now, at least, my depression had stepped back, giving me room to move forward. I had forgotten what it was like to be without it, and for a moment I floundered, wondering how I would recognize myself. I knew for certain it would return, sneaking up on me when I wasn't looking, but meanwhile there were bound to be glimpses of light if only I stayed around and held fast to the long perspective. It was a chance that seemed worth taking. — Daphne Merkin

There's something stubborn about families, unhappy ones in particular: they outlive themselves, and then they live on. — Daphne Merkin

I walk through the glass doors and into the lobby, which is floor-to-ceiling glass and steel. This fascinates me to no end, because buildings back in Portland are made of grass and mud. — Fanny Merkin

I gaze into his gazing eyes gazingly like a gazelle gazing into another gazelle's gazing gaze. — Fanny Merkin

I feel naked in my Tommy hoodie and Victoria's Secret sweatpants with PINK written across the ass. The sweatpants aren't pink though - they're gray. This always confuses me when I put them on, because shouldn't they say GRAY - on the backside? Maybe Victoria's secret is she's colorblind. — Fanny Merkin

Air is like cable TV: you don't appreciate it until you don't have it. — Fanny Merkin

No bill of sexual rights can hold its own against the lawless, untamable landscape of the erotic imagination. — Daphne Merkin

Are you hitting on me, Mr. Grey?" I tease, lightly drizzling balsamic vinaigrette on my spinach salad. He giggles. "I scream, you scream ... we all scream for ice cream," he says, licking a chocolate-and-vanilla-swirl ice cream cone. — Fanny Merkin

I drink coffee sometimes, but Starbucks' coffee tastes like burnt ass," I say.
"Actually, it tastes nothing like burnt ass, Anna."
"And how would you know what burnt ass tastes like?"
He laughs. "That's for me to know ... and you to find out."
I'm not sure I want to find out, but whatever. — Fanny Merkin

It was through reading that I discovered the crucial, even sacrosanct place the rituals of drinking held in the American imagination - the ingenious way alcohol seemed to lubricate everything from onerous chitchat to self-conscious sexual advances. — Daphne Merkin

Much as I try to disguise myself, there is never a time when I'm not aware of being overweight. — Daphne Merkin

I stare at her blankly. We don't have elevators in Portland. This is my first elevator ride. How do they work exactly? — Fanny Merkin

I had to grow the hair down there. But because of years of waxing, as all of us girls know, it doesn't come back quite the way it used to. They even made me a merkin - a wig - because they were so concerned that I might not be able to grow enough. — Kate Winslet

Dressing, like painting, should have a residual stability, plus punctuation and surprise. Somewhere, like in Krazy Kat, you've got to throw the brick. — Richard Merkin

We're here together. We'll get him back. I promise you," Eve said. "Merkin has no idea I'm with you. I've practiced killing for years, and tonight I'm going to use everything I've learned to save Cole. Do you believe me? — Debra Anastasia

News flash, Mr Grey: This isn't 1950 or whatever. Your sexual tastes aren't as shocking or as deviant as you think. — Fanny Merkin

Tradition, thought Merkin, was not the most reliable thing in the world. Tradition had this nasty habit of asserting itself overnight. A new species of funny-shaped, bioluminescent invertebrate found sixteen thousand feet under the ocean might instantly become part of the Chinese traditional medicine, for instance. You never knew. — Sorin Suciu

I'd do you."

"I think you did once" I say.

