Lassiter Quotes & Sayings

Lassiter had been the wild card, and he had not lasted. Distracted by physical yearnings, he had gotten into epic trouble and been banished, lost to a destiny and destination of which Colin was only vaguely aware. — J.R. Ward

Parking himself on the chaise lounge, he stared at the gown that Lassiter had handled so roughly. The fine satin was bunched up in waves, the disorder creating a wonderful, shimmering display over on the bed.
"My beloved is dead," he said out loud.
As the sound of the words faded, something was suddenly, stupidly clear: Wellesandra, blooded daughter of Relix, was never filling out that bodice again. She was never going to put the skirting over her head and wriggle into the corset, or free the ends of her hair from the lace-ups in the back. She wasn't going to look for matching shoes, or get pissed off because she sneezed right after she put her mascara on, or worry about whether she was going to spill on the skirting.
She was ... dead. — J.R. Ward

Hey, no offense, but do you mind if you put both your palms where I can see 'em? — J.R. Ward

Aha!" Lassiter pointed at the boob tube. "You motherfucker! I knew you were the father! — J.R. Ward

Easy, son," Wrath said. "Jesus Christ - " "Actually it's Lassiter," the man said, "in case you forgot. — J.R. Ward

The righteous do not always do right, but their souls remain pure. — J.R. Ward

What do you think it's worth, Lassiter, finding and returning the priceless heritage of a nation?" "How about a Boy Scout merit badge and a thank-you note from Yeltsin?" Above us, — Paul Levine

Halle-fucking-lujah! — J.R. Ward

What bothers her most is that she cares. Risa was always able to take care of herself, both physically and emotionally. At the state home, either you developed several layers of personal armor or you were eaten alive. When had that changed? Was it when she was forced to play music as kids were led into the building beneath her to be unwound? Was it when she made the choice to accept a shattered spine, rather than having it replaced by the healthy spine of an Unwind? Or maybe it was before that, when she realized that, against all sense and reason, she had fallen in love with Connor Lassiter? — Neal Shusterman

For the first three months I knew him, I thought Lassie was Rowan Atkinson. — Shawn Spencer

The bailiff tucked the jurors into their windowless room where they could surf for porn on their PDAs, and the judge turned to me. "Mr. Lassiter, Ah assume you got some legal mumbo jumbo for the record." His Honor came from a family of gentleman farmers in Homestead by way of Kentucky, and his voice rippled with bourbon and branch water. — Paul Levine

The same tired people who dragged bags and baskets full of their dirty laundry out in public when they had a rare spare moment. It was a certain breed of people that used Laundromats and Ren had it down to such a fine science she could have probably recognized them on the street. — Amity Lassiter

We're vampires," he said. "Not fairies."
"Sometimes I'm not so sure about that. You see that study your king hangs out in?"
"He's nearly blind."
"Which explains why he hasn't hanged himself in that pastel train wreck."
"I thought you were bitching about the gloom-and-doom decorating?"
"I free-associate. — J.R. Ward

Lassiter hit pause and clamped a hard hand on his shoulder."Sit the fuck back. Watch and learn."
"What? How much I hate rom-coms? How 'bout we just stipulate that and let me go."
"You're going to need this."
" For my second career as a pussy? — J.R. Ward

Tohr shook his head. "If you're going to get plastered, why can't you do it like areal man."
"I like the taste of fruit."
"You are what you drink."
The angel glanced up at the clock, "Shit. I missed Maury. But, I DVR'd Ellen. — J.R. Ward

After a moment, Wrath turned to John. "This is Lassiter, the fallen angel. One of the last times he was here on earth, there was a plague in central Europe-"
"Okay, that was so not my fault-"
"-which wiped out two-thirds of the human population."
"I'd like to remind you that you don't like humans."
"They smell bad when they're dead."
"All you mortal types do. — J.R. Ward

You can stay home," V muttered. "You really can totally f-in' stay the f home, you f'ed-up mother-f'ing f-twit."
Lassiter clasped his breastplate, and swooned like Julie Andrews. "Don't you love it when he can't swear? Warms my cockles - it's like watching a drunk on roller skates try to play dodgeball in the dark - — J.R. Ward

