Guaranteed Quotes & Sayings

My wife calls me the Imelda Marcos of books. As soon as a book enters our home it is guaranteed a permanent place in our lives. Because I have never been able to part with even one, they have gradually accumulated like sediment. — Michael Moritz

RVM's Thought for the Day -
Don't lose today ... for today is guaranteed but tomorrow is not. — R.v.m.

The closest and most precious people in your life are guaranteed to make you feel the entire spectrum of human emotions. — John Wayne Gacy

Little bits of Norwegian came to me by a kind of aural osmosis. The most surprising linguistic fact I learned was the impoverishment of that language in swear words. In fact, there is only one- 'farn'- which merely means something like 'devil take it!', but is considered very rude by a well brought-up Viking. It has to pass muster for most of the everyday tragedies that beset an expedition. If a finger is hammered, you jump up and down and cry 'farn'; if you drop an outstanding fossil irretrievably into the sea, you splutter for a while and then mutter 'farn' under your breath. If all your provisions were carried away by a hurricane and death were guaranteed, all the poor Norwegian could do would be to stand on the shingle and cry 'farn' into the wind. Somehow this does not seem adequate for the occasion. — Richard Fortey

An exaggerated sense of occasion, or any sense of occasion, for that matter, will automatically impede your ability to have fun. Conversely, a well-cultivated obliviousness to the conventions of any occasion is guaranteed to up the fun quotient. When people ask me, "What are you wearing to [such and such event]? I'm not sure what to wear...," I experience a strong desire to kill them. These whiny people, with their obsolete sense of appropriateness, are the Antichrist. — Simon Doonan

IF YOU can't prove what you want to prove, demonstrate something else and pretend that they are the same thing. In the daze that follows the collision of statistics with the human mind, hardly anybody will notice the difference. The semiattached figure is a device guaranteed to stand you in good stead. It always has. — Darrell Huff

There is nothing guaranteed in life. But the only leaps really worth taking are leaps of faith on love. So look where you leap, beautiful, and happy landing," Alyssa toasted. — Anonymous

When I was growing up, no one could get away with telling me I couldn't do something "because you're a girl." In fact, if someone wanted me not to do something, that was the worst thing they could say: It practically guaranteed I'd run out and try to do it. — Rivka Solomon

The Fourth Amendment to the United States Constitution, intact for over 200 years, guaranteed that the right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by oath of affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized. After September 11th, 2001, those were just words on an old piece of paper, no longer a restriction of the Government's overreaching power to shake down its subjects. — Kenneth Eade

See we just had a misunderstanding. I thought we lived in the U.S. of A., the United States of America. But actually we live in the U.S. of A., the United States of Advertising. Freedom of expression is guaranteed? If you've got the money! — Bill Hicks

If you do keep trying, there is no guarantee that you will succeed, but if you don't keep trying, it is absolutely guaranteed that you will not succeed. — Denny Emerson

When coffee prices fall below production costs, farmers are often forced off their land, and they lose their homes, everything. With fair trade, farmers get a fair price for their harvest with a guaranteed minimum, so they can invest in their crops. — Nell Newman

Sometimes movies that I'm in that I have a leading role don't necessarily get the biggest release, so it's a difficult thing between balancing indies that have uncertain futures and maybe larger films that have guaranteed releases that you have a smaller part in. — Gillian Jacobs

In a democracy, society must recognize that the individual has rights which are guaranteed, and the individual must recognize that he has responsibilities which are not to be evaded. — Harry Woodburn Chase

Today the devil as a wolf in supposedly a new suit of sheep's clothing is enticing some men to parrot his line by advocating planned government guaranteed security at the expense of our liberties. — Ezra Taft Benson

he encouraged them to explore their doubts, ask their questions, and express themselves honestly. Many people crave certainty. They don't want to have to think, agonize, or grapple with life's difficult questions for themselves. Instead they want dogma. They want guaranteed answers. — Brian D. McLaren

Wisdom is not guaranteed with age but is realized through one's sensitivity to humanity and the universe — I. Alan Appt

This realization leads to a different question than that suggested by all these tips on simplifying the holidays. Namely, what are you saving your energy for? This is all there is. Anything could happen and you are not guaranteed another snowman. So make a fuss. Make a show. Spend your energy now. — Laura Vanderkam

Liberals don't love big government because they think it's efficient, compassionate, fair or even remotely useful. They support big government because they are guaranteed the support of nearly everyone who works for the government. — Ann Coulter

Sundance claimed to be "rebellious" on all of their programs, but they are not. Most of the movies at Sundance were multi-million dollar pictures that were already guaranteed a theatrical release. — Yony Leyser

