Kissing Humor Quotes & Sayings

We watched Vamps hunting Vamps, Vamp hunters and Witches torching Vamps, teenage girls kissing Vamps. And we giggled and swooned through it all. — Shelly Crane

Her lips taste like mint from toothpaste or gum, or sometimes like cherries or grapes from her lip gloss. She's soft when I hold her, with curves where my hands rest, and when I touch her I think stupid caveman things like, mine and totally mine - oh yeah, and all mine. — Susan Vaught

The ceremony went by in a blur, but Mendanbar was pretty sure he hadn't made any mistakes because suddenly he was kissing Cimorene and everyone was cheering. He felt like cheering himself, except he would have had to stop kissing Cimorene. — Patricia C. Wrede

Ah its fine. I don't mind."
Hadrain sucked his breath in sharply. "Ooo, T. Have a care with that word. It always gives me chills."
Talyn frowned. "What word?"
"Fine. I hate it."
"Seriously?"
"Uh yeah. Are you out of your mind? I live with Jayne and two daughters. The most terrifying four-lettered-f-word a woman says in my house is 'fine.' I swear, every time I hear it, I cringe."
Nero laughed. "Jayne? What have you done to my brother?"
Kissing her cheek, Hadrain flashed a teasing grin. "Let me put it to you this way ... God forbid anything should ever happen to her, but if it does I'm under orders to chain and lock her coffin shut during the middle of the funeral just to freak everyone out — Sherrilyn Kenyon

I don't see why ogling same-sex kissing should be the exclusive domain of frat boys whacking off to lesbian action, that's so sexist. Feminism should be all inclusive- it should be about sexual liberation, equal pay for equal work, and the fundamental girl right of boy2boy appreciation. — Rachel Cohn

Most humans expressed affection by pressing their lips together, a simple act, so why would anyone feel the need to research the process? — Melissa Landers

Was he a good kisser, Ms. Lane?" Barrons asked, watching me carefully.
I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand at the memory. "It was like being owned."
Some women like that."
Not me."
Perhaps it depends on the man doing the owning."
I doubt it. I couldn't breathe with him kissing me."
One day you may kiss a man you can't breathe without, and find breath is of little consequence."
Right, and one day my prince might come."
I doubt he'll be a prince, Ms. Lane. Men rarely are. — Karen Marie Moning

Dignity is overrated. You know what trumps dignity? Kissing. — Nina LaCour

He had no intention of actually kissing her. Knowing Jenny, she probably put on arsenic tainted lipstick every morning. But she'd been the one making up reprobate stories about him for weeks and throwing herself at him all evening. — Anne Garboczi Evans

In the right situation, highly formalized, high-suction ass-kissing not only comes all too naturally to me, it makes me breathless with a feeling of penitential power. — David Rakoff

When I kissed Brooks, it was like I'd been stun-gunned. But I was still conscious."
Debbie Mae's eyebrows had gone way up. "Awake but nobody home?"
"Well, maybe awake but somebody home with really, really bad judgment. — Mary Jane Hathaway

So what does the winner get in the end?" Tate asked.
"They get to sit around with the losers and say, 'I am King Xavier of the world.' Repeat after me."
"And me?" Tate asked.
"You get to be my queen."
"How come you're the leader of the community?" Narnie asked, almost smiling. "Why can't Tate be?"
Webb looked at his sister, grinning. "Why can't you, Narnie?"
Fitz leaned his head on Narnie's shoulder. "And I'll be your queen?"
"You can be the eunuch," Jude said, shoving him out of the way, "and I'll be her prince." He bowed and took Narnie's hand, kissing it, and their eyes met. It was awkward for a moment until Narnie looked away. — Melina Marchetta

No, I don't think I will kiss you, although you need kissing, badly. That's what's wrong with you. — Rhett Butler

For God's sake, man!" Frederick Carlyle bellowed across the room. "At least wait until you're alone before you kiss her, if you please! Remember, her family is watching you, and we haven't had our dinner yet! — Stephanie Burgis

