Funny Signs And Quotes & Sayings

It's funny: when you're skating around during warm-ups, I'll see signs that say things like: 'Kane, Prom?' We have a fun, young team, and girls are asking you to the prom and giving you their numbers. — Patrick Kane

Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. Exit signs? They're on their way out. — Tim Vine

Funny how being in opposition to something tends to inspire tireless picketing and cleverly worded signs, while support rarely arouses that level of productivity. — Fred Venturini

I'm a happy person. If you want to be around me, you can either choose to be happy too, or follow the signs to the nearest exit! — Sharon Swan

Is this some kind of joke?"
"That's for me to know and you to find out."
"Maybe you think it's funny to put up signs about people who want to commit suicide."
"Are you about to?"
"And what if I was?"
"I wouldn't tell you the gorgeous reasons I have discovered for going on living."
"What would you do?"
"I'd ask you to name the rock-bottom price you'd charge to go on living for just one more week. — Kurt Vonnegut

Their eyes, warm not only with human bond but with the shared enjoyment of the art objects he sold, their mutual tastes and satisfactions, remained fixed on him; they were thanking him for having things like these for them to see, pick up and examine, handle perhaps without even buying. Yes, he thought, they know what sort of store they are in; this is not tourist trash, not redwood plaques reading Muir Woods, Marin County, PSA, or funny signs or girly rings or postcards or views of the Bridge. The girl's eyes especially, large, dark. How easily, Childan thought, I could fall in love with a girl like this. How tragic my life, then; as if it weren't bad enough already. The stylish black hair, lacquered nails, pierced ears for the long dangling brass handmade earrings. "Your — Philip K. Dick

The fans of 'The Hunger Games,' of the book, are very passionate. It's funny: Even at my concerts there are people holding up 'Cinna' signs. — Lenny Kravitz

We've seen some insane signs: 'Is that a loaf of bread in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?' Funny stuff along those lines. Very original. One just said, 'I will do unspeakable things.' I thought that was very interesting - and mildly terrifying! — Josh Hutcherson

Riley tried not to hyperventilate or think too closely about the Alien movies and their take on extraterrestrial encounters. When he was done checking his belly and chest for signs of distension, it added reassuringly, 'Listen, I'm not going to mess with you, okay? Or ... breed in you. Gah. That's disgusting. — J. Fally

Malfoy glanced around. Harry knew he was checking for signs of teachers. Then he looked back at Harry and said in a low voice, "You're dead, Potter."
Harry raised his eyebrows. "Funny," he said, "you'd think I'd have stopped walking around ... — J.K. Rowling

Shaq is rich. The white man who signs his check ... is wealthy. "Ah, here you go, Shaq. Go buy yourself a bouncing car. Bling, bling!" — Chris Rock

So what's your team called?" asked Kate, twisting her legs into a pretzel-like configuration, "We're called the Winmates because we're inmates who win." Kate looked back and forth at Reynie and Constance, searching their expression for signs of delight.
"You gave yourselves a name?" asked Constance.
Now it was Kate's turn to be baffled. "You didn't? How can you have a team without a name? — Trenton Lee Stewart

Life is funny isn't it? Just when you think you've got it all figured out,
just when you finally begin to plan something, get excited about something,
and feel like you know what direction you're heading in, the paths change,
the signs change, the wind blows the other way, north is suddenly south, and
east is west, and you're lost. It is so easy to lose your way, to lose direction.
And that's with following all the signposts — Cecelia Ahern

The funny thing about decisions based on signs or gut or visions is that they're usually nothing but noble outs. Just another way to sabotage yourself and keep your bigger life at bay. — Jackson Galaxy

Francesca took a navy blue sheath from a hanger and held it up. "This is darling, Gabriel. Don't you love it? You're right, I think we need to concentrate on much more feminine articles of clothing."
He reached around her and fingered the soft material. "Where is the rest of it?" He was very serious, his dark eyes searching her face for signs she was teasing. — Christine Feehan

I think those neighborhood signs that say 'slow children playing' are mean. — Zach Galifianakis

The funny thing about stop signs is that they're also start signs. — Maureen Johnson

Paddy Eagan, stay away from falling signs for a bit and you'll be as right as rain come the weekend. — Elizabeth C. Bunce

A minute passes as we enter Little Tokyo. It's kind of similar to what you see in the movies, with a lot of signs in different languages with "engrish" translations underneath and those big red gates with the curved wood on top, whatever they're called. The passing people on the street are, understandably, largely of Asian descent.
... I get a couple looks, but I suspect it's 'cause my hair is a variety of shades not seen outside of an anime. — Vaughn R. Demont

The signs of excessive indulgence in this destructive pastime are easily detectable. They are these: A disposition to eat, to drink, to smoke, to meet together convivially, to laugh, to joke, and tell indelicate stories - and mainly, a yearning to paint pictures. — Mark Twain

This isn't the first time I've used this, and the test subject showed no signs of impaired cognitive ability."
"Who was the test subject?" asked Aurora.
"I test everything out on myself before taking it into the field."
She stared at him. "You zapped your own brain?"
"And it didn't do me any harm apart from the dizziness and the vomiting spells and the weirdly persistent ringing in my ears. Also the blackouts and the mood swings and the creeping paranoia. Apart from that, zero side effects, if you don't count the numb fingertips. Which I don't. — Derek Landy