Jefferies Quotes & Sayings

I definitely think the formula to making my character seem sweet is to let him act like a jerk, give him a redeeming moment, and have a sweet song playing over the background when it happens. — Jim Jefferies

It would seem that the ant works its way tentatively, and, observing where it fails, tries another place and succeeds. — Richard Jefferies

God built the world, but he did not know it was round. — Jim Jefferies

Give me power of soul, so that I may actually effect by its will that which I strive for. — Richard Jefferies

The labourer's muscle is that of a cart-horse, his motions lumbering and slow. — Richard Jefferies

The workman in the true sense of the word - the artist in guns - is either extinct, or hidden in an obscure corner. There is no individuality about modern guns. One is exactly like another. — Richard Jefferies

But suppose it past, - suppose one of these men, as I have seen them meagre with famine, sullen with despair, careless of a life which your lordships are perhaps about to value at something less than the price of a stocking-frame ; suppose this man surrounded by those children for whom he is unable to procure bread at the hazard of his existence, about to be torn for ever from a family which he lately supported in peaceful industry, and which it is not his fault than he can no longer so support; suppose this man - and there are ten thousand such from whom you may select your victims, - dragged into court to be tried for this new offence, by this new law, - still there are two things wanting to convict and condemn him, and these are, in my opinion, twelve butchers for a jury, and a Jefferies for a judge! — George Gordon Byron

I've never been the type of guy that had a lot of friends or was part of the cool group. — Jim Jefferies

The lover of nature has the highest art in his soul. — Richard Jefferies

The 'crownd' is still the unit, the favourite coin of the labourers, especially the elder folk. They use the word something in the same sense as the dollar, and look with regret upon the gradual disappearance of the broad silver disc with the figure of 'St. Gaarge' conquering the dragon. — Richard Jefferies

I must stay under the old tree in the midst of the long grass, the luxury of the leaves, and the song in the very air. It seems as if I could feel all the glowing life the sunshine gives and the south winds calls into being. — Richard Jefferies

The impression left after watching the motions of birds is that of extreme mobility - a life of perpetual impulse checked only by fear. — Richard Jefferies

Because of the way I've made my money or the way I've conducted myself in public to get success, it doesn't make me any better a person. So I always thought money and achievement would make me a more legitimate person, where my family seems to think it's all about actions. — Jim Jefferies

No tyrant, however evil, has yet lacked ready hands to execute his most abominable will. To read how eagerly men have rushed to serve the despot is the bitterest, the saddest matter of history; it is the saddest sight in our own day. — Richard Jefferies

An inspiration - a long, deep breath of the pure air of thought - could alone give health to the heart. — Richard Jefferies

I want to make people think, and I don't want to come across like I am egotistical or that I want to change people's thoughts. I don't believe that as a comic I can convert anyone's opinion. I think I can maybe make someone look in one direction or the other but I can't make a religious person stop believing in God. — Jim Jefferies

Grief falls upon human beings as the rain, not selecting good or evil, visiting the innocent, condemning those who have done no wrong. — Richard Jefferies

Some, I verily believe, delight to be slave-men; it is a joy to them, and they would not change their condition; not only miserable village wretches, but men in good position, well-to-do sycophants. — Richard Jefferies

A kestrel can and does hover in the dead calm of summer days, when there is not the faintest breath of wind. He will, and does, hover in the still, soft atmosphere of early autumn, when the gossamer falls in showers, coming straight down as if it were raining silk. — Richard Jefferies

There are two types of actors. There's the actors who can acknowledge that they could never do standup comedy. Then there's the pretentious ones, who believe that acting is harder than standup comedy. I definitely don't think it is. I also think making a comedy is substantially harder than making a drama. — Jim Jefferies

I don't want people to leave the show being upset. So if I am trying to do a new joke, and sometimes I will talk about things like gun control or hostile massacre and I notice people being upset I will change the direction. — Jim Jefferies

With acting, it [auditioning] is very frustrating. I'm not very good at auditions. Sometimes I audition for a role and I'm like, I'd be really funny in that role, but I'm not good at auditions so I guess I'm not getting that role. It's a very frustrating job. — Jim Jefferies

Every woman likes her own way, but no woman can endure to see another woman master even over a man who does not concern her. — Richard Jefferies

In the stand-up comedy top, there's room for everyone - if you're good, there's room for everyone. You'll put on your own show - no one casts you. You cast your own show as a stand-up comedian. When you get good at stand-up comedy you book a theater and if people show up, people show up. If people don't show up, people don't show up. You don't have a director or a casting agent or anybody saying if you're good enough - the audience will decide. — Jim Jefferies

I desire a greatness of soul, an irradiance of mind, a deeper insight, a broader hope. — Richard Jefferies

The soul throbs like the sea for a larger life. No thought which I have ever had has satisfied my soul. — Richard Jefferies