His hand cups the back of my neck, and before I can think, he dips down and our mouths meet. For a split second I worry that he thinks he's kissing Courtney. But that instant the warmth of his soft lips spreads into mine, all thoughts dissolve. Pure feeling is all I have left. Little electric sparks sip through my bloodstream, making sure every nerve in my body is focused on his amazing mouth. — Tera Lynn Childs

Kissing him last night at the pep rally had been like kissing an underpass. — George Saunders

Zorro pulled her into his arms and crushed her against his body, kissing her soundly on the mouth.
"My, what a big sword you have, sir," she said, sweeping her hand over his sheathed sword.
"I'm fully armed," he said, "with that and more. — Terry Spear

Wham. She glommed onto him like white plastic on a Stormtrooper, shamelessly pressing against his body, groping and kissing. — Angela Quarles

He had kissed me. Put his demon tongue in my mouth. I had kissed him back. Yet I had a boyfriend. Adam. Who I believe I've mentioned. More than once.
Boyfriend named Adam, demon named Levi kissing me - that pretty much meant I had cheated on my boyfriend, didn't it?
Didn't mean to do that. Yikes.
I bit my fingernails and knocked on Brandon's door and tried to rationalize my way around it. It hadn't been a premeditated kiss. It hadn't been initiated by me. Did that really make it cheating? Or just a sort of accidental meeting of the mouths?
Shouldn't there be like a five-second rule, anyway? Like dropping food on the floor.
If you retrieve it immediately, you can still eat it. If the kiss lasted less than say, a minute, it didn't count. Right? — Erin Lynn

You look fabulous," he told her, and kissed her. "Oh, crap, now I've got glitter, right? Leatherface does not do glitter. It's not manly."
Claire and I both rolled our eyes, right on cue.
"Right. Small price to pay for the privilege of kissing such a beautiful girl, what was I thinking? Sorry. — Rachel Caine

Finding the book was like kissing a lightning bolt. — Karen Miller

You've got an awfully kissable mouth. — F Scott Fitzgerald

I judged you unfairly when I met you."
"But you still wanted to kiss me?"
He shrugged, a smirk turning up the right corner of his mouth. "I'm a guy. — Katrina Abbott

It's all life is. Just going 'round kissing people. — F Scott Fitzgerald

I spent most of my life believing there would never be a Prince Charming out there for me. Kissing toads can have that effect on a girl. — Elizabeth A. Reeves

Are you still working on that bucket list of yours?"
Amelia nodded.
"As I remember, you mentioned a few things for Ireland." He smiled with humor lacing his eyes as he said, "Like kissing the Blarney Stone at Blarney Castle."
She laughed as she opened her brochure of things to do in southern Ireland. "You've got a good memory." Amelia pointed to a picture of a beautiful garden full of flowers. "I want to visit the Blarney Gardens, too."
He pointed to another picture and said, "How about the Blarney dungeons? That looks awesome to explore."
She looked up at him and smiled. "Yeah. I've also been interested in listening to a live Irish concert. — Linda Weaver Clarke

Everyone thinks you've been kidnapped," he said. "We've been scouring the ship. When Coach Hedge finds out- oh, gods, you've been here all night?"
"Frank!" Annabeth's ears were as red as strawberries. "We just came down here to talk. We fell asleep. Accidentally. That's it."
"Kissed a couple of times," Percy said.
Annabeth glared at him. "Not helping! — Rick Riordan

But-" Maia, still looking at Alec and Magnus, broke off and rasied her eyebrows. Simon turned to see what she was looking at - and stared.
Alec had his arms around Magnus and was kissing him full on the mouth. Magnus, who appeared to be in a state of shock, stood frozen. Several groups of people - Shadowhunters and Downworlders alike - were staring and whispering. Glancing to the side, Simon saw the Lightwoods, their eyes widen, gaping at the display. Maryse had her hand over her mouth.
Maia looked perplexed. "Wait a second," she said. "Do we all have to do that, too? — Cassandra Clare

