Look Your Mom Quotes & Sayings

Pandas: China's Secret Weapon of Mass Seduction
'Ling-Ling and Hsing-Hsing
your cub is such an adorable thing!'

People think you're a gift of the Chinese -
but you're just on a 10 year lease.
For a mere $2,000,000/year pick any panda pair --
watch zoo ticket sales zoom, triple profit share.

'Look mommy, see the cute Panda bear!'
Remind me mom, how many were butchered
on Tiananmen Square?

'I forget dear, but that cub is sooo cute! — Beryl Dov

Teddy, Vern, Chris: I don't shut up. I grow up. And when I look at you, I throw up. Aghhh!
Gordie: And then your mom goes around the corner and she licks it up. — Stephen King

I have my sources." Somehow, saying I'd heard it from my mom sounded less cool. "You've decided, right? I mean, it sounds like a good deal, seeing as she's going to give you fringe benefits ... "
He gave me a level look. "What happens between her and me is none of your business," he replied crisply.
...
Dimitri arched an eyebrow, then jerked his head back where we'd come from. "You hang out in his room a lot?"
Several retorts popped into my head, and then a golden one took precedence. "What happens between him and me is none of your business." I managed a tone very similar to he one he'd used on me when making a similar comment about him and Tasha. — Richelle Mead

Does your mother know that you're carrying a gun? I'm going to tell her. I'm going to call and tell her right now.
She sent me a look of utter disgust and slammed the front door. I was 30-year-old and Mrs Morelli was going to tell my mother on me. Only in the burgh. — Janet Evanovich

You went to the aerie?" My voice wavers a little as I look back and forth between my mom and sister. "You risked your lives to rescue me? — Susan Ee

I remember seeing Extreme play with [Debra] Winger and Cinderella. Gary Cherone was wearing purple velvet overalls with no shirt and saddle oxfords.Afterward, I went home and told my mom, "I need to find saddle oxfords." And she said, "Like little girls wear?" Naturally, I couldn't find them in my size, so I went to a shoemaker and had him make me a pair. I wore them for a while, but they didn't seem as cool on me, because when your foot is size 12, they sort of look like clown shoes. — Patrick Wilson

Mom let out a wistful sigh. "Finally out of the spotlight and into
the background," she said. "I've missed it there."
"People will still watch, my dear," Dad said. "Just try to keep
your chin up tonight, and I'll be right beside you if you need me."
"So, same as always?"
He smiled. "Same as always."
"Look, I don't plan to kick you out or anything, but if you insist
on being mushy all the time, I'll have you in a cottage faster than
you can say P-D-A. — Kiera Cass

I had to promise to look him up if I was ever in the City of Angels." She winked to Uncle Bob. "He liked my voice." "Mom," Amber said, utterly appalled. "You used your feminine wiles on a man you don't even know." Cookie smiled. "That's what they're for, honey. Eat your salad. — Darynda Jones

You're right. You and Millie look more like your mom," I said...
"That's because we spent more time with her," Henry said seriously, as if it were common knowledge, as if resemblances were based on nurture instead of nature. It was true, to a point. Mannerisms, quirks, style. All those things could be learned and copied.
"So if I spend a lot of time with Kathleen, do you think she'll start to look like me?" I asked him, steering the focus away from his father.
Henry looked doubtfully from me to my grunting, banana-bearded child and back again.
"I hope so," he said.
Georgia snickered, and I hooted and held my hand in the air so Henry could give me five.
"You hear that, Georgia? Henry hopes so," I crowed. "I guess that means your baby daddy is a beautiful man."
Henry obviously didn't mean to be funny, and he totally left me hanging. Georgia reached up and slapped my hand and winked at me. — Amy Harmon

There was no word for what I was - unable to rent a car but able to stand in front of a room of thirteen-year-olds, sweating under industrial-grade fluorescent lights in the lilac-colored button-down my mom had picked and paid for a few months earlier. I could knock back black coffee and tell them how to ask questions, how to sit down, how to look me in the pupils. Throw away your gum. Don't text at school, at work. Clean your desk, your apartment, your life. Lessons. — Harris Sockel

Who says you have to be the best anyway?" "My dad." Michael gave him a curious look. "Is it because you've done time that you think you're not as good as anybody else?" "Oh, I think I'm as good. Other people are the problem." "Because you're an ex-con?" "And a carpenter. Not as much status in that as in what your dad does." "But if you do it well, that's all that counts. That's what Mom always says. She says I can be whatever I want in life, as long as I do it with passion. Do you do your work with passion? — Barbara Delinsky

