Humor Fashion Quotes & Sayings

Sometimes I wake up and I think I should start wearing a beret, but I don't do it. One day I'm gonna, though. You bet your ass, I will have a beret on. That's ridiculous, but it's true. I always fight with wearing a beret. — Mitch Hedberg

Peter eyes his swanky and incredibly dated jacket and fluffs the frills on his sleeves. Outside the window stands a guy in a tattered grey hoodie and cut-offs that slide down to his hips, thus exposing the plaid glory of his boxers. Damn pity. If I'd known what crimes I'd be exposed to under the guise of fashion, I may have very well stayed dead. — Diane Rinella

If you are the type who truly longs to be a Southern Belle at all times, regardless of taking twice the space available in bus, subway or elsewhere, you had best remove yourself to a large estate replete with servants. — Elizabeth Hawes

The human body is the best work of art. — Jess C. Scott

If you're Natalie Dormer, you can take big fashion risks and shave half your head, and it looks good. If you're a normal person and you try that, you just look like you had recent brain surgery. — Mindy Kaling

My motto for fashion: If you can't afford to make an elegant statement, make a ridiculous one. — Stacey Jay

I do wish this time you'd try to dress better while you're home. Folks in town get the wrong impression of you. They think you are
ah
slumming. — Harper Lee

What's the matter, suddenly develop a fashion sense? — Devon Monk

I love new clothes. If everyone could just wear new clothes everyday, I reckon depression wouldn't exist anymore. — Sophie Kinsella

Speak of the daimon: Leo burst through the door next to the pantry, holding a loft a wheel of cheese like a victor's laurel crown.
"BEHOLD THE CHEDDAR!" he announced. "ALL HAIL THE CHEESE CONQUERORS!"
Josephine, chuckling good-naturedly, lumbered in behind him with a metal pail. "The cows seemed to like Leo."
"Hey, abuelita," Leo said. "All da cows love Leo." He grinned at me. "And these cows are red man. Like... bright red."
That definitely made me want to weep. Red cows were my favourite. For centuries I had a herd of sacred scarlet cattle before cow-collecting went out of fashion. — Rick Riordan

Young people, however, tend to ignore the customs of their elders. Adolescent rebellion has been responsible for all manner of absurd costumes. The more ridiculous a certain fashion is, the more adolescents will cling to it. — David Eddings

Sweatpants are a sign of defeat. You lost control of your life so you bought some sweatpants. — Karl Lagerfeld

Interesting how fashion is cyclical," Jaccob said when she came out of the store with two black plastic bags. "Goth was the look when I was young, too."
"It's not a look," Chuck said. "I'm just wearing my feelings on the outside."
"Uh huh." His phone buzzed. "Hang on a second."
He rolled up his sleeve to check his HUD, but the call hadn't come through there.
Huh. He had to pick up his phone and check the read-out, which listed a phone number: an old school page. "That's funny ... "
"Dad, you're doing that thing again," Chuck said.
"What thing?" Jaccob asked.
"That thing where you have to check every single doohickey you carry around."
"I am not." Jaccob took his hand out of his coat pocket, where he'd been reaching to check his police scanner or music player (he hadn't decided which to use first). — Erik Scott De Bie

Let's face it -- if I could scrap in a full-length bodysuit, I would. — Lain Ehmann

Willpower is misunderstood. The very word suggests that wanting something badly enough bequeaths that necessary strength to achieve or overcome something. If that were the case, I'd be Michael Fassbender's missus by now. — Annmarie O'Connor

She was a woman in her thirties with sun-damaged skin and an opt-out approach to fashion. — Susan Juby

The bedlamite little hats in which American women have tried to out-lunatic each other for the past four years prove conclusively we don't dress to please anyone. We're just docile sheep who accept what's given us. — Beatrice Fairfax

There is a lack of humor in fashion. To me, it's always been the fun, cool industry to work in, and I always wanted people to be on my side and see how much fun we really have behind the scenes. — Chris Benz

I never blame anyone," said Kemp. "It's quite out of fashion. — H.G.Wells

He'd changed since the last summer. Instead of Bermuda shorts and a T-shirt, he wore a button-down shirt, khaki pants, and leather loafers. His sandy hair, which used to be so unruly, was now clipped short. He look like an evil male model, showing off what the fashionable college-age villain was wearing to Harvard this year. — Rick Riordan

