Lipwig Quotes & Sayings

Moist waited. Lord Vetinari could outstare a statue and make even a statue start to feel nervous and confess. Moist's counter was a fetching grin, which he knew annoyed Vetinari beyond measure, and there was absolute silence in the Oblong Office while blank stare and cheery grin battled it out for supremacy in some other dimension. — Terry Pratchett

I have to ask, sir ... Why does it have to be done like this?"
Vetinari smiled. "Can you keep a secret, Mister Lipwig?"
"Oh, yes, sir. I've kept lots."
"Capital. And the point is, so can I. You do not need to know. — Terry Pratchett

Mr. Lipwig, this morning you had no experience at all of being dead, and yet but for my intervention you would nevertheless have turned out to be extremely good at it," said Lord Vetinari sharply. "It just goes to show: you never know until you try. — Terry Pratchett

Our dollars are not pure gold, though, are they?" "Aha, yes. Gold-colored, Mr. Lipwig," said Bent. "Less gold than seawater. Gold-ish. We adulterated our own currency! Infamy! There can be no greater crime!" His eye twitched again. "Er ... murder?" Moist ventured. — Terry Pratchett

it seemed to Igor that trouble hit Mr. Lipwig like a big wave hitting a flotilla of ducks. Afterward, there was no wave but there was still a lot of duck. "It — Terry Pratchett

Looking out the window, Moist saw a small swarm of goblins leave the train and at first he thought, ha! Trust the buggers to run away, and then he mentally corrected himself: that was storybook thinking and with clearer eyesight and a bit of understanding he realized that the goblins were scrambling up to the delvers on the rocks and beating the shit out of them by diving into the multiple layers of dwarf clothing. The delvers discovered all too rapidly that trying to fight while a busy goblin was in your underwear was very bad for the concentration. — Terry Pratchett

She smiled at him, and bits of Moist tingled.
'Well, off you go then, Mr Lipwig,' she said. 'Brighten up the world like a little sunbeam. — Terry Pratchett

Never promise to do the possible. Anyone could do the possible. You should promise to do the impossible, because sometimes the impossible was possible, if you could find the right way, and at least you could often extend the limits of the possible. And if you failed, well, it had been impossible. — Terry Pratchett

Quite amazing, isn't it, Mister Lipwig?' he said cheerfully through the smoke. 'Though isn't it a pity that they can only run on rails? I can't imagine what the world would be like if everyone had their own steam locomotive. Abominable. — Terry Pratchett

Dear Mr Lipwig,
I feel that you are a dear, sweet man who will look after my little Mr Fusspot. Please be kind to him. He has been my only friend in difficult times. Money is such a crude thing in these circumstances, but the sum of $20,000 annually will be paid to you (in arrears) for performing this duty, which I beg you to accept.
If you do not, or if he dies of unnatural causes, your arse will belong to the Guild of Assassins. $100,000 is lodged with Lord Downey, and his young gentlemen will hunt you down and gut you like the weasel you are, Smart Boy!
May the gods bless you for your kindness to a widow in distress. — Terry Pratchett

It appears, Mister Lipwig, that you do not understand the nature of our relationship. I ask, very politely, for you to achieve something, bearing in mind that there are other ways I could ask, and it is your job to get things done. — Terry Pratchett

We can't just drop everything, sir!"
"Mister Lipwig. Is there something in the word 'tyrant' you do not understand? — Terry Pratchett

Doesn't this place give you the creeps? You could perhaps do something with some floral wallpaper and a fire-bomb. — Terry Pratchett

Mr Lipwig, there's a lady in the hall to see you and we've thanked her for not smoking three times and she's still doing it! — Terry Pratchett

I commend my soul to any god that can find it. — Terry Pratchett

Making money is good, but there's no pockets in a shroud. — Terry Pratchett

Moist had seen the Falls before and that's just what they were ... falls. Pretty good falls by the standard of falls, but once you'd looked at them for a few minutes undoubtedly someone would say; 'Where can we get a coffee around here? — Terry Pratchett

Students, eh? Love 'em or hate 'em, you can't hit them with a shovel! — Terry Pratchett

Mister Lipwig, the world lives between those who say it cannot be done and those who say that it can. And in my experience, those who say that it can be done are usually telling the truth. It's just a matter of thinking creatively. — Terry Pratchett

Moist groaned. It was the crack of seven and he was allergic to the concept of two seven o'clocks in one day. — Terry Pratchett

Only an academic could state the obvious and pass it off as wisdom." -Moist Von Lipwig (T.P., Going Postal) — Terry Pratchett