The door opened a crack, and then Lassiter, in his game gear, stepped inside the room. As he held something out, Mary couldn't see what it was - Wait a minute, was that a Snickers bar? "What are you doing?" she blurted as he cautiously approached. The beast snapped to attention, its jowls curling up in a snarl at the angel. But Lassiter was undaunted - so not a shocker. "Here," he said. "Have a Snickers. You're not yourself when you're hangry." There was a heartbeat of a pause. And then she couldn't help it. She had to start laughing. "Really. Really? — J.R. Ward

Lassiter," Ad and Colin said together. At the sound of the name, even Devina rolled her eyes. "Oh, Christ. Him again. — J.R. Ward

Add that to love, Mr. Lassiter. That's what we all need. Love and loyalty. — Paul Levine

Nope, it was the Great Immortal Agitator: Lassiter — J.R. Ward

And suddenly it wasn't a joke. The further she went, the more serious Lassiter got, and the shakier Wrath's shellan became, as if the words she were speaking were ones of great value and meaning. This was tradition for her, he realized. — J.R. Ward

Without time," the angel said, "you have only the bottomless, shapeless mire of eternity."
"FYI, philosophy bores me."
"Not philosophy. Reality. Time is what gives life significance. — J.R. Ward

Got a problem." "I can't fix your personality, sorry." Lassiter laughed, the sound ringing through the house like church bells. "No. I like myself just as I am, thank you." "Can't help your delusional nature, either. — J.R. Ward

Dearest Virgin - um, Dearest Most-Definitely-Not-a-Virgin Lassiter, — J.R. Ward

Christ, don't you ever knock?
It's Lassiter. L-A-S-S-I-T-E-R. How is it possible you're still getting me confused with someone else? Do I need a nametag? — J.R. Ward

down on the small love seat — Tamra Lassiter

Is it my turn yet?" Lassiter asked over the earpiece. "I was born ready for this. — J.R. Ward

It's because you're looking in the wrong place," Lassiter said.
"You can go now."
"Every time you say that, it brings a tear to my eye."
"Funny, mine too."

-Lassiter & Tohr — J.R. Ward

End of the day, the quick and the dead are the same. Everyone's just looking for a home. — J.R. Ward

Dearest Virgin - um, Oversexed Lassiter — J.R. Ward

From out of nowhere, she had an image of some poor human in a FedEx Office branch getting an eyeful and a half of the mostly naked fallen angel.
Without warning, she started to laugh so hard, tears came to her eyes. The good kind of tears, that was.
And as she gave herself up to the angel's ridiculousness, Lass just say there on the couch, staring up at "Melrose Place", a sly, quiet smile on his beautiful, deranged face.
What an angel he was, she thought to herself. A total angel. — J.R. Ward

Merrill Krause - "My brothers have scared off just about any fellow who showed interest in getting to know me."
Granny Lassiter - "Well, if a man can't stand up to those brothers of yours, you needn't even consider him. A man ought to be able to hold his own with his wife's family. — Tracie Peterson

Please," Eddie implored. "Not Lassiter. Anybody but Lassiter - he could be anywhere on the planet, doing anything. — J.R. Ward

Wrath shut the door. "Let's do it," he said to George. And the dog knew right where to go, leading him to the entrance - which Wrath opened with his mind. "Hi, honey, I'm home!" he hollered. "Did you bring flowers?" Lassiter shouted back. "Not for you." "Damn it. Well, I'm on deck tonight with Tohr, so can we get moving? There's a full list of appointments, but I want to get back for Hell's Kitchen." "Don't you DVR that shit?" Wrath groused as he and George went into the old dining room. "Yeah, but I have poor impulse control. It was on at nine, okay? And I hate waiting. I put George's fresh water down by your chair, b.t.dub." "At least you're a dog lover. That's the only thing that saves you." "Ha! I have wings and a halo, you cranky son of a bitch. I'm already perma-saved." "Just our luck. — J.R. Ward