You make all the fashion statements just by dressing up your mind. — Jason Mraz

Um, because you're loopier than Flacky McPsycho, Mayor of Crazytown?"
"My databases show no record of this Crazytown of which you speak. A brain the size of an entire city burns inside me. My intelligence quotient is beyond the human scale. I would prefer if you did not refer to me in such a fashion."
"Oh, poor baby. Did I hurt the mass-murdering psychopathic artificial intelligence's feelings? — Amie Kaufman

Just the way it never rains when you have an umbrella, you'll never run into people if you look fantastic. But go outside in pajamas, and you'll run into every ex you have. — Tim Gunn

If you cannot walk more than a block in your shoes, they are not shoes; they are pretty sculptures that you happen to have attached to your feet. You could hang them from your wrists for all the good they are doing you in terms of locomotion. Better to put them on a shelf and admire them from afar. — Linda Przybyszewski

The Produce Gem grins from half-way down the chip aisle. "And I thought the cucumber choosing was detailed."
Cash.
He was watching.
He saw me breaking it down.
He saw my invisible bad summer-time fashion choices. — Pella Grace

The clump-and-thud of avalanching books suggested that someone must be using the weapon of knowledge in an unconventional fashion. — Dean Koontz

The elderly man, flushed with pleasure, was recounting in voluble fashion his experiences and impressions. His wife joined in periodically, with meticulous corrections involving completely unimportant points; these being given and taken in the best of humor. — Isaac Asimov

Cross my heart, it's the truth. My Ma consulted a Seer when I was born. He's fated to marry a girl that wears that ring, she said."

"Did she now?" I said. "Well, this is in mad fashion in Mahmonir, so, prepare yourself, you're going to be overburdened with wives once the word gets around! — Sonal Panse

Speaking of my things, you weren't actually using that darling little study were you?" she
asked sweetly.
Her mate's eyes narrowed. "Why?"
"Because I am commandeering it for my closet."
"Closet? My study is over three hundred square feet." His shocked expression was adorable.
"Good point. Do you use the library as well?"
He stared unblinking. "Yes, actually I do."
"Oh well. I'll need to call in a contractor to remodel the study into functional wardrobe. — Alanea Alder

Sex is not about reproduc-tion, gender is not about males and females, courtship is not aboutpersuasion, fashion is not about beauty, and love is not about affec-tion. Below the surface of every banality and cliche there lies irony,cynicism, and profundity. — Matt Ridley

I don't believe in wearing track pants unless you are in an actual athletic situation. — Carrie Mesrobian

So a sense of humor is not merely a matter of trying to tell jokes or make puns, trying to be funny in a deliberate fashion. It involves seeing the basic irony of the juxtaposition of extremes, so that one is not caught taking them seriously, so that one does not seriously play their game of hope and fear. This is why the experience of the spiritual path is so significant, why the practice of meditation is the most insignificant experience of all. — Chogyam Trungpa

I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch. — Gilda Radner

What is believed to be a fact is only a fact until another fact supersedes it. Science is only a fashion. Nothing more. — Robert Rankin

Humor is a drug which it's the fashion to abuse. — William Gilbert

It was an odd situation. For a century and a half, men got rid of their own hair, which was perfectly comfortable, and instead covered their heads with something foreign and uncomfortable. Very often it was actually their own hair made into a wig. People who couldn't afford wigs tried to make their hair look like a wig. — Bill Bryson

I know it's practical for career women, but sneakers with suits? Jesus couldn't possibly weep harder than I did. — MaryJanice Davidson

An old man with overalls walked by; I don't think old people should wear overalls; it makes them look like shrivelly toddlers. — Aimee Bender

They don't fit you?" V asked his roommate.
"Not the point. No offense, but these are wicked Village People." Butch held his heavy arms out and turned in a circle, his bare chest catching the light. "I mean, come on."
"They're for fighting, not fashion."
"So are kilts, but you don't see me rocking the tartan."
"And thank God for that. You're too bowlegged to pull that shit off."
Butch assumed a bored expression. "You can bite me. — J.R. Ward

Amy is one of my favorite people in the fashion industry. She's smart, stylish and simply not a dick. — Grace Helbig

I'd urge you to try German Riesling because it's delicious, but I fear you'll be more impressed if I tell you it's cutting-edge. That, after all, is what we want to know
what's now and happening. (Do you really think clunky square-toed shoes make your feet look better than those with slimming, tapered toes? You just wear them because that's what fashion dictates, you slut.) — Jay McInerney

