Hilarious Absurd Quotes & Sayings

My sincere hope is that 'The Da Vinci Code,' in addition to entertaining people, will serve as an open door to begin their own explorations. — Dan Brown

Build a little fence of trust around today; Fill the space with loving deeds, and therein stay. — Mary Butts

Software work is the most complex that humanity has ever undertaken. — Fred Brooks

It's the oldest story in the world. You want him back, don't you? — Larry Kramer

Is my paranoia getting completely out of hand, or are you mongoloids really talking about me? — John Kennedy Toole

All the old problems, the stale ones, both personal and general, had been solved by one mighty slash. — John Wyndham

Pamela pulled off her cloak and Alexei gasped.
"You have on breeches!" He stared in disbelief. "Breeches!"
"I've never worn them before, and they are extremely comfortable. I quite like them." She smoothed the fabric over her hip. "Besides, you don't expect me to duel in a dress, do you?"
"I do not expect you to duel at all!"
Pamela ignored him. "That would be most unfair, dueling in a dress, unless, of course, you would be willing to wear a dress as well?"
"Don't be absurd." He snorted in disdain. "I have no intention of ever wearing women's clothing again."
"Again?" She raised a brow.
"It was an unavoidable disguise," he muttered. — Victoria Alexander

Logical thinking is a prerequisite to good choices. — James W. Mercer

I adored my father - I was more attached to him than anyone. — Marisa Berenson

Darkness promotes speech. — Alberto Manguel

The silly ass had left the kitchen door open, and I hadn't gone two steps when his voice caught me squarely in the eardrum.
'You will find Mr Wooster', he was saying to the substitue chappie, 'an extremely pleasant and amiable young gentleman, but not intelligent. By no means intelligent. Mentally he is negligible - quite negligible'.
Well, I mean to say. What!
I suppose, strictly speaking, I ought to have charged in and ticked the blighter off properly in no uncertain voice. But I doubht whether it is humanly possible to tick Jeeves off. — P.G. Wodehouse

Beer has long been the prime lubricant in our social intercourse and the sacred throat-anointing fluid that accompanies the ritual of mateship. To sink a few cold ones with the blokes is both an escape and a confirmation of belonging. — Rennie Ellis

Islam believes in many prophets, and Al Quran is nothing but a confirmation of the old Scriptures. — Annie Besant

You touch him and I will drop you like the piece of shit you are," Callan warned. — Sloane Kennedy

The determination of the value of an item must not be based on its price, but rather on the utility it yields. The price of the item is dependent only on the thing itself and is equal for everyone; the utility, however, is dependent on the particular circumstances of the person making the estimate. Thus there is no doubt that a gain of one thousand ducats is more significant to a pauper than to a rich man though both gain the same amount. — Daniel Bernoulli

And these days, I find I'm caring less and less about what people think of me. Maybe it's my age, maybe it's my security in my career, maybe it's because I'm skrilla flush with that dollah-dollah-bill-y'all, but if I had to identify my overall feeling these days, it's much more "Eh, screw it. Here's how I really feel. — Mindy Kaling

I spend around two and half hours on the track every day running and another 2 hours in the weight room lifting weights with my strength coach. — Allyson Felix