Mom's Rules for Life in New York City
1. Always have your key out before you reach the front door.
2. If a stranger is hanging out in front of the building, don't ever go in - just keep walking around the block until he's gone.
3. Look ahead. If there's someone acting strange down the block, looking drunk or dangerous, cross to the other side of the street, but don't be obvious about it. Make it look like you were planning to cross the street all along.
4. Never show your money on the street. — Rebecca Stead

Kid 1: *examining my gorgeous strawberry and blueberry pies*: Wow, Mom, your pies don't look awful this time.
Me (Ilona): ...

~A little later~

Kid 2: *wandering into the kitchen*
Kid 1: Hey, you've got to see these pies. *opening the stove*
Kid 2: Wow. They are not ugly this time.
Kid 1: I know, right? — Ilona Andrews

There's something that just happens to you when you have a baby, and you look at their little eyes for the first time when you're holding them. They've been safe inside your belly for almost 10 months, and now they're in your arms. Intuition kicks in, where you will do anything for them and you have all the tools inside of you to take care of them. — Hilary Duff

I want home educators to look beyond the lesson plans, curriculum, and grades to see the abundant blessings. My desire is for parents to enjoy the journey rather than focus on the destination.
When you begin to embrace the journey- TRULY embrace the journey- the joy of homeschooling will be absolutely A.MA.ZING. You will begin to see the much larger picture and God's work in your homeschool day more than you ever have before. — Tamara L. Chilver

But last fall, your belief that you knew her was shattered. You went for a visit without announcing it beforehand, and you discovered that you had become a guest. Mom was continually embarrassed about the messy yard or the dirty blankets. At one point, she grabbed a towel from the floor and hung it, and when food dropped on the table, she picked it up quickly. She took a look at what she had in the fridge, and even though you tried to stop her, she went to the market. If you are with family, you needn't feel embarrassed about leaving the table uncleared after a meal and going to do something else. You realized you'd become a stranger as you watched Mom try to conceal her messy everyday life. — Kyung-Sook Shin

Many people ask what they should do in their quiet time. Find a time early in your day when there are no distractions, which includes children, television, radio, or anything else that may take your focus off what you are doing. Pray for concerns on your heart and thank God for your blessings. Read God's Word and look for meaning in the scriptures and how to apply them to your life. You and your children will be blessed when you seek the Lord daily. — Tamara L. Chilver

Trying to Enjoy It (Proceed as if You Look Awesome)...This requires a level of delusion/egomania usually reserved for popes and drag queens, but you can do it. It's like being a little kid again, parading around in a nightgown tucked into your underpants, believing it looks terrific. Your "right mind" knows that you look ridiculous in a half-open dress and giant shoes, but you must put yourself back in third grade, slipping on your mom's quilted caftan and drinking cream soda out of a champagne glass while watching The Love Boat. You have never been more glamorous. — Tina Fey

A mission-minded family will serve together. Look for needs in your community and brainstorm with your spouse about how you can partner together to meet those needs in a way that works for you. My husband is handy, and I love to cook. My casserole dish and his tool box work well together. Is there a single mom who could use some help with yard work? Is there an elderly couple who needs help hanging their Christmas lights? Look for creative ways you can serve side by side and connect with each other and your neighbors. — Lyli Dunbar

All I wanted in this world was to be a mom."
"You regret it?" I ask.
"Being a mom? Never. Seducing your father and making sure he didn't use a condom, yes."
"I don't want to hear this."
"Well, I'm gonna tell it to you whether you want to hear it or not. Be careful, Alex."
"I am."
She takes another drag of her cigarette while shaking her head. "No, you don't get it. You might be careful, but girls won't be. Girls are manipulative. I should know, I'm one of them."
"Brittany is--"
"The kind of girl who can make you do things you don't want to do."
"Believe me, Mom. She doesn't want a kid."
"No, but she'll want other things. Things you can never give her."
I look up at the stars, the moon, the universe that I know doesn't end. "But what if I want to give them to her? — Simone Elkeles

