Gutfeld Greg Quotes & Sayings

It's great that Mommy and Daddy did all that uncool work, so you could sit in your air-conditioned classroom and shit all over them, to the approving eye of your ponytailed professor. — Greg Gutfeld

Hurricanes, after all, are the product of global warming, caused by man and his insatiable lust for SUVs (but not private jets). — Greg Gutfeld

I have to say that Adam Levine is truly a daring young man to go on Twitter to bash Fox News. He's so rebellious, so subversive. I mean, for a musician, seriously, could you find a more predictable stance than that? He's as edgy as a hacky sack, which also describes his music. — Greg Gutfeld

When you get famous and rich when you're young, what happens is you start feeling insecure. — Greg Gutfeld

Believe he should have to actually "work" like the rest of us and he thinks the constituents — Greg Gutfeld

I have friends my age who started smoking pot when they got out of college. They didn't get anywhere. But if they drank, they managed to go somewhere. Does that make sense? — Greg Gutfeld

Lion is a beautiful creature. It's a wonderful creature. But it's easy outrage. And I also believe that this kind of outrage is a consequence of a moral cowardice in the face of other evil, that you transfer your impotence about other - in other arenas to this, because you know that people will agree with you that this is really bad, but there are serious outrages out there that are bigger than a lion. — Greg Gutfeld

The inevitability of abortion. But I refuse to accept the amoral consequences that are even far worse than that, which is harvesting them because we decided that as an adult society, we can use children to make our lives better, if you seek the reverse. — Greg Gutfeld

We have a greedy cycle where Human Rights Commissions fine citizens in order to pay their own salaries so they can employ more Human Rights Commissions. It's a bounty system where the prizes are business owner's heads. And so as restaurants go broke, tourists get stabbed. That's human rights in New York. And perhaps America. — Greg Gutfeld

Cool is a weapon created by creeps to obliterate the morals that good parents instill in their children. — Greg Gutfeld

The definition of cool: popularity without achievement. It's how President Obama got the youth vote. Ask any kid who voted for him, — Greg Gutfeld

Sanctuary cities are a lot like hitchhiking. And the abstract, it feels really good until you feel dead. — Greg Gutfeld

Look, this debate is basic: it's small government vs. big government. So how cowardly do folks like Blood and Frank Rich have to be that they can't man up and defend their love for collectivism? The only reason they scream race, is because that debate scares them. They know a racial accusation prevents dialogue, because such a harmful charge far outweighs any benefits of winning an argument. — Greg Gutfeld

I'm sure if you could survey the unborn they would prefer the chance for life over the options of solar power. — Greg Gutfeld

[If Republicans] got to put their kids into public school. They got to take public health. They would become libertarian faster than you could say Ayn Rand. — Greg Gutfeld

Paternity, paternity. Let's think about this. This discriminates against the childless. So you get a year off because you produce a brat. If anything if you have a child you should work more because your brat's going to annoy me at the restaurants. — Greg Gutfeld

Trying to be cool, as a goal, forces you to ignore any lessons ingrained by the people who made you. — Greg Gutfeld

[Obamacare] has to be enforced because nobody wants it. This is the nature of progressive government they don't care if it's not good for you. It's good for them. — Greg Gutfeld

The real American ideal of cool which is building businesses, protecting freedom at home and abroad, taking responsibility for your actions, and leaving other people alone to live as they damn well please. — Greg Gutfeld

If you're hiring, if you're the person doing the hiring, forgive a scar or two. Remember that when we were young, we were also idiots. There were just no cameras there to catch it. — Greg Gutfeld

When you start replacing facts with feelings, you disturb the equilibrium between right and wrong, confusing them as one and the same while encouraging more destructive behavior. As a stigma is erased, a behavior becomes more prevalent. — Greg Gutfeld

Let's admit that feminism came from liberalism and it was very positive. But then it went dark. Feminism replaced biology with social construct. Like you didn't achieve what you could get because it was your fault. They denied traits that are applied across all cultures. And that's where feminism went wrong is it denied biology and makes them look foolish. — Greg Gutfeld

But for the rest of us, cool has a shelf life. If you're a quarterback in high school, you're cool. But ten years later, working as a sullen bouncer at the only nightclub in town, your "cool" is on life support. Which is why so many young girls who never said no end up with losers in pants hanging below their asses and no known income to speak of. These cads were charming in high school; now they're as useless as shoulder pads on a snake. — Greg Gutfeld

who just hasn't committed to — Greg Gutfeld

People that want to control words will never ever try to break up, like, a fight on a subway. They will never confront an aggressive person on the bus. They prefer their fights to be easy. — Greg Gutfeld

