Great David Letterman Quotes & Sayings

You know, Sarah Palin is the Governor of Alaska, you know that. And she's a lifelong member of the National Rifle Association. So great, is what I'm thinking, another vice president that shoots a drinking buddy; just get ready. — David Letterman

I have fought against the people of the North because I believed they were seeking to wrest from the South its dearest rights. But I have never cherished toward them bitter or vindictive feelings, and I have never seen the day when I did not pray for them. — Robert E.Lee

New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move. — David Letterman

There is nothing that deceives us more than our own judgment when used to give an opinion on our own works. It is sound in judging the work of our enemies but not that of our friends, for hate and love are two of the most powerfully motivating factors found among living things. — Leonardo Da Vinci

I want to tell you though, I'm having the absolute best birthday ever. Last night
this was so sweet, it means a great deal
to me
the other cult members got together and they all took me out to see Star Wars. — David Letterman

The biggest threat to any politician is an artist. Comedians unleashed can do a great deal of damage. David Letterman can do more damage than any Republican assault by Newt Gingrich. — Michael Moriarty

Tell few about your dreams and show the rest in the way you make a life with it. — Nikki Rowe

Today is the anniversary of the Gettysburg Address. President Lincoln wrote it on his way to the site of the speech on the back of an envelope. One guy on the back of an envelope wrote the great Gettysburg Address - while every night it takes six guys to write this crap! — David Letterman

Nothing, believe me, nothing is more satisfying to me personally than getting a great idea and then beatin' it to death. — David Letterman

When I became a Sigma Chi it was great, because they were the pople I enjoyed being with and I was very proud of the association. It was kind of an instant confidence builder for me
that what I considered the best fraternity on campus had actually wanted me. And I had always been very shy and without a lot of confidence. So it was a really good social experience and for me it was also a social maturation. It was a great benefit. — David Letterman

The great non sequitur committed by defenders of the State, is to leap from the necessity of society to the necessity of the State. — Murray Rothbard

Fifteen years ago tomorrow I had open heart surgery, a quintuple bypass surgery. Thanks to all of my doctors. Because of them, in 15 years of life I've been able to experience, well, acid reflux, short-term memory loss, and erectile dysfunction. Thanks for all your work. It's great to be alive. — David Letterman

Labour day is a great American holiday that people
celebrate by going out and buying products
made in China — David Letterman

Obama took a tour of the Great Wall of China and said, 'We need one of these things around the White House.' — David Letterman

Laugh and a moment will soon arrive when you cry. — Kedar Joshi

Pamela Anderson is a great dancer considering she can't see her feet. — David Letterman

School is a factory where the raw material called student is turned into a product called employee. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

I am wrestling with the overalls trend. I wore so many pairs in junior high, and no one thought they were cute. Perhaps I'll try them cuffed with a tasteful crop top? — Gillian Jacobs

I've had nothing but great friendship to help me through this. — David Letterman

As Faulkner says, all of us have the capacity in us for great good and for great evil, for love but also for hate. I wanted to write those kinds of complex character in a fantasy, and not just have all the good people get together to fight the bad guy. — George R R Martin

Quick Ben, tell me, who was the toughest Bridgeburner you ever knew? Think back, and think carefully. Get your ego out of the way. Ignore your favorites and the ones who spent all their time looking mean. Not the callous shits, not the back-stabbers, none of the posers. The toughest, Quick Ben. Day in, day out, good times, bad. Tell me. Who?"
The High Mage squinted, glanced down at the ground at this feet, and then he sighed and nodded, looking up as he said, "I didn't need that list, Ganoes. I knew my answer right from the start. We all knew."
"Who?"
"Fiddler. There's no tougher man alive. — Steven Erikson

I'm very resourceful. I'd be good in prison. I'd be good in a shipwreck. I'd make a great hostage. — David Letterman

Donald Trump has a great campaign slogan: 'A complex world demands complex hair.' — David Letterman

New York is great though. If you?re here and want a one of a kind souvenir be sure to take home the police sketch of your assailant. — David Letterman

This Osama bin Laden, now they say he has had plastic surgery. They say he sneaked across the border into Pakistan, which by the way is the place to go to have plastic surgery. He looks great. A tourist came up to him earlier this week and said, 'May I have your autograph, Mr. Hasselhoff?' — David Letterman

Mortality is inscribed in your cellular structure, and you say you're not ill? Look at the painting. Look at it." She nods towards The Adoration of the Magi. I obey. I always will. "Thirteen subjects, if you count them, like the Last Supper. Shepherds, the Magi, the relatives. Study their faces, one by one. Who believes this newborn manikin can one day conquer death? Who wants proof? Who suspects the Messiah is a false prophet? Who knows that he is in a painting, being watched? Who is watching you back? — David Mitchell

About half an hour before air time - that's when I become hyper. I put everything else out of my mind and just let that nervous energy surge through my body. I start talking faster and louder. My confidence comes up. It's actually a great feeling. — David Letterman

Dingoes, jackals, skunks, vipers and weasel are now illegal in New York City. Well great, who's going to run CBS? — David Letterman

To be effective as future organizations, we must know our fellow leaders better, deeper. — Holly Duckworth

I was told David Letterman and Kaufman had heart attacks on the same day: David Letterman's heart attack was at a hospital in NYC. Kaufman's heart attack was at the red light district in Amsterdam, Holland. I think Kaufman had more fun.
You're a great artist. I just love the way you painted my portrait. — Howard Stern

I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments. — David Letterman

Stop busting my balls, Soren. I'm out of tea. — James S.A. Corey

Try paying the bills with love. The idea I am trying to espouse is that you can have both love and money, and be rich and generous. — T. Harv Eker

CBS is proud to have been the home of David Letterman since 1993. He is truly one of the great talents of our time, and we hope things work out. — Leslie Moonves

Patience, little one. I want to take my time with you. — Teresa Mummert

The part of me that creates the stories exists only in solitude. The one who shows up to share anecdotes and answer questions is a poor substitute for the story-maker. — Stephen King

Wherever we've travelled in this great land of ours, we've found that people everywhere are about 90% water. — David Letterman

I have a great career, and no matter what I am doing, a big blockbuster movie ... or my small documentary, David Letterman will call and say I would like you to sit on my couch. — Rosie Perez