I mean honestly, who just sits around in a house with a bunch of short guys waiting for their prince to come? So your mom is a bitch and wants to kill you because her mirror told her to? Cry me a river why don't you? Your big plan is sitting around cleaning house waiting for the other shoe to drop? And speaking of shoes, everyone has been picked on by mean girls. You do not wait for some old lady to pop in and transmogrify some innocent rodents just so you can sneak in to a dance under false pretenses. And let's say you do sneak in. For the love of all that is holy take your mask off and look the guy in the face and say. "Hi, I'm Cindy from down the street, I have this thing at midnight. Can we do coffee later?" This nonsense with a shoe and searching the entire village for one girl, it's crap. — John Goode

There was a point in my teenage years, when we were starting to play bigger shows and females were running after tour buses and all that, and my mom - and I remember this like it was yesterday - said: "Look, I want you to know that I couldn't be prouder of you. You are extraordinary. You move people. But it doesn't make you better than them. You still put your pants on the same way as them, one leg at a time every morning." I thought about learning to jump right into them, just to mess with her. But what she said stuck with me, and I think it's true. — Justin Timberlake

Now my mom designs to resign so she runs for US senate, and now at 67 my mom just launched a new company called Women's Leadership Live, she is the cofounder and CEO, and it's all about empowering women to be successful in business however they define success. When you have a role model like that you really don't ever look at gender as an issue and it's about owning your place and taking charge of your role, regardless of what you look like. — Stephanie McMahon

What's your doggie name, honey?" "Mom ... " "Oh, c'mon, kiddo - we'll look back on this someday and laugh together. Promise. Now cough it up. We'll laugh for you until you're ready to see the funny." He couldn't help but smile. It was pretty funny if you looked at it from the other side. "Fluffy. — Dakota Cassidy

Sure, I'd love to meet your mom. That way I can see what your boobs will look like in 20 years. Did I just say that out loud? — Michael Makai

Remind me again-why do you hate me so much?"
I don't hate you."
Could've fooled me."
She folded her cap of invisibility. "Look ... we're just not supposed to get along, okay? Our parents are rivals."
Why?"
She sighed. "How many reasons do you want? One time my mom caught Poseidon with his girlfriend in Athena's temple, which is hugely disrespectful. Another time, Athena and Poseidon competed to be the patron god for the city of Athens. Your dad created some stupid saltwater spring for his gift. My mom created the olive tree. The people saw that her gift was better, so they named the city after her."
They must really like olives."
Oh, forget it."
Now, if she'd invented pizza-that I could understand. — Rick Riordan

Mom: 'I really have to stop doing this. I need to get a life.'

I think she's directing this at herself, or the universe, not really at me. Still, I can't help thinking that 'getting a life' is something only a complete idiot could believe. Like you can just drive to a store and get a life. See it in its shiny box and look inside the plastic window and catch a glimpse of yourself in a new life and say, 'Wow, I look much happier - I think this is the life I need to get!" Take it to the counter, ring it up, put it on your credit card. If getting a life was that easy, we'd be one blissed-out race. But we're not. So it's like, Mom, your life isn't out there waiting, so don't think all you have to do is find it and get it. No, your life is right here. And yeah, it sucks. Lives usually do. So if you want things to change, you don't need to get a life. You need to get off your ass. — John Green

Say goodbye to your mom."
Scottie pauses, then keeps going.
"Scottie."
"Bye!" she yells.
I grab her arm. I could yell at her for wanting to leave, but I don't. She pulls her arm out of my grasp. I look up to see if anyone is watching us, because I don't think you're supposed to aggressively hold children these days. Gone are the days of spanking, threats, and sugar. Now there are therapy, antidepressants, and Splenda. — Kaui Hart Hemmings

I was able to do an invisibility spell and get in. There must have been hundreds of Prodigium there. Anyway, that's where Lara made the big announcement that your dad had been murdered by The Eye." He nodded toward Aislinn. "With the help of the Brannicks."
Aislinn swore under her breath, and Mom lowered her head.
"Okay," I said slowly. "Look, I get that that's bad, but can't you just pop up and be like, 'Hey, here I am! Totally not dead!"
"I could," said Dad, "but if it suits the Casnoffs' purposes for me to be deceased, something tells me I wouldn't stay 'totally not dead' for long. — Rachel Hawkins

Ellis: "What's so funny?"
Skyla: You're funny," I say. "You look real scary. I bet your mom's proud, though." I don't know why I add that last bit, I just do. — Addison Moore

