I Am His Girlfriend Quotes & Sayings

I said to my girlfriend, you shouldn't eat before you swim. She said, "why not"? I said, you look fat. — Jimmy Carr

I have unemployed my girlfriend. She had a job working for a cardiologist and now she can hang out, put her feet up, buy all the things she wants, have a nice breakfast with you and me in the Four Seasons. Any fights in families like mine come from everyone worrying about money. I'm taking all those worries away. That makes me feel happy, makes me really proud of what I do. — Conor McGregor

When we meet, I'm interested and I'm curious about what he's doing because he's burning a number from a client. And I'm like, 'Who is this?' and my girlfriend's like, 'That's a drug dealer. Stay away from him.' — Rosario Dawson

You will not kill my girlfriend today, International Terrorists of Ambiguous Nationality! — John Green

No, Owen. That's what I am to you. I'm your best friend. But that's not what you're to me."
He shook his head in denial.
"What you are to me is the guy that I've been madly in love with since sixth grade. You're the guy I think about every night when I'm in my bed by myself. You're the one who doesn't want me but insists on keeping me tied so close that I can't have anyone else, who keeps on hand on my collar and the other hand up his girlfriend's skirt. And I can't do it anymore! — Eli Easton

Good luck," Kassian said amiably, watching her walk away. When she was gone, he cast another look at Sin. "I hope they skip the sparring this time around."
"Afraid I'll beat up your girlfriend?" Sin asked dryly, hunching forward with a wince as he put his head in his hands. "Don't worry, I have no desire to kill a bunch of pathetic little trainees if that's what you're thinking."
Boyd raised an eyebrow. "You'd better not be including me in that statement."
Sin peeked at him through his fingers. "Oh. I forgot about you."
"I'm that easy to forget, am I?" Boyd asked dryly. "Especially when I've been right in front of you for the last hour? I'm flattered. — Ais

Dora appeared, placing Alex's coffee in front of him."Your girlfriend is a wonder, honey,"she siad to him, squeezing willows shoulder. Willow's smile turned strained at the word "girlfriend. He could see her wanting to correct the woman and then deciding to let it pass. — L.A. Weatherly

These country chicks, I'm not even kidding you, they're fucking hard-core. They'll kill your ass and make it look like an accident. You drag the lakes around here and I promise you, there's dumb assholes who tried to get laid by the wrong chicks floating at the bottom of it - concrete boots - and I think your girlfriend's distributing them. Sadistic bitch. — Kele Moon

MacKenzie started to look frightened and Valor looked like he was going to kill somebody if they didn't stop scaring his girlfriend. At the same time, Victor looked like he was ready to step in and take control of the situation. And if these suits decided to pull out some guns, I could see where they might end up as a set of life-sized garden gnomes. — Taylor Longford

Even then, when the hike was perfect, I would wonder, 'Now what?' And take a picture. Take another picture. Like a man with a photogenic girlfriend he didn't love. — Jonathan Franzen

Yes, there is a science to the aroma of sleeping women

(and to think of the girlfriend I was tempted to break up with because she slept too much)

i now know, they NURTURED here there: they slept in packs dreamt in cycles nursed her in shifts and became her ON ROTATION — Saul Williams

And now?" came my dad's voice. "Now who am I?"
"The man who chose his girlfriend over his family." I turned and looked at my father. "Someone whose words I don't believe. — Jenny B. Jones

I love you," I said, gripping the back of her neck and bringing her mouth to mine. My hand trailed down her side, naked and smooth and covered in goose bumps.
"We're really doing this, aren't we?" she asked, pulling back just enough to meet my eyes.
"We're really doing this."
"Officially."
"A hundred percent. Dinners, dates, introducing you as my girlfriend. The whole thing."
"Think I like the sound of that," she said, her cheeks pink. — Christina Lauren

My career is my girlfriend. — Aaron Carter

I stepped forward. Call me old-fashioned, but I wanted to keep his focus on me and not Annabeth. I think it's polite for a guy to protect his girlfriend from instant incineration. — Rick Riordan

I've done a road trip across Italy with a girlfriend, and that was very romantic. I think that road trips are probably one of the romantic things you can do. To take your girlfriend and just stay wherever; don't have a destination and just drive and see where the road takes you is pretty cool. — Christopher Egan

Tucker: I'm glad it happened. because then I got to know who you really are.
Clara: Oh yeah? Who am I?
Tucker: A really, really spiritual, spoiled California chick.
Avery: Shut up.
Tucker: It's cool though. My girlfriend is an angel. — Cynthia Hand