While the man is putting on it's shoes, the woman can buy dozens of high heels. — Ljupka Cvetanova

Our witness, one Edward Littleton, was as gay as Elton John's handbag. — Ann Somerville

He's always asking: 'Is that new? I haven't seen that before.' It's like, Why don't you mind your own business? Solve world hunger. Get out of my closet. — Michelle Obama

I'm very much down to earth, just not this earth. — Karl Lagerfeld

We are really living the American dream, to be a successful brand in the States and in Europe and to steep ourselves in our heritage. But we do it with a sense of humor. We don't take ourselves too seriously in fashion. — Tommy Hilfiger

Have you anything that is ready to wear today? I'd like nothing better than to be rid of that thing she has on now. You can use her measurements to fashion a few more."
"I have one or two I could quickly alter to her size. In fact there is one right there." She pointed to a pale yellow day dress draped over a dressmaker's model. Dunford was just about to say that it would do when he saw Henry's face.
She was staring at the dress like a starving woman. — Julia Quinn

In all, his outfit required nearly two thousand man-years of research and development, eight barrels of oil, and sixteen patent and trademark infringement lawsuits. All so he could possess casual style. A style that, in logistical requirements, was comparable to fielding a nineteenth-century military brigade.
But he looked good. Casual. — Daniel Suarez

How am I supposed to believe you when you're obviously carrying a fake monogram Gucci Bag? — Madi Brown

There will be days that you don't want to dress up and if you have some decent looking athletic wear, you can give the illusion that you've just been working out, as opposed to giving up on life.
— Big Mama

Hiking is sort of like strip poker: by the end, all the participants are hot, sweaty, and nearly naked, and the winner is the person who wore the most layers. — Winona Dimeo-Ediger

I was sweating like Christy Moore at a Feis Ceol, so badly, in fact, I looked like I was sporting a finger moustache as I attempted to rescue suicidal perspiration drops from my upper lip. Classy. — Annmarie O'Connor

Perhaps the most irrational fashion act of all was the male habit for 150 years of wearing wigs. Samuel Pepys, as with so many things, was in the vanguard, noting with some apprehension the purchase of a wig in 1663 when wigs were not yet common. It was such a novelty that he feared people would laugh at him in church; he was greatly relieved, and a little proud, to find that they did not. He also worried, not unreasonably, that the hair of wigs might come from plague victims. Perhaps nothing says more about the power of fashion than that Pepys continued wearing wigs even while wondering if they might kill him. — Bill Bryson

None taken, Ser Jaremy. My father is very fond of spiked heads, especially those of people who have annoyed him in some fashion. And a face as noble as yours, well, no doubt he saw you decorating the city wall above King's Gate. I think you would have looked very striking up there. — George R R Martin

I saved you," Andersen said at last, slowly but firmly, like Pat was an idiot child who had to be reminded of the basic rules of the universe. To wit: Gravity exists. Time purports to flow in a linear fashion, but it's only trying to fool us. I saved you. — Alex Gabriel

I believe my life has a value, and i don't want to waste it thinking about clothing.
I don't want to think about what i will wear in the morning. Truly, can you imagine anything more boring than fashion? — Michael Crichton

The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates. — Dave Barry

Even on the most solemn occasions I got away without wearing socks and hid that lack of civilization in high boots — Albert Einstein

The most pleasant and alluring curve on a woman is the smile — Treasure Stitches

I will always choose to be an imbecile. I couldn't cut it as an old fashion, and dry gal. — Mary Sage Nguyen

The outer garments of to-day will become the under-clothes of some destined to-morrow, and centuries hence a man found walking on the public highways dressed as you are will be arrested by the police for shocking the sense of propriety of the community, and so on. It will go on and on until you will find human beings everywhere decked out in layer after layer of clothes until he or she has lost all semblance to that beautiful thing that an all-wise Providence has designed us to be. — John Kendrick Bangs

This advice from a college freshman carrying a cane?"

"It's a walking stick, I'll have you know."

"Same difference."

