Hicks Bill Quotes & Sayings

People always snap and think they're Jesus. How come no one ever snaps and thinks they're Buddha? — Bill Hicks

It's all about money, not freedom, y'all, okay? Nothing to do with fuckin' freedom. If you think you're free, try going somewhere without fucking money, okay? — Bill Hicks

They Want You To Be A Docile Apathetic Consumer — Bill Hicks

Bill Hicks - blowtorch, excavator, truthsayer, and brain specialist. He will correct your vision. Others will drive on the road he built. — Tom Waits

Speaking of Satan, I was watching Rush Limbaugh the other day. — Bill Hicks

Do I have a message? Yes, I do. Here's my message: as scary as the world is - and it is - it is merely a ride ... — Bill Hicks

Humanity is just a virus with shoes. — Bill Hicks

I left in love, in laughter, and in truth, and wherever truth, love and laughter abide, I am there in spirit. — Bill Hicks

You know what I hate about working? Bosses ... The very idea that ANYONE could be my boss, well ... I think you see the conflict. — Bill Hicks

See we just had a misunderstanding. I thought we lived in the U.S. of A., the United States of America. But actually we live in the U.S. of A., the United States of Advertising. Freedom of expression is guaranteed? If you've got the money! — Bill Hicks

Let's do some comedy. I always like to add some comedy to my show. Those who've seen me before might know that. — Bill Hicks

Just a simple choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one. — Bill Hicks

The CIA has a plot ... they've used before to get rid of world leaders. Only problem ... is convincing Hussein ... to fly to Dallas. — Bill Hicks

It has become more and more obvious that there is one political party in America, and that is The Business Party. — Bill Hicks

I just want to be free of the fears and anxieties and the superstitions of religion. An 'avenging GOD'? One who created Hell for those who don't believe? I thought we were the perfect and holy children of GOD? How could any limits possibly be put upon us? Hell.. really? I'm sorry, but ... no. Wrong. You're wrong. That's an insane GOD and therefore not mine. Because, see, GOD would be very sane, don't you get it? — Bill Hicks

The role of the comedian is to say 'Wait a minute' when a consensus starts to form. — Bill Hicks

It's all about money, not freedom. If you think you're free, try going somewhere without money, okay? — Bill Hicks

I believe that the Bible is the literal word of God. And I say no, it's not, Dad. Well, I believe that it is. Well, you know, some people believe they're Napoleon. That's fine. Beliefs are neat. Cherish them, but don't share them like they're the truth. — Bill Hicks

I have this feeling that whoever's elected president, no matter what promises you make on the campaign trail - blah, blah, blah - when you win, you go into this smoky room with the twelve industrialist, capitalist scumfucks that got you in there, and this little screen comes down ... and it's a shot of the Kennedy assassination from an angle you've never seen before, which looks suspiciously off the grassy knoll ... and then the screen comes up, the lights come on, and they say to the new president, 'Any questions?'" "Just what my agenda is." - Bill Hicks — James H. Fetzer

What's gonna happen to the arms industry when we realize we're all One? ... You can see why the government's cracking down. — Bill Hicks

By the way, if anyone here is in advertising or marketing, kill yourself. — Bill Hicks

A Christian will say ... "I believe God created me in one day" Yeah, looks liked He rushed it. — Bill Hicks

I'm a heavy smoker. I go through two lighters a day. — Bill Hicks

Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can't find your fags. — Bill Hicks

I love talking about Kennedy assassination ... a great archetypal example of how totalitarian government ... sorry, wrong meeting. — Bill Hicks

Eternal suffering awaits anyone who questions god's infinite love. — Bill Hicks

That's starting to depress me about UFOs. The fact that they cross galaxies ... and always end up in places like Fyfe, Alabama. — Bill Hicks

I was always 'awake' ... Some part of me clamoring for NEW insights and NEW ways to make the world a better place. — Bill Hicks