The sharing of goods and resources, from which authentic development proceeds, is not guaranteed by merely technical progress and relationships of utility, but by the potential of love that overcomes evil with good. — Pope Benedict XVI

With a book, you're guaranteed the audience has a certain skill level and that the audience has to make an ongoing effort to consume this product and that the project is being consumed by just one person at a time. I really want to play to that strength because it's one of the few advantages books still have. — Chuck Palahniuk

The question about those aromatic advertisements that perfume companies are having stitched into magazines these days is this: under the freedoms guaranteed by the First Amendment, is smelling up the place a constitutionally protected form of expression? — Calvin Trillin

To the Baptist Churches on Neal's Greek on Black Creek, North Carolina I have received, fellow-citizens, your address, approving my objection to the Bill containing a grant of public land to the Baptist Church at Salem Meeting House, Mississippi Territory. Having always regarded the practical distinction between Religion and Civil Government as essential to the purity of both, and as guaranteed by the Constitution of the United States, I could not have otherwise discharged my duty on the occasion which presented itself — James Madison

But I'd long ago learned not to be picky in farewells. They weren't guaranteed or promised.
You were lucky, more than blessed, if you got a good-bye at all. — Sarah Dessen

I needed to find The Dress. You know, the once-in-a-lifetime dress guaranteed to make anyone fall in love with you. — Jenna Evans Welch

I think Clinton, after getting into office and into Washington, was shocked at being bludgeoned. So he spent time trying to be all things to all people - one way guaranteed not to be successful or respected in a lion's den. You can't just play around with all those big cats - you've got to take somebody on. — Maya Angelou

Every soul deserves a shot at a Cadillac, but not everyone should be guaranteed a Cadillac. — Ben Stein

On the Sabbath day, we are remembering that my relationship with God did not begin with what I've done, it is not sustained by what I do, and it is not guaranteed to the end by my effort or work. I'm saved from beginning to end by Jesus' work. — Mark Driscoll

Depression was a foreign word to them, an American thing. In their opinion their children were immune from the hardships and injustices they had left behind in India, as if the inoculations the pediatrician had given Sudha and Rahul when they were babies guaranteed them an existence free of suffering. — Jhumpa Lahiri

Those who live with insomnia and who consider sleep both an enemy and a gift will understand the following. Some of us cannot comprehend how anyone except the very good or those who have no conscience at all can sleep from dark to dawn without dreaming or waking. We hear William Blake's tiger padding softly through a green jungle, his stripes glowing, his whiskers spotted with gore. Psychoanalysis does no good. Neither does a health regimen that induces physical exhaustion. The only solution that is guaranteed is the one provided by our old friend Morpheus, who requires our souls in the bargain. — James Lee Burke

Trying, trying, always trying. Trying was my life. I was guaranteed nothing. — Lia Habel

A population weakened and exhausted by battling against so many obstacles - whose needs are never satisfied and desires never fulfilled - is vulnerable to manipulation and regimentation. The struggle for survival is, above all, an exercise that is hugely time-consuming, absorbing and debilitating. If you create these 'anti-conditions,' your rule is guaranteed for a hundred years. — Ryszard Kapuscinski

As we have seen, the first public expression of disenchantment with nonviolence arose around the question of 'self-defense.' In a sense this is a false issue, for the right to defend one's home and one's person when attacked has been guaranteed through the ages by common law. — Martin Luther King Jr.

Civil liberty is the status of the man who is guaranteed by law and civil institutions the exclusive employment of all his own powers for his own welfare. — William Graham Sumner

And on and on, and it all sounded completely, horribly plausible. Any one of a thousand options promised - basically guaranteed - a rich, fulfilling, challenging future for him. So why did Quentin feel like he was looking around frantically for another way out? Why was he still waiting for some grand adventure to come and find him? The professors Quentin talked to about it didn't seem concerned at all. They didn't get what the problem was. What should he do? Why, anything he wanted to! — Lev Grossman

We aren't guaranteed the time we think we
need to mend fences with those we love. — Eileen Wilks

For a country boy, poor as I was, whose constant worry was to be able to have enough to eat, the Army guaranteed one's survival. — Mo Yan

Hunting, works for conservation like slavery works for economic growth. A guaranteed but morally awful way to achieve a goal. — Peter Allison

State a benefit in your headline that clearly enhances their life, using power words like: Announcing, Breakthrough, Discover, Facts, New, Now, Sale, Yes, You, Free, Fast, Easy, Proven, Guaranteed, How to, Save, Increase, Secret, More, 54% (or any specific percentage of increase or decrease) — Jim McCraigh

