Howard Stern's Quotes & Sayings

What a crazy idea to put me on a family show! — Howard Stern

Okay, well, I guess I'm still a kid. Because when I get really angry and fired up and I feel like my back is up against the wall, I will say vicious things. — Howard Stern

I think I could create a cult, no problem. The hard part is getting people to kill themselves. — Howard Stern

I'm the voice of honesty. — Howard Stern

I seem to be some sort of lightning rod. I just really irritate people, you know? I really do. — Howard Stern

I think people of lesser talent will become stars. — Howard Stern

In my next life, I would like to be Charlie Rose or Howard Stern or maybe something in between. — Jason Calacanis

I like to call myself an "equal opportunist," as I love both dogs and cats, but over the last couple years, both Howard and I have become champions for cats. They are so independent and loving and playful and bring such happiness to our lives. — Beth Ostrosky Stern

And rather than hide that, I would rather put that out on the radio and let someone see the full range of emotions. If you're going to be strong on the radio, you got to let it all out, even the ugly stuff. And you can't apologize for it. — Howard Stern

Howard Stern was the only one that was able to get through to me. — Jessica Hahn

Animals are a huge part of my life, so yes, if you are going to be a part of my life, you would need to have the same love for animals. Howard is so great in that aspect and he truly is my partner. We have six resident cats - Walter, Apple, Leon Bear, Charlie Boy, Bella, and Yoda-and we have fostered over fifty kittens in the last year. He even lets the kittens play in his hair! They love it! — Beth Ostrosky Stern

I'm about being funny. If I can make a joke using profanity, I will. But for the most part, that can get awfully old and boring. — Howard Stern

I'm on the air five hours, and I blurt out anything in my head. Dangerous? Maybe. — Howard Stern

There are things that I won't do on the radio. I mean, the next logical question is, what won't you do. I say, well, you know, you've got to find out when you're on the air. — Howard Stern

Daniel[her son] was without question the most important person in Anna Nicole Smith's life. From the time I met her, everything that she was doing was for Daniel. From the day Daniel died, Anna honestly was never the same. I would say that physically she died last week but in a lot of ways emotionally she died when Daniel died. — Howard K. Stern

Relationships are based on trust until you meet someone new. — Howard Stern

People talk, 'Oh your father's a misogynist, look what he said about women,' like, on 'Howard Stern.' When he gets with Howard Stern, who's a friend of his, he'll joke around, because it's a comedy show. He's allowed to have a personality. — Donald Trump Jr.

I don't talk about my salary. — Howard Stern

Right away, I invited on guests like Steve Wozniak, John Draper, and even porn star Danni Ashe, who took her top off in the studio to show us all how hot she was. (Listen up, Howard Stern, I'm following in your footsteps!) — Kevin D. Mitnick

The only way anyone knows which girl I'm with is if a one-night stand goes on 'Howard Stern.' — Vin Diesel

My mother was very involved with me. And we had a dialogue constantly. And it was like an umbilical cord. As long as the words were flowing back and forth we were connected and feeding each other. And I probably grew up very afraid of losing that connection. — Howard Stern

I believe in censorship when it benefits me. — Howard Stern

We've got a guy coming on who predicted a quake the last time on the show; I don't know what to make of this earthquake prediction stuff. — Howard Stern

Anna [Nicole Smith] was very firm that the Bahamas was her home, it's where she wanted to raise Dannielynn and she wanted Daniel to be near her. — Howard K. Stern

These nutbags, like Santorum and Bachmann, who make these people and especially young gay kids feel miserable, shame on them. They're quacks. I would never vote for them. I wouldn't even listen to them because there but for the grace of God go they. — Howard Stern

'The New York Times' list is a bunch of crap. They ought to call it the editor's choice. It sure isn't based on sales. — Howard Stern

From 1985 to 1994, I lived in Manhattan in a big old loft right off Times Square. I could walk to work, which was in a couple of Broadway theaters, to Howard Stern's studio, and to 30 Rock for 'Letterman' and 'SNL.' Even in New York, walking to work is homey and folksy, like living in a small town. — Penn Jillette

Mike Walker is the Hemingway of gossip. — Howard Stern

I will never vote Democrat again, they are Communists. — Howard Stern

We are busy planning the launch of the channel. I am busy planning all kinds of events that go on the channel without me. I have started producing a sound for the channel. — Howard Stern

I wanted to go hide. I wasn't looking to be more famous, I'm famous enough. — Howard Stern

People are so nice, you know. It's such a credit to Howard Stern - the audience base that he created is such a special thing. It took him a long time to create this family of fans, and I was lucky to be a part of that for a while. — Artie Lange