There was a soft chiming sound, which meant, tragedy of tragedies, the angel had just popped himself up onto the countertop. "So, what are we doing tonight? Wait, let me guess, sitting in morose silence. Or, no ... you're mixing it up. Brooding with soulful intensity, right? What a fucking wild child you are. Whoo. Hoo. Next thing you know, you'll be opening for Slipknot."
With a curse, Tohr stood up and went over to turn on the shower, hoping that if he refused to look at the loudmouth, Lassiter would get bored more quickly and move on to ruin someone else's afternoon. — J.R. Ward

Are you holding her?" Wrath asked.
There was a pause. "As soon as I get this bow tied in the back - hold on, girlie. Okay, up you go. She's in a pink dress that Cormia made her by hand. I hate pink. I like it on her, though - but keep that to yourself."
Wrath flexed his hands. "What's it like?"
"Not totally hating pink? Pretty fuck - ehrm, frickin' emasculating."
"Yeah."
"Do not tell me Lassiter's been metrosexualizing even you. I heard he talked Manello into going for a pedicure with him - but I'm praying that's just gossip."

-Wrath & Zsadist — J.R. Ward

And so, as the mob backs away to give them space ... as the riot police holster their weapons, standing down, and as Risa takes the podium, calming the crowd with a voice as soothing as a sonata, Connor Lassiter holds his family like he'll never let them go. — Neal Shusterman

I stood there, 220 pounds of ex-football player, ex-public defender, ex-a-lot-of-things, leaning against the faded walnut rail of the witness stand, home to a million sweaty palms. "To Speak for the Dead" (The Jake Lassiter Series) — Paul Levine

If you've bullshitted me, angel, I'm going to kill you."
The other male rolled his eyes. "I'm already dead, idiot. — J.R. Ward

My name's Lassiter, and I'll tell you all you need to know about me. I'm an angel first and a sinner second, and I'm not here for long. I'll never hurt you, but I'm prepared to make you pretty goddamn uncomfortable if I have to, to get my job done. I like sunsets and long walks on the beach, but my perfect female no longer exists. Oh, and my favorite hobby is annoying the shit out of people. Guess I'm just bred to want to get a rise out of folks - probably the whole resurrection thing. — J.R. Ward

You gotta cut that shit out." Lassiter's voice harmonized with the sound of the toilet flushing. Which so made sense.
"Christ, don't you ever knock?"
"It's Lassiter. L-A-S-S-I-T-E-R. How is it possible you're still getting me confused with someone else? Do I need a nametag?"
"Yes, and let's put it over your mouth."

-Lassiter & Tohr — J.R. Ward

The angel leaned down, the scent of fresh air preceding him. "Neither that wall nor that skull will give you what you're looking for."
Tohr narrowed his eyes and wished he were strong enough to fight the guy. "They won't? Well, then they're making a liar out of you. 'Now is the time. Tonight everything changes.' You give portent a bad name, you know that? You are just so full of shit."
Lassiter smiled and idly adjusted the gold hoop that pierced his eyebrow. "If you think being rude is going to get my attention, you'll be really bored before I care."

-Lassiter & Tohr — J.R. Ward

I've been ridiculed by silk-suited lawyers, jailed by ornery judges, and occasionally paid for services rendered. I never intended to be a hero, and I succeeded. — Paul Levine

You love it right?" Lassiter asked, holding his Bible high. "I mean, you told me to go on the internet. I did. I even printed out my diploma or whatever the hell it's called." Opening the cover of the King James version, he took out a piece of paper and waved it around. "See? Nice and legal-like" Beth leaned in "Wow". "I know right? Just like Harvard" "Impressive" "I'm totally framing that shit, wha-what. — J.R. Ward

I brought us all Big Macs," he said happily. "I know you dig 'em, remember?" "What the ... " Tohr tightened his grip on his shellan, just in case ... well, shit, with the way things were going lately, anything could happen. "What are you doing here?" "It's your lucky day, motherfucker. — J.R. Ward

