Funny Threat Quotes & Sayings

They told me that nothing was a sin, just a poor life choice. Poor impulse control. That nothing is evil. Any concept of right versus wrong, according to them, is merely a cultural construct relative to one specific time and place. They said that if anything should force us to modify our personal behavior it should be our allegiance to a social contract, not some vague, externally imposed threat of flaming punishment. — Chuck Palahniuk

I don't like you two going off on you won. Just remember: behave. If I hear about any funny business, I will ground you until the Styx freezes over. — Rick Riordan

These same ABCs couldn't speak Chinese and didn't care---but you don't have shit without your native tongue. African slaves were forced by threat of physical punishment to abandon their native languages, but a lot of us just gave ours up with a shrug---these Uncle Chans convinced us to assimilate, shut the fuck up, and play the part. What they didn't understand is that after your have the money and degrees, you can't buy your identity back. I wasn't worried about degrees, but I cared about my roots. Even if I hated what it meant to be an Asian in t he American wilderness, i respected the Chinese home I was raised in. Usually I wasn't so vocal about Asian identity, but without my parents around, I felt a sudden duty to say something myself. It's funny how annoying I thought my mom was, but as soon as she wasn't around, i carried the torch for her. — Eddie Huang

Safe gender is being who and what we want to be when we
want to be that, with no threat of censure or violence.
Safe gender is going as far in any direction as we wish,
With no threat to our health, or anyone else's.
Safe gender is not being pressured into passing, not
Having to lie, not having to hide.
Sane gender is asking questions about gender - talking
To people who do gender, and opening up about our
Gender histories and our gender desires.
Sane gender is probably very, very funny.
Consensual gender is respecting each others' definition
Of gender, and respecting the wishes of some to be alone,
And respecting the intentions of others to be inclusive in
Their own time.
Consensual gender is non-violent in that it doesn't force
Its way in on anyone.
Consensual gender opens its arms and welcomes all
People as gender outcasts - whoever is willing to admit it. — Kate Bornstein

It turns out that conservationism can be fun, with the news that the Norwegian red king crab - which weighs in at an impressive full kilo of juicy crabby goodness per shell - must be eaten as much as possible, because it's scoffing all the other fish in Norway. In fact, it would be remiss of all of us if we didn't eat as many of these buggers as we possible can every week because they now provide a genuine ecological threat to fellow marine life. So, c'mon vegetarians. Let's see how much you really care about the environment. — Ian O'Doherty

Who said anything about relationship? Besides, we're not required to share everything; it's not like we're married."
"You want to marry me?" Xavier asked, and I saw some faces turn toward us in curiosity. "I was thinking we'd start slow and see where things went, but hey, what the hell!"
I rolled my eyes. "Be quiet or I'll be forced to flick you."
"Ooh," he mocked. "The ultimate threat. I don't think I've ever been flicked before."
"Are you suggesting I can't hurt you?"
"On the contrary, I think you have the power to do great damage."
I looked at him quizzically and then blushed deeply when his meaning dawned.
"Very funny," I said curtly. — Alexandra Adornetto

It's funny - I was a big fan of 'The Sopranos.' It became kind of a threat to 'The X-Files' in a way because they could play with language, character, and story in ways that we never could because of the limitations of network television. — Chris Carter

Okay, time to get serious. I let my smile fade slowly and lowered my pitch, as no human woman could have. "I'm not joking this time. If I see it, it's mine, and you won't get it back at the end of the school year." I growled, deep and long, savoring the feel of the vibrations in my throat, as if the sound alone could save me. It wasn't quite a cat's growl but it was damn close. And it was his last warning.
Miguel dismissed my threat with an easy smile, and my stomach clenched. Oh, yeah, Faythe. You have Puss shaking in his boots, all right. — Rachel Vincent

I just got tired of the wetness sticking to me, that's all. I think I was pretty safe from the threat of your joke being funny. — Susan Ee

So my heart goes out to them. Figuratively. I would never actually entrust my heart to scientists - they'd probably implant it in a baboon. And a baboon with my heart would be practically unstoppable. Baboon strength and agility combined with my determination and media savvy? It would be a threat to all of humanity. — Stephen Colbert

Humans are most imaginative when they need a means of self-destruction. If the world existed in an overflowing amount of happiness; a utopian state, then the suicide rate would dwarf any extinction level threat. Humans cannot be trusted with their own survival. Their minds have been trained to be blindly and unconsciously subjugated. In a time related to Heaven-on-Earth, the smallest amount of worry, will drive a human into the arms of death. This is how weak and fragile the human mind and will is. It's funny, because the best friend of humanity, is none other than Chaos itself. — Lionel Suggs

Ohh, how clever," Aden said and clapped. "A death threat. You know what's funny? That's not even my first of the day. — Gena Showalter

Little fussy Otto, in his red-lined black opera cloak with pockets for all his gear, his shiny black shoes, his carefully cut widow's peak and, not least, his ridiculous accent that grew thicker or thinner depending on who he was talking to, did not look like a threat. He looked funny, a joke, a music-hall vampire. It had never previously occurred to Vimes that, just possibly, the joke was on other people. — Terry Pratchett

Threat Level Fuchsia. Fuchsia! — Charlie Cochet

I grew up in a time when women didn't really do comedy. You had to be homely, overweight, an old maid, all that. You had to play a stereotype, because very attractive women were not supposed to be funny - because it's powerful; it's a threat. — Lily Tomlin

Don't go there Rule" Lawe warned him softly. " I don't think your horoscope declared today to be a good day to die. — Lora Leigh

Perspective is a funny thing. You think your back is to the wall, then something worse corners you, and the first threat looks puny in comparison. — Karen Marie Moning

Senator. If you call my friend a liar one more time, I will take it badly."
"Excuse me?" Arnos said, his eyebrows rising up.
"I suggest you find an alternate shortsighted, egomaniacally ridiculous reason to blatantly, recklessly ignore an obvious threat to the Realm simply because you don't wish it to exist. If you cannot restrain yourself from base slander, I will be pleased to meet you in juris macto and personally rip your forked tongue from your head. — Jim Butcher

Sandra."
"Thomas, I ... ."
"You called." He sounded concerned.
"Yes, I ... ."
"Why are you calling? Are you harmed?"
"No ... ."
"Are you rescheduling our Saturday lunch?"
"No ... ."
"Is this an emergency?"
"Stop asking questions and just listen."
"Why are you calling?"
I sighed, rolled my eyes. This was why I never called Thomas. "I need your help."
"Do you need money?"
"Thomas, I swear, if you ask me another question, I will secretly switch your caffeinated with decaf during Saturday lunch at least three times over the next six months."
I could tell he was thinking about my threat, weighing it against the compulsion of his curiosity. Belatedly he said, "Proceed — Penny Reid

He stared at Avery's socks and felt an odd sense of wonder. Socks were so normal. So mundane. How could someone who pulled on socks in the morning be a serial killer? Socks were not hard or dangerous. Socks were funny; foot mittens, that's what socks were. They made a knobbly hinge of your toes and became comical sock-puppets. Surely anyone who wore socks could not truly be a threat to him or anyone else? — Belinda Bauer