You also wonder if a restaurant placed an ad that read, "Only homeless need apply," would they get fined? Probably not. But if they said, "No homeless apply," they would be transient bigots. For as bureaucrats use language to punish the lawful, they use tolerance to coddle the troubled. — Greg Gutfeld

I know that if I say something that's considered outrageous, a group will take it, create an email blast, and use me to raise money or to do whatever, to build their profile. — Greg Gutfeld

What begins as a Utopian vision, always - always - ends in bloodshed. Because you have to force a utopia on a free people. Free people want to pursue their own happiness, but a one-size-fits-all approach requires herding the free, against their will, into the state's idea of what's right. Then it's not utopia. — Greg Gutfeld

One thing I noticed when I was young was I was impatient for success. I think everybody is impatient for success. It will come. But don't - you shouldn't let that impatience drive you crazy. — Greg Gutfeld

Playboy seems like a sad magazine for me. It seems like for men who would sit around in a bath robe. — Greg Gutfeld

That was pretty easy, and I wrote it while delousing my pet tapir. — Greg Gutfeld

Good parenting, from my perspective, is like building a three-foot retaining wall against a four-foot wave. The kids have to make up that extra foot. That wave wants to drag them into an undertow where sound judgment is suspended, where the valueless, uncaring, and ultimately nihilistic cool reigns. — Greg Gutfeld

I want to make a positive point of Ikea. It makes income inequality a minor distraction. — Greg Gutfeld

Eric Holder sees everything through the prism of race. He keeps that mustache because shaving cream is white. — Greg Gutfeld

If a journalist calls you a racist, chances are, all other journalists will call you a racist. — Greg Gutfeld

The most problematic word in America is the word "problematic." It's a wuss word used by people to silence language without actually saying that they want to silence you. They don't want to go full fascist. — Greg Gutfeld

Politics is way cool, as long as it's progressive. Conservatives by nature hate politics and politicians. — Greg Gutfeld

I think the reason why 'Red Eye' is popular is because we question the common assumptions that you find elsewhere. — Greg Gutfeld

Accusing a politician of being politically expedient is like accusing water of being wet or circles for being round. — Greg Gutfeld

I would like to see a president with a monocle. — Greg Gutfeld

The Islamophobia phobes, (ph) the writers and the editors and the talking heads who deny an existence of evil while blaming those who speak up. There no difference - different than the apologists for communism. As communism killed millions, they, they denied it. — Greg Gutfeld

When you talk about Islamic terror. You go, oh, you're an Islamic - you're Islamophobic because you besmirching all Muslims. No. I'm talking about Islamic terror. — Greg Gutfeld

You can't get more racist than hating black conservatives just because they're black. — Greg Gutfeld

I've noticed, living in New York, how hard it is for many women to find Mr. Right. This is because when you look at most men living in big cities, none of them are Mr. Right. There are just way too many sexual options for them, so they feel no pressure to behave like actual gentlemen.
So, who gives them these options? Women, of course - who don't have the balls to limit these options and ask these boys to behave like men. So now that women are screwing men the way men want women to screw them, there are few men out there who would actually want to marry women after they've fucked them. — Greg Gutfeld

I have a rule: Anything that can be done privately does not need to be performed publicly. It's why I love the gays but I hate their parades. Actually, I hate all parades. Marching to celebrate something you're born as seems silly. (As I write this, St. Patrick's Day is in full bore in Midtown. It's delightful how celebrating a heritage requires you to pick fights with strangers and then pee in a parking garage. The upside - the sea of clover-painted drunks moving in unison - might be the only green energy I've ever seen work.) And what's the point of a parade anyway? A bunch of yahoos who share some affinity, walking in one direction? Who decided this was entertainment? For previous generations, this was called a migration, or more often, refugees fleeing for their lives — Greg Gutfeld

What I'm going to miss is the competition, being, that's OK, I can watch from the house. — Greg Gutfeld

We are now surrounded, outmanned, and outgunned by a generation of phonies, grasping for acceptance through appearance and behavior that have no productive impact on the world. — Greg Gutfeld

The beauty of progress is that it makes it easier for you to carve out a space to be nonproductive. — Greg Gutfeld

Move somewhere with decent public transit so you don't drive drunk and hit somebody. — Greg Gutfeld