There was someone sitting in his room, over on that chair -
"Are you kidding me?" He exhaled a curse and rubbed the back of his brain. "Really? Are you fucking kidding me?"
Across the way, like some fucked-up scarecrow, a pair of blue jeans, that Nirvana concert T-shirt of the angel's, the flannel bullshit, and a set of Nikes had been stuffed with God only knew what. The head of the "Lassiter" was made out of a nylon bag that had had potatoes in it, and the black and yellow hair was a collection of knee-high business socks - probably Butch's - and Swiffer cleaning rags that had been safety pinned in place.
Around its neck? A handwritten sign that read: the boss was here. — J.R. Ward

From across the dark bedroom, Lassiter stood in the corner next to the highboy, feeling like crap while Tohr whispered to the dress.
Scrubbing his face, he wondered why ... why in the hell, of all the ways he could have gotten free of the In Between, did it have to be this one.
The shit was starting to get to him. — J.R. Ward

The real reason we have faces," Margot Lassiter observes, "is to hold back what we're thinking from the world. — Eli Gottlieb

Fuck. Me, "Vishous Breathed.
"I will so pass on that, "Lassiter muttered. — J.R. Ward

Rhage, we have a problem--"

"You weren't supposed to tell him!" Lassiter barked.

Rhage frowned. "Lassiter?"

"Fuck you!" came the muffled response.

Mary pointed to the hearth. "Lassiter is in a Santa suit, stuck in the chimney, impaled on something that means he can't dematerialize. So we've got a problem."

Rhage blinked once. And then threw his head back and laughed so loudly the windows shook.

"This is the best fucking Christmas present ever!"

"Fuck you, Hollywood!" Lassiter yelled from inside the chimney. "Fuck you so hard-- — J.R. Ward

I don't tweet or blog or order pizza with arugula on top. You won't find my mug on Facebook or Instagram. I don't have a life coach, an aroma therapist, or a manicurist, and I sure as hell don't do Pilates. — Paul Levine

Tohr took a pull of his beer. "What the hell is this?"
"When Harry Met Sally."
Tohr lowered the longneck from his mouth. "What?"
"Shut it. After this, we're going to watch an episode of Moonlighting. Then An Affair to Remember - the old-school one, not that stupidity with Warren Beatty. Then The Princess Bride - "
Tohr hit the switch by his hip and straightened the chair up. "Okay. Right. Have fun with this - — J.R. Ward

So that's troublin' you? I reckon it needn't. You see it was this way. I come round the house an' seen that fat party an' heard him talkin' loud. Then he seen me, an' very impolite goes straight for his gun. He oughtn't have tried to throw a gun on me - whatever his reason was. For that's meetin' me on my own grounds. I've seen runnin' molasses that was quicker'n him. Now I didn't know who he was, visitor or friend or relation of yours, though I seen he was a Mormon all over, an' I couldn't get serious about shootin'. So I winged him - put a bullet through his arm as he was pullin' at his gun. An' he droppped the gun there, an' a little blood. I told him he'd introduced himself sufficient, an' to please move out of my vicinity. An' went - Lassiter — Zane Grey

Can you drive any faster?" Tohr demanded.
"I got the pedal to the medal" The angel looked back. "And I don't care what I have to mow over — J.R. Ward

I've never been disbarred, committed or convicted of moral turpitude, and the only time I was arrested, it was a case of mistaken identity ... I didn't know the guy I hit was a cop. — Paul Levine

I don't acknowledge the responsibility you're trying to make me feel. — Rhiannon Lassiter

I watch a man shoot pool for an hour. If he misses more than one shot, I know I can beat him. — Luther Lassiter

When your parents turn you in to the Juvenile Authority - and they will - I will not shed a single tear for you, Connor Lassiter. — Neal Shusterman

With women, my wiring shorts out. My senses respond to the physical and the chemical, the scent and sheen of her. Evil could not possibly reside in the form of this angel. Or could it? Sure, I'm politically incorrect. I admit it; I confess; guilty as charged. I am, Your Honor, the lowest of the species, still wet from the swamp, webbed feet fossilized in the mud. I am a Man! — Paul Levine