I have no further interest in the Czecho-Slovakian State, that is guaranteed. We want no Czechs — Adolf Hitler

The plot is deceptively simple. Condensed even fur- ther, it might read as a personal ad in some questfinder's forum: Unlikely hero to save world from cataclysm. Seeks motley assortment of companions. Sidequests guaranteed. — Michael P. Williams

The only possible way to begin a book is to tell oneself that its eventual failure is guaranteed - but survivable. — Alain De Botton

Ski racing is probably the least guaranteed sport out there. It's really rare when the favorites win. — Ted Ligety

The most obvious problem with estimating a dummy dependent variable model using OLS is that the predicted probabilities aren't guaranteed — Roberto Pedace

I'm alive now, but I don't know if I will be tomorrow. The state of being alive is not guaranteed, but should I let that stop me from living? — Innocent Mwatsikesimbe

At its most intense, the admissions process didn't force kids to be Lisa Simpson; it turned them into Eddie Haskell. ("You look lovely in that new dress, Ms. Admissions Counselor.") It guaranteed that teenagers would pursue life with a single ulterior motive, while pretending they weren't. It coated their every undertaking in a thin lacquer of insincerity. Befriending people in hopes of a good rec letter; serving the community to advertise your big heart; studying hard just to puff up the GPA and climb the greasy poll of class rank - nothing was done for its own sake. Do good; do well; but make sure you can prove it on a college app. So — Andrew Ferguson

No one in our society needs to be told that exercise is good for us. Whether you are overweight or have a chronic illness or are a slim couch potato, you've probably heard or read this dictum countless times throughout your life. But has anyone told you-indeed, guaranteed you-that regular physical activity will make you happier? I swear by it. — Sonja Lyubomirsky

I'm like most women. I want a steamy romance novel, or something sweet and tender." "I knew the romance genre was big, especially with women, but I never really understood why." "Seriously? Let's just say that the next best thing to having sex, is reading about people having sex. If you're not able to snag any for yourself, you damn sure want to be reading about two people who have guaranteed odds at doing the deed. — Lustful Desires Bundle

So long as public schools are treated as places that exist to provide guaranteed jobs to members of the teachers' unions, do not be surprised to see American students continuing to score lower on international tests than students in countries that spend a lot less per pupil than we do. — Thomas Sowell

There is one guaranteed formula for failure, and that is to try to please everyone. — Will Rogers

Perfectionism is searching for faults to justify low self-esteem. It is a guaranteed failure and fantasy. — Brittany Burgunder

The most unfair thing about sex is that men are almost always guaranteed an orgasm. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Here's the core problem we have with the Sermon on the Mount: it isn't that Jesus' teachings are absurd; it's that we don't see the world that Jesus sees. We see a world of injustice and anger and hatred and violence--a world where everything good is in short supply and life itself is fragile. But Jesus saw a world in which his father was in control, in which justice was guaranteed, in which goodness was breaking forth, and in which life itself is without end. And if you see that world through the lens of the gospel, then what Jesus tells us to do and how he informs us to live makes perfect sense. — Skye Jethani

Dear Miss Sam: Thanks so much for your lovely epistle. You've gotten so soft in only three months. Must be all those cookies. If I read you right, you want some assurances that you'll be (1) adored by your bosses, (2) worshipped by your colleagues, (3) appreciated by your clients, (4) virtually guaranteed a partnership which will lead to a long, full, happy life, and (5) given enough office space to make you happy, in spite of the obscene prices per square foot now being demanded by Manhattan landlords (our clients), recession or not. — John Grisham

Poor Oscar. Without even realizing it he'd fallen into one of those Let's Be Friends Vortexes, the bane of nerdboys everywhere. These relationships were love's version of a stay in the stocks, in you go, plenty of misery guaranteed and what you got out of it besides bitterness and heartbreak nobody knows. Perhaps some knowledge of self and women. — Junot Diaz

We are going to punish somebody for this attack, but just who or where will be blown to smithereens for it is hard to say. Maybe Afghanistan, maybe Pakistan or Iraq, or possibly all three at once. Who knows? Not even the Generals in what remains of the Pentagon or the New York papers calling for war seem to know who did it or where to look for them.
This is going to be a very expensive war, and Victory is not guaranteed
for anyone, and certainly not for a baffled little creep like George W. Bush. All he knows is that his father started the war a long time ago, and that he, the goofy child President, has been chosen by Fate and the global Oil industry to finish it off. — Hunter S. Thompson