We need to remember who the enemy is, and then we need to eat them alive. — Greg Gutfeld

I admire President Obama's ability to trust strangers. — Greg Gutfeld

The metric system was designed to get people to enter charity runs.Do you think you would go run a 3.1 mile race? No, but if somebody says, hey, 5 km. You go, 5km sounds pretty impressive. — Greg Gutfeld

Military simulation is an important way of training people for an emergency — Greg Gutfeld

The media treats fear like a one-night stand. They jump on it and then they leave the next day and they forget - remember the Alar Scare? Things - see, nobody even remembers Alar. — Greg Gutfeld

Monitoring activities is neither new or intrusive. We did that with communities in terms of getting rid of the mob. And cops, believe me, do not want to do this. Do you think they really want to listen to you chant five times a day. However, you should look on the bright side: you might convert them. — Greg Gutfeld

People ask me what I am politically and I've previously offered this equation: I became a conservative by being around liberals. And I became a libertarian after being around conservatives. — Greg Gutfeld

Politicians, you know Harry Reid hates you. We get it. But when somebody from "The New York Times" or "The Washington Post" is saying this stuff, that's different, that's offensive, that's wrong. — Greg Gutfeld

Is your relationship strong enough to survive a trip to Ikea? Is their furniture strong enough to survive a relationship? Have you ever bought a bed there? — Greg Gutfeld

For a community to grow to a size that sustains those who don't contribute to the growth of said community (whom I call leeches but society has chosen to call grad students), you need an immensely powerful creature to build a structure that allows those loafers to exist. But even a whale can only support so many parasites. — Greg Gutfeld

Over youth, glamour, and glibness. Fashion has no use for Mitts. But the funny thing about cool? It's not cool. At all. In fact, what's truly cool is the rebellion against the perceived, — Greg Gutfeld

If Russia, if Russia had the same military power that America did, earth would be called Russia. — Greg Gutfeld

The government is controlling your mind through chem trails, we all know this is true. — Greg Gutfeld

How funny is it that so many professors labeled Tea Partiers as terrorists, while kissing the asses of real, bona fide terrorists? It's not funny, really. But it's the result of a simple equation: One is cool, and the other isn't. Own a gun and keep it by your bed in your remote farmhouse? You're a redneck. Purchase guns that end up killing a judge? Priceless. As long as you cling to cool, progressive beliefs that deem America evil, whatever you do is cool. And if you do it under a big fuzzy 'fro? Even cooler. Hell, if you 'fro is big enough, you could nuke an orphanage and still get tenure. — Greg Gutfeld

Imagine if all girls called a moratorium on cool. How amazing would it be for women to stop demeaning themselves with morose jerks and actually demand decent guys. Maybe the best tip is this: Treat every day as though you're preparing for the prom. If it doesn't meet your expectations, make other plans. I'm free most weekends. — Greg Gutfeld

Why is our media quick to find evil in our local police, but tnot in Islamic terror? — Greg Gutfeld

It goes back to the if identity becomes your achievement, what do you do, this is what happens? And I do think it leads to psychological disorders. You have to start doing things and stop thinking about yourself. — Greg Gutfeld

American people, what about the American people? I think the president delights in the fact that they have been roofied by technology and pop culture. They're not conscious to any expansion of power, which is why they're happy to exist in this dependant decline. — Greg Gutfeld

You have to be more prepared than anyone else in the room, even if you aren't planning on speaking up. (Read two articles on a subject every morning and you'll shine - trust me. It's how I make my living.) — Greg Gutfeld

Steer clear of pot. It's an ambition zapper. Wait till you've made it. When you're 45 buy a bong. But for now, buy a suit. — Greg Gutfeld

When one becomes a liberal, he or she pretends to advocate tolerance, equality and peace, but hilariously, they're doing so for purely selfish reasons. It's the human equivalent of a puppy dog's face: an evolutionary tool designed to enhance survival, reproductive value and status. In short, liberalism is based on one central desire: to look cool in front of others in order to get love. Preaching tolerance makes you look cooler, than saying something like, 'please lower my taxes.' — Greg Gutfeld

There are always gonna be people that are gonna be offended about something. This will never end. — Greg Gutfeld

Chris Matthews is so nuts that if he ate a snickers bar it would be cannibalism. — Greg Gutfeld

As we all know, there is no force stronger in the rhetorical universe than that of liberal race-guilt. — Greg Gutfeld