I've never come into anything successful before. I've always been hired by horrible radio stations with horrendous reputations and nothing to lose. — Howard Stern

I'm down with just the Backstreet Boys. — Howard Stern

Late night television is ready for someone like me ... standards have gone to an all-time low. — Howard Stern

I believe I am doing the work for humanity. This show is so uplifting. — Howard Stern

I'm going to take over the world. Everyone watch out, you're in big trouble. — Howard Stern

In the United States, we have a large, broad middle that are decent, fair-minded people who are too busy to really think about issues other than their next paycheck. Those are the people that we want to get to in order to change the social climate. And Howard Stern has that audience. So I said, 'Let's boldly go where I've never been before.' — George Takei

I feel blessed, I really feel fulfilled. — Howard Stern

I'm not a good listener some times. I'm too much of a control freak. I'm learning to be better. I was so caught up in just getting the job done that I would miss out on the human aspect of this. There was a connection missing. — Howard Stern

I'm a radio nerd. I've loved radio since I was a kid. I'm a huge Howard Stern fan. — Brad Listi

It's no treat being in bed with me. — Howard Stern

It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy. He wasn't the greatest looking guy in the world. — Artie Lange

I still feel like I gotta prove something. There are a lot of people hoping I fail. But I like that. I need to be hated. — Howard Stern

I've actually apologized to some people I was a real jerk to, because I feel ashamed. I didn't need to be that hungry. There was something going on inside me when I was angry and feeling very threatened and not feeling good about myself. — Howard Stern

I've come to appreciate other people's talents. — Howard Stern

I hear Amy Schumer on Howard Stern, and I think, "I wish there was a movie that starred her, because she's so interesting," and then at some point I go, "I guess I have to get involved, because it's not happening right now. Maybe I should help try to make that happen." — Judd Apatow

Well, Howard Stern has been doing his impression of me for years. It doesn't really bother me. — Jerry Seinfeld

You've got to be a little vicious. You've got to be narcissistic. You've got to be on fire about your career. — Howard Stern

I didn't listen to executives. — Howard Stern

As a people, we have the problem of making our forests outlast this generation, or iron outlast this century, and our coal the next; not merely as a matter of convenience or comfort, but as a matter of stern necessity. — William Howard Taft

Anna [Nicole Smith ] in a lot of ways always thought she was going to die young and she said that she thought she was going to be like Marilyn Monroe. Initially, Anna had always wanted to be buried near Marilyn Monroe. — Howard K. Stern

Why be uptight about bowel movements and sex? We all have sex. We all have penises
except for those of us who have vaginas. — Howard Stern

I don't think there's one thing I've ever said on the radio that would have been found indecent or obscene. — Howard Stern

My show was revolutionary, ground-breaking. When I came on the scene, people were not doing a thing. — Howard Stern

It causes me great pain to sue the company I work for. Nevertheless, I had to do it. Suffice it to say, there's a dispute and I believe I haven't been given what is mine. — Howard Stern

I really didn't know much about the Libertarians. I knew they were for less government and more individual freedom. I liked that. — Howard Stern

Guys like Howard Stern, Bill O'Reilly, Jim Rome, Bill Maher, those are the guys I love and respect as broadcasters. — Eddie Trunk

Here's what happens when you die
you sit in a box and get eaten by worms. I guarantee you that when you die, nothing cool happens. — Howard Stern

Are you kidding me?" he blurted out loud as Howard Stern's voice piped into his skull. "Eric the Actor is d - " Selena's brows tightened like she was considering waking up and he closed his piehole. But he couldn't believe another wack packer had been lost. It just seemed cruel in light of everything he was going through. — J.R. Ward

This country (United States) has too many freedoms. — Howard Stern

Well, first of all, I'm worth every penny. — Howard Stern

I believe we will start believing in God as we get closer to death. — Howard Stern

It's okay for a man to commit adultery if his wife is ugly. — Howard Stern

Please, with the God talk. Hate to break it to you, but there is no God. — Howard Stern

I'm for legalizing marijuana. Why pick on those drugs? Valium is legal. You just go to a doctor and get it and overdose on it - what's the difference? Prozac, all that stuff, so why not marijuana? Who cares? It's something that grows out of the ground - why not? Go smoke a head of cabbage. I don't care what you smoke. — Howard Stern

I don't like being 50 and I don't like thinking about death. — Howard Stern

I don't think any religion makes any sense and I think people who are into that are really getting duped, and I don't think Judaism makes any more sense than Christianity, and I don't think Christianity makes any more sense than Scientology. But here's a guy, L. Ron Hubbard, who told all his friends, 'Look, I'm gonna start a religion, 'cause I can't make any money as a science fiction writer.' I mean, he admitted that publicly! At least with Jesus Christ, you can't go talk to the guy. — Howard Stern

