Gift Holidays Quotes & Sayings

The next afternoon I left work to find that my car had been broken into and ransacked - but that not one thing had been stolen. I was so insulted that I left a note on the window that read:
Dear Scumbag Thieves,
If you go to the trouble of tossing my car, you could at least steal a lousy pair of sunglasses.
The next day I discovered a gift card lying on the driver's seat with this message:
Here's $500. It's the best we can do until the holidays.
P.S. Get some decent tires, why don't you. We couldn't sell these desperate maypops if we did steal them. — Molly Meadows

Family planning experts are now recommending giving men vasectomy gift cards for the holidays. Talk about taking the jingle out of the bells. — Jay Leno

My dearest friend, Myron Bolitar, though "friend" seems an inadequate word to describe our relationship, worries about this aspect of my personality. He feels there is something "missing" inside of me. He traces it back to what my own mother did to my father. But does the origin matter? This is what I am. I am quite content this way. He claims that I don't get it. He is wrong. I do understand the need for companionship. My favorite times are when he and I sit around together and simply discuss life or watch television or dissect a sporting event - and then, when we are done, I go to bed with a gorgeous body and, uh, gorge. Does — Harlan Coben

You should be careful with opening doors to secrets, says Claude. Sometimes secrets are secrets because that's the best way. — Claire King

Just as a puppy can be more of a challenge than a gift, so too can the holidays. — John Clayton

If you want to feel the truest spirit of Christmas, go out and find someone sadder than you, lonelier than you, poorer than you ... and give what you can in a smile, in time, in compassion. The best Christmases always require the gift of self. — Toni Sorenson

I'm very comfortable with uncomfortable situations, and I think that can seem odd to people, that I like the thrill of discomfort. — Stephen Colbert

Congress may be going home for the holidays soon. How can you beat a Christmas gift like that? — Bob Hope

I don't get depressed and I don't get bored — Warren Zevon

If you hate what you get for Christmas, try to focus on the person who gave the gift to you, not what came in the box. — Toni Sorenson

If you are running, then the whole energy moves into the body, there is no possibility for the mind to think. And when you run fast, you breathe deep, you exhale deep, you become just the body. — Osho