Mallory Quotes & Sayings

I read my first P.G. Wodehouse when I was 12. — Mallory Ortberg

There are few things more disconcerting than realizing the first date you thought went so well was in fact a dud. — Mallory Ortberg

He is as much a part of the Derby tradition as the Twin Spires themselves — John Mallory Asher

Mountaineers have often observed a lack of clarity in their mental state at high altitudes; it is difficult for the stupid mind to observe how stupid it is. — George Leigh Mallory

You just threatened them with a gun. I think I just threatened them with a gun. We got the money back. They actually returned it.' She took another shaky step. 'I feel so ... vibrant.'
His eyes were cynical. 'Delayed emotion. Don't do anything stupid because of it. — Anne Mallory

Never frightening her with anything but her own feelings for him. — Anne Mallory

You trample on hearts as if they're grapes and you're making wine. — Mallory Kane

Mallory's brothers and sister were very much like their parents. Only Mallory seemed to need extra hugs and support. At the same time she knew she'd never get that from her parents or siblings. She'd have to go beyond them for that kind of attention. She wasn't needy; she was just on another end of the normal range from them. She had learned to hold back from asking for what she needed, afraid it was too much. — Meredith Marple

'Mallory,' he used to say, 'When a woman who can break you in half tells you that you're hers, you nod and agree.' — Isabella Carter

Depression cannot be overcome by listing a series of good things in one's life, any more than a broken foot can be healed by thinking about all the other bones you have that aren't broken. — Mallory Ortberg

I knew how you liked long tales," he said, giving her a wink. "There's sure to be plenty of those."
"In Gaelic," she said.
"All the better for learning it. — Margaret Mallory

Jimmy Grants is my first stop every time I go home to Australia. They make the best souvlakis you have ever tasted. — Mallory Jansen

Silence reigned.
Well, except for Mallory's thundering heartbeat. She was in an attic loft, flat beneath her Mr. Wrong. Her common sense was screaming flee! But her secret inner bad girl was screaming oh please can't we have him? Just once?
-Mallory — Jill Shalvis

whoa
I wasn't LOOKING at a bird
wow where is this even coming from
the BIRD
wouldn't stop LOOKING
at ME — Mallory Ortberg

Don't badger people without children into admitting the secret desire for children you're sure they have to you! Don't badger anyone! Leave the badgering to the badgers. — Mallory Ortberg

Loyalty is everything to him," Robbie said. "He expected ye to trust him, to believe in him, without requiring an explanation." She had failed David, and he could not forgive her. — Margaret Mallory

Trant's deep need to climb ever upward, crushing anyone in his path, the qualities, while making Trant an interesting associate at times, at others made him decidedly predictable and boring. After all, a ladder contained a single directional path. Someone like Trant rarely tried the twisting vines, tree branches, and handholds to the side. — Anne Mallory

A lot of my creative energy is spent coming up with a concept that, once I get it, I feel like it writes itself. — Mallory Ortberg

Mallory dropped her head to the steering wheel. "Look, I'm mad at you, okay? This isn't about me. I know my painful memories are relative. My life is good. I'm lucky. This isn't about how poor little Mallory has had it so hard. I'm not falling apart or anything."
He stroked a hand down her back. "Of course you're not. You're just holding the steering wheel up with your head for a minute, that's all. — Jill Shalvis

Sometimes one appears to have more freedom than one actually possesses. It is easy to see what one wishes to see. — Anne Mallory

But as soon as you saw his hot, naked bod, you must have been like Bond, what bond? Oh, you mean bondage? — H.P. Mallory

- Why do you want to climb Mt. Everest, Sir? - Because it is there. — George Leigh Mallory

The idea that they were going to have to-eventually-go someplace that was even hotter than this was now was worrying Harrier, but there wasn't much he could do about it at the moment. He couldn't imagine why anybody would want to live here if they had a choice. Sometimes, he thought, people were idiots. — Mercedes Lackey

