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Funny Sharp Quotes & Sayings

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Top Funny Sharp Quotes

Funny Sharp Quotes By Garrison Keillor

It is more worthy in the eyes of God ... if a writer makes three pages sharp and funny about the lives of geese than to make three hundred fat and flabby about God or the American people. — Garrison Keillor

Funny Sharp Quotes By Cindy Gerard

The door to the situation room door opened, drawing her attention to a tall, lean man with eyes as sharp as razors.
The sound of a metal chair scraping on the tile floor filled the room as Reed shot to his feet, stood at attention, and saluted crisply.
The man stopped, scowled, and heaved a heavy sigh. "All right you clown. At ease. It hasn't been that long since I've been here."
"Just showing my respect, sir," Reed said with a smart-ass grin. "It's not often we're fortunate enough to be in the company of such greatness. — Cindy Gerard

Funny Sharp Quotes By Noel Fielding

My mum and dad are both really funny. My granddad's really funny, my uncle's really funny, everyone's really funny. You have to be quick, otherwise you get roasted. Everyone takes the piss quite a lot. You have to be really sharp. — Noel Fielding

Funny Sharp Quotes By Anne Gracie

I was shy, said six-foot-one of bashful male. He grunted as a sharp, feminine elbow thudded inconspicuously into his side. — Anne Gracie

Funny Sharp Quotes By Jon Doust

The boarding school memoir or novel is an enduring literary subgenre, from 1950s classics such as The Catcher in the Rye to Curtis Sittenfeld's Prep. Doust's recognisably Australian contribution to the genre draws on his own experiences in a West Australian boarding school in this clever, polished, detail-rich debut novel. From the opening pages, the reader is wholly transported into the head of Jack Muir, a sensitive, sharp-eyed boy from small-town WA who is constantly measured (unfavourably) against his goldenboy brother. The distinctive, masterfully inhabited adolescent narrator recalls the narrator in darkly funny coming-of-age memoir Hoi Polloi (Craig Sherborne) - as does the juxtaposition of stark naivety and carefully mined knowingness.' - Bookseller+Publisher — Jon Doust

Funny Sharp Quotes By George R R Martin

Be careful you don't cut yourself. The edges are sharp enough to shave with.'
'Girls don't shave', Arya said.
'Maybe they should. Have you ever seen the septa's legs? — George R R Martin

Funny Sharp Quotes By Marlon Wayans

Gotta stay in the gym, stay funny, stay sharp. I just love working. — Marlon Wayans

Funny Sharp Quotes By A&E Kirk

I shot him daggers. Along with swords, scythes, scalpels, shivs, shanks, stilettos, and any other sharp weapon I could think of that began with an s. — A&E Kirk

Funny Sharp Quotes By Seth Grahame-Smith

The bottom half of the page had descended into a doodle of a tiny man giving the middle finger to a giant, angry eagle with razor-sharp talons. Beneath it, the caption: To Mock a Killing Bird. — Seth Grahame-Smith

Funny Sharp Quotes By Lloyd Alexander

-"He loved her ... It was noble of him. It was beautiful."
-"It was stupid. — Lloyd Alexander

Funny Sharp Quotes By Audrey Niffenegger

I sit quietly and think about my mom. It's funny how memory erodes, If all I had to work from were my childhood memories, my knowledge of my mother would be faded and soft, with a few sharp memories standing out. — Audrey Niffenegger

Funny Sharp Quotes By Robert Asprin

The Demon curled its lips back, revealing a double row of needle-sharp teeth.
I considered changing my chosen course of action; I considered fainting. — Robert Asprin

Funny Sharp Quotes By Greg Knauss

One thing that I used to believe that has stuck with me is, of course, that farts are funny. Burps, too. Sneezes, even. Pretty much the whole gamut of bodily noises is a treasure trove of ready-made comedy. You gather a handful of small boys together and let them entertain themselves and there will be more sharp honks than an angry L.A. freeway. But there's a time and place for such fun, and every second of every day, no matter the location or company, turns out not to be the appropriate venue for a gastrointestinal symphony. — Greg Knauss

Funny Sharp Quotes By Elizabeth Sharp

Well, more or less, you just got struck by lightning."
"Wait, what?" My brain stopped processing for a prolonged moment unable to wrap around that one. How the hell had that happened? "So basically I was filled with 1.21 jiggawatts?
Can I travel through time now? — Elizabeth Sharp

Funny Sharp Quotes By Eve Langlais

What's so funny?" she asked, crinkling her face in confusion. "This," he said, whirling to bat down the books that sailed at him with flapping pages. "I mean in my youth, we had iron chastity belts to keep maidens pure, but this is new. And entertaining." He smiled at her with sharp teeth, not at all bothered by her voices poltergeist act. — Eve Langlais

Funny Sharp Quotes By Harlan Coben

Megan looked into Agnes's frightened face. Agnes had been so sharp just a few years back - funny and cutting and wonderfully ribald. — Harlan Coben

Funny Sharp Quotes By Nathan Hassall

Knives are sharp, but are equally confusing. — Nathan Hassall

Funny Sharp Quotes By Charles Dickens

He was drunk upon the average once a day, and penitent upon an equally fair calculation once a month; and when he was penitent, he was invariably in the very last stage of maudlin intoxication. He was a ragged, roving, roaring kind of fellow, with a burly form, a sharp wit, and a ready head, and could turn his hand to anything when he chose to do it. — Charles Dickens

Funny Sharp Quotes By Sarah Rees Brennan

Nah, Dad, I'm good. Please leave me in this hotel bedroom with my handsome boyfriend. And several of his relatives, and a very sharp weapon."
"Clearly I went badly wrong somewhere when raising you," said Dad. "Well, best to do down before Tomo gets into the vodka. — Sarah Rees Brennan

Funny Sharp Quotes By Lemony Snicket

Tea should be as bitter as wormwod and as sharp as a two eged sword
Kit Snicket (a series of unfortunate events) — Lemony Snicket

Funny Sharp Quotes By Terry Pratchett

They were probably descended from people who learned that if you look too hard at anyone on horseback you receive a sharp stinging sensation such as might be obtained by a stick around the ear. Not looking up at people on horseback had become hereditary. People who stared at people on horseback in what was considered to be a funny way never survived long enough to breed. — Terry Pratchett

Funny Sharp Quotes By Cuba Gooding Jr.

Jonathan Lynn is one of the last actors Orsen Welles used in a production. It was wonderful. He's very sharp, very sharp. It's funny I've been asked how weird it was to have a Brit do a church gospel movie. — Cuba Gooding Jr.

Funny Sharp Quotes By Susan Kay

And it's really very difficult to kill someone when all your inner instincts would oblige you to take off your hat first! — Susan Kay

Funny Sharp Quotes By Haruki Murakami

She was a keen observer, a precise user of language, sharp-tongued and funny. She could stir your emotions. Yes, really, that's what she was so good at - stirring people's emotions, moving you. And she knew she had this power ... I only realized later. At the time, I had no idea what she was doing to me. — Haruki Murakami

Funny Sharp Quotes By David Spade

I've got to get on myself to be sharp, funny and loose. — David Spade

Funny Sharp Quotes By Lilith Saintcrow

That's the funny thing about old hurts- they just wait for new heartache to come along and then show up, just as sharp and horrible as the first day you woke up with the world changed all around you. — Lilith Saintcrow