Our boy looks impressed."
"Should be," Rhage muttered as he jacked the belt on his robe. "We are awesome."
Multiple groans at that point. Rolled eyes.
"At least he didn't pull out the 'totes amazeballs,'" somebody muttered.
"That's Lassiter," came an answer.
"Man, that son of a bitch has got to stop watching Nickel-fucking-odeon. — J.R. Ward

Love the ponytail," Connor says, pointing at his hair.
Lev shrugs. "It's just because my hair is so tatted. But maybe I'll keep it."
"Don't," Connor tells him. "I lied. I hate it. — Neal Shusterman

At the prosecution table, Flagler gave me his Ivy League snicker. If I wanted, I could dangle him out the window by his ankles. But then, I was picking up penalties for late hits while he was singing tenor with the Whiffenpoofs. Okay, so I'm not Yale Law Review, but I'm proud of my diploma. University of Miami. Night division. Top half of the bottom third of my class. — Paul Levine

Lassiter came in alone, likely because Doc Jane had returned to the Pit. And the angel was naked as a jaybird ... and just frickin' fine. No bullet holes, no scars, no contusions.
You keep looking at me like that and you'd better buy me dinner afterward. — J.R. Ward

Cowards hide [ ... ] but warriors lie and wait [ ... ] the only difference is whether you're motivated by fear or purpose. — Neal Shusterman

Your Mama's so stupid"- Lassiter dematerialized and re-formed on the far side, spinning the rods- "she thinks a California dime is something you dial a phone with." ~ Lassiter

' The Shadows' page 11 — J.R. Ward

I want to see the front of you."
"That's what all the girls say."
"Do you expect me to roll you over? 'Cuz I will."
"Your mate's not going to like this."
"As if that's going to bother you?"
"True. It actually makes it worth the effort."
With a groan, he shoved his palms into the shimmering silver pool of blood beneath him, and flopped over like the side of beef he was.
"Wow," she breathed.
"I know, right? Hung like a horse."
"If you're really nice - and you live through this - I'll promise not to tell V."
"About my size."
She laughed a little. "No, that you assumed I'd look at you in any fashion other than professionally. — J.R. Ward

I'm losing air over here, you know," Lassiter bitched. "My inflatable is deflating." V cursed. "That's because it doesn't want to be around you any more than we do. — J.R. Ward

Rhage glared over the top of the Caldwell Courier Journal. From his vantage point on V and Butch's leather sofa, he had more view than he wanted of a shirtless Lassiter playing with himself.
Foosball, that was.
The fallen angel was working V's table like a pro, flashing back and forth between the two sides - and hurling insults at himself.
"Question," Rhage muttered, as he rearranged his injured leg. "Are either of your personalities aware that you're schizo-freakin'-phrenic? — J.R. Ward

You can call me Pastor-and before Mr. Sox Fan gets his panties in a wad, I want everyone to know I'm legit. I went online, took a minister's course in under an hour, and I'm ordained, baby. — J.R. Ward

Wanda was one of the sighers and moaners, the omigod-I-never-dreamed-it-could-be-like-this-types. When she wasn't purring with cinematic sincerity, she was a warm and giving bedmate with the full complement of womanly slopes and curves and warm, tender places. Sometime around dawn, she told me I looked like Harrison Ford. Or was it Henry Ford? — Paul Levine

By the time I finally caught up with what the hell they were talking about, I realized I really didn't give a damn. — Kayce Lassiter

Okay, so, Beth, follow me. 'I, Beth, a totally awesome chick ... '"
Beth barked out a giggle. "I, Beth ... "
"Where's the 'awesome chick' part? What? Come on, I have a license from the Internet. I know what I'm doing."
Wrath nodded at his leehan. "He's right. You are, in fact, awesome. I think we need to hear it."
"Can I get an amen!" Lassiter shouted.
"Ammmmmmmmmen!" echoed throughout the mansion.
"Fine, fine, fine," she said. "I, Beth, a totally awesome chick ... "
"' ... take this meathead, Wrath ... '"
" ... take this meathead, Wrath ... "
"' ... as my husband to have and to hold from this day forward ... — J.R. Ward