He had little respect for anyone who was not willing to put in the effort required to survive and thrive. Not everyone needed the same driving ambition that had fueled him. That had led him to being possibly the richest man in London without a title in his lineage
all earned in under a decade. That had given him the power to change lives. But a person needed to have the drive to change his own life. — Anne Mallory

He's twenty-nine. And what did you think he was going to look like?"
She shrugged.
"You know-old. Grizzled. Long white beard. Scruffy robes. Loveable, smart, a little absent minded."
I bit back a grin.
" I said 'sorcerer,' not 'Dumbledore.' So he's hot. It could be worse. — Chloe Neill

There was a small woven basket waiting on his desk
the next day, still smelling like warmed-from-the-oven
sin. A note was attached written with the words
"Have a good day!" A drawing of a tiny dog chasing
a butterfly completed the absurdity.
He stood in front of his desk, just staring at it and
the basket for a full minute. Asps didn't smell like
baked items, but the latter were no less dangerous.
He tented the edge of the cloth cover with his
smallest finger. Three fruit tarts lay inside.
Poisoned most likely. — Anne Mallory

Marietta is good for you, Gabriel. I quite like her. Don't be a fool and let her go."
"I can do nothing but let her go, John. Sometimes love can only be given by setting someone free. — Anne Mallory

Growing up, I was always in my high school musicals and everything, but I kind of stopped doing all that when I finished school and acting became my main priority. — Mallory Jansen

I used to know all the lyrics to all the songs from 'The Phantom of the Opera.' — Mallory Jansen

Beauty is something that is hard to debate. Every man thinks his ideal the best. But the wittiest woman rise to the top of this structure, conventional beauty often taking a back seat to a woman possessed of a clever tongue. — Anne Mallory

Don't mind Mallory. She's a sweetheart, once you get past the fact that she's a horrible person. — Rick Riordan

Guys who know how to use a blowdryer ... Their hair is too long! — Mallory Hopkins

It's funny because when I'm outside Australia, I never get to do my Australian accent in anything. It's always a Danish accent or an English accent or an American accent. — Mallory Jansen

Later these tales would be retold and embellished by the genius of Mallory, Spenser, and Tennyson. — Winston S. Churchill

I'm of the belief that dating "potential" is almost always an exercise in frustration. — Mallory Ortberg

She smiled, a warm smile that held no trace of
aberrant humor.
It bothered him on a level he couldn't comprehend.
It bothered him on a level he couldn't comprehend.
He experienced an overwhelming urge to grab that
smile and hide it solely for himself to gaze upon. A
Da Vinci masterpiece he intended to jealously
guard. — Anne Mallory

A sea of people in red crowded around it. I looked at
Mallory's black hoodie and my gray sweater and realized we'd forgotten to wear the school colors. Oh, well. There was always my hair. — Kim Harrington

Additionally, Adam's room had an absolutely massive bed with a plump feather tick that she knew they would put to good use.
"Shall we christen it now?" Adam whispered in her ear, his arms stealing around her from behind in spite of the footmen who were still busy bringing up their luggage. Skimming his lips over her cheek, he playfully caressed her nape in a way that never failed to drive her wild. "I could shoo them all out and lock the door. We wouldn't even have to take off our clothes, I could just tumble you down and toss up your skirts. What do you say, wife, shall I tup you now, or would you rather wait until later? — Tracy Anne Warren

You're so immature." "Blue hair. That's all I'm saying." "Bite me, dead girl." I showed fang and winked at her. "Don't tempt me, witch. — Chloe Neill

Catcher shrugged, refolded the paper, and stuffed it back into his pocket. "Anyone wanna dance?"
"Oh, Jesus," Mallory muttered.
"Dance?" I asked. "I could dance. I need to change, but I can dance." I could always dance. My hips didn't lie.
Mallory tucked her tongue into her cheek, then gave Catcher a look of mock irritation. "Nice going, Gandalf. You'll rile her up, and I'll never get her tucked in. You wanna give her candy and caffeine while you're at it? — Chloe Neill

With a few exceptions, birds are not to be trusted; it is not normal to have such soft, vulnerable bodies bookended with slashing beaks and razor-sharp claws. It is as unnatural as an armed marshmallow. — Mallory Ortberg