The cities are full of women falling for the cool loser: the man trafficking in "edgy" so women cut him slack in his more loathsome behaviors. Christ, I know so many, it's sad. Please accept my flaws (and pay my rent) because I can play guitar! Badly. — Greg Gutfeld

Adults use children in order to survive because now, we have this [kids] tissue that can allow us to live longer. And once you've accepted this idea that you can use this tissue to make yourself healthier, what's to stop you from making it into a nutritional supplement? What's to stop you from any kind of weird, bizarre, amoral act because you've already made the leap? — Greg Gutfeld

If you question whether abortion should be seen as different from removing a tumor, then you must hate women. — Greg Gutfeld

We used to actually kill each other before we discovered rhetoric in words. If you look at other countries, there are people attacking each other in parliament and stuff. — Greg Gutfeld

The problem with legalization is we already have a dependent generation that's subsidized to oblivion. And will legal pot somehow slice another sliver of the population off of the productive world? — Greg Gutfeld

We're already going down that path with illegal drug use and incarceration. I can't imagine it getting any worse. — Greg Gutfeld

I'm thinking about American votes and American - all Americans, black or white have to be concerned about what's happening in the world. — Greg Gutfeld

92 people are killed every single day in car fatalities. What if we filmed every one of them? No one would drive cars. — Greg Gutfeld

As P. J. O'Rourke once observed, no woman daydreams about being swept off her feet by a liberal. — Greg Gutfeld

Embracing amnesty and open borders. Sure, other countries have borders (the ones most people are fleeing from), but discussing the possibility of an American border is smeared as racist - the — Greg Gutfeld

I don't understand why a 40 is a quarter of beer when a 40 is 40 ounces. It's time to embrace the metric system. — Greg Gutfeld

Unlike those who fight truly intolerant things like terrorism throughout the world, Madonna is really the lone brave voice in the wilderness standing up against evil. — Greg Gutfeld

The problem with the immigration debate, it's probably is the most poisoned and political debate of any issue, because you have this huge voting bloc that everybody says is yours — Greg Gutfeld

Essentially, the Tea Party are the Hell's Angels, but with sun visors instead of switch blades. They push macaroni instead of meth. Mess with the Tea Party and they'll put your dog in an American flag sweater on a hot day. — Greg Gutfeld

When you have a TV show or when you are running a magazine, you have to remember that your audience isn't rich. They're not made of money. — Greg Gutfeld

Cool is identified only by defining others as uncool. The velvet rope excludes before it invites. — Greg Gutfeld

When immigrants go into the worse neighborhood and they fix it up, they should become citizens. — Greg Gutfeld

If you throw the baby away, that's garbage. But no, the heart's precious. You could get something, you could save a life. Well, you just threw away a baby but the heart's valuable. That's the horror and the terror and the hypocrisy that nobody can understand. We base communities on the idea of protecting children based on the sacrifice of adults. Adults work and die so that their next generation would grow and prosper. — Greg Gutfeld

The [Confederate] Flag is - literally - sewed division. People claim it means different things to different people, but it harkens back to the pro-slavery side of the war. — Greg Gutfeld

America is like the greatest hit of the world. — Greg Gutfeld

We need an idiot middle ground, where we have to be honest and say, kids can be idiots and cops can be idiots. — Greg Gutfeld

If the immigrant is responsible for assimilation of the country, and some of these people are in fact are born there. But if you find it unwelcoming to your own barbaric notions of equality, that is not on the country, that is on you. If you leave a horrible place, please leave your horrible practices behind. — Greg Gutfeld

Republicans are systematically and deliberately trying to stop millions of American citizens from voting. What part of democracy are they afraid of? I call on Republicans at all levels of government, with all manner of ambition, to stop fear mongering about a phantom epidemic of election fraud. I'm calling for universal, automatic voter registration, every citizen in every state in the union. — Greg Gutfeld

We have two nations, and it's not black or white. It's red and blue. Under Republican leadership, cities tend to do better. Cities are destroyed under Democrats, because they don't know how to deal with the constituency; they're terrified. — Greg Gutfeld

Al Gore completely lied about climate change in an effort to make a lot of money. — Greg Gutfeld

In the hands of fiends, guns will kill you. In your hands, they protect against such fiends. — Greg Gutfeld

It's not enough to be right because he [Rick Perry] is right, you got to be persuasively right, got to be intellectually agile, and I think he can do it. — Greg Gutfeld