Jewish Jokes Quotes & Sayings

. Despite the considerable horror they had felt when the SA men were bellowing crude anti-Semitic slogans, in retrospect the joke-tellers were very much aware of the boycott's inherent absurdity:
A city on the Rhine during the boycott: SA men stand in front of Jewish businesses and "warn" passers-by against entering them. Nonetheless, a woman tries to go into a knitting shop.
An SA man stops her and says, "Hey, you. Stay outside. That's a Jewish shop!"
"So?" replies the woman. "I'm Jewish myself."
The SA man pushes her back. "Anyone can say that! — Rudolph Herzog

I don't do Jewish stuff because I don't want people to be left out. If I mention the Torah in Alabama, it's not going to go down that well. I used to do some Jewish jokes because when I started, I used to play lots of Jewish country clubs. — Rita Rudner

I just want to make stories. They don't have to have a moral or a reason. There might be some mild cautionary notes, but they're not moral. They don't impart any Judeo-Christian ethic of any kind. — Neko Case

I've always felt that there's a Catskills comic who lives in my head and is constantly trying to get out. There's all these jokes that have been passed down from Jewish generation to Jewish generation, which I love but which I've always made fun of. — Andy Kindler

I'm the eldest of four - I love my family so much. I'm crazy about them. — Suki Waterhouse

The most pleasant and alluring curve on a woman is the smile — Treasure Stitches

There were many times when I kept silent about being Jewish as I got older, when Jewish jokes were told. — William Shatner

It's just what they are - they're jokes ... most jokes are about Jewish people, rednecks, black folks ... I can't determine what offends another person. — Paula Deen

I've been praying to God to show me how to forgive myself. Because ... maybe ... that's the thing I've been searching for. — Mary J. Blige

Go that way, past the viaduct, and the wops will jump you, or chase you into Jew town ... Polacks would stomp on you ... Micks will shower you with Irish confetti from the brickyards. — Mike Royko

The lack of women directors is a sad fact of life. Kathryn Bigelow's thrilling Best Director win may help turn things around. — Lynda Obst

My own best books have not been published. In fact, they've not even been written yet. — Edward Abbey

Dear Dan, I recently attended one of your lectures, and I was wondering why an Israeli guy telling Jewish jokes is wearing an Indian shirt?
D.A.: In general I am not someone who should be asked for fashion advice, but this particular case might be the one exception ... My solution? I figured that as long as I am wearing clothes from a different culture, no one is politically correct (and this includes almost everyone in the United States ) could complain that I'm underdressed. After all, any such critic could be offending a whole subcontinent. — Dan Ariely

Perhaps it would be better to say that, rather than losing their passion, they had frozen it by over-idealizing it. — Kobo Abe

I've liked being Jewish in America - there's a secular version of Jewishness there that's more about bagels and jokes than going to synagogues. — Beeban Kidron

I'm very proud of being Jewish. It means I have a good work ethic, and you get Jewish humour and you're allowed to tell Jewish jokes. — Daniel Radcliffe

Jewish comedians do the best Jewish jokes, and anyone else doing that, they don't have a right to, because they're not coming from that experience. I know that's a slightly heightened example, but it's the same thing. We're bumpkins, so we can make bumpkin jokes. — Simon Pegg

There's no such thing as a superhuman. But the only thing I got to tell you, if you take a dog and kick him around he's got to be alert, he's got to be more sharper than you. Well, we've been kicked around for two thousand years. We're not more smarter, we're more alert. — Mordecai Richler