I lead by example. My kids know what sweat is. They've seen me come home from so many runs and asked, 'What's on your skin? How did you get it?' And I tell them, 'It's from exercise!' So now my son will come home from a bike ride, take off his helmet and say, 'Look, Mom. I'm sweating! I just worked out!' — Summer Sanders

My mother's great. She has the major looks. She could stop you from doing anything, through a closed door even, with a single look. Without saying a word, she has that power to rip out your tonsils. — Whoopi Goldberg

Look, I didnt want to be a half-blood.
If you're reading this because you think you might be one, my advice is: close this book right now. Believe whatever lie your mom and dad told you about your birth, and try to lead a normal life.
Being a half-blood is dangerous. It's scary. Most of the time, it gets you killed in painful nasty ways.
If you're a normal kid, reading this because you think it's fiction, great. Read on. I envy you for being able to believe none of this ever happened.
But if you recognize yourself in these pages-if you feel something stirring inside- stop reading immediately. You might be one of us. And once you know that, it's only a matter of time before THEY sense it too, and they'll come for you.
Don't say I didn't warn you.
-Percy Jackson — Rick Riordan

You are Zyon's daughter. You are a soul reader. This trip is more than just a vacation," Jadan said firmly. "You might feel like postponing it now, but we need to look for the medallion while we are in that region. Joe will keep an eye on everything. Plus, your mom will know what to do. I can even call for backup. — Dianne Bright

We're talking about humans inhaling the toxic life force sucked out of a demon from another world.' Quite possible the weirdest sentence I'd ever said aloud ... 'And according to your mom, if they survive addiction-and that's a big if-their scrambled brains'll make Ozzy Osbourne look rational and coherent. — Rachel Vincent

Look, Lynch," Kavinsky said. "It's simple. Wrap your tiny Celtic brain around this concept. What did your mom do when your goldfish died?"
Ronan stopped pacing. "I told you. It's not your rice rocket. I can get him another but it won't be the same. He doesn't want another one, he wants this one."
"I'm going to be fucking patient with you," Kavinsky said, "because you've had a head injury. You're not listening to the words I say."
Ronan threw a hand toward the Pig. "This is not a goldfish. — Maggie Stiefvater

On the way back from the doctor's office, my mom asked me if I'd written back to Dante. "Not Yet". "I think you should write to him". "Mom, I'm your son, not a suggestion box". She shot me a look. "Keep your eyes on the road", I said. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

I like your mama,' Trena tells me. 'She seems like good people.'
'Smile!' my mom calls to me from across the room, and I look at her and smile. Because she is good people. And she means well, even if she does drive me crazy. — Frances O'Roark Dowell

Tattitude: Wow, Jeff, who's the babe?
Dangerous_pie: Your mom.
Tattitude: No, the one three feet away from you.
Dangerous_pie: Oh, that's Lindsey Abraham. I had her flown in from California for my personal amusement. You can look at her if you want, though.
Tattitude: Sweet. But have you talked to her yet?
Dangerous_pie: Uh-huh. We're really close.
Tattitude: Intro me?
Dangerous_pie: After class.
Tattitude: Duh.
Just then, I noticed that a large shadow had fallen over my screen. I couldn't even bear to look up as Mr. Laurenzano said, "Thaddeus Ibsen, Lindsey Abraham. Lindsey, Thaddeus. There, you've been introduced. NOW can I teach some science?"
Wow, it looked like this was going to be my year for unusual teachers. — Jordan Sonnenblick

Love makes you weak. This I know for sure.
Mom loved Roger. Roger loved Mom.And look what happpened there. She died. She thought her love made her strong. She kept telling me-after she was diagnosed-she ket telling me, I'm going to beat this Kyra. I'm going to come out of it. I love you and I love your father and that love is my strength. You're my strength. — Barry Lyga

Hee hee hee! You should've seen the look on your face!"
"If mom and dad cared about me at all, they'd buy me some infra-red nighttime vision goggles. — Bill Watterson

No one is ever quite ready; everyone is always caught off guard. Parenthood chooses you. And you open your eyes, look at what you've got, say "Oh, my gosh," and recognize that of all the balls there ever were, this is the one you should not drop. It's not a question of choice. — Marisa De Los Santos

