Humorous Mystery Quotes & Sayings

Tell them I have the headache
no, the plague! I need something nice and contagious. — Lauren Willig

When in doubt, shoot 1st and ask questions later, but avoid the head, "because they'rea lot more likely to answer if they're not dead. — Lois Greiman

Of course we need children! Adults need children in their lives to listen to and care for, to keep their imagination fresh and their hearts young and to make the future a reality for which they are willing to work. — Margaret Mead

His overactive charm poured out like a lone drainage pipe after a flash flood. — Lida Sideris

An idea is a gift, a finished project is turning that gift into a book by making yourself write even when you don't want to. There is no such thing as a block of time to write. You have to carve time from a busy day. Elaine L. Orr — Elaine Orr

Poems very seldom consist of poetry and nothing else; and pleasure can be derived also from their other ingredients. I am convinced that most readers, when they think they are admiring poetry, are deceived by inability to analyse their sensations, and that they are really admiring, not the poetry of the passage before them, but something else in it, which they like better than poetry. — A.E. Housman

Sun worship is fairly simple. There's no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we don't have a special building where we all gather once a week to pare compare clothing. — George Carlin

I think you want a little unofficial help. Three undetected murders in one year won't do, Lestrade. But you handled the Molesey Mystery with less than your usual - that's to say, you handled it fairly well. — Arthur Conan Doyle

I should never do anything pre-coffee.

'It was only a teeny fire,' I told my uncle over the phone. — Cindy Brown

How can I use what most excites, angers, or upsets me to achieve what I most want to be, do, or experience? — Julie Connor

People take power trips at the most inopportune times. — Lida Sideris

Sometimes there are those that have been dealt a bad hand at life and are dealing with some heavy issues. The least I can do is try to brighten a persons day. — Jackson Harris

He had a bushy unibrow that could house a family of quail. — Lida Sideris

I'm amazed sometimes by the Christians who don't really believe that God wants to help them and bless them. — Joyce Meyer

Before a nation can be rebuilt, its citizens need to understand how it was destroyed in the first place: how its institutions were undermined, how its language was twisted, how its people were manipulated. — Anne Applebaum

Emma was doing something nice for Simon? Hell must be enjoying the snow day. — E.J. Stevens

I measure my days by the number of homicidal thoughts I have. I only had two today. So it must have been good. — Lida Sideris

People who work with me think I should cut my hair. They say casting directors are less likely to hire me with long hair - that they don't have imaginations and can't picture me looking normal. People literally have conference calls about my head when I'm not around. I mean, obviously I would cut my hair for an amazing part. — Rory Culkin

She was a most wonderful woman for prowling about the house. How she got from story to story was a mystery beyond solution. A lady so decorous in herself, and so highly connected, was not to be suspected of dropping over the banisters or sliding down them, yet her extraordinary facility of locomotion suggested the wild idea. Another noticeable circumstance in Mrs. Sparsit was, that she was never hurried. She would shoot with consummate velocity from the roof to the hall, yet would be in full possession of her breath and dignity on the moment of her arrival there. Neither was she ever seen by human vision to go at a great pace. — Charles Dickens

Revisionism is a healthy historiographical process, and no one, not even revisionists, should be exempt from it. — John Lewis Gaddis

Daddy had a strict rule about firearms. Anything we killed we had to eat. No amount of barbecue sauce would make a hairy guy like you palatable. — Diane Kelly

Everyone needs someone to believe in. — Johnny Hunt

We aren't heroes out there in the military. We're just Patriots. — Marcus Luttrell

There's one kind of writing that's always easy: Picking out something obviously stupid and reiterating how stupid it obviously is. This is the lowest form of criticism, easily accomplished by anyone. And for most of my life, I have tried to avoid this. In fact, I've spend an inordinate amount of time searching for the underrated value in ostensibly stupid things. I understand Turtle's motivation and I would have watched Medelin in the theater. I read Mary Worth every day for a decade. I've seen Korn in concert three times and liked them once. I went to The Day After Tomorrow on opening night. I own a very expensive robot that doesn't do anything. I am open to the possibility that everyting has metaphorical merit, and I see no point in sardonically attacking the most predictable failures within any culture. — Chuck Klosterman

They DO live more in earnest, more in themselves, and less in surface, change, and frivolous external things. I could fancy a love for life here almost possible; and I was a fixed unbeliever in any love of a year's standing. — Emily Bronte

Awoke to find three vultures sitting on the fence. Realizing they were a portent of impending death I shot them. — Bridget Allison

You life matters. You are here for a reason. Your job is to determine why. — Michael Hyatt

Prince Bolkonsky was of medium height, a rather handsome young man with well-defined and dry features. Everything in his figure, from his weary, bored gaze to his quiet, measured gait, presented the sharpest contrast with his small, lively wife. Obviously, he not only knew everyone in the drawing room, but was also so sick of them that it was very boring for him to look at them and listen to them. Of all the faces he found so boring, the face of his pretty wife seemed to be the one he was most sick of. With a grimace that spoiled his handsome face, he turned away from her. He kissed Anna Pavlovna's hand and, narrowing his eyes, looked around at the whole company. — Leo Tolstoy

I hope we can be happy where we are, be grateful for our blessings-now-here, accept the challenge that is ours and make the most of it, and don't be envious of others. God help us to be grateful. — Ezra Taft Benson