I really can't think about kissing when I've got a rebellion to incite. — Suzanne Collins

I kept a picture of me kissing my dad's corpse on the forehead in my wallet for years. I'd break it out any time someone showed me a baby picture, just so they would know how it ends. — Doug Stanhope

Knitting is still trying to teach me
That no matter how well you knit, looking at your work too closely isn't helpful. It's like kissing with your eyes open: nobody looks good that close up. — Stephanie Pearl-McPhee

His gaze settled on her mouth. "Have you been kissed before, inspector?"
"Why?" If he wanted virgin lips, she'd claim to have serviced an army.
"If it's your first, I'll do it differently."
"You won't do it at all."
"Yes, I will. — Meljean Brook

How I should despise such a thing if I were a man. What a nose she has! what a chin! what a neck! Then her eyes
and the worst kissing lips in the universe. — John Vanbrugh

(On differences between men and boys) Men know what they want. Men make concrete plans. Men own alarm clocks. Men sleep on a mattress that isn't on the floor. Men tip generously. Men buy new shampoo instead of adding water to a nearly empty bottle of shampoo. Men go to the dentist. Men make reservations. Men go in for a kiss without giving you some long preamble about how they're thinking of kissing you. Men wear clothes that have never been worn by anyone else before. — Mindy Kaling

Emma this is not a joke. Look at your hands! They're ... they're ... wrinkled!"
"Yes that's because-"
"No way. I'm not going down for this. This isn't my fault."
"Toraf-"
"Galen will find some way to blame me though. He always does. 'You wouldn't have gotten caught if you didn't swim so close to that boat, tadpole.' No it couldn't be the humans fault for fishing in the first place-"
"Toraf."
"Or how about. 'Maybe if you'd stop trying to kiss my sister, she'd stop bashing your head with a rock.' How does my kissing her have anything to do with her bashing my head with a rock? If you ask me, it's just a result of poor parenting-"
"Toraf."
"Oh and my favorite: 'If you play with a lionfish, you're going to get pricked.' I wasn't playing with it! I was just helping it swim faster by grabbing its fins-"
"TOR-AF."
He stops pacing along the water, even seems to remember that I exist. "Yes, Emma? What were you saying? — Anna Banks

Does it bother you when you see Daddy kissing Josh?" he asked.
Ty shook his head and made a funny face. "No, not really. I guess you really like him a lot."
"I do," Rex agreed. "I love Josh."
"I love Josh too, and so I don't care if you kiss him. But I thought boys only kissed girls."
Rex nodded. "Yeah, well, that's how it is most of the time, but you know some boys kiss other boys and some girls kiss other girls."
"Well, I don't wanna kiss no girls!" Ty said emphatically.
Rex and Josh both laughed. "Maybe someday you will, though. If you do, that's fine, and if you don't, that's fine too. For right now, you can just kiss Daddy." He leaned in and kissed Ty on the forehead. — Jeff Erno

Well, I'm not kissing the mundane," said Jace. "I'd rather stay down here and rot."
"Forever?" said Simon. "Forever's an awfully long time."
Jace raised his eyebrows. "I knew it," he said. "You want to kiss me, don't you? — Cassandra Clare

Just as I opened the door from the boys' floor, I stumbled onto Mr. Farrow and that freakishly unhot witch from downstairs, Mrs. Singer.
Together.
Standing at the landing on the tenantless girls' floor. They were kissing, and it wasn't one of those innocent oh-hello-you-frosty-and-cadaverous-old-hag-from-downstairs-so-nice-to-see-you-this-afternoon pecks on the cheek, either. — Andrew Smith

I would actually write books totally full of nothing BUT kissing scenes, but apparently people like books to have, like, "plots" or whatever. — Rachel Hawkins