Sure, okay, I'll pick up some cat litter. Anything else?"
"Watch your back, G." Then she hung up.
Hero paused in her sobbing to look at me quizzically. "Why does your mom want cat litter? You guys don't even have a cat."
"She uses it for ... " I searched my brain madly, but all I could come up with was "teaching."
"She uses cat litter to teach English?"
I nodded. "She's kind of unconventional in her methods."
Hero frowned. "But how does she use it?"
The girl was relentless when she fixated on something. "Um, when their papers are really bad, she gives them a little bag of cat litter. It's her way of telling them their writing is crap." I laughed. "She's kooky. — Jody Gehrman

Naz," I whisper. "What's going on?" "What's going on is your mother isn't happy to see you near me." "Why?" I ask, my voice trembling. "Who are you?" "You know who I am," he says. "The question you should be asking is who are they." "Mom," I call out. "Mom, what's happening? How do you know Naz?" She doesn't look at me, but I know she hears my words. Her alarm grows when I call him Naz. She pleads with him more. "Please, she's my daughter... my little girl. — J.M. Darhower

Penryn? Who are you talking to?" My mother sounds almost frantic now.
"Just my own personal demon, Mom. Don't worry. He's just a little weakling."
Weak or not, we both know he could have killed me if that's what he wanted. I won't give him the satisfaction of knowing I was scared, though.
"Oh." She sounds calm suddenly, as if that explained everything. "Okay. Don't underestimate them. And don't make them promises you can't keep." I can tell by her fading voice as she says this that she's reassured and walking away.
The baffled look the angel shoots at the door makes me chuckle. He glances my way, giving me a you're-weirder-than-your-mom look. — Susan Ee

Ladies, [motherhood] is a full-time job. Do not kid yourself that you can be a dental receptionist and a mother; that you can be a typist and a mom; that you can be a Vice President and a mom. One of the two things will win. Now look at your Bible and ask what you have to do. — Alistair Begg

Soovee?" I ask. "Did Mom make it so you can drive yourself?" "Correct." "This is so cool!" says Trip. "Yesterday, Dr. Hayes mounted a range finder to my roof housing a 64-beam laser." So that's what she was doing when she was too busy to look at my rotten Spanish homework. "This laser allows me to generate a detailed 3-D map of my environment," Soovee continues. "I will take that map and instantaneously overlay it on top of high-resolution, real-time traffic maps and produce all the data models I need to drive myself, and you, safely to school." "But what if the police see me not driving?" asks Dad. "No worries," purrs the car. "Mom also tinted the windshield. You can see out, but no one can see in. Why, you could fully recline your seat and take a quick nap." Okay. I know what I want our new science project to be: Soovee - the self-driving electric car! "Sit — James Patterson

I dropped my voice and stared into her eyes. I could tell she was trying hard not to look away. I was so furious I could have cheerfully ripped her head off. "But you're going to find out, Mom,' I said very softly."And it's gonna give you nightmares for the rest of your wasted life."
Oh, my God, I was so badass. It was all I could do to not give a MWA HA HA! — James Patterson

Ooh, big day in town for our park warden," I said. "They're even making you wear the uniform.
Hayley's mom will be happy. She thinks you look hot in it."
Dad turned as red as his hair.
Mom's laugh floated out from her studio. "Maya Delaney. Leave your father alone. — Kelley Armstrong

You're going to look your girl straight in the eye and say, Baby your mom rode to the rafters. Your mom lifted three girls in her hand, grinning all the way, she says, our voices rising to a baying now, all together. Your mom build pyramids and flew high in the sky, and back in Sutton Grove, they're still talking about the wonders they saw that night, still talking about how they watched us all reach to the heavens. — Megan Abbott

Dad walked by my room and reeled back fo ra better look at Jayden on my bed. "What is going on?"
"Early morning tutoring session, Dad."
He didn't look appeased, but before he could say anything, Mom glanced in.
"It's just Jayden," she said and kept walking down the hall.
"In our daughter's bed? Half naked!"
"But it's Jayden," Mom said. "It doesn't count."
"Thank you, Mrs. Lahey," Jayden said. "I appreciate your vote of confidence in my lack of coitus with your daughter."
Dad's face went slack. "Oh my God."
A&E Kirk, Demons in Disguise — A&E Kirk

You look like a handsome young man ... although you might want to zip your fly.
Mom!
What? Should I have not told you and left it for everyone else to notice at the dance? — Jordan Sonnenblick