Oh you rebel you! — Mallory Hopkins

I love 'Jane Eyre,' and I love the Bronte sisters. I actually didn't read any of them until I was in college, so I don't have quite the same connection with them that I think a lot of women do. — Mallory Ortberg

The mere idea of asking a family member if they intentionally stopped sending me an annual bonus makes me feel like breaking out in hives. — Mallory Ortberg

If he is strong, then we'll have to be quick and clever," she said in a cheerful tone."A bit of trickery may be needed as well."
"Ach, ye sound like a Highlander," he said. "In Gaelic we say, an ten ach mbionn laidir ni follair do bheith glic." He who is not strong must be cunning. — Margaret Mallory

Salad? Who wanted salad when I had beefy enchiladas smothered in cheese? Come on, now. The look on my face must've given away what I was thinking, because the salad bowl magically ended up closer to where I sat. — Jennifer L. Armentrout

Three out of the four are good choices.'
'Three out of-' Her voice strangled. 'And the fourth?'
He waved a hand. 'An outside chance. Besides' - his eyes stayed on the ledger - 'whoever the winner, the prize will be immense enough that he will become a prize himself, whatever his previous faults or station. — Anne Mallory

In my final year of attending a Christian sports camp in rural Missouri, the year before I started high school, they began to offer an elective Bible study group for young Christians who wanted a chance to read in the afternoons instead of learn to water-ski. — Mallory Ortberg

I'm going to possess you, Charlotte,"
His free hand caressed the flesh of her throat, then threaded into the hair at her nape, pulling the strands there, tipping her head back. Not harshly, but not gently either. "I;m going to take you and claim you and make you beg."
His lips were breaths from hers. Breaths she couldn't count or take.
"The question is, will you passively accept such, or will you possess me right back," he whispered, nearly against her lips. "Take me, claim me? Make me beg? Push from my mind any though that isn't you? — Anne Mallory

If ye have needs to see to, do it quickly."
"You're a stubborn man," she said.
"Tis a good quality in a man," he muttered under his breath as he picked up the saddle. — Margaret Mallory

Half the charm of climbing mountains is born in visions preceding this experience - visions of what is mysterious, remote, inaccessible. — George Leigh Mallory

How do you define difficult?"
"By your presence."
She grinned fully, delighted to feel the tension
dissipate. "Now you are just flattering me for no
reason."
He grunted.
"On the contrary," she said, as if his grunt had
been a worded response. "It was most flattering."
He stared at her.
"What? Did you think I wouldn't figure out how to
interpret your grunts? — Anne Mallory

Lie with me," she said.
"I don't know if I can sleep beside ye tonight and not touch ye like I want to," he said in a strained voice. "I need ye too much."
"I know that," she said, and flipped back the blanket for him to lie down. — Margaret Mallory

Now,' [her father] barked.
She stiffly followed, still fully dressed in the elaborate navy-and-white gown she had worn all evening. It was hard not to feel as if the bare walls and surfaces she passed had been bled, leeched, into the cloth encasing her. Stripped paint and sacrificed heirlooms clinging to her, demanding she make everything right once more. — Anne Mallory

Yes, I think I like all of those images. I can see your head thrown back and that long, smooth neck exposed to me in all of them.' His finger trailed down the side of her throat. 'Your eyes are becoming even more smoky and sensual, Marietta. From the inside out now, rather than the outside in. Shall we see what happens when the knowledge blooming there becomes a large, petaled rose? — Anne Mallory

She was like a drug. The most addicting kind, and he had a problem - he was pretty sure that she was developing feelings for him. He had no idea what to do with that, or with is own feelings, which were definitely getting in his way. This whole "no emotional attachment" thing had gone straight to shit. Because Mallory Quinn was emotionally attached to every person she ever met, and she had a way of making that contagious. He craved contact with her in a way that he wasn't experienced with. — Jill Shalvis

Sweetheart, some things are made to be flaunted, and some things are made to be taunted. And some things, SOME THINGS, are made to be left the hell alone!"