You sneaked into my cabin?"
Annabeth rolled her eyes. "Percy, you'll be seventeen in two months. You can't seriously be worried about getting in trouble with Coach Hedge."
"Uh, have you seen his baseball bat?"
"Besides, Seaweed Brain, I just thought we could take a walk. We haven't had any time to be together alone. I want to show you something - my favorite place aboard the ship."
Percy's pulse was still in overdrive, but it wasn't from fear of getting in trouble. "Can I, you know, brush my teeth first?"
"You'd better," Annabeth said. "Because I'm not kissing you until you do. And brush your hair while you're at it. — Rick Riordan

That is disgusting, and I will never kiss you again." "Yes, you will," he said, and proved by pressing his lips to hers. She wanted to squirm away, just to prove the point but God, she loved kissing him. — Rachel Caine

Veeva squirmed up and down the length of me, vibrating like a coin operated motel bed. When she stopped kissing my mouth, I said, It sounds so great, Veeva. Just you and me with our brand new plastic surgery noses, running for our lives, hating each other's guts ... Both of us getting to look more and more like Michael Jackson every day. — Dan Ahearn

Let me understand,' Omar said, his brow furrowed in concentration. 'When played with cars, people could get killed. But when played with kissing, people could get...kissed.' He mused on this for a second. 'It seems like the better option.'

'You'd think,' replied Kaitlyn. 'But if you were to survey one hundred high school boys, ninety-eight of them would tell you they'd rather die in a fiery crash than be caught kissing another guy.'

'What about the other two?'

'Statistically, they're already kissing each other — Xavier Mayne

She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, "Tut, Tut!" — Henny Youngman

Lilly: Mia, when I recognize a human soul crying out for self-actualization, I am powerless to stop myself. I must do what I can to see that that person's dream is realized.
[Gee, I haven't noticed Lilly doing all that much to help me realize my dream of
French-kissing her brother. But on the other hand, I have not exactly made that dream known to her.] — Meg Cabot

In the interests of friendship, I hope you'll forgive me what I'm about to do."
"Forgive you wha - "
My sentence was cut off as he clamped his mouth over mine, kissing me deeply.

...

"Ready to make a scene?"
He raised an eyebrow. "Do I have a choice?"
"Not really. To quote something someone said to me recently, in the interests of friendship, I hope you'll forgive what I'm about to do." I drew back my hand and slapped him across the face. The smack of flesh striking flesh echoed through the hall. Conversations stopped as people whipped around to stare at us. Raising my voice to something just below a shout, I snarled, "You asshole! — Seanan McGuire

Could the two people who are making out please be quiet?" the Colonel asked loudly from his sleeping bag. "Those of us who are not making out are drunk and tired. — John Green

As far as I can tell, there are two basic (kissing) rules: 1. Don't bite anything without permission. 2. The human tongue is like wasabi: it's very powerful, and should be used sparingly. — John Green

If I say you're a goatherd's son, you say, 'Yes, Lord Ralon.'"
Alanna gasped with fury. "I'd as soon kiss a pig! Is that what you've been doing-kissing pigs? Or being kissed? — Tamora Pierce

For five years I didn't think it was possible to be this happy.
But then he forgot all those promises he made. He forgot why he loved me. He simply stopped loving me.

And this is how he did it:
He stopped talking to me unless I spoke to him.
He stopped holding my hand.
He stopped kissing me good night.
He stopped kissing me good morning.
He stopped kissing me.
He stopped smiling at me.
He stopped laughing.
He stopped bathing and showering with me.
He stopped wanting me.
He started swearing at me.
He started lying to me.
He started cheating on me.
He hurt me.
And then he told me he was in love with another woman and wanted a divorce.
Oh, I forgot. He said he was sorry.

