Quotes & Sayings About Hilarious

Skul-man!' he exclaimed as he rushed forward to shake his hand. 'Last I heard you were trapped on a dead world overrun by evil trans-dimensional superfiends!'
Skulduggery nodded. 'Just got back. — Derek Landy

I don't lack for bed partners, so I don't need to scrounge for unwilling scraps.-Spade — Jeaniene Frost

Damn, is this bitch a crackhead vampire? She stays up all night. In the morning you're looking at her like, did you ever go to sleep? — Sister Souljah

(Derek) "How do you see the beauty in a three-eared dog but not in a guy with big teeth?"
(Christy) "Dogs rule. People drool."
(Derek) "Only if you gag them. — Lisa Henry

She pushed the car. But I was so distracted that i forgot to push the button on the timer, so we had to do the whole thing again. Which Lindsey found hilarious. "Ok" she said. "Are you ready NOW, or do we have to send you back to Button Pushing one-oh-one?" "Um, what's Button Pushing One-oh-one?" I was wearing a button down shirt that day. Lindsey reached out and poked one of the buttons into my chest. "There, that's how you push a button. Any questions? — Jordan Sonnenblick

For years, I always thought it was hilarious that I was this fitness guru, because fitness was just a tool I utilized to help people improve their confidence. For me, it's never been about fitness. It's always been about helping to empower people. — Jillian Michaels

I wanted to be in love like in the storybooks and songs and ballads. Love that hits you like a lightning bolt. And I'm sorry, because yeah, I get that you think I'm ridiculous. I get that you think I'm hilarious. I know, I get that you're mocking me. I get how stupid I am, but at least I know. — Holly Black

The animators are fantastic though. They'll shoot their own reference material, and just go into the car park or something. And they might shoot a very funny scene, or sometimes a serious scene. But they're really just trying to work out the motion. Yet what we get treated to is hilarious video of someone running around a parking lot with a broomstick and a helmet! — Chris Sanders

The Marx Brothers isn't subtle, and that's hilarious. — Martin Freeman

I do notice a lot of people who want to shock to get laughs. It's such a tricky thing; you don't want to make rules about it. There's nobody more hilarious than Dave Attell, and he'd break every rule you set up. But he's funny. — Andy Kindler

The only good thing was that by midnight, even most of the bums had gone home to sleep it off. That was lucky for them, because Ray was the worst damn driver I'd ever seen. And that was after I jerked his head out of the duffel and parked it on the dashboard.
"Gah! That makes it worse!" he told me, as I tried to get the eyes facing forward.
"How can it possibly be worse?"
"Because I got double vision now! Get it off! Get it off!"
He batted at his own head and succeeded in sending it tumbling into Christine's lap. She immediately went into hysterics and slapped it away. The head fell out of the car; Ray hit the brakes and we came to a screeching halt.
"What are you doing?" I screeched, as he hopped out. "There are people firing at us!"
"Tough!" came from somewhere under the car. — Karen Chance

A friend told me about the casting notice for 'Queer Eye.' I was in Chicago and I had a contract with 'Esquire' magazine, so had been coming to New York City regularly and thought I'd catch a cheap flight, crash on a friend's sofa and do this hilarious audition that I had no chance of winning. — Ted Allen

At present, however, with his aching head and queasy stomach, Sebastian was feeling exceedingly resistible. Or if not that, then resistant. Aphrodite herself could descend from the ceiling, floating on a bloody clamshell, naked but for a few well-placed flowers, and he'd likely puke at her feet.

No, no, she ought to be completely naked. If he was going to prove the existence of a goddess, right here in this room, she was damned well going to be naked.

He'd still puke on her feet, though. — Julia Quinn

The best shows to tweet about are the ones that are hilarious, but they might not necessarily be trying to be hilarious. Those are the easiest and the funniest because you're like 'come onnnn.' — Retta

Hello, Bradley,' said Mom. She'd regained her composure after my outburst, and now raised her camera. 'Stand close.'
'No, Mom,' I said. 'No pictures.'
'But you're friend's here now,' she said, waving us together. 'Smile!'
'I don't need a picture with-' the flash snapped '-another guy. That's great, Mom, thank you. Send that one to Dad and tell him we're going steady. — Dan Wells

Matty blinked. 'You're passing up whips for shopping?'
'You're bitching about shopping?' Rob countered.
'I feel so torn!' Matty pulled at his hair. 'Oh my god. You suck. — Leta Blake