Any organization created out of fear must create fear to survive. — Bill Hicks

You see, I think drugs have done some good things for us. I really do. And if you don't believe drugs have done good things for us, do me a favor. Go home tonight. Take all your albums, all your tapes and all your CDs and burn them. 'Cause you know what, the musicians that made all that great music that's enhanced your lives throughout the years were rrreal fucking high on drugs. The Beatles were so fucking high they let Ringo sing a few tunes. — Bill Hicks

Here is my final point ... About drugs, about alcohol, about pornography ... What business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, or take into my body as long as I do not harm another human being on this planet? And for those who are having a little moral dilemma in your head about how to answer that question, I'll answer it for you. NONE of your fucking business. Take that to the bank, cash it, and go fucking on a vacation out of my life. — Bill Hicks

There's that great Bill Hicks line - the comedian - where he says, "Are you proud to be an American?" "I don't know. It's just where my parents had sex." — Josh Radnor

I am a misanthropic humanist ... Do I like people? They're great, IN THEORY. — Bill Hicks

You ever noticed how people who believe in Creationism look really un-evolved? You ever noticed that? Eyes real close together, eyebrow ridges, big furry hands and feet. "I believe God created me in one day". Yeah, looks like He rushed it — Bill Hicks

To make marijuana against the law is like saying God made a big mistake. — Bill Hicks

How do I know the Bible isn't the word of God? Well if it was the word of God it would be clear and easy to understand ... considering God was the creator of LANGUAGE! — Bill Hicks

I just have one of those faces. People come up to me and say, 'What's wrong?' Nothing. 'Well, it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile.' Yeah, you know it takes more energy to point that out than it does to leave me alone? — Bill Hicks

I'm a fan of Bill Hicks. He did things that no other stand up did at the time. He was making fun of religion, at that time it was a lot harder to say those things in the States than it was here. To slag off Christianity and fundamentalist Christians, and to be pro drugs and anti gun in the deep south, that's a big ask. And he did that and made it funny. Bill Hicks was able to say things that he really thought, and he managed to make those thoughts funny without a care if it antagonised people. — Ed Byrne

You ever notice that everyone who believes in creationism looks really un-evolved? — Bill Hicks

What before seemed a ... frustrating wall, the comic deftly and fearlessly steps through, proving the absurdity of it all. — Bill Hicks

You know we armed Iraq. I wondered about that too, you know during the Persian Gulf war those intelligence reports would come out: "Iraq: incredible weapons - incredible weapons." How do you know that? "Uh, well ... we looked at the receipts." — Bill Hicks

Writing, acting, music, comedy. A deep love of literature and books. Thank God for all the artists who've helped me. — Bill Hicks

Women priests. Great, great. Now there's priests of both sexes I don't listen to. — Bill Hicks

What are you reading for? — Bill Hicks

If you don't think drugs have done good things for us, then take all of your records, tapes and CD's and burn them. — Bill Hicks

Is it impossible to imagine Americans sneaking into Mexico en masse, seeking regular employment and a better way of life? — Bill Hicks

I don't know what you all believe, and I don't really care ... but you have to admit that beliefs are odd. Lots of Christians wear crosses around their necks ... you really think when Jesus comes back, he ever wants to see a fucking cross? — Bill Hicks

The ones that bother me the most are the media saying, He's like the next Bill Hicks. It's supposed to be complimentary, but then all these Bill Hicks fans show up thinking you're going to be like him, and then go, You're no Bill Hicks. And I'm like, I never wanted to try to be like him, I don't think I'm anything like him at all, and now you're mad at me for not being him because a journalist didn't have a better reference. — Doug Stanhope

I believe we all have the Voice of Reason inside us ... to gently lead us out of our own self-created hells ... — Bill Hicks

Why is pot against the law? It wouldn't be because anyone can grow it, and therefore you can't make a profit off it, would it? — Bill Hicks

A lotta Christians wear crosses 'round their necks; do you think if Jesus comes back he ever wants to see another cross? — Bill Hicks