"Hardly. It's fashion. — Danika Stone

A girl's got to use what she's given and I'm not going to make a guy drool the way a Britney video does. So I take it to extremes. I don't say I dress sexily on stage - what I do is so extreme. It's meant to make guys think: 'I don't know if this is sexy or just weird. — Lady Gaga

I'm so not interesting in having to try and make something out of foil."
What, you didn't like the poncho with wraparound leggings?"
It was beyond hideou- wait a minute. You watch that show?"
My mom loves it."
But your suppose to be sulking in the basement getting ready to light fires."
What can I say? I'm a failure as a teenager. I watch TV with my mom. — Elizabeth Scott

As he slowly climbed the stairs, Cassidy looked upward and vowed in Scarlett O"Hara-like fashion, "As God is my witness, I shall never kick a man who"s got my dick in his mouth again. — Ethan Day

Now you look like someone who is trying not to be someone, as opposed to nobody not managing to be anybody. — Robert Bryndza

Never in all her life had she imagined that this idolized millinery could look, to those who paid for it, like the decorations of an insane monkey. — Charlotte Perkins Gilman

I had a dream about you. At first you were a mannequin, and I was a fashion designer. Then, inexplicably, we switched roles and I became the mannequin. But instead of putting clothes on me, you laughed at my nakedness, and you sold me to the owner of a sex shop. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I peeled the shorts off my sweating skin and stepped into the skirt. It slid up my body, resting on my waist, and I pulled the zipper up towards the lord. It didn't just fit. No, it did more than that. It melded to my body, beautifully, as if it had been cut specifically for me, to mask and smooth and elevate. I would be better in this skirt. The dream was happening! I had the all-knowing smile, my hair was suddenly more luxurious, I felt thinner, more acceptable. Girls who had been mean to me in high school would see me in this skirt and think, "Is that Scaachi?" and I'd say, "YOU BET IT IS, YOU DUMB BITCH" and then punch all their boyfriends in the teeth. (I have not thought this fantasy through; just let me have this.) — Scaachi Koul

She wondered if it was her stupid mother, the goddess of love, messing with her thoughts. If Piper started getting urges to read fashion magazines, she was going to have to find Aphrodite and smack her. — Rick Riordan

Sorry, I said. But I've been recently diagnosed as fashion intolerant. I can't wear anything good, in case I develop style. — Simon R. Green

Minion looked into the fragile belly of the duck for the third time. 'It's still not here, Master.' He shook his head in a slow, confused fashion. 'Strange things are afoot at the Circle K. — Lish McBride

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. — Dave Barry

Ah, 6655321, think on the divine suffering. Meditate on that, my boy.' And all the time he had this rich manny von of Scotch on him, and then he went off to his little cantora to peet some more. So I read all about the scourging and the crowning with thorns and then the cross veshch and all that cal, and I viddied better that there was something in it. While the stereo played bits of lovely Bach I closed my glazzies and viddied myself helping in and even taking charge of the tolchocking and the nailing in, being dressed in a like toga that was the heighth of Roman fashion. So being in Staja 84F was not all that wasted, and the Governor himself was very pleased to hear that I had taken to like Religion, and that was where I had my hopes. — Anthony Burgess

Are you finally starting to breathe in a normal fashion?" Shahrzad teased. "I must confess I find your behavior rather odd, considering you said only a child would be afraid to fly."
"I wasn't afraid." Khalid wrapped a forearm of corded muscle around her. She slanted a disbelieving look his way. "You just lied to me."
"I wasn't afraid," he repeated. "I was terrified. — Renee Ahdieh

I am still not used to being the possessor of such a grand title. I believe I shall have to start wearing a purple satin turban and carrying a lorgnette. — Mary Balogh

I don't know anything but the simplest rules of English grammar, and I seldom consciously apply them. Nevertheless, I instinctively write correctly and, I like to think, in an interesting fashion. I know when something sounds right and when it doesn't, and I can tell the difference without hesitation, even when writing at breakneck speed. How do I do this? I haven't the faintest idea. — Isaac Asimov

I never saw anybody take so long to dress, and with such little result. — Oscar Wilde

One has to be proactive in warding off ugly, and that costs money. — Kristin Billerbeck

Platitude or not, the crowd erupted into applause, and by acclamation, Kuni Garu became the Duke of Zudi. A few pointed out that titles of nobility really couldn't be handed out in such a democratic fashion, but these killjoys were ignored. — Ken Liu

If you don't smell good, then you don't look good. — Katy Elizabeth

Forgive me for speaking frankly, but after the past quarter-hour's conversation, I am unconvinced that any of you possess the sense or sensitivity to impart the news in any respectful fashion - Amelia — Tessa Dare

I was pretty much a child of 'Monty Python.' I grew up loving that type of humor and even structured a lot of humor in the same fashion. — Michael Jai White

That civet-jasmine blend you're wearing tonight absolutely clashes with the third-level formal style of your dress, you know. — Lois McMaster Bujold

Some of the worst mistakes in my life were haircuts — Jim Morrison

Charientism (n.) A rhetorical term to describe saying a disagreeable thing in an agreeable way.