I'll defend child pornography, how about that? What's wrong with seeing some child pornography? What if you watch child pornography because you find it hilarious? Then should it not a protected freedom of speech? — Doug Stanhope

And sometimes you're not noticing a little eye movement that's hilarious. So it all kind of gets figured out in post. And that guy you were watching was this guy Murray Miller, who's actually not an actor, he's a writer that Rodney and I are friends with. He's just crazily funny, especially when hitting on people. — Nicholas Stoller

I was thinking - I'd like to fuck that smart mouth of yours and make you swallow my cum. ~Eric~ — Courtney Lane

She looks me dead in the face and says, "The safe word is going to be 'immigration,' because you know I'll stop it. — Kayti McGee

By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he's wrong. — Charles Wadsworth

( ... ) Trying to think of how to take the least crowded ways to class, so the least amount of people will stare at the hole in my neck. Sometimes it feels like it has a beacon in it, flashing for the entire world to see, except it's not cool like the Bat signal. — Keary Taylor

Look how often the unexpected happens - yet we still never expect it. — Ashleigh Brilliant

I stopped glorifying women as beautiful only if they were also thin. In fact, beautiful was the very last thing I decided I would tell Gigi she was each day, after brilliant, hilarious, curious, creative, and daring. There are so many important things to be in this world, it's unfair to devote so much of what describes us to our body size. — Brittany Gibbons

I had to make water " I said. It was the classic female excuse and no male in recorded history had ever questioned it.
"I see " the Inspector said and left it at that.
Later I would have a quick piddle behind the caravan for insurance purposes. No one would be any the wiser. — Alan Bradley

No," Nathan grumbled. "Like, not piss on him, just all around him." Stuart raised an eyebrow. "Nath, you need to chill. We're in a bar, a busy bar. We can't stop people talking to each other."
"I know but-"
"Look, don't worry about it," Stuart insisted. "Try not to turn into a bunny boiler just yet. — Melanie Tushmore

People all over the world recognize me as a spiritual leader. — Steven Seagal

It's rare that I've read a script where I'm like, "Oh, my god, it's hilarious!" All you want is a good skeleton and good characters. Then, you can go, "Okay, I can bring a lot to this. I can improvise and I can create something out of this." — Nick Swardson

I think I kind of like the idea of you all cold and wet."
"Oh right, I'll be at my best; no visible balls, and a dick that looks like a Chiclet ... "
"I can fix that," laughed Connor. — Z.A. Maxfield

Which college?'
'Hmm?'
'Which college do you go to?'
Fletcher nodded. 'Yes.'
'I'm sorry?'
'Oh,' Fletcher said, and laughed.
Valkyrie's parents looked at Fletcher in near bewilderment. Fletcher looked back at them in total bewilderment. Valkyrie shook her head. — Derek Landy

Angus ... had hitherto maintained hilarious ease from motives of mental hygiene ... — G.K. Chesterton

Night descended on Roarhaven like a woolly blanket of blackness with holes in it that were the stars. — Derek Landy

Hilarious, insightful, and smart. A must-read for anyone who wears clothes. — Chelsea Handler

There are few things more discomfiting than a spontaneous outburst of genuine decency from someone you're determined to dislike for no good reason. — Gregory David Roberts

Don't do that? This is your sage advice?"
"Yeah." He burped and blew it out the side of his mouth. "Sorry, the burritos we had for lunch are kinda comin' back on me. — Mary Calmes

- Why did blondes vote for Clinton?
- They didn't know how to read and thought she can make their life hilarious! — Bryanna Reid

Ethan chuckled and pulled his child close. "However, it might be nice if you gave your Uncle Satan blue skin tomorrow. He would love that."
The gasps in the room were hilarious. My Vampyre was evil to the core ... I bit my lip to keep from screaming or laughing. Satan would look awesome as a Smurf. I needed to make sure my phone was charged so I could get some good blackmail shots. — Robyn Peterman

(Brin) 'How good is your lawyer, on a scale of Atticus Finch to Franklin and Bash? — Lisa Henry

I like comedy but I guess I don't think [my art] is that funny, either. It's too dark and a bit weird in places to be genuinely, uniformly hilarious and function as comedy. — David Shrigley

My family went on a cruise, and I got a terrible haircut. FYI: Never get your hair cut on a cruise. And I had, like, this blonde curly 'fro, and I walked into the gym the first day back in seventh grade and everyone was staring at me, and for some reason I thought, I know what I need to do! And I just started sprinting from one end of the gym to the other, and I thought it was hilarious. But nobody else at that age really did. It was genuinely weird — Jennifer Lawrence