I think behind every great man there's got to be a great woman, whether she's your wife, your girlfriend or not. I'm not gonna say that there's not that special girl out there. But I'm in the music biz, and I'm focused on the music. — Prince Royce

Karma is God's girlfriend. — Allan Williams

Despite everything that has happened tonight, it's this stupid, basic fact that makes me feel like I am going to cry: He didn't deny that she was his girlfriend. — Lauren Oliver

Girlfriend isn't enough to describe you, Tate. That term is disposable. You're not my girlfriend, my girl, or my woman. You're. Just. Mine, — Penelope Douglas

Where's the line between professional girlfriend, and just plain professional? — Sarah Jessica Parker

What is it with these people? They are more obsessed with me finding a girlfriend than I am.
"He's concentrating on his studies," says Mum proudly.
"Ah," says Mr Coles. "I should've done that, but at his age I was out on the town, living it up. Best days of my life, they were."
"Oh yes, mine too," says Mum with a weird twinkle in her eye.
I wonder how easy it is to kill two people with a screwdriver and a bag of half-frozen peas. — J.A. Buckle

I didn't tell you because you're my girlfriend, not the police commissioner. And because it really isn't any of your business."
Carmela was taken aback for a moment. By his abruptness and his choice of words. "Your girlfriend? Is that what I am?"
"I guess so," said Babcock. He let loose a warm, throaty chuckle, then added, "Face it, we weren't exactly playing tiddlywinks last night."
"Well, no," said Carmela. "But girlfriend just sounds so formal."
"Friend?" suggested Babcock.
"No, no," said Carmela. "I really do prefer the former. — Laura Childs

Mick required far less hand-holding than Michael. Signing the Stones, though, had required a full frontal assault worthy of General Patton, one of my heroes. The final battle exploded at the Ritz Hotel in Paris back in '83. After months of relentless pursuit, I had them. All they had to do was sign when suddenly at 3 A.M. Mick goes mental and calls me a "stupid motherfuckin' record executive." I lose it. I reach for his throat. I have a vision of punching out all ninety-eight pounds of him. I stop myself, envisioning tomorrow's headline - "Yetnikoff Kills Jagger." Jagger relents, signs and from then on it's wine and roses. It was Mick - wily and witty Mick - who later that year plotted with my girlfriend, the one called Boom Boom, to throw me a surprise fiftieth birthday bash where Henny Youngman emceed and Jon Peters, Barbra — Walter Yetnikoff

I was a tomboy growing up and then fell into the world of theatre and musical theatre. A girlfriend introduced me to yoga in college and I was hooked. I didn't really know anything about it except that it was the highlight of my week. I ended up graduating from the University of Virginia and moving to Los Angeles where I could continue acting and do a yoga teacher training. I went from practicing once or twice a week to several hours everyday. I loved it. — Kathryn Budig

When I was growing up, I said to my ex-girlfriend, 'I will not be successful until everyone in Holland knows my name.' And it worked. — Afrojack

Albert died in an unfortunate accident sometime ago and was raised as a zombie by his amateur necromancer friend, Neil. Bubba was a new friend we had acquired in Vegas when helping him gain back the freedom he had previously gambled away. The fourth member of our group, a government agent and my girlfriend named Krystal, was out of town for work this week, thus I was conducting my first weekly scrabble tournament with just the three of us. Which leaves only me to be accounted for in the explanation. My name. which I hope you know by now. is Frederick Frankford Fletcher and I am a vampire, though still not the type that inspires swooning or terror. — Drew Hayes

when i was little i used to save my baths for later. id come back to them before bed and sit in the old cold bathwater and run cool water out of the shower and pretend i was hiding in vietnam and it was raining. i was young when i did this and am not sure why i was thinking about vietnam or what i knew about it. i did this when i was older too. im thinking about doing it again tonight.

you are running out of time to get everything you want exactly the way you want it. (this is a joke.) most things are going to be left unsaid. (this is not a joke.) a few weeks ago my mom sent me an email with pictures of eagles that said "how about these eagles." she visits my cousin in jail once a month. that seems like a lot for an aunt. he is in jail because he shot his girlfriend in the face but they are still together. she told me once that she knew in her heart that he is guilty but now she claims she never said that. — Heiko Julien

Our lives were now worlds apart, separated by time, circumstance, and the unbridgeable chasm of money. — Travis Luedke

