Quotes & Sayings About Jacking Off

It was wonderful, a stunning happy ending to what began as another tragic rock & roll story, as if Bob Dylan had been arrested in Miami for jacking off in a seedy little XXX theater while stroking the spine of a fat young boy. — Hunter S. Thompson

Later, I was in a bathroom stall. Eric was on his knees. My dick was in his mouth, my head back against warm ceramic tile that shook with the beat of the music. My fingers were in his hair and everything was hot and wet. I grunted a warning and he backed away, jacking me until I came on the dirty floor. He stood up and kissed me while he jerked himself off. He sighed into my mouth. He tasted like stale beer and mint. He came on his hand. I felt raw. "Thanks," he said, zipping up his pants. "That was great." "Sure," I said, because I was unsure of what else to say. "You too." And then he left. I — T.J. Klune

Because after you've crossed some lines, you just keep crossing them. And there's no escaping from constant escape. Distracting ourselves. Avoiding confrontation. Getting past the moment. Jacking off. Television. Denial. — Chuck Palahniuk

Here is joy and neglect. A little mescal. A little jacking off, but mostly just work. - This is how I live, I am thinking. — Patti Smith

Credit card companies are jacking up interest rates, lowering credit limits, and closing accounts - and people who have made timely payments are not exempt. So even if you pay off your balance - and that's tough when interest rates are insanely high - there's a good chance your credit limit will be slashed, and that will hurt your FICO score. — Suze Orman

I know I'm not funny. I mean, let's face it, I'm no Groucho Marx. But if you're a guy, and you're watching late night television, are you gonna start jacking off to Groucho? I don't think so! — Sarah Silverman

The very fact of being human panics us into the most grotesque play-acting imaginable; and we deal in absurdities to keep life from being a total waste, like one constant jacking-off party. — Hal Bennett

We're looking at eight straight months of chaqueta."
"Chaqueta? Jacket?" Reid translated with a frown.
"No, man." Garcia grinned, fisting his hand and mimicking jacking off. — Victoria Vane

You can guess this is how men have been handling Eva's hostility for her whole life. Just distract her. Get through the moment. Avoid confrontation. Run away. That's pretty much how we get through our own lives, watching television. Smoking crap. Self-medicating. Redirecting our own attention. Jacking off. Denial. — Chuck Palahniuk

This so called 'Home of the Brave'
why isn't anybody Backing us up!
When they c these crooked ass Redneck cops
constantly Jacking us up — Tupac Shakur

What were you doing in there?" she asked, unwilling to let it go.
... "Jacking off, naturally." She narrowed her eyes but seemed to be happy with that answer. Good to know. She was going to make a fabulous wife. — Karina Halle

You're so fucking hot, you know that?" Kelly whispered.
"I bet you tell that to all your oldest friends as you're jacking them off."
Kelly snickered and arched his back, seeking contact. "No, just you. — Abigail Roux

Stop jacking with me, Dad. All I ever wanted was the truth."
"That's the problem. People think if they can add up all the facts, they'll end up with the truth, but that's like sewin' body parts together in the hopes you'll get a man. — Carolee Dean

I was walking home alone late one night, when out of nowhere, this rabid homosexual jumped me and bit me right on the ass. I tried to fight him off, but you know those homos have superhuman strength. Anyway, he bit me on my left cheek, then took off. The whole thing shook me up, but I thought I was gonna be okay. It took me a few weeks to notice the changes. At first the signs were subtle: the sudden urge to redecorate my room, the uncontrollable desire to do Megan's hair. Then, as the phases of the moon progressed, I noticed other things: the need to wear lace panties, the insane hope of one day owning my own flower shop. Before I knew it, I was jacking off six times a day to pictures of Brad Pitt and Russell Crowe. Of course, I won't be a full fledged gay boy until I bite someone else and pass on the 'dark gift. Hey, Rooster, you wanna be my first convert? If I turn just four people, I win like a toaster oven or something.. — Sara Bell

Proximity to the device tempted him, a muted siren's call to undress, open the coffin-like lid and climb into the lukewarm saline solution, to plug his interface jack in, sheathe his genitals in the waste catch and sink down into the glorious rush of jacking in. He missed the freefall adrenaline of consciousness translated into pure data, of his body rendered in liquid mercury, shifting and changing with his every thought. He missed the thrill of cracking databank security, of running from anti-intrusion software and other hackers. — Gary A. Ballard

If Mrs. Morton would stop verbally jacking off her husband and son, this would all be done so much more quickly, but then Chess figured it was just about the only sex the woman got. — Stacia Kane

He'd probably spent as much time practicing scales as he had jacking off. — Tara Kelly

Global Warming: It is a hoax. It is bad science. It is high-jacking public policy. It is the greatest scam in history. — John Coleman

Their handshake looked, for the first split-second he looked, like C.T. was jacking off and the little girl was going Sieg Heil. — David Foster Wallace

This next part might cheer you up. So my mom told me she was gonna drive me to my appointment at the sperm bank, and she handed me one of my dad's Playboys
I had something way dirtier stashed in my closet, by the way
and she asked me, all serious, if I knew what do do."
"You've got to be kidding."
"No, I'm not." He started laughing. "I was fifteen, Anna. I was and expert at it, and I did not want to talk about jacking off with my mom. — Tracey Garvis-Graves

That's pretty much how we get through our own lives, watching television. Smoking crap. Self-medicating. Redirecting our attention. Jacking off. Denial. — Chuck Palahniuk

You never sleep," Mick said. "Beside the point. I might've been busy doing other things." "Like jacking off?" "I have people who do that for me," Prophet sniffed. — S.E. Jakes

I was a drinker, so I went through the scotches. Before single malts hit, there were really cheap scotches, because nobody was paying attention to them. Then by the time they started jacking those prices up, I moved on to vodka. — Lewis Black

Callan took a deep breath. "I never expected you." He shook his head with an edge of amusement. "You are a dangerous woman, Merinus Tyler."
"Naw, just a determined woman." She grinned against his shoulder. "I know a good thing when I see it jacking off. — Lora Leigh

KNOW YOUR DOPE FIEND. YOUR LIFE MAY DEPEND ON IT! You will not be able to see his eyes because of the Tea-Shades, but his knuckles will be white from inner tension and his pants will be crusted with semen from constantly jacking off when he can't find a rape victim. He will stagger and babble when questioned. He will not respect your badge. The Dope Fiend fears nothing. He will attack, for no reason, with every weapon at his command-including yours. BEWARE. Any officer apprehending a suspected marijuana addict should use all necessary force immediately. One stitch in time (on him) will usually save nine on you. Good luck.
-The Chief — Hunter S. Thompson

From inside his room Reacher heard the lawn chair scrape across the blacktop, but he paid no attention. Just a random nighttime sound, nothing dangerous, not a shotgun jacking a round, not the hiss of a blade on a sheath, nothing for his lizard brain to worry about. And the only non-lizard possibilities were a lace-up footstep on the sidewalk outside, and a knock on the door, because the woman from the railroad seemed like a person with a lot of questions, and also some kind of expectation they should be answered. Who are you and why have you come here? — Lee Child

OPERATION WAND-JACKING — Walt Disney Company

They want to hold onto something they never had in the first place. Anybody who claims to have some interest in me as an individual artist or even as part of the Beatles has absolutely misunderstood everything I ever said if they can't see why I'm with Yoko. And if they can't see that, they don't see anything. They're just jacking off to - it could be anybody. Mick Jagger or somebody else. Let them go jack off to Mick Jagger, okay? I don't need it. — John Lennon