She was also wearing vampire bunny slippers. Myrnin had given them each a pair for Christmas, since they'd all found his so hilarious, and as Eve marched toward Claire, the rabbit slippers' mouths flapped up and down, their red tongues flashing and plush teeth biting the ground. — Rachel Caine

Sei: The Kudzu snacks were so good I had two and a half bowls but seeing you eat 16 and a half bowls was disgusting. I sriously considered killing you.
Okita: You're horrible! Besides then I'd bleed Kudzu snacks!
Sei: NOO! STOP!!! I CAN SEE IT!! I'LL HAVE NIGHTMARES!! — Taeko Watanabe

Would you be shedding tears for McNab's dead body if he'd been screwing around on you?"

Peabody pursed her lips. "Well, since I'd've been the one who killed him, I'd probably be shedding tears for me because you'd be arresting me. And that would really make me sad. — J.D. Robb

Why not try thinking of your life as hilarious rather than nightmarish? — Julia Sweeney

I have a black belt in sarcasm, and my wit is like lightning. — N.R. Walker

I was like, 'Dude, make me look bad. Please. I want to look ugly. I want to wear orange pants. — Evanescence

ITS NOT FUNNY!"
"You're right," agreed Sydney. "It's no funny. It's hilarious."
We were back at Raymond's house, in the privacy of our room. It had taken forever for us to get away form the fireside festivities, particularly after learning a terrible fact about a Keeper custom. Well, I thought it was terrible, at least. It truned out that if someone wanted to marry domeone else around here, the prospectimve bride and groom each had to battle it out with the other's nearest relative of the same sex. Angeline had spotted Joshua's interest from the moment I'd arrived, and when she'd seen the bracelet, she'd assumed some sort of arragement has been made. — Richelle Mead

Lord John: 'The court has suffered most sorely for your absence. We hardly know where to find our amusement now.'
Lady Nora: 'I am sorry to hear that, I suppose it takes some wit to produce one's own entertainment. Are you often bored? — Meredith Duran

It's a funny world, Hobbes."
"True."
"But it's not a hilarious world. ... unless you like sick humour."
"The world is probably funnier to people who don't live here. — Bill Watterson

I miss our Would You Rather conversations and your hilarious answers. I miss your laugh. I miss the way I feel when I make you laugh. Like I just won something really important. I miss just sitting with you in perfect, silent understanding. I miss the way you never judge anyone. It's such a rare find, Liv. And I miss watching how kind you are with everyone. I miss being able to call you and talk to you about random shit and important shit. I miss my best friend. I miss you. I love you. — Samantha Young

Once a sarriyal, always a sarriyal, she thought. — Sara Naveed

Brian's face broke out in a wide grin as he slapped Roarke on the back. "That's a woman, isn't it?"
"Delicate as a rose, my Eve. Fragile and quiet natured." He grinned himself when he heard her curse, loud and vicious. "A voice like a flute."
"And you're sloppy in love with her."
"Pitifully. — J.D. Robb

People will send me tweets or texts, 'Yo, I'm at Red Lobster now and they're playing Mayer Hawthorne,' more of that kind of stuff, which is hilarious. — Mayer Hawthorne

I think god gave us talent because he screwed up our hair — Dolly Parton

It was so fast. So fast. One minute she was reaching, reaching, almost touching the center of ecstasy itself. The next she was convulsing with something so hot with throbbing pleasure that it was almost pain. An inhuman cry tore out of her throat as she went up like a Chinese rocket and exploded into a million flaming pieces of pure joy. — Diana Palmer

Nat is already laughing. We go through this every morning. She tells Nik I own a clown car.
I glower at her while I put my foot up onto Nik's lap and kick the passenger door while turning the ignition.
She starts.
Works every time.
Nik looks like he's not sure whether to laugh or get the hell out of the car.
We're on our way to work and Nat says, "Nik, turn on the radio."
He shakes his head and replies cynically, "I would but I'm scared the roof might fly off."
Nat and I burst into laughter. We laugh so much we both sob and laugh at the same time. — Belle Aurora

She was going to go to her room,munch on chocolate,then collapse into bed.
And if her upstairs neighbors decided to talk about who the daddy was or cry again about how much David was loved,she'd go up there and give them somthing to really bloody cry about. — Suzanne Wright

I think Damien Hirst is hilarious. And I think he's a true artist. He's not hilarious first; I think he is a real artist, and I also think he's got an amazing sense of humor. — Jemima Kirke