The guy was like part pro wrestler, part Toys "R" Us. — J.R. Ward

I'm here. Where's my chauffeur hat?" "Here, use mine," Butch said, outing a B Sox cap and throwing it over. "It'll help that hair of yours." The angel caught the thing on the fly and stared at the red S. "I'm sorry, I can't." "Do not tell me you're a Yankees fan," V drawled. "I'll have to kill you, and frankly, tonight we need all the wingmen we've got." Lassiter tossed the cap back. Whistled. Looked casual. — J.R. Ward

Tohr jacked forward his in his seat. "What the hell!"
As Lassiter's big body cut through the projection onto the screen, a gigantic pair of flapping breasts covered his face and chest. "Adventures in the Milfy Way. A true classic."
"It's porn!"
"Duh
"
"Okay, I am not sitting through this with you"
The angel, still standing up. shrugged. "Just wanted to make sure you know what you're missing. — J.R. Ward

The gods tempt us. They offer us riches and sweet smelling women, tres leches, each milk sweeter than the one before. But you cannot beat the gods. The grander house and the bigger deal only mean more borrowed time, more risk. When you build your life on a house of cards, you never know when the joker will turn up. — Paul Levine

A good lawyer is part con man, part priest
promising riches, threatening hell. My ethical rules are simple. I won't lie to the court or let a client do it. But I've never been in this position. How far would I go for a woman who mattered? Is there anything I wouldn't do to win? — Paul Levine

Spending time with you is like watching paint dry." Lassiter's voice echoed up to the stalactites hanging from the Tomb's high ceiling. "Except without the home improvement - which is a tragedy, given how this place looks. Do you guys always go for the gloom and doom? You never hear of Pottery Barn?"

-Lassiter to Tohr — J.R. Ward

Justice requires lawyers who are prepared, witnesses who tell the truth, judges who know the law, and jurors who stay awake. Justice is the North Star, the burning bush, the holy virgin. It cannot be bought, sold, or mass produced. It is intangible, ineffable, and invisible, but if you are to spend your life in its pursuit, it is best to believe it exists, and that you can attain it. — Paul Levine

Conner Lassiter. Scheduled to be unwound the 21st of November-until you went AWOL. You caused an accident that killed a bus driver, left dozens of others injured, and shut down an interstate highway for hours. Then, on top of it, you took a hostage AND shot a Juvey-cop with his own tranq gun."
... "He's the Akron AWOL?! — Neal Shusterman

Yeah, we could strap a small car to Lassiter's back and make him run around by the pool - — J.R. Ward

Benjamin Lassiter was coming to the unavoidable conclusion that the woman who had written A Walking Tour of the British Coastline, the book he was carrying in his backpack, had never been on a walking tour of any kind, and would probably not recognize the British coastline if it were to dance through her bedroom at the head of a marching band, singing "I'm the British Coastline" in a loud and cheerful voice while accompanying itself on the kazoo. — Neil Gaiman

If you care about hundreds, you have to care about one.
- Wraith — Rhiannon Lassiter

You've got nothing to worry about. The righteous do not always right, but their souls remain pure. -Lassiter the Angel — J.R. Ward

When a figure materialized from out of nowhere right next to him, Qhuinn nearly pulled his trigger, but the blond and black head of hair was unmistakable. "Do you want to get shot?" Qhuinn demanded.
In a Darth Vader voice, the angel shot back, "Your weapons are nothing against me."
"For fuck's sake - "

-Qhuinn & Lassiter — J.R. Ward

I have peanut M&M's up there."
"Not my style"
"Raisinets."
"Feh."
"Sam Adams."
Thor narrowed his eyes. "Cold?"
"Downright icy."
Thor crossed his arms over his chest and told him self he was not pouting like a five-year-old. "I want Milk Duds. — J.R. Ward