The Obama administration has admitted that under Obamacare, you might not be able to keep your doctor. At first the president guaranteed you'd be able to keep your doctor, and now they're saying you 'might' be able to. Today Obama changed his slogan from 'Yes we can' to 'Perhaps we could try. Can't promise anything.' — Jay Leno

You don't need to sleep with more men to gain more experience. You need to wake up and understand that practicing with different teams every time won't make you perfect for one team. The team you need practice with is the team you're guaranteed to be on forever. Get the ring first, then, get to practicing. — Pierre Alex Jeanty

The US and Europe are committing suicide in different ways. In Europe it's austerity in the midst of recession and that's guaranteed to be a disaster. There's some resistance to that now. In the US, it's essentially off-shoring production and financialization and getting rid of superfluous population through incarceration. — Noam Chomsky

Is the very mechanism for the universe to come into being meaningless or unworkable or both unless the universe is guaranteed to produce life, consciousness and observership somewhere and for some little time in its history-to-be? — John P. Wheeler III

Liberty cannot be guaranteed by law. Nor by any thing else except the resolution of free citizens to defend their liberties. — Edward Abbey

American democracy is supposed to be the paradigm for the rest of the world, and it no longer is. Citizens cannot be guaranteed that they can walk into a voting booth with any assurance that their vote will be counted. — Robert F. Kennedy Jr.

Next to the right of liberty, the right of property is the most important individual right guaranteed by the Constitution and the one which, united with that of personal liberty, has contributed more to the growth of civilization than any other institution established by the human race. — William Howard Taft

Under the current pay-as-you-go Social Security system, not one person is actually guaranteed benefits. — Ginny Brown-Waite

Everywhere people are at work to build a better world in which we - and some of the beauty of this world - will be guaranteed to survive. Everywhere they are at war with the forces threatening us and the planet. — Rebecca Solnit

when the uncertainty is known, certainty is guaranteed. Until we unravel the uncertainties of our lives, we shall always be uncertain with the life we live — Ernest Agyemang Yeboah

If sexual relations between consenting adults are not part of the right to privacy guaranteed by the Constitution, then American democracy is in trouble. — Coretta Scott King

It was a lesson, Magnus thought, to love while you could, love what was fragile and beautiful and imperiled. Nobody was guaranteed forever. — Cassandra Clare

She'd believed in forever in her twenties, when Gray had said it, meaning every word, and she'd believed in forever in her thirties, when William had said it, lying through his teeth. But she'd lived long enough to know that forever couldn't be guaranteed to anyone. Even tomorrow couldn't be relied upon. — Lisa Scottoline

If it wasn't for her literally doing my homework for me, I would not have even graduated high school. Guaranteed ... My mom always said, 'Luck is nothing but preparation and opportunity.' I think because I've had that history of not really being great in school, I probably try to overcompensate. That's why I try to read so many books. Just so I don't feel ... uneducated. — Channing Tatum

All banks should be under government control. Deposits guaranteed, dividends reduced, officials turned into state servants taking their orders from Washington ... — Margaret Ayer Barnes

The movement of time is guaranteed by the birth of generation after generation, a never-ending succession that fills the gods with fear. — Mikhail Bakhtin

I knew one guaranteed way to remove someone else's smirk; too bad for me I was handcuffed and couldn't reach Owen's face to slap it. — J.M. Miller

You're never guaranteed about next year. People ask what you think of next season, you have to seize the opportunities when they're in front of you. — Brett Favre

The Community's endorsement of the cultural role of public service broadcasting is useless unless it is guaranteed a central role in the digital platform' (Venturelli, 1998: 215). — Anonymous

Services provided to individuals who are irreversibly prevented from being or becoming participating citizens are not basic and should not be guaranteed. An obvious example is not guaranteeing health services to patients with dementia. — Ezekiel Emanuel

The minimum wage is the black teenage unemployment act. It is the guaranteed way of holding the poor, the minorities and the disenfranchised out of the mainstream is if you price their original services too high. — Arthur Laffer

His eyes warmed, even as his brows drew together. "So are you saying we have your cooperation? That you'll agree to be our queen?" "I'm saying that you're guaranteed not to have my cooperation if you don't help me. — Kimberly Derting

Never would forever, with all its meanings, be so clear and distinct as in the true, guaranteed end of the world. — Sarah Dessen

There is no guaranteed formula. And that's one of the interesting things about filmmaking. You could put $115 million in, and it doesn't guarantee success. — Michelle Yeoh