Honestly, my dating life according to the tabloids is very exciting, and the most hilarious thing is that it's nowhere near as exciting as the tabloids have ever made it out to be. — Margot Robbie

If you have something to say and say nothing, you are really telling a lie. — Ashleigh Brilliant

'South Park' is so hilarious ... I remember when it first came out: that show changed television forever. — Blake Anderson

Lebanese freedom of speech : You get to say whatever you like as long as the authorities approve of it ... Hilarious. — Ziad K. Abdelnour

He openned the door that he assumed was the garage only to find himself in the pantry.
crap.
"Um ... grabbing some Pop-Tarts for the road," Nick said, covering his mistake. Still, they both stared at him as if he'd escaped Arkham Asylum. Offering them a fake smile, he grabbed the pastries, crossed himself, and hoped he got the next door correct.
Nope. Bathroom.
With a pain-filled groan at his rampant stupidity, Nick pretended to use it before he tried again. At least there were only two more doors to go.
Fifty-fifty chance.
Thankfully, third time was the charm. — Sherrilyn Kenyon

I'm completely obsessed with Andrew Smith's 'Winger.' A great, hilarious, and moving story. — John Corey Whaley

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine. — Caroline Rhea

I definitely take after my dad, looks-wise. But my mum is my greatest inspiration. All the women in my family are amazing. They're hilarious. I love funny people. — Shari Sebbens

Make all your decisions based on how hilarious it would be if you did it. — Aubrey Plaza

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired. — Milton Berle

I have found that she is as kind and caring a person as she is hilarious. Simply put, Amy Poehler is my hero. — Aziz Ansari

My parents played by parents, in the second season [of Suits]. We had a Skype scene and they were my real parents. My parents are cartoons. When they come up and visit, they're hilarious. My mother somehow finds a way to get in the way of everything. — Rick Hoffman

Fuck, you've been to the sex store."

"Sure have." Josh held up a plastic bag. "Man, that was fun. And by fun, I mean seriously fucking creepy... — Lana McGregor

Numero uno: you realise pretty quickly that you're never going to get what one of the viler magazines might refer to as a 'bikini body' so, instead of doing a hundred sit-ups twice a day, you can opt out of all that perfectionist malarkey. And you can spend your energy developing other personal qualities. Like being funny. And galloping. And learning complex dance routines, which become suddenly hilarious when you whack on a leotard and try to perform them. All that lovely stuff. — Miranda Hart

This is possibly the most shameful situation I've ever gotten myself in in my life, and I've done some pretty dumb things in my life. So to actually make a new No. 1 is spectacularly stupid. — Russell Crowe

Stamps from Afghanistan are hilarious. You can tell when the revolutions are because suddenly they stop having pictures of the mullahs and the independence monument and they start having fish on them. — Samuel West

One of the hardest lessons I had to learn was that I was going to need a lot of help, and for a long time. (Even this morning.) What saved me was that I found gentle, loyal and hilarious companions, which is at the heart of meaning: maybe we don't find a lot of answers to life's tougher questions, but if we find a few true friends, that's even better. — Anne Lamott

You took Theo's title and his home," West continued in appalled disbelief, "and now you want his wife."
"His widow," Devon muttered.
"Have you seduced her?"
"Not yet."
West clapped his hand to his forehead. "Christ. Don't you think she's suffered enough? — Lisa Kleypas

Physical development was alleged to assist spiritual and intellectual development, while also helping safeguard boys from the 'solitary and sexual sin' of masturbation. — Martin Crotty

I know this is going to sound really cheesy, but I have the coolest dad in the entire world. My dad is hilarious. He's also strong, smart and makes me feel like he's going to take care of everything. I think those are the qualities I look for in a boyfriend. — Lea Michele

It was like bouncing tennis balls off a mystery piece of furniture and deducing, from the direction in which the balls ricocheted, whether it was a chair or a table or a Welsh dresser. — Marcus Chown

This isn't the first time I've used this, and the test subject showed no signs of impaired cognitive ability."
"Who was the test subject?" asked Aurora.
"I test everything out on myself before taking it into the field."
She stared at him. "You zapped your own brain?"
"And it didn't do me any harm apart from the dizziness and the vomiting spells and the weirdly persistent ringing in my ears. Also the blackouts and the mood swings and the creeping paranoia. Apart from that, zero side effects, if you don't count the numb fingertips. Which I don't. — Derek Landy