My name is Cinnabon, and I'm here to make you gorgeous, girlfriend. — Bratniss Everclean

Be a half-assed crusader, a part-time fanatic. Don't worry to much about the fate of the world. Saving the world is only a hobby. Get out there and enjoy the world, your girlfriend, your boyfriend, husbands wives; climb mountains, run rivers, get drunk, do whatever you want to do while you can, before it's too late. — Edward Abbey

One of the most impressive discoveries was the origin of the energy of the stars, that makes them continue to burn. One of the men who discovered this was out with his girlfriend the night after he realized that nuclear reactions must be going on in the stars in order to make them shine. She said "Look at how pretty the stars shine!" He said "Yes, and right now I am the only man in the world who knows why they shine." She merely laughed at him. She was not impressed with being out with the only man who, at that moment, knew why stars shine. Well, it is sad to be alone, but that is the way it is in this world. — Richard Feynman

The harder you try to control your girlfriend the further you'll drive her away, so stop acting like a dumbbell. — Jeanne Phillips

Mooch? What does that word mean?"
Ellie smiled. "It's a term when you live with someone and take something freely from the person who has to work for it. It's not a good thing. It's hard to explain that one. I guess I could describe it as I'm a burden to him."
"How? He already had a room you could have."
Ellie struggled with her thoughts. Some words were hard to explain. "Yes. He did but usually you don't live with someone unless you are a couple. Then it is acceptable if you share food and a home. If you aren't, then both parties are supposed to work, similar to a partnership, be equal. I am not his girlfriend or his partner. He provides a home and food for me while I give him nothing in return. I'm a mooch."
"I think I understand." Breeze smiled. "And you are not a mooch. He doesn't know what one is so therefore you can't be what he doesn't know exists. — Laurann Dohner

So what are we, then?" I asked. "When someone asks who I am, what am I supposed to say?"
"You say, 'Hi, I'm Liv, Dean's very hot and sexy lady.'" I couldn't smother a giggle. "Seriously."
"Paramour?"
"No."
"Cuddle bunny?"
"God, no."
"Valentine? Sweetheart? Girlfriend?"
"Girlfriend." I rested my forehead against his chest. "I guess." "Not the best word, but it'll do in public." He kissed my
temple. "In private, you can just be my beauty. — Nina Lane

'Yeah, that's his girlfriend. Jennifer Rodriguez,' I inform her. She eyes me and sees that I am none to thrilled about it either. Nothing like a hot woman to make two chubby girls feel like they're having a bonding moment. — Karina Halle

Someday I will have revenge. I know in advance to keep this to myself, and everyone will be happier. I do understand that I am expected to forgive N and his girlfriend in a timely fashion, and move on to a life of vegetarian cooking and difficult yoga positions and self-realization, and make this so much easier and more pleasant for all concerned. — Suzanne Finnamore

All that summer, as I end up in his flat over and over, drinking his wine, having his bad pervy sex, and then lying on the bed, talking about Auden's influence on Morrissey, I feel like we're in a huge, ongoing surreal session of the Post-it Game, in which Rich has stuck a Post-it on my head on which is written either "My girlfriend" or "Not my girlfriend," and I am having to guess which it is with a series of questions that he can only answer yes or no. This whole situation seems like a massive societal problem. Why have we not yet discovered a way to find out if someone's in love with you? Why can't I press a litmus paper to Tony's sweaty brow, when we're fucking, and see if it turns pink for love - or blue for casual fuck? Why is there no information on this? Why has science not attended to this matter? — Caitlin Moran

I am at the hospital waiting for my friend with Noah. Which is a very couple-like thing to do. All you have to do is watch any teen drama - anytime one of the characters is close to death and/or in a coma, the boyfriend/girlfriend teams always end up at the hospital together.
We are eating together. (Another coupley thing to do.)
We are talking about my best friend, his girlfriend, and their secret problems that she somehow neglected to tell me. Which means that Noah is the one telling me secrets that even my best friend won't.
I like it. All of it. Being here, eating food, telling secrets, everything — Lauren Barnholdt

What is Love? It is a long followed companionship of two souls. — Rajasaraswathii

Moved on ... " he said. "Rusted nuts! You can do that?"
"Certainly."
"Huh. You think ... I should ... you know ... Ranette ... "
"Wayne, if ever someone should have taken a hint, it was you. Yes. Move on. Really."
"Oh, I took the hint," he said, taking a swig of sherry. "Just can't remember which jacket I left it in." He looked down at the jug. "You sure?"
"She has a girlfriend, Wayne."
"'S only a phase," he mumbled. "One what lasted fifteen years. ... — Brandon Sanderson

