Howard Stern's Best Quotes & Sayings

What a crazy idea to put me on a family show! — Howard Stern

I seem to be some sort of lightning rod. I just really irritate people, you know? I really do. — Howard Stern

I like to call myself an "equal opportunist," as I love both dogs and cats, but over the last couple years, both Howard and I have become champions for cats. They are so independent and loving and playful and bring such happiness to our lives. — Beth Ostrosky Stern

There are things that I won't do on the radio. I mean, the next logical question is, what won't you do. I say, well, you know, you've got to find out when you're on the air. — Howard Stern

Daniel[her son] was without question the most important person in Anna Nicole Smith's life. From the time I met her, everything that she was doing was for Daniel. From the day Daniel died, Anna honestly was never the same. I would say that physically she died last week but in a lot of ways emotionally she died when Daniel died. — Howard K. Stern

I don't talk about my salary. — Howard Stern

Right away, I invited on guests like Steve Wozniak, John Draper, and even porn star Danni Ashe, who took her top off in the studio to show us all how hot she was. (Listen up, Howard Stern, I'm following in your footsteps!) — Kevin D. Mitnick

The only way anyone knows which girl I'm with is if a one-night stand goes on 'Howard Stern.' — Vin Diesel

My mother was very involved with me. And we had a dialogue constantly. And it was like an umbilical cord. As long as the words were flowing back and forth we were connected and feeding each other. And I probably grew up very afraid of losing that connection. — Howard Stern

We've got a guy coming on who predicted a quake the last time on the show; I don't know what to make of this earthquake prediction stuff. — Howard Stern

Anna [Nicole Smith] was very firm that the Bahamas was her home, it's where she wanted to raise Dannielynn and she wanted Daniel to be near her. — Howard K. Stern

'The New York Times' list is a bunch of crap. They ought to call it the editor's choice. It sure isn't based on sales. — Howard Stern

I don't think any religion makes any sense and I think people who are into that are really getting duped, and I don't think Judaism makes any more sense than Christianity, and I don't think Christianity makes any more sense than Scientology. But here's a guy, L. Ron Hubbard, who told all his friends, 'Look, I'm gonna start a religion, 'cause I can't make any money as a science fiction writer.' I mean, he admitted that publicly! At least with Jesus Christ, you can't go talk to the guy. — Howard Stern

Well, first of all, I'm worth every penny. — Howard Stern

I don't like being 50 and I don't like thinking about death. — Howard Stern

I'm for legalizing marijuana. Why pick on those drugs? Valium is legal. You just go to a doctor and get it and overdose on it - what's the difference? Prozac, all that stuff, so why not marijuana? Who cares? It's something that grows out of the ground - why not? Go smoke a head of cabbage. I don't care what you smoke. — Howard Stern

Please, with the God talk. Hate to break it to you, but there is no God. — Howard Stern

It's okay for a man to commit adultery if his wife is ugly. — Howard Stern

I believe we will start believing in God as we get closer to death. — Howard Stern

The seven marvels that best represent man's achievements over the last 2,000 years will be determined by Internet vote ... so look for Howard Stern's Private Parts to come in No. 1. — Jon Stewart

New York's niche is content, and content is becoming more valuable. Just think about what is more valuable: MTV or the cable system that you use to get MTV? Howard Stern or the radio station you use to listen to him? Ultimately, technology becomes a commodity, and content - real, true branded content - becomes more valuable. — Fred Wilson

Radio is more powerful the closer we mimic the way we actually speak to each other. That's why Howard Stern is such a great radio talent. People on his show are actually speaking to each other. You might not like what they're saying, but they're real conversations. — Ira Glass

Most of the things I do are misunderstood. Hey, after all, being misunderstood is the fate of all true geniuses, is it not? — Howard Stern

I'm a parent, and I regulate what my kids listen to. I don't need the government to be the parent. If I'm a crappy parent, then I need the government involved. — Howard Stern

I'm sickened by all religions. Religion has divided people. I don't think there's any difference between the pope wearing a large hat and parading around with a smoking purse and an African painting his face white and praying to a rock. — Howard Stern

I will never feel successful. — Howard Stern

Reality Television is the 'Howard Stern-ation' of all that is bad with our media today — Manny Pacheco

I'm from New York, so I'm a big Howard Stern fan. — Stephen Root

I love to listen to Howard Stern with the guy who drives me. — Mark Feuerstein

I could never do a show, or be a personality like Howard Stern, where you take all that heat from critics. What he does, he does, but the critical heat would crucify me. — Chuck Barris

I'm not looking for a paycheck. — Howard Stern

I'm trapped inside of me and I don't go out at all. I go to bed at eight o'clock at night. I never go out during the week. I'm in psychotherapy four days a week, pretty heavy commitment to it. — Howard Stern