I don't like my wrestling or entertainment in general to be too clean or predictable for me as a fan. When I say clean, I'm not talking about dirty jokes, middle fingers and stuff like that. I'm actually not even a big fan of that. A lot of people talk about the attitude era being so great but a lot of it was terrible crap, sex jokes and over-the-top terrible bad comedy. It was Jerry Springer-like. They made a joke about a woman's breasts. Hilarious, but where's the wrestling? I look back on a lot of stuff now, and I'm like where's the wrestling? It's just a lot of crappy jokes. — Dean Ambrose

Why are you staring at my boobs? My face is up here," Trudy exclaims.
Jack, the hotel employees, and I jump back like we've been electrocuted while the seniors don't skip a beat. No. She. Didn't. These geriatric devils are so bad. — Stephanie Hale

Taking a deep breath and trying not to reveal my sudden feeling of inadequacy, I was about to come back with a counter offer when a knock on the window startled me and I did what I always do ... I squeaked, which Tristan thought was pretty hilarious. And for whatever reason, that embarrassed me. Nooo, not telling a guy I'd need gum in order to give him a blowjob, or being more than half-naked with a guy and almost having sex for the time, nor sitting on said guy's lap while he has an obvious erection ... no, none of that embarrasses me. Nope, squeaking like a timid mouse in front of him ... that's what turns my face bright red. I'm tellin' ya, I have issues. — Jenn Cooksey

Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born? — Benny Hill

Let no one persuade you of a single thing. Study your hunger and how to feed it. Trust in whatever sounds twist your viscera. Write in the cadences of first love, of second chances, of air raids, of outrage, of the hideous and the hilarious, of headlong acceptance or curt refusal. Make the bitter music of bumdom, the sad shanties of landlessness, cool at the equator and fluid at the pole. Set the sounds that angels make after an all-night orgy. Whatever lengthens the day, whatever gets you through the night. Make the music that you need, for need will be over, soon enough. Let your progressions predict time's end and recollect the dead as if they're all still her. Because they are. — Richard Powers

There's so much joy in doing comedy work, and that's one of the reasons I like to do it - because it's just a hilarious day at work. — John C. Reilly

My wife thinks I'm a narcissist, but I just think it's hilarious going on YouTube and seeing these covers. There are so many of them - literally hundreds! It's flattering. — Charles Kelley

My favorite lie was the online rumor that Bruce Willis was my uncle. That's hilarious. — Kreayshawn

I learned that you don't have to be all over the place, that you can be subtle and you can say what you say. The words that you put together can be just as hilarious as falling all over the place or doing something. — Mike Epps

Nicolas Morganti had stalked back into her life, stamped his foot, and demanded to stay. — Michele De Winton

You promise?"
"I cross the place where my heart used to be and wish to be even more deader than I am now. — Derek Landy

I don't think that I could have survived in my family without a naughty sense of humor; yeah, absolutely. I think my brother and I both get our senses of humor from our parents. I mean, my mother was absolutely hilarious and foul. She had the most ridiculously off color sense of humor, so that was sort of what we grew up with. — Rachael MacFarlane

Si, the speed limit sign said 35. Your Goin' 55." -Sadie Robertson
"Oh, that's just a suggestion. — Si Robertson

I don't know what to do about him, Sammy." (Jackie)

"It's not what you do about him. It's what you do with him. Grab him by those big, manly arms that I'm assuming he has, and show him what New York has to offer. — Ali Novak

I totally consider Fishbowl my full time job - I have to say I freaking love doing this blog. I just enjoy the medium so much; I love the fact that it requires me to read amazing stuff by hilarious and talented people and forces me to know what's going on in the world. — Rachel Sklar

Acting is the great love of my life. It gives you permission to use all parts of yourself. Permission to be the hero, the love interest, the comedian, the villain. Transformation excites me. So does truth. Nothing is more thrilling, hilarious, and tragic than the truth. Those things motivated me to become an actor. Also, they always have the best food on set. — Blake Griffin

What the - who the - what the fucking fuck? — L.A. Gilbert

Thomas rolled his eyes. "I never said jack about me being braver than anybody. I'm just sick of hearing people's voices. Yours included."
Minho snickered. "Slinthead, when you try to be mean, it's just freaking hilarious. — James Dashner

In black neighborhoods, everybody appreciated comedy about real life. In the white community, fantasy was funnier. I started looking for the jokes that were equally hilarious across the board, for totally different reasons. — Will Smith

It was such a pleasure to work with Eugene Levy. What a treat. That's a guy I grew up watching as a kid. Guys like that, they were hilarious and didn't have to be super vile or X-rated. — Harland Williams