Just seems like all parents start out thinking their kids are part of them, another mouth they've gotta make sure eats, another body they've got to get dressed. And then one day, our parents look at us and notice we're whole people. We're not a part of them anymore, even if they're a part of us. And for the ones who never really wanted to be parents anyway, that's probably a relief. But for a mom like yours - I don't know, she must've been sad when she realized your life was gonna be different then hers. She must've been scared when she realized she wasn't gonna be able to protect you, and that you were gonna deal with things she never did. — Emily Henry

Rachel paused. "Do I need to get your mom? Did you just find out you're pregnant, and you don't know the baby daddy?" "No! And you really need to lay off Sixteen and Pregnant." "It's a train wreck. You wanna look away, but you just can't," Rachel said in defense of her reality show obsession. — Calia Read

My mom made me think I was gorgeous. When I was younger she was like, 'Look at you! You're an angel. You sparkle!' And I was like, 'I do!' You believe your parents. — Amy Schumer

Catherine. " She swept by me without a hug. Okay, that was familiar, too. "You really should wear something warmer, it's freezing out. "
Hello to you, too, Mom. Or whoever the hell you are, because you sure don't look like the woman who raised me.
123 "You should talk, " I managed. "I can see all the way up to your thigh. My God, if Grandma saw you now, she'd come right out of her grave!"
My mother opened her mouth, paused, and then smiled. "I won't tell if you won't. "
I was going directly to the kitchen to fall to my knees in awe before Rodney. Lo and behold, he'd managed to give her a sense of humor, and here I'd figured that would take voodoo, several headless chickens, and a lot of gris-gris. — Jeaniene Frost

Need I remind you that this Selection was your idea?"
She sighed.
"Listen to your daughter," Dad said. "Very smart girl. Gets it from me."
"Don't you want some more sleep?" she asked flatly.
"No, I'm feeling very refreshed," he said. I wasn't sure if it was because he wanted to continue the conversation or if he felt he needed to keep his attention on Mom. Either way, he was clearly lying.
"Dad, you look like death punched you in the face."
"You must get that from me, too."
"Dad! — Kiera Cass

It's kind of freaky to send your picture over the Internet to someone you don't really know and then have to sit waiting for their judgement on how you look. Maybe that's why my aunt Penny, who got divorced two years ago, hates online dating so much. Mom's always nagging her to go back on Match but Aunt Penny says she'd rather have root canal work - without anesthetic. — Sarah Darer Littman

Victor kind of rolled his eyes when his mom went on about all the debutante balls Victor had gone to with these girls, and I nodded, trying to look politely interested. Then she asked me when I came out and I said, "Oh, I'm not gay. I'm dating your son," which I thought was pretty clear to begin with. Then Victor started coughing loudly and Bonnie looked confused, but then she got distracted, because Victor sounded like he'd swallowed his own tongue, and then right after that Victor said that we should probably leave. — Jenny Lawson

Look to yourself for the answer - stop calling your girlfriends and stop calling your mom - you know if it's working or not, you either feel like a goddess or you don't — Lady Gaga

Factor 40. It's like rubber cement. It'll take me a good twenty-five minutes to grind this stuff into her skin. I shudder at the thought. Skin should never get old, there's no point to it. Or perhaps it's just an evolutionary deterrent. You've served your biological purpose. You're not supposed to reproduce anymore, so now you get to look like dried fruit until you die. Mom — Graham Parke

Look, Simon, Luke thinks you should tell your mom. You can't hide it from her forever."
"I can damn well try."
"Think about Luke," she said desperately. "You can still live a normal life."
"And what about us? Do you want a vampire boyfriend?" He laughed bitterly. "Because I foresee many romantic picnics in our future. You, drinking a virgin pina colada. Me, drinking the blood of a virgin. — Cassandra Clare

Look, they're wearing light blue gauzy frozen superhero capes because I have told them that Anna is a junior superhero with a black sister and a gay brother- both of whom are off ruling other countries because, y'know, they have jobs. You do your mothering your way. I'll do my mothering mine . — Shonda Rhimes

