Larry The Cable Guy Best Quotes & Sayings

I pretty much live on my tour bus.I do well around 300 shows a year. A lot of times I will do two shows a night. — Larry The Cable Guy

I can have different opinions with anybody. I can still be a friend with that person. — Larry The Cable Guy

Blaming guns for killing people is like blaming pencils for bad spelling — Larry The Cable Guy

I COULD CARE LESS ABOUT CRITICS, LIKE I SAID THEY DONT BUY TICKETS. — Larry The Cable Guy

Larry the Cable Guy has everything: sleeveless shirts, stupid catchphrases. He's Mr. T without the acting chops. — Lisa Lampanelli

I think everybody is entitled to say whatever they want. I'm not going to call for anybody to be fired. That's not what America is all about. — Larry The Cable Guy

It's nice if people can finally loosen up a little bit and just go out laugh at silliness. I mean, people take themselves way too seriously sometimes. — Larry The Cable Guy

Remember, half the people you know are below average. — Larry The Cable Guy

I just developed my act way back in the late '80s. I went to college in Georgia, so I picked up the Southern accent. I talked like that with my friends all the time, because it was fun. It was funny ... All my friends were real Southern. We're buddies, so I'd say stuff to make them laugh. So that was pretty much it. — Larry The Cable Guy

I'm on the diet where you eat vegetables and drink wine. That's a good diet. I lost 10 pounds and my driver's license. — Larry The Cable Guy

I don't have a lot of recreation time. I've always been under the assumption that if you're selling tickets you need to work. The kind of success that's happened to me maybe only happens to one comedian every twenty years and so I'm on the road constantly. — Larry The Cable Guy

If John Grisham, Harper Lee, and Larry the Cable Guy were penned up in a remote cabin for a weekend with nothing but good bourbon, fine wine, and a couple of cases of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer, something like Common Pleas (A Tale of Whoa!) might result... — J. Randolph Cresenzo

I have thick skin. I'm not a baby. Nothing really offends me. If there's something I think might offend me, I don't listen to it. — Larry The Cable Guy

I've been down in Florida since 1979. When you're born in Nebraska you really can't explain it. — Larry The Cable Guy

I follow the baseball team on the Internet more than I do the football team. Generally you can get a Nebraska game anywhere. Before I started doing big arenas and stuff and had a tour bus when I was just working comedy clubs way back when I would always listen to the games in my hotel room on the Internet. — Larry The Cable Guy

I don't take myself too seriously. I enjoy what I do. I enjoy making people laugh. — Larry The Cable Guy

When I started doing my act, I wasn't married and didn't have kids. I was probably 29 years old. Some people say that's not a kid, but when you're 50, and you look back to when you were 30, you were a kid. You look back on your 30s and think, "I was an idiot!" But I would just do things then I thought were funny. I couldn't have cared less who thought anything about it. — Larry The Cable Guy

I don't know why people get so bent out of shape over stuff people say. — Larry The Cable Guy

President Obama. He is the man. I've tried the rest, and he is the best. My dream is for him to appoint me to be the Secretary of Humor. My first act will be to make whatever Larry the Cable Guy is doing illegal. — Andy Kindler

There's the old joke, "What's the difference between country and redneck? Well, that's three hundred dollars." — Larry The Cable Guy

I don't even see it as cable TV anymore. I've been called 'Larry the Cable Guy' for so long, I don't even think about it being about cable. I don't know anything about cable. — Larry The Cable Guy

I talked to Larry the Cable Guy the other day. Larry's made more money than 10 people should ever make in a lifetime. He was excited because he'd gone over to the livestock auction and bought 20 new feeder pigs. — Jeff Foxworthy

I enjoy hunting, but if I had my choice to go deer hunting or bass fishing, I'd take bass fishing any day of the week. I enjoy both of them, but yeah, I'm a very outdoorsy guy. — Larry The Cable Guy

I don't think every joke has to be so dadgum cerebral. I mix it up really good, because that's the kind of humor I like. I like the goofy one-liner type stuff. — Larry The Cable Guy

Larry the Cable Guy has signed a deal with Cracker Barrel. Not the store. He signed a deal with a barrel full of angry rednecks. — Andy Kindler

I don't hate anybody. My character is one thing, but me as an individual is completely different. — Larry The Cable Guy

Yeah, I've done Jim Breuer's radio show a couple times, and I heard from Larry the Cable Guy when I got 'Mike & Molly,' wishing me congratulations. I'm always the last one to the party, man. But that's okay. I got there. — Billy Gardell

I THINK ITS COOL THAT OTHER CROWDS LIKE WHAT I DO. HOWEVER IVE ALWAYS HAD A GOOD MIX OF PEOPLE AT MY SHOWS. I STARTED DOING THINGS ON RADIO ON ROCK MARKETS AND ALTERNATIVE MARKETS. IVE ALWAYS BEEN A COUNTRY TYPE ACT HOWEVER I STARTED WITH THE ROCK MARKET. IM VERY INTERCHANGEABLE. — Larry The Cable Guy

I love food: biscuits and gravy, cheese grits, spaghetti and meatballs, chicken-fried steak with white gravy ... but my favorite dish is my wife's beanie weenie cornbread casserole. It's so good. It sounds stupid, but if you eat it, it's heaven. Of course, it's only something you can eat if you've got a lot of money. — Larry The Cable Guy

I LOVE WAL-MART. I CONSIDER MY JOKES TO BE VERY JEUVINILLE. STUFF A 14 YEAR OLD WOULD LAUGH AT BECAUSE THATS THE SENCE OF HUMOR I HAVE. ALL THE STUFF I TALK ABOUT MAY NOT BE APPROPRIATE FOR CHURCH GROUPS HOWEVER WAL-MART AINT SUNDAY SCHOOL. AS LONG AS I DIDNT USE OFFENSIVE FOUL LANGUAGE I KNEW ID BE FINE. WAL-MART GETS IT, THATS WHY THEY BLOW AWAY THE COMPETITION. BESIDES ITS THERE STORE THEY CAN DO WHAT THEY WANT. THATS AMERICA BABY! — Larry The Cable Guy

My dad was a non-denominational preacher, actually a Congregationalist which is really where all congregations come to congregate. That's why it's called a Congregationalist. Later on in life, he just became a non-denominational preacher, kind of a fire and brimstone type guy. That's how I grew up. — Larry The Cable Guy

The saddest day in Pixar history was when some guy said 'get Larry the Cable Guy on the phone. — Andy Kindler