John Cleese Q Quotes & Sayings

It's not the despair, Laura. I can take the despair. It's the hope I can't stand. ~ Brian Stimpson, Clockwise
— John Cleese

I once compiled a list of events that frightened her, and it was quite comprehensive: very loud snoring; low-flying aircraft; church bells; fire engines; trains; buses and lorries; thunder; shouting; large cars; most medium-sized cars; noisy small cars; burglar alarms; fireworks, especially crackers; loud radios; barking dogs; whinnying horses; nearby silent horses; cows in general; megaphones; sheep; corks coming out of sparkling wine bottles; motorcycles, even very small ones; balloons being popped; vacuum cleaners (not being used by her); things being dropped; dinner gongs; parrot houses; whoopee cushions; chiming doorbells; hammering; bombs; hooters; old-fashioned alarm clocks; pneumatic drills; and hairdryers (even those used by her). — John Cleese

Ask yourself, "When does this decision have to be taken?" and having answered it, defer the decision until then, in order to give yourself maximum pondering time. — John Cleese

Americans think the only funny Brits are John Cleese, Benny Hill and whoever makes our toothpaste. They're not laughing with us, they are laughing at us. — A.A. Gill

The Americans are just more enthusiastic and more likely to engage in hyperbole. — John Cleese

It's easier to be creative if you've got other people to play with. — John Cleese

Give your mind as long as possible to come up with something original. — John Cleese

Tension is wonderful for making people laugh. — John Cleese

I've always called myself a writer/performer, not an actor because I basically write what I perform. — John Cleese

So . . . suddenly there were no tapes of The 1948 Show. It was no more. It was an ex-series. — John Cleese

It was an astonishing fantasy but it showed me what even apparently sensible people can believe if they really want to. I — John Cleese

This parrot is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late parrot. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If you hadn't nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies. It's rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-parrot. — John Cleese

I can't tell you how scary it can be walking onto a movie and suddenly joining this family, it's like going to somebody else's Christmas dinner, everyone knows everyone, and you're there and you're not quite sure what you're supposed to be doing. — John Cleese

The sad thing about true stupidity is that you can do absolutely nothing about it. — John Cleese

I was a terrible dancer. I dance like an Englishman. — John Cleese

That's a lovely experience when you make an audience laugh. Then the nerves go away for a bit. And sometimes you do things then that you've never done before that are really funny. — John Cleese

I was very sad to hear of the death of Ronnie Barker, who was such a warm, friendly and encouraging presence to have when I started in television. He was also a great comic actor to learn from. — John Cleese

I've always found life quite difficult to explain to people or to myself. — John Cleese

It seems astounding to me now that the video games are perhaps as important as the movie themselves. And people will spend 2 or 3 years obsessing about the video game in exactly the same way that they'd be obsessing about the movie if they were working on that. — John Cleese

I think the problem with people like this is that they are so stupid that they have no idea how stupid they are. — John Cleese

Laughter destroys any divisions between people. — John Cleese

I think that money spoils most things, once it becomes the primary motivating force. — John Cleese

Michael Palin decided to give up on his considerable comedy talents to make those dreadfully tedious travel shows. Have you ever tried to watch one? — John Cleese

I'm not saying Obama is right on everything. Of course not. He may be wrong on a number of things. But what I do know is that he behaves like a very, very sane man almost all the time. — John Cleese

A wonderful thing about true laughter is that it just destroys any kind of system of dividing people. — John Cleese

I think we're all born with a sense of humor. Creativity is another thing though. — John Cleese

Because, as we all know, it's easier to do trivial things that are urgent than it is to do important things that are not urgent, like thinking. And it's also easier to do little things we know we can do than to start on big things that we're not so sure about. — John Cleese

Come to me. I want to plow you like a Calgary driveway at Christmas. — John Cleese

Oh, I could spend my life having this conversation - look - please try to understand before one of us dies — John Cleese

It's too difficult to start right from scratch and try and be funny out of the blue. — John Cleese