To the darkness and the night, the spirits seem to have a natural claim - it is their realm; the boldest of us have sometimes felt an unaccountable creeping in the thick darkness. — Richard Jefferies

The heart has a yearning for the unknown, a longing to penetrate the deep shadow and the winding glade, where, as it seems, no human foot has been. — Richard Jefferies

I have observed that almost all those whose labour lies in the field, and who go down to their business in the green meadows, admit the animal world to a share in the faculty of reason. It is the cabinet makers who construct a universe of automatons. — Richard Jefferies

It seems to me that they only seem to mention things in the Bible that are within a 5 mile radius of the guy writing it. — Jim Jefferies

I have tried reading the Bible but that's a tough read there. I watch a lot of religious documentaries. I have a keen interest in religion for someone who's not religious. — Jim Jefferies

The heart looks into space to be away from earth. — Richard Jefferies

This sunlight linked me through the ages to that past consciousness. — Richard Jefferies

There's a lot of guys up there who like wearing a suit or try doing jokes that they think will play to a certain crowd, or maybe get them corporate work. I've always written jokes that I would want to hear. So, I'm trying to entertain myself more than anything. — Jim Jefferies

We have a drinking game in Australia, it's called drinking. — Jim Jefferies

Almost every labourer has his Sunday suit, very often really good clothes, sometimes glossy black, with the regulation 'chimney pot'. His unfortunate walk betrays him, dress how he will. — Richard Jefferies

It is injurious to the mind as well as to the body to be always in one place and always surrounded by the same circumstances. — Richard Jefferies

It is eternity now. I am in the midst of it. It is about me in the sunshine; I am in it as the butterfly in the light-laden air. Nothing has to come; it is now. Now is eternity; now is the immortal life. — Richard Jefferies

It is quite true that women like courage, and that boldness often goes a long way; but it is questionable whether with high-bred natures a subdued, quiet, and delicate manner does not go still further. — Richard Jefferies

Let us get of these indoor narrow modern days, whose twelve hours somehow have become shortened, into the sunlight and the pure wind. A something that the ancients thought divine can be found and felt there still. — Richard Jefferies

Stand-up is just me trying to be as funny as possible in the most concentrated hour with me standing on stage with no storyline, no plot line, and no character development. — Jim Jefferies

I always wanted to be a comedian. I loved comedy since I was a little kid, and while I was at university I started doing stand up shows. Once I realized that I was good at it I quit college and left although I had six months left. I went to England. I could have done the last six months but I realized that I was better at standup comedy than I was at singing opera. — Jim Jefferies

I can't imagine being a woman in the world of acting, like where you age starts to weigh you down - you go from being attractive to where they [directors] decided you're out ... I feel like with stand-up comedy, it doesn't matter if I've gotten fatter. — Jim Jefferies

It is easier to speak to those who have had similar experiences than to those who are as yet ignorant. — Richard Jefferies

There are people in this servile world who will endure any trampling, and at the first beck rush delightedly to proffer their assistance. — Richard Jefferies

The cottages erected by farmers or by landlords are now, one and all, fit and proper habitations for human beings; and I verifly believe it would be impossible throughout the length and breadth of Wiltshire to find a single bad cottage on any large estate, so well and so thoroughly have the landed proprietors done their work. — Richard Jefferies

Can't punch women in the face! — Jim Jefferies

In a world where we seem to be beset by a trend towards 'manualising treatment modalities' the person-centred approach stands and says NO, that is not the way forward. — Richard Bryant-Jefferies

Do you think pandas know they're Chinese and they're taking the one child policy a bit too seriously? — Jim Jefferies

I think only things that are personal to us offend us. It's always bizarre when people who would normally laugh at an AIDS joke won't laugh at a cancer joke, but far more people know somebody who's died from cancer. — Jim Jefferies

Is there anything so delicious as the first exploration of a great library - alone - unwatched? — Richard Jefferies

Christians are like a thirteen year old kid who still believes in Santa. — Jim Jefferies

Even though she looked the same, life had aged her, stolen her innocence, and replaced it with knowledge she'd never asked for. — Dinah Jefferies

Every comedian is just doing the comedy they find funny. This is me and it's not clean in any way. I could get a lot more work on TV playing clean but it's never interesting. — Jim Jefferies

A man, to read, must read alone. He may make extracts, he may work at books in company; but to read, to absorb, he must be solitary. — Richard Jefferies

I was 13 when I was started questioning and 16 when I stopped believing in God. — Jim Jefferies

Ever since the world began, it has been the belief of mankind that desolate places are the special haunt of supernatural beings. — Richard Jefferies

Myself and Jamie Moffat did not agree on everything but he always knew I had the experience. — Jim Jefferies

To the soul, there is no past and no future; all is, and will be ever, in now. For artificial purposes time is mutually agreed on, but there is really no such thing. — Richard Jefferies