"Oh yeah. — Fanny Merkin

Everyone lies about sex, more or less, to themselves if not to others, to others if not to themselves, exaggerating its importance or minimizing its pull. — Daphne Merkin

Sometimes it seems to me that the private life no longer suffices for many of us, that if we are not observed by others doing glamorous things, we might as well not exist. — Daphne Merkin

Merkin had used only one drop of the "just soap." Two drops would have made her Master walk slightly awkwardly. Three drops would have made a Victorian gentleman utter something really lustful, such as "you transfix me quite. — Sorin Suciu

Mr. Grey will see you in a few minutes. Would you like a refreshment while you wait? Coffee, soda, tea ... ?" "Gravy," I say. — Fanny Merkin

An attractive blonde behind the receptionist's desk smiles at me as I walk in. I assume she's the receptionist, because I can't think of any other reason she would be sitting behind the receptionist's desk. Unless maybe she's filling in for the real receptionist, who could be on her lunch break. But then I remember: it's almost two, and I doubt anyone takes their lunch breaks that late. So this must be the actual receptionist. — Fanny Merkin

My god, Anna," he says. "I almost lost you." He has me in his powerful grip. I've never felt this safe before.
"Never let go," I say, looking into his beautiful gray eyes.
"That could be problematic," he says. "I'll have to let you go at some point. What if I have to pee? What if you have to pee?"
"I don't care," I say.
"What if I have an important business meeting and I'm holding you and we're both covered in urine?"
I start to cry. "You're right," I say, turning my face away from his gaze. "Nothing lasts forever. — Fanny Merkin

How much simpler it would be all around if you could put your mind in a cast, like a broken ankle, and elicit murmurings of sympathy from other people instead of skepticism ("You can't really be feeling as bad as all that") and in some cases outright hostility ("Maybe if you stopped thinking about yourself so much "). — Daphne Merkin

Are you ready for my love gun?" he says.
Uh-oh. "What's a love gun? Is that a sex toy?"
"No," he says. "I'm talking about my penis."
"Oh," I say. "Then yes. Fire away — Fanny Merkin

Soon, we are as naked as the day we were born. Except, y'know, were not covered in blood and attached to our mothers by umbilical cords. — Fanny Merkin

I spend the rest of the night doing schoolwork. After striking a match and lighting a candal, I sit down at my desk with my quill pen and parchment to write an essay for my ethics class on the legalities of fan fiction. — Fanny Merkin

Naturally, our own irrational demands strike us as having the force of needs, while other people's needs strike us as capricious indulgences. — Daphne Merkin

HOLY MOTHER EFFING SPARKLY VAMPIRES IS HE HOT — Fanny Merkin

BOLLOXIMIAN:
My pleasures for new cunts I will uphold,
And have reserves of kindness for the old.
I grant in absence dildo may be used
With milk of goats, when once our seed's infused.
My prick no more to bald cunt shall resort
Merkins rub off, and often spoil the sport.
POCKENELLO:
Let merkin, sir, be banished from the court.
PENE:
'Tis like a dead hedge when the land is poor. — John Wilmot

Mr. Long Fingers. Mr. Womb-Ticklers — Fanny Merkin

On a scale ranging from very little to too much, Merkin could just about categorize the amount of personal data stored in Master Loo's computer as a shitload. — Sorin Suciu

Here's the aisle with tape."
"Thank you, Miss Steal," he says. He picks up the most expensive brand, which runs $3.99 a roll. This guy is a total baller. — Fanny Merkin

Take your finger out of your nose, Miss Steal. — Fanny Merkin

It might pay to be resilient, if this was all being vulnerable and skinless got you. People didn't stop and cluck over damage done unless you made it worth their while. Indeed, maybe it was time to rethink this whole salvation business. Or maybe I was less desperate, less teetering on the edge than I cared to admit. Now, that was a refreshing possibility. — Daphne Merkin

Walmart suddenly smells like a prosti-tot pageant. — Fanny Merkin

Then again, as those who suffer from it know, intractable depression creates a planet all its own, largely impermeable to influence from others except as shadow presences, urging you to come out and rejoin the world, take in a movie, go out for a bite, cheer up. — Daphne Merkin

Behind the cool mask of bravado, past the one-way mirror of his mind, underneath the rock-solid layers of self-control, in the Zen garden that was Master Sewer's soul, a high-pitched anxiety fart rustled through the still leaves. If farts could talk, this one would have said, Damn coppers! — Sorin Suciu