New York's niche is content, and content is becoming more valuable. Just think about what is more valuable: MTV or the cable system that you use to get MTV? Howard Stern or the radio station you use to listen to him? Ultimately, technology becomes a commodity, and content - real, true branded content - becomes more valuable. — Fred Wilson

Radio is more powerful the closer we mimic the way we actually speak to each other. That's why Howard Stern is such a great radio talent. People on his show are actually speaking to each other. You might not like what they're saying, but they're real conversations. — Ira Glass

Most of the things I do are misunderstood. Hey, after all, being misunderstood is the fate of all true geniuses, is it not? — Howard Stern

There's not a lot of other stuff I admire about his content, but there's something about Howard Stern and his perseverance in a very difficult industry. He does tickle me in certain ways with humor. — Ashleigh Banfield

I'm a parent, and I regulate what my kids listen to. I don't need the government to be the parent. If I'm a crappy parent, then I need the government involved. — Howard Stern

I'm sickened by all religions. Religion has divided people. I don't think there's any difference between the pope wearing a large hat and parading around with a smoking purse and an African painting his face white and praying to a rock. — Howard Stern

I will never feel successful. — Howard Stern

Reality Television is the 'Howard Stern-ation' of all that is bad with our media today — Manny Pacheco

I'm from New York, so I'm a big Howard Stern fan. — Stephen Root

I love to listen to Howard Stern with the guy who drives me. — Mark Feuerstein

I could never do a show, or be a personality like Howard Stern, where you take all that heat from critics. What he does, he does, but the critical heat would crucify me. — Chuck Barris

I'm not looking for a paycheck. — Howard Stern

I'm trapped inside of me and I don't go out at all. I go to bed at eight o'clock at night. I never go out during the week. I'm in psychotherapy four days a week, pretty heavy commitment to it. — Howard Stern

I'll talk to Howard Stern about anything. I listen to him every day. I love him. When you go on his show, you kind of have to be an open book. — Ross Mathews

There are a lot of so-called "good Americans" who are really a bunch of bums. — Howard Stern

If you're a Christian you don't sit there and worry about what somebody else is doing, if they're happy and they're committed in a relationship. — Howard Stern

People look at me weird because I'm a Howard Stern fan, but he's very misunderstood. It's the first thing I do when I get in my car at a tournament - just pray that I get Howard 100 on Sirius or XM. — Keegan Bradley

I have throbbing headaches about a lot of things, and Howard Stern isn't one of them. — Robert Greenblatt

The seven marvels that best represent man's achievements over the last 2,000 years will be determined by Internet vote ... so look for Howard Stern's Private Parts to come in No. 1. — Jon Stewart

The Howard Stern Show is a big hit because it entertains dumb and smart people at the same time for different reasons. — Artie Lange

I've always been about honesty, whether on the radio, whether I did a movie, whether I wrote a book. As long as you're honest, you don't lose your edge. — Howard Stern

I'm Howard Stern with a vocabulary. I'm the man he wishes he could be. — Don Imus

We all get one life to live here. It's 2012, and for gay and lesbian couples who are in love, not to be able to be married is so absurd. — Howard Stern

When you hire me, you hire a nut who is going to work 24 hours a day for you and never, ever burn his audience. — Howard Stern

I think I'm probably a little too desperate to be successful. — Howard Stern

I am completely pissed off that I'm circumcised. — Howard Stern

I'm sure some people might be offended by that, but this is my feeling about show business. It's not all about pure talent. There are certain people who command a stage because they look good ,like me. — Howard Stern

Woody Allen stayed so good because he never left New York. Howard Stern stayed so good because he never left New York - Mel Brooks when he just got out of New York was doing 'Blazing Saddles;' when he left New York he started doing stuff like 'Robin Hood Men In Tights' - he was in L.A. too long. He lost the edge. — Artie Lange

Yes, I believe blue material is funny, but if that's all you've got, you're dead in the water. It's not good. — Howard Stern

Talent is what drives this world ... Doesn't matter how many satellites you f
ing stick in the air. — Howard Stern

I was told David Letterman and Kaufman had heart attacks on the same day: David Letterman's heart attack was at a hospital in NYC. Kaufman's heart attack was at the red light district in Amsterdam, Holland. I think Kaufman had more fun.
You're a great artist. I just love the way you painted my portrait. — Howard Stern

Every time I went on the radio, I would take the crummiest radio station, the station that was like a toilet bowl. I would go on there and build up the ratings, so you couldn't do any worse. — Howard Stern