-C. J. Ozone - "Asgardia - Gateway to the Universe — D.C. Mallory

The Toast's audience is about 30-35 percent male, which shocked me because I would say that we actively try to discourage men from reading our site. Apparently, there's not insignificant number of dudes out there who think that what we are doing is okay. — Mallory Ortberg

Rumors often reflect the wishes of others. — Anne Mallory

You should be working on your speech instead of staring," Rider said, never taking his eyes off his notebook.
Paige's dark eyes flew to me and then narrowed.
Heat exploded across my cheeks.
"And you should actually be working on, I don't know, your speech?" Hector grinned as he gestured to his paper, which appeared to have actual words on it. "And please don't stare at him, Mallory. Because of Paige, his ego is already big enough. He doesn't need any help. — Jennifer L. Armentrout

I'm pretty sure there's no sexuality that justifies constant low-level harassment. — Mallory Ortberg

Your imagination can focus on ugliness, distress and failure, or it can picture beauty, success, desired results. You decide how you want your imagination to server you. — Philip Mallory Conley

Life is short.
Smile while you still have teeth. — Mallory Hopkins

It sucks because you're trying to do the right thing, but the result isn't showing it. You're at the stage where good intentions meet crappy abilities. Welcome to my first eleven months as a vampire." "You've only been a vampire for ten months." "My point exactly. — Chloe Neill

why did you turn my friends into pigs i don't know maybe the real question is why are your friends so turn-into-pigsable — Mallory Ortberg

My paycheck is so small it has an inferiority complex. — Mallory Kane

Linda Mallory is the postmodern fuck. — Percival Everett

How did you know what's been killing me? Slowly, for years, driving me to hate people when I don't want to hate ... Have you felt it, too? Have you seen how your best friends love everything about you
except the things that count? And your most important is nothing to them, nothing, not even a sound they can recognize. You mean, you want to hear? You want to know what I do and why I do it, you want to know what I think? It's not boring to you? It's important? — Ayn Rand

Anyone who thinks it's funny to name their network "Tom'sHugeEtc" is going to think it's funny that one of his neighbors is also named Tom and is embarrassed by it. — Mallory Ortberg

My parents are both pastors. In the '80s and '90s in the mainstream Christian world, it was not really common for a woman - especially a married woman and a mother - to be a pastor. — Mallory Ortberg

Some people give gifts in order to bewilder, confuse, and manipulate their recipients. — Mallory Ortberg

haha must have been a weird typo it's illegal to hunt men but exhilarating — Mallory Ortberg

Most people would not trust a drunken prostitute like Daise. Would you have two weeks ago?'
She blinked at him. 'I don't know.' She hadn't even thought about prostitutes, drunken or not, two weeks ago. 'That could be me on the corner were things different.' She swallowed. 'Or if they go differently, it still could. I would want someone to believe me. — Anne Mallory

Elf magic," Mallory said. "Sneaky Vanir-style witchcraft unfit for a true warrior." She punched me in the arm. "I like you better already. — Rick Riordan

Someone who has a disability is not necessarily in distress. You may be embarrassing and inconveniencing someone by butting in and making assumptions. — Mallory Ortberg

You don't need to hide the fact that you're in recovery, but you don't have to share your history of addiction with acquaintances at work, either. — Mallory Ortberg

Usually my writing is very over the top and bombastic and very, like, 'I'm amazing! Look at me!' — Mallory Ortberg

You didn't have to adjust under the watchful eye of Gabriel Keene." "You're right. I only had to adjust under the watchful eye of Ethan Sullivan. That was an utter cakewalk. — Chloe Neill

No one knocked on his door the next day. Nor the
day after. Nor the one after that. But that didn't mean
he was unaware of what was happening. Someone
had carried a plate of those fucking biscuits past his
room, and even the oak door had provided no
barrier for the smell. Not for anything of hers. — Anne Mallory

The duke's eyes were dark, but there was a glaze there. Pride in his dark son. — Anne Mallory

In the hands of a passive-aggressive person who wants to abdicate responsibility for things, texting is a great tool. You can really go nuts. — Mallory Ortberg