I will raise you like my own," I promised the tiny basil pot that day. "I will give you sunlight, I will give you water, I will give you love."
"I will eat your limbs," my girlfriend helpfully added rubbing her belly and licking her lips like a grizzly bear gazing up at a sticky beehive in a tall pine tree. — Neil Pasricha

Sometimes the other guys teased [Patrick] about having a girl friend, but it didn't seem to bother him. It didn't bother me, either. If those guys couldn't tell the difference between a friend and a girlfriend - well, that made them too dense to be worth worrying about. — Linda Sue Park

I used to hate being different. I used to cry. I wanted to be blonde-haired and blue-eyed like all of my girlfriends. My mom and dad would feel so badly - 'No, it's OK. You'll be happy you're different later. — Kiana Tom

My girlfriend makes me want to be a better person ... so I can get a better girlfriend. — Anthony Jeselnik

Most executives are male, so it's always sort of their vision of stuff. I'm constantly fighting against that even when I play the wife or the girlfriend or the best friend. I always try my hardest to bring as much layering in and not make things stereotypical, but it's hard. — Madchen Amick

Appearance is something you should definitely consider when you're going out. Have your girlfriend clip your nails or something like that. — Usher

My girlfriend is Jewish. But it's easier to buy her a Christmas present and then break it into 8 pieces. — Anthony Jeselnik

Haruna: If you don't fall for her, she might kill you!...I'll protect you with all I've got!
Yoh: Thanks. Sometimes I feel like I got myself a boyfriend instead of a girlfriend. — Kazune Kawahara

We'll now hear a few words from Augustus's special friend, Hazel." Special friend? There were some titters in the audience, so I figured it was safe for me to start out by saying to the minister, "I was his girlfriend." That got a laugh. — John Green

WE ALL KNEW LIL PAT was a junky. His girlfriend, Angie, one-upped him by being a junky and a whore. — Bill Hillmann

For me it's about the character, not as much about the genre of it [movie]. I'm excited that I get to work and play interesting characters and I'm not just the girl who gets to play the girlfriend or the wife. I get to play real women who have struggles and troubles and passions and that's always what I hope to do no matter what format that lies in. — Ali Larter

Any judge who allows an adulterer with a live-in girlfriend to terminate the life of his wife should be impeached. — Phyllis Schlafly

Solomon's Laws:
8. If a guy who's smart, handsome, and rich invites you and your girlfriend to a nudist club ... chances are he's got a giant shmeckel. — Paul Levine

Then, out of the blue, Aaron Winer saved the day. He took her to some movie and made out with her in the back row. The next day, at school, they were boyfriend and girlfriend. Bam! Problem solved. I pretended to be bitter about this, but in fact I was so relieved that I started laughing hysterically in history class and had to be excused to go the nurse. — Jesse Andrews

Women in the workplace - we still have big strides to make. Girlfriend of mine just got a new job. First question the new boss asked her was if she could make a good cup of coffee ... Yeah, she stormed right out of that Starbucks. — Carol Leifer

One of the things I've tried to do with my life is redefine the boundaries that I think are very limiting. I'm not suggesting that everybody should have three girlfriends, or necessarily have girlfriends living with them. I think there are many, many options to living your life. — Hugh Hefner

My girlfriend is despicable. I just found out she flirted with my brother, during my mom's funeral, while I was asleep. — Anthony Jeselnik

Ex-girlfriends will find themselves in my new routine. Sometimes they like that, and sometimes they definitely do not. But comedians should come with a giant warning or disclaimer: IF YOU DATE ME, IT WILL BE IN MY ACT. — Dane Cook

Everything you do, burns calories. Getting up in the morning, 100 calories; kicking the hooker out of your bed, another 100; diapering your monkey, 35 calories; laughing at a midget, fun and 10 calories; catching your girlfriend with another guy, 2000-3000 calories, depending on backswings. — Dave Attell

Tell me if I'm mistaken, but isnt't that my girlfriend in the graveyard?"
"You are not mistaken."
"And she's straddling some guy."
"That's correct," said Colin.
Hassan pursed his lips and nodded. "And- I just want to make sure we have our facts straight here- she's naked."
"She certainly is."
...
And then he raced forward about ten paces, cupped his hands over his mouth, and screamed, "I AM BREAKING UP WITH YOU!" Still, though, a goofy grin was on his face. — John Green