Funny Talk Show Quotes & Sayings

If time is money, how much is a lifetime? — Ljupka Cvetanova

Cradles are the most powerful pinning combination known to man — Wade Schalles

I definitely want to start my own production company at some point. I'm actually teaming up with Funny or Die to put together a TV show right now, that I can't really talk about because it's still in the very preliminary stages, but if it pans out this will be the first project under my production company, which I have yet to name. — Dave Franco

Never miss a chance...to keep your mouth shut. — Robert Newton Peck

My truths do not last long in me. Not as long as those that are not mine. — Antonio Porchia

The true beauty of nature is her amplitude; she exists neither for nor because of us, and possesses a staying power that all our nuclear arsenals cannot threaten (much as we can easily destroy our puny selves). — Stephen Jay Gould

By no means do I want to be a piece of meat for the rest of my career. It's funny when you get asked to do a talk show, and then they follow it up with requesting you take your shirt off. — Kellan Lutz

I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host. — David Letterman

There's no point having wishes if you don't at least try to do them — Sally Nicholls

MY ACT IS 'NOTHING BUT COMEDY. I TALK SOUTHERN BECAUSE I PICKED IT UP WHEN I MOVED TO THE SOUTH. IM NOT TRYING TO MAKE ANY SOCIAL POLITICAL POINT, NOR AM I TRYING TO MAKE FUN OF REDNECKS. I GREW UP A COUNTRY KID AND WILL ALWAYS BE ONE. I GREW UP WITH PEOPLE THAT SAID CERTAIN THINGS FUNNY AND I PREFORM USING THE SAME LANGUAGE BECAUSE I FIND IT HYSTERICLE. THATS IT. ITS A COMEDY SHOW THAT IS FUNNY AND THATS IT. — Larry The Cable Guy

Orpheus never liked words. He had his music. He would get a funny look on his face and I would say what are you thinking about and he would always be thinking about music.
If we were in a restaurant sometimes Orpheus would look sullen and wouldn't talk to me and I thought people felt sorry for me. I should have realized that women envied me. Their husbands talked too much.
But I wanted to talk to him about my notions. I was working on a new philosophical system. It involved hats.
This is what it is to love an artist: The moon is always rising above your house. The houses of your neighbors look dull and lacking in moonlight. But he is always going away from you. Inside his head there is always something more beautiful.
Orpheus said the mind is a slide ruler. It can fit around anything. Show me your body, he said. It only means one thing. — Sarah Ruhl

When I was young, I'd watch guys on 'The Tonight Show', Buddy Hackett, guys like that, where all they'd be is funny. Later, I remember, on 'Late Night with Letterman', I remember he'd have Jay Leno and Richard Lewis as first guests and the entire point was to entertain and be funny, and I think talk shows have kind of lost that. — Norm MacDonald

It's complicated," I said in defense, hands going up to show surrender.
"Talk slowly," Jenna retorted derisively.
"Okay, I deserved that," I admitted. — Laura Kreitzer

I don't have any regrets," a famous movie actor said in an interview I recently witnessed. "I'd live everything over exactly the same way."
"That's really pathetic," the talk show host said. "Are you seeking help?"
"Yeah. My shrink says we're making progress. Before, I wouldn't even admit that I would live it all over," the actor said, starting to choke up. "I thought one life was satisfying enough."
"My God," the host said, cupping his hand to his mouth.
"The first breakthrough was when I said I would live it over, but only in my dreams. Nocturnal recurrence."
"You're like the character in that one movie of yours. What's it called? You know, the one where you eat yourself."
"The Silence of Sam."
"That's it. Can you do the scene?"
The actor lifts up his foot to stick it in his mouth. I reach over from my seat and help him to fit it into his bulging cheeks. The audience goes wild. — Benson Bruno

If you want to talk to me after the show, I'd be surprised. — Mitch Hedberg

You're always going to have people that are naysayers, that don't believe in your talent, that don't believe that you have any kind of longevity. — Vanessa Williams

I was once on a German talk show, and this woman said to me, 'Mr. Williams, why do you think there is not so much comedy in Germany?' And I said, 'Did you ever think you killed all the funny people?' — Robin Williams

I remind myself that I'm no longer a damsel in distress. I can think this through. What I can't do? Base my decision on fear. Because, while I might be free to make my choice right now, I'll never be free from the consequences of that choice — Gena Showalter

I'm doing a very funny show in which we talk about issues. I speak at Aids charities and things. It's great to do something fun with our days and yet we're told we're doing something important. — Eric McCormack

I said Jeannine why are you unhappy?
I'm not unhappy.
You have everything (I said). What is there that you want and haven't got?
I want to die.
Do you want to be an airplane pilot? is that it? And they won't let you? Did you have a talent for mathematics, which they squelched? Did they refuse to let you be a truck driver? What is it?
I want to live. — Joanna Russ

I didn't start talk radio until '95 in L.A. The show was very successful, and they actually tried to syndicate it nationally, but I couldn't get stations. It was like, "We don't care that she's funny and she's got great ratings. She's liberal!" — Stephanie Miller

This world loses its appeal when the steps become tottering, when the hearing becomes dim, when the faded eyes cannot see as they once did. When loved ones are nearly all gone on ahead, then all the riches or fame or pleasures of this world are baubles and trash. — John R. Rice

My job is summer camp. I come and talk and try to make a TV show funny. — Danny Masterson