I have a lot of faith in the power of joking to make something thoughtful. — Mallory Ortberg

I would like to spend Christmas in different countries all over the world. I love seeing how different cultures celebrate the holidays in their own unique ways. — Mallory Jansen

To instill the values for the culture was and is the responsibility of the leadership, and staff alignment was critical to its success. It started with both board and staff. They realized that they needed to share the same value system that says, "I am the equipper, not the doer." If not, there were going to be immense roadblocks to effectively mobilizing people for ministry. — Sue Mallory

I'm of the opinion that it is always a kind and appropriate decision to get in touch with someone who's lost a loved one to remind them that you're thinking of them and have fond memories of the deceased. — Mallory Ortberg

Five-foot-8 is a perfectly normal height for a woman - it's slightly but not at all unusually tall and certainly shouldn't be causing you any torment. — Mallory Ortberg

Periodontal bacteria can easily slip into the bloodstream and cause infection elsewhere in the body. — Mallory Ortberg

Jayden went for my fries, ignoring Anna's narrowed gaze. "Thanks, babe."
"You two know each other?" Jo gestured between Jayden and me with her fork.
Before I could nod, he dropped an arm over my shoulders. "She's my bae."
I grinned.
"Bae?" Keira sighed. "I hate that word. Do you know what it really means?"
"Poop," I answered without thinking. "In Danish."
My eyes widened. Holy crap. I'd spoken without hesitation at lunch! Holy crap! No one recognized my internal freak-out over it, but I couldn't believe it. I sat there and spoke with no problem.
I needed to give myself a cookie.
Anna giggled. "Oh, man. I know. I know. Still think it's a cute word."
Across from her, Keira rolled her eyes. "It literally means shit."
"Mallory is the shit, though. — Jennifer L. Armentrout

I do not think it is selfish to want to donate a kidney "only" to family members. — Mallory Ortberg

Woe is Merit, the immortal vampire with the never-gray hair and long legs and hot blond boyfriend. — Chloe Neill

-I taught you Hindi and everything
That's basically the same as getting engaged for missionaries

-And I really appreciate that
It will be terribly useful in my career as an English governess

-See?
That
There.
that is exactly the kind of tone I mean
One round of cholera in the tropics would sear that sarcasm right out of you

-guess I really missed out

-Guess so — Mallory Ortberg

I'm just warning you, I'm probably going to be a total hard-ass vamp."
Mallory snorted and walked out of the kitchen, calling out, "Yeah, well, you've got a purple marshmallow on your chin, hard-ass vamp. — Chloe Neill

I can't believe you lied about chocolate," Mallory said. "Lying about chocolate is ... sanctimonious. Do you remember all those bad girl lessons you gave me?"
Amy rubbed the spot between her eyes where a headache was starting. "You mean the lessons that landed you the sexy hunk you're currently sleeping with?"
"Well, yes. But my point is that maybe you need good girl lessons. And good girl lesson number one is never tease when it comes to chocolate."
-Amy and Mallory — Jill Shalvis

Tell me what has happened in this week that you've been absent from my window. — Anne Mallory

Your partner cannot fault you for refusing to host a perpetual-motion party or for the fact that you must sleep and will eventually die. — Mallory Ortberg

Catcher, you're a boy. I've known you for like a week." Two months, actually, but who was counting? "I've known Merit for years. I mean, the sex is great and all, but she's my BFF." - Mallory — Chloe Neill

hang all mysteries the only mystery I want to solve is how much cocaine I can fit in my face the mystery of how much face cocaine I can have that's the mystery for me — Mallory Ortberg

So, that's okay. It's not like you're turning into an Endarkened or something, like Kellen's evil stepbrother Anigrel the Black. — Mercedes Lackey

Emotions are lovely. Even if they fall to the negative for a time. The sun will rise again another day. The sadness perhaps never forgotten, but a new day enjoyed in another way. A way that could not have been but for the sadness's existence. — Anne Mallory

I have admired David Bromley's work for years. He possesses such a wild and vivid imagination and really sees the beauty in everything. — Mallory Jansen