Before doing stand-up, I thought acting was easy - it's not easy. It's a hard life. It's easy in its own way, you just stand there and talk. But there is a difference between people who can do it well and people who can't. — Jim Jefferies

I always get a little bit pissed off when stand-up comedy is not recognised as being as good a craft as being an actor. We give Oscars to people and it's like, 'Aw, this person is the greatest person on earth', but being an actor is pretty easy in comparison to stand-up comedy. It's no surprise that several stand-up comics have gone on to become great actors. I don't know any great actors that have gone on to become great stand-up comics. — Jim Jefferies

I believe in the human form; let me find something, some method, by which that form may achieve the utmost beauty. — Richard Jefferies

Look at another person while living; the soul is not visible, only the body which it animates. Therefore, merely because after death the soul is not visible is no demonstration that it does not still live. — Richard Jefferies

I wouldn't perform in front of the Nazis. I hear they didn't take freedom of speech too well. It would be a fun gig to rip into them, but I don't think the ending would be great for me. — Jim Jefferies

Beauty - what is beauty, forsooth? Form and color; that is, surface only. Fortune - what is fortune? Nothing is ever a pleasure or a real profit to him who has to labour for it. Truth - you die in the pursuit, and the sea beats the beach as it did a thousand years ago. The stolid are alone happy. — Richard Jefferies

As for basic jokes about sex and even my religious stuff, I don't find any problems with that, even if I'm gigging in the Bible Belt, because religious people don't come and see me. — Jim Jefferies

If every plant and flower were found in all places, the charm of locality would not exist. Everything varies, and that gives the interest. — Richard Jefferies

Do you always do as you would like to do were it in your power? I find that circumstances force me often to act in a manner quite opposite to what I should prefer; I am, of course, judged by my acts, but do they really afford a true key to my character? I think not. — Richard Jefferies

A woman can see a woman so clearly - faluts, excellences, details - all are so clear to her. — Richard Jefferies

O beautiful human life! Tears come to my eyes as I think of it. So beautiful, so inexpressibly beautiful! The song should never be silent, the dance never still, the laugh should sound like water which runs forever. — Richard Jefferies

If you hate gay marriage, then don't marry a gay person. — Jim Jefferies

Here's the thing about people who believe in god ... They're idiots. — Jim Jefferies

I don't think I've ever prayed in my entire life, never sat and had an imaginary chat with God. — Jim Jefferies

I wouldn't mind gigging around the same era as Jesus, after he gives his speech about the meek and how blessed they are and all that type of bullshit, going up there and doing a flat 20 [minutes]. I reckon I'd have better stagecraft and presence than Jesus. Yea, I'm a better stand-up comedian than Jesus, so I reckon I could go on after him. — Jim Jefferies

There's two types of hecklers. If someone says something really funny it's normally them heckling as part of the show. They're trying to add onto one of your jokes. If someone says something really funny, I've never seen a comedian abuse them, you always sort of tip your hat a little bit if they nail it. — Jim Jefferies

The thing about crazy people; they don't know they are crazy, that's what make them crazy. — Jim Jefferies

This is the edge of the Universe, just a few feet above Hell. — G.W. Jefferies

The old Greeks dwelt on the tendency of human affairs to drift downwards irresistibly to unhappiness. Guilt - that is, untoward and often involuntary actions - pulls generation after generation heavily as lead down, down, down. — Richard Jefferies

When even the most strictly logical mind looks round and investigates the phenomena attending its own existence, perhaps the first fact to attract attention by its strongly marked prominence is the remarkable loneliness of man. He stands alone. — Richard Jefferies

Nobody cares that you're smart and nobody cares that your kids don't have bruises. — Jim Jefferies

That I may have the soul-life, the soul-nature, let divine beauty bring to me divine soul. — Richard Jefferies

Having your own show, where you're not in trouble all the time, because you're kind of the boss, is a wonderful experience. If I made mistakes everyone was very nice to me. — Jim Jefferies

Science, as illustrated by the printing press, the telegraph, the railway, is a double-edged sword. At the same moment that it puts an enormous power in the hands of the good man, it also offers an equal advantage to the evil disposed. — Richard Jefferies

No matter how successful I got, my mother still thinks I'm a bad person, basically. — Jim Jefferies

I don't write my standup on paper or anything; but I just organically do it on stage, have an idea, chat it up a little bit. I'm keeping notes. I'm trying to keep up with this world and try to bring out a special every year. — Jim Jefferies

One thing that influenced me in the States when I was doing this recording was American people feeding me things like Arnold Dreyblatt, even things I should've heard back in New Zealand like Peter Jefferies and Jono Lonie 'At Swim 2 Birds. — Roy Montgomery

Many labourers can trace their descent from farmers or well-to-do people, and it is not uncommon to find here and there a man who believes that he is entitled to a large property in Chancery, or elsewhere, as the heir. — Richard Jefferies