Dear five-year-old, What the fuck is wrong with you? Normal children don't have dead imaginary friends. Normal children don't pick open every single one of their chicken pox scabs and then stand naked and bleeding in the darkened doorway to their bedroom until someone walks past and asks what they are doing. Furthermore, normal children don't respond by saying, "I wanted to know what all my blood would look like." Normal children also don't watch their parents sleep from the corner of the room. Mom was really scarred by The Exorcist when she was younger, and she doesn't know how to cope with your increasingly creepy behavior. Please stop. Please, please stop. — Allie Brosh

And I like the light-up."
"The what?"
"The light-up," he'd say. "You know, that look people get when they finally realize you're for real. It's like electricity. It makes me tingle all over. Like a blanket full of static."
Ew. "Really? I've never heard that."
"Yeah, and I like it when people realize we're out here."
I leaned in close once and asked him, "Do you want your mom to realize you're out here? Do you want her to know?"
"Nah. It took her too long to get over me."
All in all, he was a good kid. — Darynda Jones

Ouch," he said.
"Move your foot."
"No."
"Go away."
"Glad to see you, too."
"What are you doing here?" I asked.
"You missed the bus," he said.
"I'm sick."
"Need chicken soup?"
"Actually, it's my period," I lied. "Killer cramps."
"Chocolate and a heating pad?"
"How do you know that?"
"I have an older sister and my mom is a kick-ass feminist," he said. "I'm probably the only guy in school who can buy tampons without having a seizure. Look, at that, I can even say the word. 'Tampon, tampon, tampon.' If you say it enough, it stops sounding like a word, know what I mean? — Laurie Halse Anderson

Told her she needs to look at her Mom and learn. You had three men in your life, all of 'em willin' to hand you the world. She should accept nothin' less. — Kristen Ashley

All right," I tell Gray, "you make an admirable lasagna. It's not as good as my mom's, but it will do."

"Don't kill me with praise now." Gray laughs then shakes his head. "I'm not trying to beat your Italian momma in a lasagna cook-off, Jones. That's just crazy talk." His brows waggle. "But I accept the compliment."

Drew snorts. The sound sudden and harsh. "'Jones'?" Jones is his nickname for me. But I hadn't thought he'd be territorial. He levels a look at Gray, and my chest grows tight. "And here I thought you didn't like my girl. — Kristen Callihan

EMMA: Ah. There you are. You - little
John Sublime: Shhuhh ... Hup. Don't. Please ... My mom met your parents in the Hamptons ... I ... I go through agonies of conscience every time we have to hurt one of you beautiful creatures ... Emma ... I'm doing God's will ...
EMMA: Shut up! I am very cross about this! Very very very cross indeed! I look like a bloody heavyweight boxer! — Grant Morrison

I put my hands on my hips. "What's wrong with the way I look?"
"Come on, Vi," he says, keeping his voice low. "You just need to add your boots and you're like the forest version of Lara Croft."
"Excuse me? Lara who?"
"I mean, it's really sexy and everything." He pulls me closer and slips his arms around my waist. "But it's not exactly the way I'd want you to meet my mom. — Rachel Morgan

My mom instilled in me at a young age how important it is to be properly dressed when you leave the house, no matter the time of day. Even if it's 4:30 A.M. and you're heading to the airport, you want to look and feel your best. — Olivia Palermo

With technology and everything, compact discs are going to be, like, vintage soon, right? The way vinyl is now. Like, if I ever have kids, they're going to look at CDs and think, 'What is this crap, geez, how clunky.' By then everyone will have the fiftieth edition of iPods - or maybe they'll just have music downloaded directly into their brains, like with microchips, or something. And I'll be the old lady in the corner going, 'Back when I was a kid, we had mix tapes, and floppy disks, and gas didn't cost twenty bucks a gallon, and oh, yeah, MTV actually played music videos, if you can believe it.' And they'll probably say, 'Oh, Mom, you and your stories, we're jetting to the oxygen bar, see you later,' and take off in their flying cars. You know there'll be flying cars, it's only a matter of time. — Hannah Harrington

Nick:"Make me immortal." Ash wasn't charmed. "Look, Nick, I don't like talking about my powers and not a lot of people know what I can do. I'm trusting you with a secret and I expect you to keep it. If you can't ... " He tilted his head down as if he was looking at him over the rim of his sunglasses. "Well, I'm sure your mom's going to miss you." "Not half as much as I'd miss me if you killed me." He blinked like a girl and leaned against Ash's shoulder. "Please don't hurt me, Ash. Please. I don't want to die while I'm still a virgin. At least let me get laid before you kill me - which according to my mom I can't do until I'm married and I can't do that until I finish college. So you have to wait a good ten years before you snuff me. Deal?" Nick, CoN Infinity — Sherrilyn Kenyon