That's what I hate about the war on drugs. All day long we see those commercials: "Here's your brain, here's your brain on drugs", "Just Say No", "Why do you think they call it dope?" ... And
then the next commercial is [singing] "This Bud's for yooouuuu." C'mon, everybody, let's be hypocritical bastards. It's okay to drink your drug. We meant those other drugs. Those untaxed
drugs. Those are the ones that are bad for you. — Bill Hicks

I think that being on the road and doing more and more stand-up has allowed me to figure out ... like, I don't think I'll ever be Bill Hicks, but I think I'm figuring out what my opinion is on things. — Nick Kroll

It is, and has been, and will forever be, this world of ours, a fucking joke. — Bill Hicks

I've said all that I've had to say. — Bill Hicks

Well we looked at all the people in the Bible and we added 'em up all the way back to Adam and Eve, their ages: 12,000 years. — Bill Hicks

What do you say we lighten things up and talk about abortion? ... — Bill Hicks

I've learned a lot about women. I think I've learned exactly how the fall of man occured in the Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden, and Adam said one day, Wow, Eve, here we are, at one with nature, at one with God, we'll never age, we'll never die, and all our dreams come true the instant that we have them. And Eve said, Yeah ... it's just not enough is it? — Bill Hicks

I've had seven balls of light come off a UFO ... explain to me telepathically we are all one and there's no such thing as death. — Bill Hicks

They believe the bible is the exact word of God - Then they change the bible! Pretty presumptuous, hu huh? "I think what God meant to say ... " — Bill Hicks

I love Dallas, Austin and Houston. Why? Because some of the best comedians, like Bill Hicks and Sam Kinison, started their careers in Texas, and because the crowds there are comedy-educated. — Bobby Lee

I believe it is our own misperceptions of who we really are that leads to every self-created hell you'll find in this world. — Bill Hicks

Shut up! Go back to bed, America. Your government is in control. Here's Love Connection. Watch this and get fat and stupid. — Bill Hicks

Let me tell you about gays in the military. I don't want any gay people hanging around me while I'm killing kids. I just don't want to see it. — Bill Hicks

No, I don't do drugs anymore, either. But I'll tell you something about drugs. I used to do drugs, but I'll tell you something honestly about drugs, honestly, and I know it's not a very popular idea, you don't hear it very often anymore, but it is the truth: I had a great time doing drugs. Sorry. Never murdered anyone, never robbed anyone, never raped anyone, never beat anyone, never lost a job, a car, a house, a wife or kids, laughed my ass off, and went about my day. — Bill Hicks

I am available for children's parties, by the way ... — Bill Hicks

I, like all artists in Western cultures, am a shaman ... come in the guise of a comic ... to heal perception by using ... 'jokes' ... — Bill Hicks

It seems to me that there will be a point in out development or our evolution where you put your guns aside. — Bill Hicks

I'm sorry if any of you are catholic. I'm not sorry if you're offended, I'm actually just sorry by the fact that you're catholic — Bill Hicks

This is where we are at right now, as a whole. No one is left out of the loop. We are experiencing a reality based on a thin veneer of lies and illusions. A world where greed is our God and wisdom is sin, where division is key and unity is fantasy, where the ego-driven cleverness of the mind is praised, rather than the intelligence of the heart. — Bill Hicks

My voice was not heard, the questions were not asked that I wanted to see asked. — Bill Hicks

'Where's Bill going?' He's going to comedy death. Boom! He pops out of it with another joke. It's my particular style. — Bill Hicks

I saw ... a kid on a leash. You seen these people? Kid on a leash? How horrible. Put him in the pound where he belongs. — Bill Hicks

All governments are lying cocksuckers. — Bill Hicks

What did moths bump into before the electric light bulb was invented? Boy, the lightbulb really screwed the moth up didn't it? Are there moths on their way to the sun now going, It's gonna be worth it!. — Bill Hicks