I wanted to blow his fucking brains out. — Terry McMillan

A kiss is like a fight, with mouths. — Kristen Schaal

My first kiss as a single woman. It sent a tingle sprinting down my spine like a tingle panther. — Rosen Trevithick

Well, I did tell you I couldn't give you a thing. Maybe you've just realised that Alistair can give the god damn world, and the pleasure of kissing his shiny slap-head every day! — LeeAnn Whitaker

Just before she was about to hit send she deleted the kisses. In case the therapist thought she was leading him on. Then she thought of all the actual kissing they'd done last night. Ridiculous. She may just as well kiss him in a text message. She made it three kisses and went to hit send, but then she wondered if it would seem overly romantic, and changed it back to one kiss, but that seemed stingy, compared to his two, as if he was trying to make a point She made a 'tch' sounded, added back in the second kiss and hit send. — Liane Moriarty

You like my kisses - and I like kissing you. Why deny ourselves such innocent pleasure? — Stephanie Laurens

Out of the corner of her eye she thought she saw Jace shoot her a look of white rage - but when she glanced at him, he looked as he always did: easy, confident, slightly bored.
"In future, Clarissa," he said, "it might be wise to mention that you already have a man in your bed, to avoid such tedious situations."
"You invited him into bed?" Simon demanded, looking shaken.
"Ridiculous, isn't it?" said Jace. "We would never have all fit."
"I didn't invite him into bed," Clary snapped. "We were just kissing."
"Just kissing?" Jace's tone mocked her with its false hurt. "How swiftly you dismiss our love. — Cassandra Clare

I had a dream about you. You were so cute, and I was holding you for a long time. We went for a walk, happily strutting down the street. We saw a couple others but they weren't having as much fun as we were. We arrived back home and I gave you a kiss on the nose and a bone. — Ashley Kennett

Because this absolutely insane - the craziest thing I'd ever done. Worse than giving a one-star review, scarier than asking for an interview with an author I'd give my firstborn to eat lunch with, more stupid than kissing Daemon. — Jennifer L. Armentrout

Lula," I said, "do you ever think about getting married?"
I guess I do. Doesn't everybody?"
You have to let your husband kiss you once you're married. And you have to kiss him back."
No," she said.
Yes." I nodded, as if I knew everything there was to know about husbands and wives kissing. "That's what they do together."
Do you have to?"
Oh, absolutely. It's the law."
I never heard of that law," she said dubiously.
It's true, it's Texas law," I said. — Jacqueline Kelly

His Majesty needs a can-I girl anyway. And I'm not it."
"A can-I girl?" Andrea frowned.
I leaned back. "'Can I fetch your food, Your Majesty? Can I tell you how strong and mighty you are, Your Majesty? Can I pick your fleas, Your Majesty? Can I kiss your ass, Your Majesty? Can I ... "
It dawned on me that Raphael was sitting very still. Frozen, like a statue, his gaze fixed on the point above my head. "He's standing behind me, isn't he?"
Andrea nodded slowly.
"Technically it should be 'may I'," Curran said, his voice deeper than I remembered. "Since you're asking for permission."
Why me?
"To answer your question, yes, you may kiss my ass. Normally I prefer maintain my personal space, but you're a Friend of the Pack and your services have proven useful once or twice. I strive to accommodate the wishes of persons friendly to my people. My only question is, would kissing my ass be obeisance, grooming, or foreplay? — Ilona Andrews

In my opinion, kissing a lady's hand is a fine tradition. After all, a man must start somewhere. — Lois Greiman

You realize that by standing as you are, everyone will think we are kissing. And that is terribly embarrassing for me. I have much better taste in men. — Cassandra Clare

I had a dream about you last night, for the millionth time! We did what we always do in my dreams. We talked, but we never made out. How come I still dream about you if we never freaking make out? — Crystal Woods

Phoebe doesn't quite believe in fate the way I do. She says you have to chase your destiny, and she always expects life to be like a romantic comedy: all you have to do is dress the part of the heroine, and pretty soon you'll be kissing some hottie while fountains spew and music swells in the background. — Lauren Morrill

For an age we stood there like that, me holding him by the collar of his jacket and kissing him for all I was worth, him standing there, hands up like I was frisking him with no idea what to do about it.
It. Was. Awesome. — Rosemary Clement-Moore

Which means
"That you were absolutely, unequivocally, undeniably, one-hundred-percent right," he said, again with the kissing. "You know, a woman waits her whole life to hear those words." I sighed — Molly Harper