There's a saying,' Dad said. 'When you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras ... ' 'YOU look for horses,' I said. 'While you spent your whole life at work, me and Mom were having the best, funnest time ever. Mom and I lived for each other. She wouldn't do anything CLOSE to getting drunk and walking next to a ship's balcony because it would mean she might never see me again. That you think she would shows how little you know her. YOU look for horses, Dad. — Maria Semple

I think I'm going to wear blue to the wedding. I saw this gorgeous dress on sale at Macy's the other day. I think I have a coupon," Mom tells Liz.

"Oh hell no! I already told you I was going to wear blue, you whore. You can't wear the same color as me, that's tacky," Liz complains.

Oh my God, this is not happening right now.

"Fuck your mother. I'm wearing blue. I already found my dress," Mom argues.

"I'm the mother of the bride. The mother of the f**king bride! That means it's up to me!" Liz fires back.

"Claire, I think you would look lovely in blue," Tyler pipes in.

Mom turns to face Tyler and folds her arms on top of the table. "When I'm finished neutering you, I'm going to take your tiny little neuticles and light them on fire. — Tara Sivec

I wasn't a class clown, because my parents were very strict and because nuns in general have no sense of humor. I mean zero, zip, nada. I wasted some of my best stuff on those old hags! Look at these knuckles - those are ruler marks, and they're still visible all these years later. But I could usually get out of trouble at home if I could get my mom laughing. That's a huge ace up your sleeve as a kid. — Dan Alatorre

Serving others also requires a talent for observation," Hawke murmurs in my ear. "She'll approach the table to her right next, ask the woman in the red shirt if she'd like her bill." My mom does exactly that, her lips moving as she gathers the dirty dishes. The customer nods and pulls her wallet out of her no-name vinyl purse. "How did you know she'd do that?" I ask. "I look for threats. You look for fashions." He splays his fingers over me, his grip thrillingly secure. "Your mom looks for needs her customers might have." "Everyone sees what they want to see," I conclude. "The average person sees very little." Hawke pushes me toward the counter. "Very few of us pay attention. — Cynthia Sax

Lance told me his father didn't think much of him. "He wishes I was better. More better. At everything. I don't do anything right, you know, Stevie. Nothing." He said this matter-of-factly. He believed it as truth. Polly told me her father never said anything nice to her, but she kept trying as hard as she could to make him pay her some attention. "He always says, 'Don't get fat as your mother has,' but I don't think Mom's fat at all, but I try not to eat much, but he keeps saying it to me. Do you think I'm fat, Stevie? When my hair is messy do you think I look like a stray... — Cathy Lamb

When you were growing up, your mom and dad told you to look both ways before crossing the street or not to get into a car with a stranger. It's the same with the Internet. We have a big responsibility and a huge role in bringing all the stakeholders to the table - users, parents, educators, law enforcement, government organisations. — Chris DeWolfe

The front door slammed and Dad said, "Aurora, sure you aren't expecting a package?"
I leaned back to find him army-crawling under the window in the living room. Like all dads do. "Already told you no, Rambo."
"The new mailman is back." Dad reached up and pulled the curtains closed before standing up and peeking out. "Won't come to the door."
"M shot a tranquillizer dart at the last guy." Mom gave a tired look at M who shrugged unapologetically. "The fact that there's a new one willing to be on our sidewalk is a miracle. Don't scare him off, Clyde."
Dad tried to block me when I went for the curtains. "He won't let me sign for your package. Demanded you come out in person."
"I'll get my tranq gun!" M made for her room.
"Don't you dare!" Mom chased her.
I swished back the curtains to get a look at the petrifying postman.
"I find his interest in my teenage daughter creepy," Dad grumbled.
Oh, he had no idea. — A&E Kirk

My mother gave Lindsey a meaningful look. 'We are not discussing this further. You can go up to your room and wait or wait with me. Your choice.'
Lindsey was dumbfounded. She stared at our mother and knew what she wanted most: to flee, to run out into the cornfield where my father was, where I was, where she felt suddenly that the heart of her family had moved. But Buckley wtood warm against her.

~pg 143; Lindsey, Buckley and Mom — Alice Sebold