Whenever I tell people I'm a misanthrope they react as though that's a bad thing, the idiots. I live in London, for God's sake. Have you walked down Oxford Street recently? Misanthropy's the only thing that gets you through it. It's not a personality flaw, it's a skill.
It's nothing to do with sheer numbers. Move me to a remote cottage in the Hebrides and I'd learn to despise the postman, even if he only visited once a year. I can't abide other people, with their stink and their noise and their irritating ringtones. Bill Hicks called the human race 'a virus with shoes', and if you ask me he was being unduly hard on viruses; I'd consider a career in serial killing if the pay wasn't so bad. — Charlie Brooker

There is no such thing as death; life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. — Bill Hicks

I didn't know that people compared Bill Hicks and I but certainly I'm flattered if they do. I knew Bill a bit. We had dinner a couple of times and played guitar together once. I really tried to keep my distance from him professionally. — Marc Maron

I was in a cab in New York. The cab had a sign, "Please do not smoke, Christ is our unseen guest." This guy was reaching. I figure, if he could overcome being nailed to a cross, I don't
think a Marlboro Light's gonna faze him that much. — Bill Hicks

I was over in Australia during Easter, which was really interesting. You know, they celebrate Easter the exact same way we do, commemorating the death and resurrection of Jesus by telling our children that a giant bunny rabbit ... left chocolate eggs in the night. Now ... I wonder why we're fucked up as a race. I've read the Bible. I can't find the word "bunny" or "chocolate" anywhere in the fucking book. — Bill Hicks

Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn't the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit ... unnatural? — Bill Hicks

But where did this veneration of childbirth come from? I missed that meeting. Childbirth is wonderful, childbirth is a miracle. Wrong. It's no more a miracle than eating food and a turd coming out your ass. — Bill Hicks

I'll tell you how to solve this abortion thing ... Those unwanted babies ... ? Leave about 12 of them on the Supreme Court steps. — Bill Hicks

I'm tired of this back-slappin' "isn't humanity neat" bullshit. We're a virus with shoes. — Bill Hicks

BTW A 24 week old embryo is not a human being. You're not a human being until you're in my phone book. — Bill Hicks

How dare you have wino tell me not to do drugs. — Bill Hicks

How many people disapprove of the job the Conservatives are doing? Seventy percent. Of those same people, how many will vote for them again? ... Seventy percent. What the f-k? Where did
they take this poll, at an S&M parlor? — Bill Hicks

I was just down in Dallas, Texas ... the Assassination Museum ... it's really accurate, you know, 'cause Oswald's not in it. — Bill Hicks

Oh
won't we party hard when L.A. goes kersplash? ... L.A. fell in the ocean? ... There is a God. He loves us all so much. — Bill Hicks

The American dream is a crock. Stop wanting everything. Everyone should wear jeans and have three T-shirts, eat rice and beans. — Bill Hicks

Bill Hicks wasn't just a comic, he was a crusader against humanity's relentless capacity to underachieve — Simon Pegg

You want a better world ... ? Legalize pot right now ... end the deficit? Legalize pot right now ... biggest cash crop in America. — Bill Hicks

It's not that I disagreed with Bush's economic policy ... I believed he was a child of Satan here to destroy the planet ... — Bill Hicks

It's an insane world, and I'm proud to be a part of it. — Bill Hicks

God has this ... hobby. He creates perfection. This world is not perfect. We have to learn to separate illusions from reality. — Bill Hicks

All your beliefs, they're just that. They're nothing. They're how you were taught and raised. That doesn't make 'em real. — Bill Hicks

I don't get along with anything, I really don't ... I'm, I'm, maybe I'm just a, you know, incredibly tasteful human being. — Bill Hicks

We killed 6 innocent people, launching 22, I think $3 million apiece missiles on Baghdad ... that's a little bit overdoing it. — Bill Hicks

This is the idea that has made me ... an anonymous figure in America ... If you have children here tonight ... they are NOT special. — Bill Hicks

Man, the Beatles were so high, they let Ringo sing a coupla tunes. Tell me they weren't partyin'. — Bill Hicks