If I knew how to say disagreeable things in an agreeable fashion I most likely would not be spending most of my time siting alone in a room, reading the dictionary. — Ammon Shea

The last time a straight man worked in the fashion industry, we got a fanny pack. — Chelsea Handler

Of the little less than a million eligibles roaming around, 5 percent don't know their sign and don't even care. Another 5 percent are tied to their mothers by a food fixation. That leaves only 20 percent who are searching for a girl who will pick up their clothes, run their baths, burn her fingers shelling their three-minute eggs, run their errands, bear them a child every year, look like a fashion model, tend their needs when they are sick, and hold down a full-time job outside the home to make payments on their boat. — Erma Bombeck

There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes. — Ralph Waldo Emerson

You know the old adage: give a woman a bag and she'll fill it for a day. Teach a woman to pack and she'll fill every damn bag she owns (or something of that ilk). — Annmarie O'Connor

I want to see the front of you."
"That's what all the girls say."
"Do you expect me to roll you over? 'Cuz I will."
"Your mate's not going to like this."
"As if that's going to bother you?"
"True. It actually makes it worth the effort."
With a groan, he shoved his palms into the shimmering silver pool of blood beneath him, and flopped over like the side of beef he was.
"Wow," she breathed.
"I know, right? Hung like a horse."
"If you're really nice - and you live through this - I'll promise not to tell V."
"About my size."
She laughed a little. "No, that you assumed I'd look at you in any fashion other than professionally. — J.R. Ward

Eva," she said exasperated. "You should've established a personal style by now-and it shouldn't be sweats!"
Monica, Eva Tramell's mother, in "Reflected in You — Sylvia Day

Right now, all white people are either wearing or coveting a pair of Ray-Ban Wayfarer sunglasses. These sunglasses are so popular now that you cannot swing a canvas bag at a farmer's market without hitting a pair. In fact, at outdoor gatherings you should count the number of Wayfarers so you can determine exactly how white the event is. If you see no Wayfarers you are either at a country music concert or you are indoors. — Christian Lander

He's wearing his official university sweatshirt again, which puzzles me a little. I mean I'd sort of understand it more if it said Yale or Harvard or something, because then it would be a fashion choice. But why advertise the fact that you're at a university to all the other people who are at the university with you? — David Nicholls

Let's not get started on their uniforms. Superman's stretchy spandex has nothing on Batman's sculpted pecs."
He glared at her. "You cannot bring fashion sense into a superhero discussion!"
"If they wear it, it's fair game." She folded her arms on the table. — Alisha Rai

As I raced out of the office, I could hear Emily rapid-fire dialing four-digit extensions and all but screaming, 'She's on her way
tell everyone.' It took me only three seconds to wind through the hallways and pass through the fashion department, but I had already heard panicked cries of 'Emily said she's on her way in' and 'Miranda's coming!' and a particularly blood curdling cry of 'She's baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack! — Lauren Weisberger

So Dan Miller decided to roast a pig. The idea took hold of him after another eruption on August 7. He would roast a pig in the steaming volcano fields at the base of St. Helens. Being a scientist meant that he would do it in a methodical fashion: notes would be kept and he would document everything. The operation needed a cover name because reporters and others were monitoring all radio communication around the volcano, so he called it the 'FPP temperature experiment'. FPP stood for Front Page Palmer, a name the scientists had given a local geology professor who had irritated the Survey geologists by grandstanding for the press. Miller would roast a pig and Palmer at the same time. — Dick Thompson

[Looking like a straight girl] means wearing clothes that seek and destroy comfort. These are garments designed by gay men to attract heterosexual men. The straight girl is simply the hanger for an inside joke. — Mary Dugger

Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy. — Erma Bombeck

There really is no sense in pretending to be normal. Just be you because the moment you do, weirder things happen. Crazy comes back into fashion and every woman has to go out and find her some. — Shannon L. Alder