The solitude and peace of mind are serving me quite well, not the least of which is due to the excellent and truly enjoyable relationship with my cousin; its stability will be guaranteed by the avoidance of marriage. — Albert Einstein

Freedom to publish means freedom for all and not for some. Freedom to publish is guaranteed by the constitution but freedom to continue to prevent others from publishing is not. — Hugo Black

Will you bring life to your dream or will you allow it to die of neglect? It is absolutely true that you have a divine summons to fulfill, but it's not automatic and it's not guaranteed. You are the major player who must give yourself fully to the process of becoming. — T.D. Jakes

With each game I play, with each season I play, I'm running out of chances ... you're never guaranteed next year. You're never guaranteed the next game. You have to seize the opportunity when it's there in front of you. — Brett Favre

At man's core there is a voice that wants him never to give in to fear. But if it is true that in general man cannot give in to fear, at the very least he postpones indefinitely the moment when he will have to confront himself with the object of his fear ... when he will no longer have the assistance of reason as guaranteed by God, or when he will no longer have the assistance of God such as reason guaranteed. It is necessary to recoil, but it is necessary to leap, and perhaps one only recoils in order to leap better. — Georges Bataille

Watching you two frustrate each other cracks me up," he snorted, putting the car into gear. "Don't do it and I'm guaranteed lots of laughs! How crazy is it: a werewolfrevving high and the human who wants him watches him date her friend!" ~ Max — Shannon Delany

Life, in both its knowing and its doing, has become today a "free fall," so to say, into the next minute, into the future. So that, whereas, formerly, those not wishing to hazard the adventure of an individual life could rest within the pale of a comfortably guaranteed social order, today all the walls have burst. It is not left to us to chooseto hazard the adventure of an unprecedented life: adventure is upon us, like a tidal wave. — Joseph Campbell

I don't know all the keys to success, but one key to failure is to try to please everyone. Being controlled by the opinions of others is a guaranteed way to miss God's purposes for your life. — Rick Warren

Guesstimate = better than a guess but not as guaranteed as an estimate ...
i.e. It's simply a calculated forecast based on probability, historical trends, observations, analytical research, politics, studies of human nature and good ol' common sense (the latter 2 of which usually cause a toxic sediment when mixed, LOL) ... — A.A. Bell

While our institutional mission and destiny are not in doubt, how we each participate and understand our individual responsibilities requires constant attention, effort, and vigilance. BYU will progress and prosper, but our individual success is not guaranteed without our own personal best efforts and worthily received blessings. — Cecil O. Samuelson

The Library is an open sanctuary. It is devoted to individual intellectual inquiry and contemplation. Its function is to provide free access to ideas and information. It is a haven of privacy, a source of both cultural and intellectual sustenance for the individual reader. Since it is thus committed to free and open inquiry on a personal basis, the Library must remain open, with access to it always guaranteed. — Robert G. Vosper

Stop acting as if life is a rehearsal. Live this day as if it were your last. The past is over and gone. The future is not guaranteed. — Wayne W. Dyer

We all know how we can be turned around by a magic place; that's why we travel, often. And yet we all know, too, that the change cannot be guaranteed. Travel is a fool's paradise, Emerson reminded us, if we think that we can find anything far off that we could not find at home. — Pico Iyer

Until the philosophy which hold one race superior and another inferior is finally and permanently discredited and abandoned ... Everything is war. Me say war. That until the're no longer 1st class and 2nd class citizens of any nation ... Until the color of a man's skin is of no more significa ... nce than the color of his eyes, me say war. That until the basic human rights are equally guaranteed to all without regard to race me say war! — Bob Marley

At least being prosperous set one apart in England; here it guaranteed nothing, not even taste. — Gregory Benford

Nothing in life is guaranteed. You can't predict how many days you'll have on this Earth, how many more sunsets you'll be here to see. I want you to make me a promise. Always watch the sunset, baby girl. — Jessica Prince

I would have thought that one of the things one should learn from college is that nothing is guaranteed. Even if you study something as vocational as accountancy, you still may end up not getting a job as an accountant. — Rebecca Mead

No one is guaranteed tomorrow. We live the day we're given, enjoy the time we have, and love the people in our life. — Marie Meyer

That's what I mean about forever, too. For any one of us our forever could end in an hour, or a hundred years from now. You can never know for sure, so you'd better make every second count.
What you have to decide, is how you want your life to be. If your forever was ending tomorrow, would this be how you'd want to have spent it ?
Listen, the truth is, nothing is guaranteed. You know that more than anybody.
So don't be afraid. Be alive. — Sarah Dessen